1825: The Marissa Games – Chapter Eleven

Title: The Marissa Games
Author:  Marissa the Writer
Media: Books/Movies/Video Games
Topic: The Hunger Games / Portal / MIB II / Team Fortress / Thomas the Trai- [Fuck it, I’m not adding any more to this list!  – Lyle]  The Kitchen Sink
Genre: Not Listed
URL:  Chapter Eleven
Critiqued by agigabyte and Ghostcat

Not a Verb Counter: 768

Scatology Counter: 103

*Cain and Goddess are bickering about something or other, waiting for Ghostie and Syl to arrive*

Cain: Again, this simply won’t work. We don’t have the numbers to tide Vagueness’s apparently infinite-

Goddess: Not just yours, perhaps, but-

Cain: Wait a moment. Monitor, attain my permission before beginning the recording, in the future.

Goddess: Also, that was a dick move.

(Very well. -Monitor)

Cain: Now, anyway, if I’m right, Syl and Ghostie will arrive, bursting through the door… now.

:Everyone stares at the door in anticipation:

Cain: … Any moment now.

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1813: Coffin Rock – Chapter Two

Title: Coffin Rock: Retold
Author: PureNexus
Media: Movies
Topic: The Blair Witch Project/Alpha and Omega
Genre: Mystery and Horror
URL:  Chapter Two
Critiqued by Angie

Hello, hello! Welcome back to another edition of Coffin Rock: Untold. Last time, an OC named Aaron told Kate, Humphrey and Garth not to go to Idaho and to instead go to Maryland. That’s it. That’s the plot of chapter one.

Let’s dive into chapter two!

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1798: Coffin Rock: Retold – Chapter One

Title: Coffin Rock: Retold
Author: PureNexus
Media: Movies
Topic: The Blair Witch Project/Alpha and Omega
Genre: Mystery and Horror
URL: Chapter One
Critiqued by Angie

Last week…last year, I reviewed a terrifyingly boring creepypasta about Dragon Tales. It seemed to do fine on the Library, so this got me to thinking…is there another bad creepypasta based off a children’s show that made a few adults want to gouge their eyes out?

Lucky for all of us, there is. And it is based on…*pause for effect, even though you’ve all already read the title card* Alpha and Omega. And it’s a creepypasta about…*pause for effect, even though you’ve all already read the title card* The Blair Witch Project. Why? Who knows. Is it scary? Who knows. Is this author on crack? Who knows.

Before I get to this fic, I figured I might as well explain the premises of each movie.

The Blair Witch Project follows three aspiring filmmakers who find out there’s a thing called the Blair Witch in a forest near a town that used to be called Blair, now known as Burkittsville. They figure it’s a good idea to go into these woods and make a documentary on this terrifying being that they know for a fact exists and have tortured people before, because that’s a thing people do. It is one of my very favorite movies, and it has been referred to by at least one person as one of the worst films of 1999. So. There’s that.

Alpha and Omega is about wolves.

So let’s dive into Castle Rock: Retold.

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1767: The Marissa Games – Chapter Nine

Title: The Marissa Games
Author:  Marissa the Writer
Media: Books/Movies/Video Games
Topic: The Hunger Games / Portal / MIB II / Team Fortress / Thomas the Trai- [Fuck it, I’m not adding any more to this list!  – Lyle]  The Kitchen Sink
Genre: Not Listed
URL:  Chapter Nine
Critiqued by agigabyte and Ghostcat

Not a Verb Counter: 686

Scatology Counter: 101

Cain: Welcome back, everyone. I’m here with Syl, Ghostie, and Datapad-Goddess for another chapter of The Marissa Games. Say hello.

Syl: Hello! :blows kisses:

Ghostie: Do I really have to be here?

Goddess: You seem kind of annoyed, Cain. And yes, Ghostie. Sorry about that.

Syl: Have you met him? Kitten’s middle name is “Annoyed”. Or possibly Tiberius, I forget which.

Goddess: I prefer other middle names for him.

Syl: McLovin? That’s always a good choice. Very hipster.

Cain: This is the part where we begin the riff.

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1761: The Marissa Games – Chapter Eight

Title: The Marissa Games
Author:  Marissa the Writer
Media: Books/Movies/Video Games
Topic: The Hunger Games / Portal / MIB II / Team Fortress / Thomas the Trai- [Fuck it, I’m not adding any more to this list!  – Lyle]  The Kitchen Sink
Genre: Not Listed
URL:  Chapter Eight
Critiqued by agigabyte and Ghostcat

Not a Verb Counter: 625

Cain: I’d been hoping not to ever have to do one of these again–both because I hate this fic and because Syl is aboard one of my ships–but the Library did make us sign a contract.

Syl: :blows kisses: Bite me, kitten.

Agent [GREY]: Here you go, Ghostie. *Hands Ghostie a spray bottle*

Ghostie: Don’t worry, I came prepared today. :holds up Super Soaker 9000: Top me up?

Agent [GREY]: Of course. *Conjures Cardamom tea into the Super Soaker*

Syl: Bugger.

Cain: Glynda was going to join, but I vetoed that. I’m pretty sure the fic would’ve given her an aneurism.

Ghostie: Or someone :glares at Syl: would try to get her into trouble.

Cain: Well, that too. I was trying to be polite. It’s probably a waste of effort with Syl, though.

Syl: I’ll have you know those were nothing but baseless rumors and accusations.

*An end-table appears, followed by a datapad appearing on top of it, sitting perfectly upright in a blatant defiance of the laws of physics*

Goddess: And we all know that “baseless” can never be used to accurately describe you. *Waves to Cain* Hello, lovely!

Syl: Hey-ya, dimples!

Ghostie: Although “topless” can be used far too often to describe Syl.

Syl: Hey, if I’m doing my laundry I might as well do all of it.

Cain: Goddess. You do know we’re fighting a shadow war against each other, right?

Agent [GREY]: Well, that’s no reason to be impolite, is it?

Cain: Yes, it is.

Goddess: No, it isn’t. Besides, wars are boring.

Syl: He’s so rude. Do you know he sealed me in a force-field once? And then shot me at the event horizon of a black hole. I got a bruise on my bum. Anyone want to see?

Cain: And I’ll happily replicate that feat if you take your clothes off.

Ghostie: :hoses Syl down with tea: We’re starting the chapter soon, right? If you two start sniping at each other, we’ll be here all day.

Cain: Right now, in fact. Agent [GREY], normally I wouldn’t send you away in the middle of the riff, but I need you to work on tracking Goddess. It probably won’t matter, but I’d like to at least pretend we’re taking this conflict seriously.

*Agent [GREY] nods and turns into tea, disappearing. Most of the tea ends up splashing Syl upon falling to the ground, the rest disappearing*

Syl: :wrings out hat: For future reference, it is polite to at least buy a girl dinner before splashing her with your fluids.

Goddess: I can’t really give you a proper high-five from here in my secret base all the way in no-way-I’m-telling-you-land, so just pretend I’m giving you one.

Cain: We’re starting, now.

Ghostie: Please, for the love of all that is holy.

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1715: Digiball Z: The Movie – Chapter Five

Title: Digiball Z: The Movie
Author: Dakari-King Mykan
Media: Anime
Topic: Digimon/Dragonball Z
Genre: Adventure/Action/Crossover
URL:  Chapter Five
Critiqued by AwkwardFerret

So, uh…bit of a hiatus. School started up again and I wanted a chance to get accustomed before resuming this. But now that I’m free, let’s go!

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1660: Slenderspace: Jake vs Slenderman – Chapters 1- 3

 

 

Title: Slenderspace: Jake vs Slenderman
Author: Jaketheripper
Media: Video Game
Topic: Dead Space/Slender: The Eight Pages/Slender Space
Genre: Horror/Adventure
URL: Chapter 1
URL: Chapter 2
URL: Chapter 3
Critiqued by Ghostcat 

 

 

 

 

Hello, dear Patrons!

I’m back with another fic written by the same author who penned last week’s rise of the Xenoponies!

But never fear – it’s not another Aliens/MLP:FiM crossover. It’s a Dead Space/Slender: The Eight Pages crossover!

Well … Kinda. It’s listed as Dead Space/Slender crossover, but according to the summary it’s actually based on another indie horror game called Slender Space that came out back in 2013. From what I can tell Slender Space is essentially just Slender in space, with the player avoiding Slendy while collecting power nodes rather than pages. (And it’s pretty fun, even though I tend to panic and die often.) But I think the author completely missed the point of the Slender Man games.

Let me show you the summary, such as it is.

watched slenderspace commercial, decided i could play the game MY WAY, with blackjack and hookers…loljk with a gun and an actual rig and a better point than collecting shit and escaping. more deadspace in this than slender. but slendy still replaces the necromorphs

So instead of using the protagonist’s vulnerability to create dramatic tension and an increasing sense of terror, this author is going to be equipping their protagonist with high-tech armor and weaponry. They are also going to ignore the standard “struggle to survive while completing tasks” formula found in these games and probably just blast Slendy into fragments.

Haven’t even started the fic and I can already tell there’s going to be a massive Stu.

On to the fic!

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