1981: Ash and Arceus: Ash’s Revenge

Title: Ash and Arceus
Author: terminalvelocityrunner
Media: Video Games
Topic: Pokemon
Genre: Adventure/Drama
URL: Ash and Arceus: Chapter 1
Critiqued by Herr Wozzeck

DISCLAIMER: The fanfic being snarked contains a scene of sexual intercourse: thus, this snarking is rated Not Safe For Work. Read at your own discretion!

Hey guys! It’s your boy Herr Wozzeck, and I am back from another brief hiatus that was spent figuring out my next career moves! Now that I’m mostly out of the real thick of it, though, I can concentrate on other things. Like writing. And riffing. And maybe wondering what in the hell some people were thinking trying to give us shit.

See, we got a comment on one of our older riffs recently: this one, to be precise. And in this comment, they said this:

I’m pretty damn sure I can’t find this because of you. Nice job. Now maybe I should go and criticize some of your own fics. Fanfiction is just people trying to live out personal fantasies or wishes for a series in the only way they know how. They aren’t here so you can make rude coments on the author or their work that they took time out of their life to write and post for others to see and enjoy. Sure it’s funny…but it might just be painful for the one who wrote it.

And they decided to log themselves in as “An anonymous writer on Fanfiction.net”. So, you know, you would think “hm, maybe the author decided to hop in and leave an anonymous bitchy comment because reasons”. I mean, it seems to fill in all the check boxes, right? The timing is about right, the tone is about right… everything about it seems to make sense. So in our author’s mind, “anonymous writer” would make sense to hide their identity, right? Because why risk outing yourself as someone when you can come up with a new username? Hey, it worked for Jedi Qui-Gon, why not here?

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1930: I Will Survive – Fancomic Oneshot

yTitle: I Will Survive
Author: Borba
Media: Film
Topic: Zootopia/Zootropolis
Genre: Drama/Webcomic
URL: I Will Survive – Page 1
Critiqued by Herr Wozzeck

WARNING: This fancomic (and, by nature, the snark) contains discussion of abortion-related issues. Because of how the fancomic handles the topic in question, those who are sensitive to such a topic may wish to skip this snarking entirely.

Hey children! Guess what? ‘Tis I, the great and glorious Herr Wozzeck!

And I have returned!

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the snark bug has finally hit in proper force again, and I’m back in the thick of it! It’s a little bit like the Nostalgia Critic actually: we both hit a bump, felt we couldn’t go further, and then we found something so grotesque, so bad, so stupid, that it reinvigorated the snark bug!

Ladies and gentlemen, it’s time to delve into a Zootopia fancomic! But not just any Zootopia fan comic! No no no no no. If it had to be a Zootopia fancomic, it’s a matter of going big or going home. Lucky for me that this particular webcomic has spawned countless memes on Twitter, then! (No, seriously, there’s an entire article from Dorkly about it.)

So, let’s get into this, shall we? Beware, for we’re about to trudge into the infamy that is I Will Survive.

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1576: Normandy High 2: Cryogenic Boogaloo – Chapter Seven

Title: Subject 23: Cryonics
Author: The Eezoman
Media:  Video Games
Topic: Mass Effect
Genre: Adventure/Romance
URL: Subject 23: Cryonics: Chapter 7
Critiqued by Herr Wozzeck

Hello ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the finale of this stupid series. It’s been a long time coming, and now, here we are, ready to end this pile of fuck. And man, what a dumb pile of fuck it was. It almost makes me glad that this right here is deadfic, you know?

Anyway, let’s not waste any more time. We’ve got a shitty series to finish, and not a moment too soon!

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1568: Mortal Kombat: A New Hero’s Journey – Chapters 18, 19, and 20

Title: Mortal Kombat: A New Hero’s Journey
Author: cw2k
Media: Video Game
Topic: Mortal Kombat
Genre: Parody/Romance
URL: Chapter 18
URL: Chapter 19
URL: Chapter 20
Critiqued by Herr Wozzeck

DISCLAIMER: This fic has sex in it. It’s badly described sex, but sex nevertheless. You’ve been warned.

Hello ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the last installment of Lemons For Days, formerly known as Mortal Kombat: A New Hero’s Journey. I’m your host Herr Wozzeck, and here we are. It’s… been a weird one, this one. I haven’t seen so much half-assed sex since EclipsePheniox came around, and…

Yeah. I’m a little drained from all this.

So without further ado, let’s end this off, shall we?

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1562: Normandy High 2: Cryogenic Boogaloo – Chapter Six

Title: Subject 23: Cryonics
Author: The Eezoman
Media:  Video Games
Topic: Mass Effect
Genre: Adventure/Romance
URL: Subject 23: Cryonics: Chapter 6
Critiqued by Herr Wozzeck

Hello ladies and jellyspoons, and welcome back to the Library of the Damned. I’m your host Herr Wozzeck, and we’re back into the fray with more self-insert bullshit. How bullshit does it get?

Well… let’s find out, shall we? We’re only two chapters away from the end of this shitty sequel!

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1556: Mortal Kombat: A New Hero’s Journey – Chapters 15, 16, and 17

Title: Mortal Kombat: A New Hero’s Journey
Author: cw2k
Media: Video Game
Topic: Mortal Kombat
Genre: Parody/Romance
URL: Chapter 15
URL: Chapter 16
URL: Chapter 17
Critiqued by Herr Wozzeck

Hello ladies and gents, and welcome back for more crappy Mortal Kombat action. I’m your host Herr Wozzeck, and…

Well, really, what can I say about this fic after its last appearance on the Library? I mean, with mothers fucking people in front of their daughters and talking like they’ll be next on the guy’s “to fuck” list… Really, you can’t get much more warped and fucked up than that.

So after that, who wants to see how quickly those two will get it on? You get… no points for guessing correctly, by the way.

Anyway, let’s get this show on the road. The sooner we can get it done, the better.

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1548: Normandy High 2: Cryogenic Boogaloo – Chapter Five

Title: Subject 23: Cryonics
Author: The Eezoman
Media:  Video Games
Topic: Mass Effect
Genre: Adventure/Romance
URL: Subject 23: Cryonics: Chapter 5
Critiqued by Herr Wozzeck

Hello folks, and welcome back to Subject 23: Cryonics! It’s time for more stupid with the world’s most epic Gary Stu!

And what will happen this time? Well, hopefully we’ll finally break this stupid fucking “can’t spit it out” bullshit that has been a hallmark of both these fics, right?

*breathes in*

Let’s find out, shall we?

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