2579: Mileena’s Humanity – Chapter Four

Title: Mileena’s Humanity
Author:  Spirit.of.Bardock
Media: Video Game
Topic: Mortal Kombat
Genre: Adventure/Romance
URL: https://m.fanfiction.net/s/11898341/4/
Critiqued by: ME-Iron-Maiden

WARNING: THIS INSTALLMENT CONTAINS AN EXPLICIT SEX SCENE AND THUS IS NOT SAFE FOR WORK. IT’S ALSO SHOWING UP IN THIS FINE ESTABLISHMENT SO IT IS ALSO NOT SAFE FOR YOUR SANITY IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT TOO MUCH.

Hello and welcome back to the riff of “Mileena’s Humanity”. I’m your host ME-Iron-Maiden and last time, we left off with our “hero” continuing to act like a douche rocket, Mileena suddenly having a breakdown and crying her eyes out and then acquiescing to sex with Ju’Stu. Ju’Stu, as you’ll recall tried to cave her skull in with a baseball bat, bosses her around, and force-feeds her shit that could well be toxic to her due to her unique physiology. So, of course, he’s “saved her life” and now she’s gonna bang him.

Before we begin, let’s post the current Darwin List for Ju’Stu.

  • Performed an unprovoked attack on Mileena
  • Isn’t afraid of the teeth she can easily use to rip him in half
  • Seems intent on pissing her off
  • Gives her weapons
  • Invades her personal space when she’s pissed off
  • Casually keeps his guard down around the psychotic cannibal
  • Takes a commanding/bossy tone with a woman who is known as the Mad Empress of Outworld for her sadism and brutality to her own subjects
  • Gets preachy with Mileena after finger-flicking her forehead

*opens a bottle of rocket-grade tihaar, sets the popcorn machine to overdrive, and cues up the porn music*

Let’s do this.

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2576: Love and War – Chapter 5

Title: “Love and War”
Author: Z3R0 L0V3
Media: Video games
Fandom: Pokémon
Genre: Adventure and romance (additional tags: AU, Pacing Trainwreck, Fanfic in Name Only)
URL: Chapter 5
Critiqued by eatpraylove 

Welcome back to “Love and War”, patrons! Been a while, huh?

Last chapter, our two protagonists finally got the hell away from the Sinnoh royal palace after the worst assassination attempt ever and some boringly-written fight scenes. Amazingly, the cliché counter remained at a solid thirteen (plus some side orders of “why”) with nary an uptick to be seen.

Here’s hoping things go back to just boring rather than full-on stupid. I know it’s also stupid of me to hope that, but I’m an incurable optimist dammit.

*sits in riffing chair*

Chapter 5

Z3R0 L0V3 – I apologize for the delay in this chapter. I had a case of writer’s block. Here’s another chapter! Happy Reading! 

I don’t own anything!

You guys know you don’t really have to put disclaimers in front of your fanfic, right? Especially not in front of every single chapter.

Dawn looked down at the blade that was in her hand.

She still couldn’t wrap her head around what had happened. Paul had tried to kill her. The man her parents were going to have her marry had tried to kill her, yet they didn’t even know. 

*siren goes off*

*hits random button; sounds of screaming and gunfire from the hallway*

Thanks, Marcus!

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2572: Kirby: Welcome to Smash Bores – Chapters Fourteen and Fifteen

Title: Kirby: Welcome to Smash Bros
Author: Quartz2006
Media: Video Game
Topic: Super Smash Bros.
Genre: Romance/Tedium
URL: Chapter 14 and Chapter 15
Critiqued by Elysium16 and Rimura (Special Guest Taelle)

Current Counts

Null and Void: 21

Rimura: *wearing an extremely forced smile* Elysium?

Elysium: *faux-innocently* Yes?

Rimura: Do you or do you not hate me?

Elysium: I don’t, of cour—

Rimura: *false smile slides off to be replaced with barely restrained rage* THEN WHY DID YOU INVITE TAELLE HERE?!

Taelle: It isn’t my fault you’ve made so many enemies.

Rimura: *continuing as though Taelle never spoke* Who’s next? Yanaran? Elkos? Telina forbid, Ratura?

Elysium: Er… LOOK, WE’RE LIVE!

Taelle: What?

Elysium: *WAY too cheerfully* Welcome back, patrons!

Rimura: YOU CAN’T JUST AVOID THE SUBJECT LIKE THAT!

Elysium: *talking over him* Last time, nothing interesting happened and I wanted to bang my head against a brick wall! And this time…

…uh…

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2571: Mileena’s Humanity – Chapter Three

Title: Mileena’s Humanity
Author: Spirit.of.Bardock
Media: Video Game
Topic: Mortal Kombat
Genre: Adventure/Romance
URL: Chapter 3
Critiqued by: ME-Iron-Maiden

Hello everyone and welcome back to the riff of Mileena’s Humanity. I’m your host ME-Iron-Maiden and last chapter proved somewhat enlightening with regards to our “hero” Ju’Stu. For example, we learned that he has precisely zero survival instincts and is a total prick to one of Outworld’s deadliest fighters.

Let’s see what we have to put up with today.

AN: Ok sorry for taking so long with this chapter, a lot of stuff happened since the last one. Such as losing my laptop to the Blue Screen. And also thank you everyone that reviewed and faved this, to the reviewer who asked for a female OC x Mileena, I may get around to it. However since it’s almost summer, I’m going to be busy with stuff. A lot of which is Let’s Play and work.

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2564: Kirby: Welcome to Smash Bores – Chapters Twelve and Thirteen

Title: Kirby: Welcome to Smash Bros
Author: Quartz2006
Media: Video Game
Topic: Super Smash Bros.
Genre: Romance/Tedium
URL: Chapter 12 and Chapter 13
Critiqued by Elysium16 and Rimura

Current Counts

Null and Void: 19

Elysium: Welcome back to An Exercise in Tedium. Things are as boring and uninteresting as ever.

Rimura: How long do we have ‘til the end?

Elysium: It’s 68 chapters long.

Rimura: *jaw drops* WHAT?!

Elysium: *sigh* Let’s just get on with it. Read the rest of this entry »


2563: Legend of Zelda: The True Force – Chapter Twenty-Five, Part Two

Title: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Author:  Hikari no Vikki
Media: Video Game / Movie
Topic: Legend of Zelda / Star Wars
Genre: Adventure / Fantasy
URL: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Retired Darth Lord Crunchy

Heyo, patrons!  As a heads up, I may not have a post next week due to a business trip taking up a sizable portion of my week.

“Is that not a common monkey euphemism for something illicit?”

I wish.  In this case it’s a 12 hour drive so I can spend a few days learning about new radiographic management software.  Anyway, enough about me, we’ve got a vast field of nothing to tackle!  Crunchy!

“That is not how mines work.”

Pithy.  Let’s see what we’ve got this week!

It felt like the two of them had spent an eternity padding

Cut!  That’s a wrap!

*BZZZT*

Ugh, fine.

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2559: Mileena’s Humanity – Chapter Two

Title: Mileena’s Humanity
Author:  Spirit.of.Bardock
Media: Video Game
Topic: Mortal Kombat
Genre: Adventure/Romance
URL: https://m.fanfiction.net/s/11898341/1/Mileena-s-Humanity
Critiqued by ME-Iron-Maiden

TRIGGER WARNING: Discussion of Suicide

Hello, everyone and welcome back to Mileena’s Humanity. Last time we got off to a great start where Mileena got away from D’Vorah only go get cold-cocked by a human. Considering she is the former Empress of Outworld and successor to Shao Kahn himself, you’d think there’d be one less human around. 

Sadly, we’re already seeing our author’s avatar is a Marty Stu. Not only did he get away with using Mileena’s head for batting practice, but apparently his cooking is far better than what the Royal Kitchens provided to an Empress who lost her throne because she was considered A WORSE RULER THAN SHAO KAHN!!!

The last chapter ended with this cliffhanger

Mileena took a step back, this human was different than the ones she has fought and killed. This one seemed to actually care about her well being, even if he managed to knock her out. She sat herself at the table and watched with interest. The man put various spices onto the meat and before too long was finished. He put the plate in front of her and she slowly lowered her veil in order to eat. Justin turned around and saw something that chilled his blood.

And this is what he saw: https://i.ytimg.com/vi/QgbsBUWDh-Q/maxresdefault.jpg

Let’s see how bad Justin (henceforth known as Ju’stu) freaks out.

AN: Thank you everyone for the favs and follows, compared to The Coiled Heart this story become more popular in the amount of time than my other. That is thanks to all of you that read my story, anyway you’re here for the story, so here you go.

Again with the Author’s Note.

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