Title: Battlestar Prometheus
Author: Ruin Queen Of Oblivion
Topic: Battlestar Galactica/X-Men
Media: TV show/multimedia comics franchise
URL: Battlestar Prometheus
Critiqued by Crazy Minh & Major Wade
Hello Patrons, and I hope you’ve had a happy 2020 so far! I’m your Guest Riffer, Crazy Minh, and with me is Major Wade!
Today, we cover the second and final chapter of Battlestar Prometheus, a BSG fic with the entire cast replaced with the X-Men for reasons that are currently unknown…much like the Cylon’s nebulous plan. Which was revealed to be less of a plan, and more desperate improvisation to the escape of the Galactica and the civilian fleet. But still, it was sorta like a plan, I guess?
Sir, please focus.
Right. Anyway, last time on Battlestar Prometheus…we basically got the plot of the miniseries regurgitated incorrectly to us; with the events of the canon three-hour backdoor pilot being twisted out of order, mixed with random plot points from the 2004 TV show, and every major character being given the Ctrl-C+V treatment with characters from X-Men. Oh, and we also got introduced to Renegade, a OC who is apparently Rogue’s daughter.
Let us commence today’s festivities! We start with yet another author’s note…
Well, here comes chapter 2 of Battlestar Prometheus, there are still many a mystery left to be revealed, not the least of which is the identity of the 12 Cylons like in the show, but one greater mystery remains.
This statement makes me really doubt whether the author has seen BSG or not. So, yes: there is a mystery about who the twelve Cylons are, and how many infiltrators are in the fleet. However, by the fifth or sixth episode of season two, we already know that there’s only eight infiltrators in the fleet, and we’ve seen six of the twelve models. The seventh is revealed in Season 3, and those models are the “leaders” of the humanoid Cylons, the Cavils. The remaining five models are the Final Five, but that arsine subplot isn’t relevant to the Miniseries, or even worth mentioning; fourth season being what it fucking is.
Who is the Hybrid that the blonde Cylon was referring to? That is one thing that will remain a mystery until the time that I decide to reveal their identity.
Um…OK, so I think I need to explain what a Hybrid is here.
Hello, dear Patrons, and welcome to the last chapter of the fic! Now, I can’t actually remember if this fic is listed as being completed or if it is one of the many abandoned fics that have made their way to the Library, and I’m too lazy to actually go check so it will be a surprise for all of us when we get to the end.
The last chapter ended with a small nugget of what passes for excitement, with the explosive death of Springtrap and the arrival of a (possibly unrelated) Generic Purple Spirit that is exceedingly polite and doesn’t just attack Jack after delivering what I assume is meant to be a threat. Since it is the last chapter, the Generic Purple Spirit will probably threaten and/or attack, someone (either Aku or the Generic Purple Spirit) will steal Jack’s sword – but Jack will get it back within a paragraph or two, kick moderate ass, the ‘time machine’ will either be fake or somehow be destroyed just before Jack can use it, Aku will run off (while laughing evilly, no doubt) and then everything will return to the status quo.
Let’s see if I’m right!
Chapter 7: The Purple Spirit
It’s prose shall be both florid and insubstantial! Truly one of the most terrifying of all spectral entities.
Hello and Happy Valentine’s Day, dear Patrons! If you find yourself still looking for love in all the wrong places, we have an entire clan of ninjas that can locate damn near anything except missing socks available and they have very reasonable rates.
Welcome to the penultimate chapter! I know, if feels like it’s been going on forever. I gave up keeping count of which night we’re on a long time ago. Third? Fourth? Ninety-fifth? Somewhere in there.
The previous chapter ended on what I guess could technically be called a cliffhanger, as Springtrap had stolen Jack’s sword. Jack will no doubt rush out and reclaim his blade very quickly, so I’m not overly worried about any dramatic tension building. It might cut into the time Jack can spend glaring at things.
Now, on to the fic!
Chapter 6: Finding the Sword
:points into the Void:
It’s over there! Probably.
Hello, dear Patrons, and welcome to more crossover blandness.
In our last chapter, there was a big showdown between Aku and Jack! And by “showdown” I mean that Aku stole the magic sword but Jack almost immediately got it back because reasons.
Also, questionable pizza was involved.
On to the next chapter!
Chapter 5: Aku Finds Springtrap
I theorized in the last chapter that Aku was likely going to cycle through the animatronics and possess them in turn so that Jack could “battle” (I use the term extremely loosely) each one singly, and this is only reinforcing that opinion.
Aku needed to find a new source to help him in his quest against the pesky samurai,
Because for some reason, just attacking him directly, or carpet-bombing the restaurant, or anything that might accomplish the goal of killing Jack is out of the question.
as the night went on, Jack continued to monitor the animaltronics through the cameras.
This is like watching a Minecraft tutorial, only less interesting because nothing gets accomplished and there’s significantly less chance someone will get attacked by the pixelated undead.
Hello, dear Patrons, and welcome to more … whatever this trainwreck is.
In the last chapter there was a confrontation between Jack and Aku, until Aku got bored and wandered off. Then some other stuff happened, but no one really cares about that because it probably isn’t important.
Also, the Big Book of Ponderations for Sleepless Nights is still here, hovering in the corner, and a cluster of raccoons has built a shrine that mostly looks to be made of tin foil and apple cores around it. Not sure where the raccoons came from, but I’ve learned not to question things too closely.
Chapter 4: Sensing Aku
Is it really that hard to find a near-omnipotent shape-shifting demon who rules the entire universe?
Jack was awaiting the next night when he was doing his best during the day to try to hunt for Aku.
From inside the pizza restaurant, where he’s locked up until the five nights have passed. All Aku would have to do to get away is just … Leave.
It’s almost as if this fic is designed to suck all the dramatic tension out of itself.