2554: Legend of Zelda: The True Force – Chapter Twenty-Four, Part Three

Title: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Author:  Hikari no Vikki
Media: Video Game / Movie
Topic: Legend of Zelda / Star Wars
Genre: Adventure / Fantasy
URL: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Retired Darth Lord Crunchy

All right, time to finish up chapter twenty-four with yet more thrilling shopping!  Honestly, it’s weird that the fic has had so many chapters where the party stops to do some shopping.  Crunchy, hit us with that unhelpful recap!

“Machinational machinery malfunctions, token equine inclusions, and looming immobile murderous marauders.”

Ah, sweet poetic nonsense.  Let’s get cracking!

Read the rest of this entry »


2550: Sacrifice – Oneshot

Title: Sacrifice
Author: Emma-Alberta
Media: TV Show
Topic: BBC Sherlock
Genre: Suspense/Angst
URL: Sacrifice
Critiqued by Em Kay

Greetings, Librarians and patrons! I’m Em, your guest snarker today. I’ll be riffing Sacrifice, a two chapter, Suspense/Angst tagged Sherlock fic by Emma-Alberta.

I don’t believe BBC’s Sherlock series has been brought up in the Library before, but I’m not going to go full SC Wiki. Since this is a short fic, I’ll do more of a lazy, Taco-style, Need To Know Pamphlet and throw in relevant details as needed.

First off, Sherlock Holmes is a fictional British detective created by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle in a series of mostly short stories that were written and set in the late 1800’s/early 1900’s. Told through the voice of his assistant, Dr. John Watson, they show Sherlock as a master of logical reasoning, forensic science, and observation during investigations for various clients as well as Scotland Yard.

There have been bajillions of literary, film, and television adaptations featuring the characters, the latest of which is the BBC television series, Sherlock. In this version, some of the original stories are adapted and set in modern day London.

This fic was written and posted just four days after the Season 1 finale, “The Great Game”, aired in 2010 with an update the next day.

Now let’s take a look at the summary.

my view what happens after the episode ‘Great Game’ ends… angst because im like that. sorry if i spell Moriarty’s name wrong… i have no idea how to spell it haha

Terrible grammar, missing and misused punctuation, and topped off with a dose of too-lazy-to-Google-ness? This looks promising.

Read the rest of this entry »


2549: Legend of Zelda: The True Force – Chapter Twenty-Four, Part Two

Title: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Author:  Hikari no Vikki
Media: Video Game / Movie
Topic: Legend of Zelda / Star Wars
Genre: Adventure / Fantasy
URL: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Retired Darth Lord Crunchy

Busy week for me this week, so we’re going to go short on the introductions today.  Crunchy!

“We replaced the Sue’s usual morning magic with a mixture of salt and chalk.  Let us see if she notices.”

Good enough, onward!

Read the rest of this entry »


2547: Task Farce Ash Guest Riff chapters 11 and 12

Title: Task Force Ash
Author: Ghost509
Media: Video Games
Topic: Pokémon and Call of Duty
Genre: Adventure and “Romance”
URL: Chapter 11 and Chapter 12
Critiqued by Zeus Killer Productions

Judger: So the next chapter begins with Damien’s former Pokémon waking, having apparently lost all memory of the night before (which considering the type of abuse, is sadly plausible), with Rosa comforting them. Ash, after trying to get the 141 to stop using a hospital gurney as a battering ram for some reason, walks in, and the new trio immediately start thinking he’s “drop dead handsome.”

Because Pokémon obviously have the same standards of beauty as humans.

Svarti: So when asked what happened, Ash lies, and claims that he saved them from your standard Hentai Ugly Bastard, because it might be problematic if he’s arrested for first degree murder, even if the guy was a (exaggerated) douche. Also, this-

“I guess you could say that.” Ash said, his smile faltering ever so slightly. Rosa gently squeezed his shoulder in reassurance. She knew Ash hated to lie(unless he absolutely needed to) and, in this case, he did and didn’t. But still, she knew why he was doing this.

Anyway, the three females let the information settle in. They were almost raped. Their virginities, future, and innocence, almost taken away from them. Almost, being the key word. Ash had saved them. In their opinions they were now indebted to him. But the three lost their trains of thought, as Ash got up from his chair, while putting on his hat.

Judger: Because we needed more girls into his ducking harem. At this rate, he’s going to nab every single female on the planet.

Zeus: So Rosa states that she’ll always be by his side, when a flying pyramid shows up. Turns out the Kanto Battle Pyramid decided to show up, having heard of Ash coming here (and of course, the three females want to jump Ash’s bones because why not add even more women into the fucking harem?) and passing the cheerleaders, who are discussing how they can get laid like Ash.

Remember when the 141 were trained badasses? Me neither.

Svarti: So the chapter ends with the two groups meeting, just like what happened with the other gang. Curiously, the author felt prudent to leave this authors note at the start of the final chapter.

Read the rest of this entry »


2544: Legend of Zelda: The True Force – Chapter Twenty-Four, Part One

Title: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Author:  Hikari no Vikki
Media: Video Game / Movie
Topic: Legend of Zelda / Star Wars
Genre: Adventure / Fantasy
URL: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Retired Darth Lord Crunchy

Whew, so only one more interlude to go, which means we can settle in for five chapters of game-mechanic regurgitation!  Aren’t you excited!?

“I despise you.”

I’ll take that as a yes.  So, what happened last week?

“Link now detests Ashei because of Impa being her parent, though, unfortunately, that hatred seems to have had little impact on their relationship.  Also, love and lust are different things and none but our protagonists can tell the difference.”

Sounds about right, let’s hit the desert!

Disclaimer: Disney owns Star Wars, not me.

Still not true when this was written.

As for Zelda… no, sorry. Don’t own that either. (Not a bad turnout at E3 though…)

“Which is exceedingly important information to include when disclaiming.”

As I said before, if you’re going to be pointless and include a disclaimer, you may as well go the whole way and also be insipid.

“I am not convinced that it counts as an improvement.”

Finally dragged myself away from my audiobooks… now we should be getting somewhere!

Really?  At long last?  It only took twenty-four chapters for you to decide to have a point!?

Gerudo Desert, here we come!

“One wonders if Vikki will actually make it that far in this chapter.”

By the looks of the chapter names after this one, it seems she actually will.  Probably.  We’ll be spending basically the rest of the fic in Gerudo, so be prepared for that.

“Six chapters set in a blank, featureless wasteland?  I believe Vikki will finally be in her element as an author.”

Read the rest of this entry »


2541: Mileena’s Humanity – Chapter One

Title: Mileena’s Humanity
Author:  Spirit.of.Bardock
Media: Video Game
Topic: Mortal Kombat
Genre: Adventure/Romance
URL: https://m.fanfiction.net/s/11898341/1/Mileena-s-Humanity
Critiqued by ME-Iron-Maiden

Hey everyone! ME-Iron-Maiden here with a new riff. Yes, I know I’ve got to get cracking on Mass Foundations: A New Day, but with Admiral Sakai and SC having Mass Effect-related riffs going on, I figured I’d go with a different fandom for the duration.

So… Mortal Kombat. Adventure and Romance genres. This does not fill me with confidence. As does the fact I’m sharing this with you in this lovely place. Let’s take a look at the summary, shall we?

What would happen if Mileena escaped D’Voora and made it to Earthrealm. Well read and find out.

Time for a quick infodump.

This is Mileena. She is one of the series’ most popular characters, being the evil sister to fan favorite Princess Kitana of Edenia (aka Outworld). She was created by Shang Tsung under the orders of Shao Khan himself for the purpose of having her around as an assassin, spy, and possible successor to his empire, should anything befall him. Half Edenian and half Takaran, she isn’t what I would consider mentally stable. At all. As in “psychopath who gets turned on by murder and her Fatality is called ‘Maneater’ for a reason”. As mentioned in the summary, the games have her dying at the hands of D’Vorah (more on her in a bit) after being ousted from her seat as Empress of Outworld after a harsh civil war. Why did her subjects rebel? She was worse than Shao Khan when it came to sadism and cruelty to the people she ruled over. Let that sink in for a moment.

This is D’Vorah. She looks humanoid, but she’s actually a sapient hive of insects. Only thing she cares about is survival and is absolutely brutal in going about it. She’s also incredibly difficult to kill: if you tear her body in half, she’ll just form a new one out of the insects that make up her hive. In the games, she killed Mileena by giving her a kiss… and hundreds of insects ate Mileena’s head from the inside out. I’m not sharing video because this was squick on a whole other level, even by Mortal Kombat standards.

That should do it for relevant info for now. Let’s get started. Read the rest of this entry »


2538: Legend of Zelda: The True Force – Chapter Twenty-Three, Part Three

Title: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Author:  Hikari no Vikki
Media: Video Game / Movie
Topic: Legend of Zelda / Star Wars
Genre: Adventure / Fantasy
URL: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Retired Darth Lord Crunchy

Zzzzzzzzzzzzz *SNERK*

*Taco sits bolt upright*

Whazza?  How long was I out?  *Checks his phone* A week!?  Oh, this damn boring fic.  Crunchy!

*Crunchy’s eyelids slide open and he straightens his neck from resting position.*  “Hmm.  Wednesday already?”

Already?

“When you reach my age, you will learn the importance of napping.”

Dude, a week is closer to a coma.

“When you reach my age, you will learn the importance of limited duration comas.”

Whatever, what happened last week?

“Discussion, reiteration, bathing,” *Crunchy picks up a piece of paper which was left on the desk* “and apparently ‘the girls’ were placed in confinement.”

Fabulous, let’s finish this chapter off.  It’s the second-to-last interlude chapter, so hopefully we’ll only have to suffer through this level of meandering pointlessness one more time.

“The typical level of meandering pointlessness will remain, yes?”

Sadly, this is true.

Read the rest of this entry »