Eighth Annual Sucktastic Award Ceremonies

Hello, patrons, and welcome to the Eighth Annual Sucktastic Award Ceremony!  After a frenzied week of voting with the second-largest turnout we’ve had to date, the polls are now closed and we’re ready to announce the winners, if you can call them that.

Before we get started, I’d like to point out that we have no ties; something that hasn’t happened since 2014.  Thanks, everyone, for being so definitive!  And thanks to the author’s as well for making our job of figuring out which of your fics sucks the most that much easier.

Anyway, let’s cut the pomp and get to what everyone is here for!

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2372: Love and War – Chapter 3

Title: Love and War
Author: Z3R0 L0V3
Media: Video Game
Topic: Pokémon
Genre: Adventure / Romance
URL: Chapter 3
Critiqued by eatpraylove

Welcome back to “Love and War,” everyone! I’m your guest host, eatpraylove, and last chapter a whole bunch of stuff happened in a very poorly defined amount of time. More specifically, Princess Dawn got chewed out by her parents for having a friend on the castle staff (that being Ash the stableboy), they held a surprisingly belated welcome party for Prince Paul, I paid the Library ten imaginary dollars, and the cliché counter hit double digits and its first side orders of “why”!

Oh, and she’s supposed to marry Paul in a week (thanks to TacoMagic for confirming that a week is indeed way too short for medieval political marriages) and we still have no idea why this is even happening.

*sigh*

Well, the only way out is forward, as some smart guy once said. So let’s get back to it.

Cliché counter: Eleven with a double dose of “why”.

*flops into comfy riffing chair*

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2369: Maya and Raider – Chapter 14

Title: Maya and Raider
AuthorEclipsepheniox
Media: Video Game
Topic: Borderlands
Genre: Adventure/Romance
URL: Chapter 14
Critiqued by Delta XIII

Should I even bother lampshading the release gap again, or should I just get on with it?

(

-The Management)

Well anyway, in (rather late) celebration of Borderlands 3 becoming an official thing, a new DLC pack for Borderlands 2, and me getting the Handsome Collection on Steam, here’s a brand new chapter of this snorefest!

I know, I just absolutely spoil you, don’t I?

EVERYTHING WRONG
WITH
Maya and Raider
Chapter 14

(Ah shit)
(here we go again)

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Eighth Annual Sucktastic Awards Polls

It’s that time again, patrons!  Another year has passed.  A year filled with egregious wish-fulfillment, poor sentence structure, and cringe-worthy OCs, and the fics were pretty bad too!

*Waits for the uncomfortable silence to die down*

Anyway, as is our yearly tradition, we’ve put together the polls for determine the winners of twenty-eight categories of suckatude ranging from the worst of the Gary Sues to the best of the unintentionally hilarious lines so that you, the patrons, can decide which fic is the most deserving of what is coming to it.

We had many, many very full categories this year which required the most extensive behind-the-scenes screening in Library history to bring everything down to our golden number of six-or-less per category.  And even then, the decisions were not easy.  So if you don’t see your (least) favorite nominee for a category, it was likely nominated but didn’t survive the gauntlet of voting by the Librarians.

Also keep in mind that per last year’s revision to rules, fics not completed during the year were not eligible for nominations.  So if you don’t see any of the works-in-progress nominated for anything, you’ll likely see them on next year’s ballot.  Hell, The True Force should even be done by then.

Anyway, catch the link below to the polls and let us know what you think!  Polls will be open through next Wednesday at Midnight CST with the results announced on July 11th.  As per usual, if you need to refresh yourself on what a fic was about, I’ve compiled a linked list of all the nominees behind the break.  Happy voting, patrons!

2019 Sucktastic Awards Ballot

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2364: Legend of Zelda: The True Force – Chapter Twenty, Part Three

Title: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Author:  Hikari no Vikki
Media: Video Game / Movie
Topic: Legend of Zelda / Star Wars
Genre: Adventure / Fantasy
URL: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Retired Darth Lord Crunchy

Hey, patrons, welcome back!  We’re finally going to finish off chapter twenty this week which means I’ll get to take some time to palate cleanse with some juicy one-shots.  But until then, Crunchy, hit us with that recap action!

“Top Ramen Instant Noodles, the only reward your little hero needs.  Ever.  Try our new Mushroom Orientation flavor!”

Excellent, let’s see what we’ve got this week.

Ashei awoke to the sound of a nearby shower and the absence of a person that had been sleeping next to her throughout the night.  She blinked multiple times to clear the sleep from her eyes as she lay on her back, staring at the ceiling.

“Why do the Zora have showers?”

How else are they supposed to rinse off after a swim?

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2360: Legend of Zelda: The True Force – Chapter Twenty, Part Two

Title: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Author:  Hikari no Vikki
Media: Video Game / Movie
Topic: Legend of Zelda / Star Wars
Genre: Adventure / Fantasy
URL: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Retired Darth Lord Crunchy

And we’re back!  Two more chunks of this chapter to go and then I can spend a few weeks pallet cleansing with one-shots.  But until then, we’ve got some work to do.  Crunchy?

“Hmm?  Oh, apologies, I was just distracted by this article in the Zora Gazette.  According to this, a new class-action suit has been filed against WaterBnB Inc regarding unclear, misleading, and falsified occupancy and bed count information in their reservation system.  If successful, claimants would be compensated one pro-rated heroic feat per reservation.”

Huh, well I guess we don’t really need an unhelpful recap.  Let’s jump back into the highschool romance already in progress.

“Must we?”

Well, it’s what we’re here for.

Link nodded, suddenly hearing the click of the door lock behind him, and he stilled at the knowledge that he was sharing a room with Ashei.

Speaking of… where was…?

“What do you want to eat?” Came a voice off to the left of him.

Gah!  Shit, not only does this room not have enough beds, but it’s got a disembodied voice too!?

“Some have been know to pay extra for haunted lodgings.”

‘Some’ are bad with money.

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2354: Legend of Zelda: The True Force – Chapter Twenty, Part One

Title: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Author:  Hikari no Vikki
Media: Video Game / Movie
Topic: Legend of Zelda / Star Wars
Genre: Adventure / Fantasy
URL: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Retired Darth Lord Crunchy

Whew, here we are, the last chapter before my one-shot break.  And this chapter is certainly going to be something.  And by something, I mean a whole lotta nothing.

But first, recap!

“Affectionate tentacle beast looks for love in all the wrong places.”

Perfect.  Onwards to… whatever the hell this chapter is.  Well, after she’s done disclaiming and gushing at us in another author’s note.

Disclaimer: I’d make some sort of joke here, but I’ve run out of them. I don’t own any of this (except the plot and a few characters).

“Is she suggesting that the previous disclaimers were supposed to be funny?”

Well, she’s implying that they were supposed to be jokes.  Maybe they’re the kind of jokes that are supposed to be more sad than funny.

Also, Vikki, in order to own the plot you would have needed to create your own.

Yay, I’m back!

Yaaaaaaaaay.  *Twirls finger*

Sorry it took so long, I just had people (family mostly) requesting that I draw a bunch of things, and so that took time away from this.

We don’t care.

But, since this is now up I’m finally back in business, and so now it’s time to get a move on through some more character development and (hopefully) the Bottom of the Well!

Spoiler:  Her pacing is so slow she doesn’t make it to the side-quest.

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