1296: agig’s Old Shame Sunday – A series of One-Shots, Part One

Title: halo: cross universe
Author: agigabyte
Media: Videogame
Topic: Halo
Genre:  none listed
URL: Not Found Online
Critiqued by agigabyte

Hello, Patrons and Librarians! It’s agig here. As in, the person, not the character. This is why I have my characters refer to me as “author.” Anyway, you may have gathered the purpose of this by the title. Now, the reason for it being called “Old Shame Sunday” is that almost all of my old shames are too short to even be one shots. Yeah. So I’m going to do multiple reviews, in every issue except this one, because most of these are a couple of paragraphs or less in length. This first one is called “halo: cross universe” and is somehow better than around sixty percent of the legitimate stories I’ve seen here. Anyway, there is context for this piece of trash…

When I was nine, the co op program I go to on Tuesdays had a creative writing program. Near the end of the school year, we had to write a short story of a half page. Think of it like NaNoWriMo, but for a week at the start of May. And you only had to write half a page. So really, nothing like NaNoWriMo.

Moving on from this awkward bit, I was inspired to do these when I found a copy of the thing sitting in my room. Sadly, I couldn’t find the digital copy so I’m reconstructing it for you. This fic is called “halo: cross universe.” Now, let’s begin.

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760: The Fallen Lords – Episode Seven

Title: The Fallen Lords
Author: TacoMagic
Media: MUD
Topic:  Medievia
Genre: Not Listed
URL: Not available online
Critiqued by Lyle

Hey everyone!  Welcome back to the Library! This week we’ll be finishing up TacoMoron’s old badfic, The Fallen Lords.  When last we met for this particular fic, Vaseline, Token Female, the Red-Shirt Wonder Twins, and Stus 1 and 2 were chatting with a guy at the entrance to The Mine about how Throat Clearing went missing and no one bothered to go looking for him.  Suddenly, and from behind, Mr. Evil Jawa from The Cleric Complex showed up, stabbed Random Guy, knocked Stu-dar unconscious, and poofed away with Stu-dar without bothering to kill his host of friends, all of whom are going to want to find their buddy and exact revenge on the Evil Jawa Cult.  We end with Stu-gar still unconscious on a table while the head Jawa cackles maniacally.

As far as we know, The Heros don’t actually know where they’ve taken Stu-gar but they’re going to get there somehow anyway.  Let’s find out how.

Oh, and it’s worth noting that this final chapter is only three and a half pages long.  This bodes really well for an epically underwhelming climax and plot resolution.

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746: The Fallen Lords – Episode Six

Title: The Fallen Lords
Author: TacoMagic
Media: MUD
Topic:  Medievia
Genre: Not Listed
URL: Not available online
Critiqued by Lyle

Hello everyone!  Today is another chapter/episode of The Fallen Lords, written by our very own TacoMoron.  Before we begin, let’s go through the obligatory summary so we’re all back on the same page.

Vaseline had an identity crisis where he was under the impression that he was really Hakeem Olajuwon and attempted to jump over a bush.  That landed him in a river and now he’s squelching around with his cronies, who are all getting much too much enjoyment out of his misfortune.  Token Female Character has proven to be about the most competent while nothing of any importance happens with Red Shirt 1 and Red Shirt 2.  Gray-Stu and Stu-gar show up, Token Female challenges their presence, does a lot of sword brandishing, and gets cookies for her fairly logical reasoning.  In the end, Token Female, Vaseline, Red Shirt 1 and Red Shirt 2 take Stu-gar and Gray-stu back to Riverton to see the Board of Heroes so a decision can be made on whether or not to help them take The Complex back from the Evil Jawas.

Meanwhile, the Evil Jawas are trying to figure out what group of 9 to sacrifice send to take care of Team Awesome so that the remaining 3 can split the ill gotten booty from Master Demon, all while cackling maniacally, I’m sure.

That about sums it up.  Let’s see what hijinks our tepid heroes get into today!

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732: The Fallen Lords – Episode Five

Title: The Fallen Lords
Author: TacoMagic
Media: MUD
Topic:  Medievia
Genre: Not Listed
URL: Not available online
Critiqued by Lyle

Ah, I love the smell of badfic in the morning.  At least this week I’m tackling another episode of TacoMoron’s old shame, The Fallen Lords, and not more of My Immortal.  Let’s recap and get to it, shall we?

Last time on The Fallen Lords, we meet Vaseline, Taco’s author insertion who has been causing my hand to hover closely over the Stu Counter.  I’m pretty sure we’ll be smacking it for him very soon.  Vaseline met with his dad in his own house for breakfast and they had a chat about a monster in a dungeon.  Vapo-rub was forbidden from tackling it with his little buddies because this creature will wipe the floor with them.  So instead, Father-Dearest, whose name sounds like a warthog clearing his throat, is going to go check it out while Vasago and his cronies meet up with The Girl Character.

Let’s do it!

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712: The Fallen Lords – Episode Four

Title: The Fallen Lords
Author: TacoMagic
Media: MUD
Topic:  Medievia
Genre: Not Listed
URL: Not available online
Critiqued by Lyle

Ahhh, bask in the glory of the fact that this isn’t My Immortal!  Bask, I say!

Hello, everyone!  Welcome back for the next chapter of Fallen Lords, TacoMoron’s badfic of yore.  Let’s recap before we get started since it’s been a few weeks since we’ve looked at it.

Previously, on The Fallen Lords, Gray-stu arrived at Crystal Lake and took an inordinate amount of time to realize that the lake wasn’t the labyrinth he was looking for.  He isn’t the sharpest tack.  Anyway, the boat from his dreams showed up and Gray-stu got himself stabbed nearly to death by a random rogue, which lead to an interesting debate in the comment section about the reality of dying from a stab wound in your back.  Blood Boat Babe ghosted off and found Stu-gar wandering around nearby and lead him to Gray-stu’s body.  Stu Number Two saved Stu Number One.  We left them on the bank while Gray-Stu slept it off.

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701: Twenty Warriors – Chapters Twenty-Three Part 2 and Chapter Twenty-Four

Title: Twenty Warriors
Author: Herr Wozzeck
Media:  Video Games/Comics/Movies/Cartoons
Topic: Skies of Arcadia/Fire Emblem (Path of Radiance/Radiant Dawn duology)/X-Men/Punisher/Super Smash Brothers/Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles/Tales of Symphonia/Dead or Alive/Riviera: The Promised Land/Gears of War
Genre: Adventure/Fantasy
URL: Twenty Warriors: Chapter 23
URL: Twenty Warriors: Chapter 24
Critiqued by Herr Wozzeck

Hello ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the final installment of Twenty Warriors. Well, we’ve gone through my old shame, and we’ve talked about why it truly is a terrible, terrible fic.

Which is why you guys may find it crazy that it’s about to get a whole lot dumber. Yeah, this fic is still not done being stupid. You know why? ‘Cause we have yet to see the conclusion of this whole involved rigmarole. And what you see there… well…

Just be thankful we’ll be getting to that today. So let’s get going, shall we?

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694: Twenty Warriors – Chapters Twenty-Two and Twenty-Three Part One

Title: Twenty Warriors
Author: Herr Wozzeck
Media:  Video Games/Comics/Movies/Cartoons
Topic: Skies of Arcadia/Fire Emblem (Path of Radiance/Radiant Dawn duology)/X-Men/Punisher/Super Smash Brothers/Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles/Tales of Symphonia/Dead or Alive/Riviera: The Promised Land/Gears of War
Genre: Adventure/Fantasy
URL: Twenty Warriors: Chapter 22
URL: Twenty Warriors: Chapter 23
Critiqued by Herr Wozzeck

Hello ladies and gentlemen, and welcome back for more Twenty Warriors! Well, this week, we get to see two chapters that are little more than an extended fight scene.

Yep, you know what this means: there will be lots of skipping this week. Yay!

Anyway, let’s not waste any more time. Let’s get down to business, shall we?

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