2578: The Shadow Warriors – Chapter 32

Title: The Shadow Warriors
Author: Shadow knight1121
Media: Comics
Topic: Justice League
Genre: Crime/Mystery
URL: Chapter 32
Critiqued by BatJamags (GoodJamags)

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your host, BatJamags*, and we’re back with the next chapter of The Shadow Warriors. Last time, Hush and the Legion of Dumb staged a hostile takeover of Wayne Enterprises to try to make an army of Bruticuses (Brutici?).

Also, Edgelord and an army of Sues and Stus tried to take over the Riffcave, but were subsequently stopped by Batman. This mostly happened because I got bored, but now that we’ve captured Edgelord, I can drag him in here as necessary to explain his stupidity.

*A quick reference on how big the Backlog of Doom was: This is the riff I was writing when I became a permanent riffer back in April of 2018. I put the asterisk here because this was the first post I converted from saying “guest host” to just “host.”

Anyway, let’s hit the chapterly news briefing before we go any further.

Opener

As usual, credit to Anne for this.

Chapter 32: Retribution: Part 1

Ooh, is this retribution of the right of the wronged because the right are wrong and wronged the right of the wrong, who are not justice of the right?

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2575: The Shadow Warriors – Chapter 31, Part 2

Title: The Shadow Warriors
Author: Shadow knight1121
Media: Comics
Topic: Justice League
Genre: Crime/Mystery
URL: Chapter 31
Critiqued by BatJamags (GoodJamags and BadJamags)

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your guest host, BatJamags…

BadJamags: … And I’m your usual guest host, the real BatJamags…

… And we’re back with the next section of The Shadow Warriors!

BadJamags: Last time, we watched a poorly-composed scene where the Legion of Dumb attacked Batman and proved completely inept, enabling Bats to get away and prepare his counterattack.

Also, Edgelord and all of our past Sues and Stus broke into the Riffcave and are holding the two of us hostage so that we don’t interfere with his plans. Edgelord ended up shooting Raya Sue and Smugularity, but Smugularity got better. Cerbersheep trampled Dr. Moneybags to death and Sueby Psychose was badly burned in a misguided attempt to add Cerbs to her Grimm menagerie.

Edgelord: I really should’ve just used my normal crew for this. They can at least pretend to be competent.

Smugularity: I’ll have you know that my Mandalorians are the most competent warriors in the galax-

Edgelord: Stop talking. You two, move on with the story.

But what about the chapterly news briefing?

Edgelord: Don’t push your luck.

BadJamags: Also, it’s not a new chapter. Sadness.

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2569: The Shadow Warriors – Chapter 31, Part 1

Title: The Shadow Warriors
Author: Shadow knight1121
Media: Comics
Topic: Justice League
Genre: Crime/Mystery
URL: Chapter 31
Critiqued by BatJamags (GoodJamags and BadJamags)

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your host, BatJamags…

BadJamags: … And I’m your usual host, the real BatJamags…

… And we’re back with the next section of The Shadow Warriors! We’ll check in with your chapterly news briefing right quick…

Opener

As usual, credit to Anne for this.

BadJamags: I don’t wanna do it.

Too bad. So, last time our intrepid heroes were confronted by some kind of Edgelord Legion of Doom.

BadJamags: They got their asses beat and we were told that Batman is dead. I didn’t buy that one the last eight or so times the mainstream comics have tried to tell us that in the past decade or two and I’m not falling for it here.

BadJamags: I mean, there was literally a minor event where every even tangentially Batman-related book released in a certain month declared “THIS ISSUE: BATMAN DIES!!!” on the cover. Some of the issues’ attempts (or lack thereof) to deliver on the promise were so half-assed it was hilarious. The Batgirl series (the good one, with Cassandra Cain) basically had the following conversation:

“So I totally killed Batman.”

“Then how’d you get beaten up?”

“Oh, I guess I didn’t kill Batman.”

BadJamags: … And in Birds of Prey, in the background of one panel you can see Batman fighting a bear for no reason in an unrelated issue and it’s never brought up again. I adore that series, but it sometimes gave no fucks whatsoever.

Are you done?

BadJamags: It’s certainly more interesting than the fic.

Touche. Anyway, the Dork Patrol was finally rescued from the Legion of Dumb by the timely intervention of *sigh* yet another edgelord (lowercase e – big E is for Edgelord Prime).

BadJamags: The reason a big E was used when he said “Edgelord Legion of Doom” was because they were almost certainly organized by none other than Jayden Warney himself for some sinister purpose. Explains how they know everybody’s Secret IDs (which, if I recall correctly, is not otherwise explained, so… yeah).

Right, let’s press on to the chapter.

Chapter 31: Big Changes

Like when you use a hundred-dollar bill to pay for a candy bar.

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2496: The Shadow Warriors – Chapter 30

Title: The Shadow Warriors
Author: Shadow knight1121
Media: Comics
Topic: Justice League
Genre: Crime/Mystery
URL: Chapter 30
Critiqued by BatJamags (GoodJamags), Kane, and Malcolm

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your guest host, BatJamags, and this is another chapter of The Shadow Warriors! Last time, we had a villain team-up of that Gallagher guy who showed up at the end of Sam Motherfuckin’ Jackson’s story arc, that Leonae nutjob who got his arms brutally exploded, yet another “Iron Man but with GUNS and SWORDS and SKULLS” character, someone who I think was supposed to be Jean White, a new guy in a white cloak who’s apparently Sovereign’s evil twin or something (Maybe I’ll call him Harbinger), and Hush.

Let’s get started, shall we?

Kane: I’d rather not, but it seems we’ve little choice in the matter.

GAH! Every time. Oh, and who’s Tall, Dark, and Bald there behind you?

*Behind Kane stands a large, muscular (and bald) man in black sleeveless robes and a mask that covers the lower half of his face. He looks rather bewildered.*

?: Wha- Kane. Why have you brought me here?! Is this another one of your tricks?

Kane: Calm yourself, Malcolm. You’ll give yourself another ulcer. Then we’ll have to get Constantine to heal you, and no one wants that.

*Malcolm attempts to punch Kane, who actually recoils slightly before sidestepping out of the way*

Kane: *Looking at GoodJamags* I’ve been mentioning my old adventuring party, so I thought I’d bring one along. Malcolm here is a monk with… anger management issues.

[Meta note: Kane and Malcolm (and the other five, Constantine, Lady Adelaide, Revenore, Erik, and Ylva) are designed as characters for a fic based on Dungeons & Dragons that may or may not materialize at some point in the future, but I might also play as them at some point in the actual game. However, they’re both characters I created.]

Malcolm: Do not mock me, sorcerer!

Kane: We’ve been over this. I am a Warlock, and you will remember this. As I was saying, Malcolm was exiled from his monastery for his inability to control his emotions. I, along with some other associates of mine, helped him train to go back and kill every monk in that monastery. It was one of our finest moments. I thought that as one of the edgiest members of our group, he’d have a unique perspective on this tale.

Is he up to speed?

Kane: Naturally. I always plan ahead.

Bet he hasn’t seen this chapter’s chapterly news briefing!

Opener

As usual, credit to Anne for this.

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2491: The Shadow Warriors – Chapter 29

[Sorry about the late post, patrons. I’ve been busy and didn’t check that this was set for the right time.]

Title: The Shadow Warriors
Author: Shadow knight1121
Media: Comics
Topic: Justice League
Genre: Crime/Mystery
URL: Chapter 29
Critiqued by BatJamags (GoodJamags) and Kane

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your guest host, BatJamags, and today we’re tackling another chapter of The Shadow Warriors. Fun stuff. But first, your chapterly news briefing:

Opener

As usual, credit to Anne for this.

Chapter 29: Pure Evil

Oh, so this chapter is about Edgelord?

But then again, aren’t they all?

Authors Note: Okay people, I got a lot of ideas from some new reviews and some new characters both villains and heroes this story arc goes out to Light Seeker 001. I made a few changes but the plot is still the same, I got big plans for the climax of Slade which hopefully will be out by Christmas. Also, later I’m gonna put up all the dossiers of the Shadow Warriors and the Villains on a separate story later tonight so enjoy!

No.

No no no.

No no no no no no no no.

NOT MORE EDGELORDS! PLEASE! ANYTHING BUT THAT! HELP! HELP! LET ME OUT OF HERE! I’VE GOT TO-

*Tranquilized*

Kane: It seems I’ll have to step in earlier than expected.

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2487: The Shadow Warriors – Chapter 28

Title: The Shadow Warriors
Author: Shadow knight1121
Media: Comic Book / Video Game?!
Topic: Justice League / Assassin’s Creed?!
Genre: Crime / Mystery
URL: Chapter 28
Critiqued by BatJamags (GoodJamags)

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your guest host, BatJamags, and I’m back with the midpoint of our harrowing journey through this five-chapter chunk of The Shadow Warriors! Before we get started, here’s your chapterly news briefing:

Opener

As usual, credit to Anne for this.

Chapter 28: Happy Birthday/Halloween

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2482: The Shadow Warriors – Chapter 27, Part 2

Title: The Shadow Warriors
Author: Shadow knight1121
Media: Comics
Topic: Justice League
Genre: Crime/Mystery
URL: Chapter 27 – https://www.fanfiction.net/s/8306604/27/The-Shadow-Warriors
Critiqued by BatJamags (GoodJamags)

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your guest host, BatJamags, and I’m back with the second half of this really long chapter of The Shadow Warriors! When we last left off, the Dork Patrol was storming the McEvil Alliance’s headquarters and whining about how Jean Grey needed his revenge.

Phoenix was storming through the holding area of the labs, passing many kidnapped children and teenagers along the way. He grimaced at the fact that Cole was stealing kids off the streets as they were nothing no one would miss.

So… they were something someone would miss.

Double negatives!

As he walked he stopped when he saw a small child no more than five years old. The two made eye contact as Phoenix saw his past and his pain in his eyes.

*Fails to dodge and gets cut by all that edge*

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