2618: Legend of Zelda: The True Force – Chapter Twenty-Nine, Part One

Title: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Author:  Hikari no Vikki
Media: Video Game / Movie
Topic: Legend of Zelda / Star Wars
Genre: Adventure / Fantasy
URL: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Retired Darth Lord Crunchy

And here we are, the last regurgitation chapter.  Sadly, I went back in checked, and it’s also the longest chapter in the fic by about a hundred words.  Fortunately, we’ve suffered through so many regurgitation chapters that I’m not going to feel bad summarizing large swaths of this one.  Let’s get cracking!  Crunchy?

“Crawling in the dungeon, metal leather straps, standard deviations, and Auru continuing his trend of inaction.”

Perfect!  Let’s check out this chapter’s disclaimer and author’s note.

Disclaimer: Do we really own anything?

Possibly debatable, since ownership is a societal construct; however, as a construct the validation of ownership is pursuant to societies definition of owning something.  Whether or not you agree with society’s view on ownership, it’s probably still a good idea to at least assume you own your own meat bag.  Bad things happen when that basic ownership is not assumed.

I mean, it’s all just plot devices, right?

“No?  I am not at all convinced that an entity laying claim to physical or intellectual property could be considered entirely plot devices.”

Still, I think a patent law thriller is something the world needs.

Wait… there’s something in the water isn’t there?

Is there?  Let me check.

Hmm, I think it’s just a bunch of sticks that are catching the light in a weird way.

“It is quite obviously a duck and its shadow being partially obscured by a wave.”

I’m not usually so philosophical…

Says the author who has broken down into pseudo-philosophical ramblings almost every time she ventured away from the plot she was stealing.

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2613: Legend of Zelda: The True Force – Chapter Twenty-Eight, Part Two

Title: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Author:  Hikari no Vikki
Media: Video Game / Movie
Topic: Legend of Zelda / Star Wars
Genre: Adventure / Fantasy
URL: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Retired Darth Lord Crunchy

All right, lets finish off this chapter.  But first, recap time.  Crunchy?

“A blast to the past, a blast in the future, and double shielding.  Meanwhile, a thief proves that going outside is too time-consuming to be worth one’s while.  Finally, Navi continues to definitively be a thing.”

Perfect, let’s get crackin’!

After unlocking the door on the other side they found themselves in a small dark hallway that led to a climbing wall infested with…

“Skullwalltulas!” Navi shrieked, promptly diving for Link’s hat at the sight of them. Link sighed. “Really, Navi? I thought we were over this…”

Yes, she recovered from her phobia with the great help of the nothing you did to address it.

“Deep seated fears often simply go away when not mentioned for long periods of time.  They take careful maintenance to cultivate and help grow.”

That is among the more ominous things you have ever said to me.

Pouting, she stuck her head out from beneath the rim as he picked them off with his slingshot from the safety of the ground. “I had. A bad. Experience.” She told him seriously, pointedly stressing her words to get her meaning across.

“And that meaning would be?”

Dunno, she’s being so cryptic.  Maybe if she emphasizes the words more it’ll become clear.

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2609: Legend of Zelda: The True Force – Chapter Twenty-Eight, Part One

Title: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Author:  Hikari no Vikki
Media: Video Game / Movie
Topic: Legend of Zelda / Star Wars
Genre: Adventure / Fantasy
URL: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Retired Darth Lord Crunchy

Three chapters left and six weeks to do them in; a bit of a tall order.  Fortunately the next two chapters are dungeon crawling so the large amounts of summarization should help.  Crunchy?

“Chasing ghosts leads to the revelation that the Force does not work on stone.”

Wonderful, let’s check out Vikki’s disclaimer and intro note and then get rolling!

Disclaimer: Even if I did own this, I wouldn’t be making much money from it considering how often people read this…

… Huh.

“Has Vikki become aware that her entire story is a work of plagiarization?”

I can’t really think of any other explanation why she phrased it like that.

“Huh.”

Is what I’m saying.

Ugh, so much for that ‘spirit of writing’ I mentioned last time…

Anyway, at the request of a friend who was in need of more Zelda fanfiction (mine, if I had to guess), well here’s an update. Go on, have fun.

It’s called fic burn out and we’ve seen it in most of the abandoned fics we’ve riffed.  It usually happens when authors who aren’t being honest to themselves as to why they’re writing and then gradually come to understand that the need they’re trying to fill won’t come from banging out a lazy story.

And yes, I’m calling your 260k word-Goliath lazy.  I’m sure it took a lot of time to write, but I’m equally sure that it took very little in the way of cerebral effort.

See, you aren’t even writing for the sake of the story, you’re writing out of a misplaced feeling of obligation to continue.  Not even an obligation to yourself, or the feeling that you should finish what you started, but because a friend said they wanted it.

“Sadly the typical dwindling of chapter size appears to be absent in this case.  Indeed the chapter after this one is among the longest.”

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2605: Legend of Zelda: True Force High – Chapter Twenty-Seven, Part Two

Title: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Author:  Hikari no Vikki
Media: Video Game / Movie
Topic: Legend of Zelda / Star Wars
Genre: Adventure / Fantasy
URL: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Retired Darth Lord Crunchy

And we’re back.  This week we’re going to knock out chapter twenty-seven in my headlong rush to get this damn thing done before the Sucktastic awards.  Three more chapters left after this one, so it’ll be close.  Anyway, hit us with that sweet nonsense, Crunchy.

“Sauna.”

Pithy.

“And yet it fully encompasses everything which occurred last week.”

Sadly this is true, anyway let’s see what’s waiting for us after the tiara.

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2599: Legend of Zelda: The True Force – Chapter Twenty-Seven, Part One

Title: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Author:  Hikari no Vikki
Media: Video Game / Movie
Topic: Legend of Zelda / Star Wars
Genre: Adventure / Fantasy
URL: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Retired Darth Lord Crunchy

Welcome back to the regurgitation, patrons!  Well, sorta.  We’ve got a bit of a thing to get out of the way before we get back to the regurgitant proper next week.   Then we can get back to some sensible game-mechanic laden dungeon crawling.  It hurts that I’m actually relieved.  Crunchy?

“Honestly, the last installment had such dense illogical noodling that I can hardly come up with a less coherent summary of it.  Suffice to say that the previous installment need not have existed and actively worked to reduce the intelligence of any being unfortunate enough to read it.”

Works for me!  Let’s check out this chapter’s header.

Disclaimer: I… own a… poster?

“Mayhap the poster owns you.”

Well, I don’t own this. Except the plot.

No, you don’t own the plot either.  You would have to have come up with your own plot for that.

I think.

“Unlikely.”

Umm… I can explain.

Sorry, but we read the last chapter.  I highly doubt you could explain it without a Lucasian level of redaction and a couple remasters of the chapter.

 Well, not really, actually. I’ve wanted to write more for this story, but I just haven’t.

And yet here we are.

“I question Vikki’s dedication to halting the spread of this literary midden.”

Obviously I am now, but I’m trying to give myself a very swift kick in the rear here, considering I had more than ample opportunities to start updating again. Oh well.

“Ah yes, the inevitable downward spiral toward abandonment.”

Shame she was able to power through as long as she does; the next three chapters are longer than usual.  Though not as monster-sized as some of the middle chapters, thankfully.

On with it, then! Enjoy. :)

This author’s note was exceptionally pointless, even for you. >:/

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2595: Legend of Zelda: The True Force – Chapter Twenty-Six, Part Two

Title: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Author:  Hikari no Vikki
Media: Video Game / Movie
Topic: Legend of Zelda / Star Wars
Genre: Adventure / Fantasy
URL: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Retired Darth Lord Crunchy

Hey, folks, welcome back to True Force, the fic that proves that you don’t need a lot of plot to write a lot of words.  Crunchy?

“See Jedi.  See Jedi run.  Run, Jedi, run.”

Pithy.

“If soul is the brevity of wit, then I am incarnate!”

That is definitely not how the saying goes.  In so, so many ways.

So the six of them made their way towards the Fortress walking between two large cuts in the rock that towered over them, the cool wind just skimming the tops of the earthen walls. As they walked, Ashei explained that they had been cut through with water when the river had begun higher up in the western mountains instead of in the valley long ago. Eventually they came to a set of steps cut into the rock, with another path leading further southwest towards the gate that led into the deep desert of the Wasteland.

Eh, not a great effort, but there’s been way worse setting in this thing.  Moving on.

Instead of turning that way, however, they ascended the steps leading to the Fortress, and after a few long, monotonous moments of climbing step after step, the area around them finally opened up onto another plateau about a single story above the valley entrance.

Realizes that watching people climb stairs is monotonous, includes it anyway.  Winning at prose!

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2590: Legend of Zelda: The True Force – Chapter Twenty-Six, Part One

Title: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Author:  Hikari no Vikki
Media: Video Game / Movie
Topic: Legend of Zelda / Star Wars
Genre: Adventure / Fantasy
URL: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Retired Darth Lord Crunchy

Hey, patrons.  Now that things have settled into a new routine for me, unstable as it is, I finally have the time and energy to devote to getting some more True Force churned out.  Even so, expect the next few installments to be shorter than typical as I catch my stride.

Crunchy?

“Perhaps I will go with something more coherent this week due to our lengthy absence.  The previous chapter was devoted to the party exploring the Gerudo Mines which, among other things, became the new home of the carpenter sidequest canonically present in the Gerudo Fortress.  Additionally, the Gerudo’s experiments into fusion power were unearthed to no meaningful end.  That is the entirety of anything meaningful from the last chapter, and both are a bit of a stretch to call ‘meaningful’.”

That is near frighteningly comprehensible for a recap.”

“I shall endeavor to adhere to my prior standards in future installments.”

Let’s check out this chapter’s inane disclaimer.

Disclaimer: It’s becoming increasingly difficult to write witty sayings about how I don’t own anything except the plot…

It’s kind of adorable that you thought any of the disclaimers were witty.

now, where’s that cyber feather duster? I’d better find it before I start sneezing up a storm…

… Wha?

“One assumes Vikki is allergic to the lack of dust in the air thus she needs to stir some up.”

True as that may be, why the hell is that in the disclaimer?

Author’s Notes-

Sorry it’s been a while since my last update, I recently started a new webcomic series on my Tumblr, and as I’m updating every Friday (barring some kind of emergency or something), it’s been difficult to get each comic done in time in order to be able to set aside time to write…

Irrelevant, but I have seen the comic series in question and, aside from it being about something I have no interest in, it’s not terribly drawn even if I find the writing to be lackluster.  Certainly it’s far better than this fic by a tremendous margin.

Oh, and college isn’t helping all that much. Even when I want to write during the week I usually pass out for a nap when I get home.

“Also entirely without relevance.”

Anyway, I’m shooting for our group of adventurers to finally make it to the Colossus in this one.

Will they succeed?

Hey look!  Relevant, but doesn’t need to be an author’s note because we’ll know how far the fic gets just by reading it.

Let’s find out, shall we?

“Hold, was declining an option that I was not made aware of?”

Only if you want to get worked over by Carlos.

“There are worse fates.”

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