1838: Fallout Tetris – Oneshot

Title: Fallout Tetris
Author: Nigel Yearning
Media: Video Game
Topic: Fallout / Tetris
Genre: Drama
URL: Fallout Tetris
Critiqued by TacoMagic

Today I have a very special treat for you, A Fallout x Tetris crossover!  Now don’t get excited, it’s not as crazy as you think.  Personally I was hoping for the adventures of L-block in Fallout: NV or something, but the reality turned out to be far more mundane than expected.  I could get into that, but the summary covers it pretty well:

A Wastelander accidentally finds a game of Tetris after falling down a flight of stairs, she soon takes it and heads over to an nearby town to get it cashed in. Oneshot.

Now, you might notice that the fic is also sporting the coveted “drama” tag.  If you’re wondering how that summary could lead to something dramatic, then you’re not alone.  So strap in while we find the answer to that question.

Spoilers: it doesn’t.

Anyway, on with the show!

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Artastic Wednesday

Hey, patrons!  Sorry about the lack of riff today, I’m going to a convention and between planning, packing, and getting all my work squared away so things don’t blow up while I’m gone, I just ran out of time to do anything for today.

But, fear not, I’ve dived into our massive pile of fanart to bring you something truly special!  I give you Albert Wesker as he was always meant to be seen.

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1828: Out Of Darkness – Oneshot

Title: Out Of Darkness
Author: acquabellezza11
Media: Video Game
Topic: Final Fantasy VII / Resident Evil
Genre: Drama / Suspense
URL: Out Of Darkness
Critiqued by TacoMagic

Heyo, patrons!  This week I have a wonderful crossover for you called Out of Darkness and it’s really, really bad.  This wonderful little fic crosses the confusing and obtuse world of Final Fantasy VII with the obtuse and confusing world of Resident Evil in way that’s just… bad.  Really, really bad.

How bad?  Well, check out the summary.

With Time not on Leon’s side, he races to find a antibody cure for a soon to be victim to a new deadly virus to terrorists, someone who Leon is unawarely closer to, than he is lead to think (Read to find out)not sure if im gonna continue this… nobody is reviewing alot

I’ll just let that sink in while I go pour myself another cup of coffee.

*An eventually later*

Now, you all may be thinking, “Sure, Taco, that’s pretty bad, but this obviously isn’t a native English speaker.”  Well, hypothetical voice of the patrons, you would be wrong.  See, this particular fanfic writer also happens to have a Youtube channel.  I won’t embarrass her by sharing it here, but know that she clearly speaks American English in the videos where she talks.  She’s either a native speaker of English, or somebody who is absolutely fluent.

I’ll let that sink in as well. Read the rest of this entry »


1822: The Beginning – TwoShot, Part Two

Title: The Beginning
Author: purpl0pea
Media: Video Game
Topic: Plants vs. Zombies
Genre: Adventure
URL: The Beginning
Critiqued by TacoMagic

Hey, all!  Welcome back to The Beginning a fic that you could design a badfic bingo board on!  It’s got almost everything: random capitalization, try hard names, a resident Sue, a potential Awesome McEvil, a generic horror-movie cast, lack of setting, amnesia, forced cliff-hangers, and much more!  On the plus side, the chapters are short and the grammar/spelling is far from the worst I’ve ever encountered, so at least there are some building blocks in place.

Last time, stuff happened!  I’m not sure I can get more specific than that, but I’ll try.  One of Dr. Zomboss’s labs explodes, something named Catastrophe (yes, really) has a few angsty moments, a vampire flower named Vengeance (yes, really) sees the explosion, a search party is called to investigate, and a bunch of horror movie rejects bumble around the exploded remains of the lab for a while.  During the bumbling, Vampy falls down a conveiniently placed hole and stumbles upon an electro pea who’s unconscious and suffering from amnesia.  And that’s pretty much it.

Onwards to the second half!

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1819: The Beginning – TwoShot, Part One

Title: The Beginning
Author: purpl0pea
Media: Video Game
Topic: Plants vs. Zombies
Genre: Adventure
URL: The Beginning
Critiqued by TacoMagic

Salutations, gentle patrons.  This week I have a new canon for you all: Plants vs. Zombies.  Luckily there isn’t a lot to this canon, so it should be a fairly short infodump; let’s get to that first.

Plants vs. Zombies is a series of games that feature primarily tower-defense style play.  For those who haven’t experienced tower-defense, it’s a pretty simple concept: you build things that attack other things that are trying to get to a thing you don’t want them to get to.  In this case, you are building plants to kill zombies that are trying to eat your brains.  Currently, there are two primary installments to the franchise as well as a small handful of spin-off and over-seas games.  For the sake of this fanfiction, we’ll only cover the core games so far as canon goes (such that it is).

The first game has barely any plot to speak of, which is fine since the game has its roots as a simple Popcap game.  The main thread of the game is that you’re being attacked by an ever-increasing zombie horde that has been cooked up by an evil zombie scientist: Doctor Zomboss.  The ultimate goal is to eat your brains.  You’re sorta helped along the way by Crazy Dave, who both acts as a sort of narrator as well as selling you tools, plant seeds, and various other things out of the back of his station wagon.  That’s about it.

Plants Vs. Zombies 2 took a different approach and was released as a freemium game.  It expands quite a bit on the canon by including a large array of new plants, a much larger progression of levels, as well as introducing an unapologetically shallow plot.  In PVZ2, you follow Crazy Dave as he travels through time in order to recover the taco that he’s already eaten so that he can eat it again.  Seriously, that’s the plot.  Through your misadventures, you travel to a variety of time periods via Penny, Crazy Dave’s sentient time machine (which is little more than an assemblage of old car parts).  Through time you’re constantly faced with more of Dr. Zomboss’s hordes which are themed to each time period.  Once again, Dr. Z’s primary motivation is kept simple: get your brains.  There’s some filler plot that mostly amounts to either tongue-in-cheek jokes or tutorial fodder, but at it’s core, the plot is kept tertiary to the rest of the package.

And that’s really all the plot that there is.  There’s a bit more plot available in the spinoff games or overseas games (such as the Chinese PVZ: Online), but that’s like saying there’s a bit more chocolate in a Hershey’s kiss than in an M&M.  Sure, it’s true, but neither of those is a chocolate bar.

I await the posting of the obligatory 1-pound Hershey’s kiss.

Now, I told you all that to let you know that the above plot is all mostly irrelevant since this fic appears to be based on the PVZ: Garden Warfare spinoff games and these actually have a lot less plot than the core games.  The first two of the PVZ: Garden Warfare games has the plot of: Zombies are trying to take over Suburbia, the plants want to stop them.  The second game has the plot of: Zombies have taken over Suburbia, the plants want to free it.  There is a sort of story-mode in the second game, but it’s mostly there as a questing system more than something that really provides any amount of deep plot.

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1815: Adopted – Chapter Five, Part Two and Chapter Six

Title: Adopted
Author: Angie J Trifid (Tony Terrace)
Media: Movie
Topic: Jurassic Park
Genre: Friendship/Romance
URL: Adopted
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Eliza

Hey, patrons!  Welcome back to Adopted, this week we finally finish off this turkey!  And then hopefully we can get on to doing some wholesome, cleansing one-shots.

“What about the Raptor and I rewrite?”

Nope.

“But you prom-”

NOPE!  Recap!

“Last time the raptors hovered around Annie’s insensate body while waiting for the bruised rib to heal enough for her to regain consciousness.  Eventually she did wake up and quickly joined Fitz for some exposition of the previous chapter.  Other than a few more blobs of Nedry hate, that was pretty much it.”

Onwards to glory!

“You’re in a strange mood today.”

I had two hours of sleep last night and am already on my fourth coffee!  I added espresso to this one!  Let’s do this!

“Well okay then.”

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1807:Adopted – Chapter Five, Part One

Title: Adopted
Author: Angie J Trifid
Media: Movie
Topic: Jurassic Park
Genre: Friendship/Romance
URL: Adopted
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Eliza

Heyo, patrons!  Welcome back to Prehistoric Bestiality 3 Adopted.  If we split this chapter up, we’ve got just enough fic left for two installments.  So soon we’ll be free of Raptor and I forever!

“Until you do the rewrite.”

So basically forever!  So, what happened last time?

“Well, Fitz hurt his leg, Annie fixed it, Fitz and his sister baton-passed the point of view a bit to exposite his affection for Annie, and then Muldoon and nameless keeper twelve shot Fitz’s father.”

That feels like a lot of progress for one chapter, especially given that the first three chapters limped along like a wounded sloth.  I’d pretend to be surprised that the pacing is so inconsistent, but I won’t insult the intelligence of our patrons like that.  Instead, let’s get this party rolling!

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