2425: Threads of fate – Oneshot

Title: Threads of fate
Author: Atlas Bloodstone
Media: Video Game
Topic: Legend of Dragoon
Genre: Drama/Humor (Also known as edge or agnst)
URL: Threads of fate
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Swenia

*Taco drags himself into the riffing chamber and flops down into a chair next to Swenia, who has her head reclined back with a large bag of ice resting across her eyes*

Rough morning?

*Swenia pulls the bag off her face, revealing a puffy right eye* “Naw.  I was doing a little morning sparring with some of the new military folk we seem to be collecting.  That Asari has a mean left hook.”

Well, I’m surprised it’s so munda-

“Of course, she stopped pulling her punches after I made a pass at her.  Well, a couple passes.”  *She winces while gingerly testing the eye with her fingers*  “I think I’m in there.”

There it is.  Wait, don’t you have like a crazy healing factor or something?

“‘Accelerated’ just means the swelling hits hard, fast, and goes away without a bruise.  Twenty minutes and it’ll be fine.  It’s great on the battlefield when you got a hormone cocktail loaded with adrenaline and endorphins going, but it stings like a bitch when you’re just sitting at home.  But, as much as I love talking about me, what are we doing this morning?”

I’m glad you asked!  This week we’re diving back into my pile of Legend of Dragoon fanfiction to dig out a short, edgelordy little fic called “Threads of fate” by Atlas Bloodstone.

“Woof.  I’m already getting some of that edgelord flavor just off that name alone.  But that doesn’t explain why you need me here.”

Call it repayment for me dragging Jiwe out of the colored goo room last week.

“Fine.  Why do we even have that room, anyway?”

Dude, where else are we going to keep all our colored goo?  Summary time!

A young wingly is held captive in his own home for murder. Precious sulfur and soot, the battle begins in a dimly lit room, where he is being tried and covicted of killing

“That is starting off on a pretty foreboding note.”

*Taco furiously thumbs through a book*

“The hell are you doing over there?”

Speed Latin-ing.  Covicted: A reduction of Comvincere meaning to conquer together or to conquer completely.

“Well, that’s neat and all, but we should probably get to covicting this fic.”

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2418: Bizarre Billion Beans Blizzard – Oneshot

Title: Bizarre Billion Beans Blizzard
Author: SharanMcQuack
Media: Cartoon / Comic Book
Topic: Duck Tales
Genre: Adventure / Family
URL: Bizarre Billion Beans Blizzard
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Jiwe

*Taco walks into the riffing chamber with Jiwe in tow*

Well, patrons, it’s that time of year again.  Somebody’s five today-

“It’s me!”

-which means I’m on babysitting duty while the crew prepares a party that will hopefully not end in a full-Library respawn event.  Again.

Anyway, since I’ve got Shrimpy with me this week, you should all brace yourselves for my annual family-friendly riff!  This time we’re heading back into the land of Duck Tales fanficion and revisiting an old friend of ours, SharanMcQuack, who’s work I riffed way back in the Library’s second year.  Sharan has been pretty prolific in her writing since her first feature in 2013, but, sadly, I cannot say her writing has improved much.  As you’re about to see, it might actually have gotten worse.

Fortunately for us all, in searching through Sharan’s more recent fics, I was able to find one that doesn’t involve her OC having any dialogue, so we won’t have to suffer through her sitting on the sidelines and making snide remarks at the cast like in the last one.  You’ll still have to suffer through me doing it, but at least it’s only the one of us.

“What about me?”

You’re too young to be snide.

“Awww.”

Anyway, let’s start with the relatively non-alarming summary:

Magica siccs a billions beans vs the Bin in an attempt to get the Dime.

While I’m not sure what “siccs” means, at least this is a summary.

“I know!  Sicks is throwing up!”

So far as plans go, throwing up billions of beans at somebody is not the worst one.  Still, gotta be better ways to get ten cents.

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2407: Talk Show of Pudding episode 7

Title:Talk Show of Pudding episode 7
Author: memyselfisesshy93 and Ghastlyme4
Media: Kitchen Sink / Video Game
Topic: Kitchen Sink / Legend of Dragoon
Genre: “Humor”/Parody
URL: Talk Show of Pudding episode 7
Critiqued by TacoMagic

And we’re finally here, the final installment of the ill-conceived boredom project: Talk Show of Pudding.  Not only is this the last episode, it also happens to be the episode that attracted my attention to the series.  The only reason I looked at it was because I saw the topic “Legend of Dragoon” on it while taking a spin through the author’s profile, and thus our journey began.

Time to get this over with.

Announcer: Welcome my friends to Talk Show of Pudding. If you are from France then you’re not welcomed.

I find myself being quite envious of the French for getting actively excluded.

CHGN: G4! WTF? You didn’t need to say that!

NONE SHALL BE SPARED OUR STORY!

G4: I didn’t say it. Xavier did.

Announcer: He made me say it.

Huh, Announcer has a name.  I wonder if Xavier and Dave hang out and lament over their lives after each show.

G4: SHUT UP! Anyway… On today’s episode, our guest someone who is a favorite of ours, meaning that I will actually do this right… somewhat. Please welcome “the young flame,” Dart Feld!

What part of that was “somewhat” right?  The part where you didn’t capitalize his wrestling title?

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2402: Talk Show of Pudding episode 6

Title:Talk Show of Pudding episode 6
Author: memyselfisesshy93 and Ghastlyme4
Media: Kitchen Sink / Anime
Topic: Kitchen Sink / Naruto
Genre: “Humor”/Parody
URL: Talk Show of Pudding episode 6
Critiqued by TacoMagic

Hello, patrons, it’s Wednesday again so it’s time for Pudding!

No, not the delicious kind, I mean the soul crushing kind.  However, I think I heard Gumdrop yodeling from the kitchen on my way in today, so we might get both.

Anyway, let’s just plorp our way into this one!

Announcer: Welcome species from Earth and Wisconsin!

Greetings back from Wisconsin, Announcer, we will send you our customary gift basket of fresh bratwurst, cheese, and local craft beers.

G4: HAHA! I KNEW IT! I knew people from Wisconsin were alien hybrid, but you people didn’t believe me! Not even Dave!

Rude.  I know somebody who will be getting a face-hugger in their gift basket.

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2395: Talk Show of Pudding episode 5

Title:Talk Show of Pudding episode 5
Author: memyselfisesshy93 and Ghastlyme4
Media: Kitchen Sink / Video Game
Topic: Kitchen Sink / Final Fantasy
Genre: “Humor”/Parody
URL: Talk Show of Pudding episode 5
Critiqued by TacoMagic

Hey, patrons, I’m back from Gen Con and ready to riff!  Had a good time overall and even got to hangout with Ghostcat and Herr a bit.  But you aren’t here to read about what a good time I had, no, you’re here to read about me suffering through another Talk Show of Pudding episode.

Once again no recap of the previous episode because there’s no continuity to speak of.

G4: Welcome back to another episode of Talk Show of Pudding

G4: Welcome back to another episode of Talk Show of Pudding!

And it was at that moment that Gassy found himself unstuck in time.

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2389: Talk Show of Pudding episode 3

Title:Talk Show of Pudding episode 3
Author: memyselfisesshy93 and Ghastlyme4
Media: Kitchen Sink / Anime
Topic: Kitchen Sink / Inuyasha
Genre: “Humor”/Parody
URL: Talk Show of Pudding episode 3
Critiqued by TacoMagic

Hello, patrons, and welcome back to another installment of the LOL!Random funtimes known as Pudding Talk.  Since the summary of this episode is just mentioning the interview character, and there’s no continuity worth doing a recap for, we’re just going to jump right in.

G4: We’re here again at Talk Show of Pudding!

CHN: WHY DO I HAVE TO BE IN HERE?

You know the fic is really bad when even the writer wants the hell out.

Camera goes to a cage with CHN in

G4: because you will go all fangirl on the guest (whispers) plus we ran out of straight jackets.

Ignoring everything else going on here in favor of being pedantic: does this mean you finally decided to delineate actions with parenthesis instead of just having the characters say what they’re doing?

That’s a nice bit of improvement.  A shame that it’s completely overshadowed by the rest of the fic being so fucking awful in both concept and execution.

CHN: I would not! I have gain self-control lately!

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2383: Talk Show of Pudding episode 2

Title:Talk Show of Pudding episode 2
Author: memyselfisesshy93 and Ghastlyme4
Media: Kitchen Sink / Anime
Topic: Kitchen Sink / Naruto
Genre: “Humor”/Parody
URL: Talk Show of Pudding episode 2
Critiqued by TacoMagic

It’s Wednesday so you know what that means, patrons!  Pudding time!

I’m so, so sorry.

But not sorry enough to not subject you to this.

Now, since there’s no continuity between episodes to speak of, we can just jump right into episode two without worrying about any kind of recap.  We’ll also skip the summary this week as all it says is, “This ep 2, Gaara is in,” but with more words.

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