459: Twitanic – Chapter 9

Title: Twitanic
Author: mentos93
Media: Movie/Book
Topic:  Twilight/Titanic
Genre: Romance/Drama
URL: Chapter 9
Critiqued by Ghostcat

It looks like I’m back with yet another chapter of Twitanic madness. Yay.

After double-jumping the shark with the revelation that Cal has been behind both the Alaskan wolf pack going after the Cullens in California as well as Rose’s kidnapping, even though there’s no way in any hell that he should know that either of them is even still alive :eye-twitch: the last chapter ended with Cal grinning an evil grin at his stepbrother after his goons tossed Rose into the basement. There’s a slight chance that the author might explain how these terribly unlikely events were set into motion, but I’m not holding my breath.

:sigh:

Let’s get on with it.

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458: True Grit II: A new journey – Chapter 2

Title: True Grit II: A new journey
Author: FreddysNightmare1984
Media: Movie
Topic:  True Grit (2010)
Genre: Western/Adventure
URL: True Grit II: A new journey Chapter 2
Critiqued by Herr Wozzeck

Hello ladies and gentlemen, and welcome back into this foray within the world’s most pointless rehash. Yesterday, we got started with not much of anything really happening apart from a festival of non-canon siblings getting lost on their way to the otaku convention. Well, I think, anyway: all we know is that Mattie Ross had a sister she didn’t bother to bring up in the movie, and that Tom Chaney’s mom was dumb enough to procreate twice.

Anyway, we’re not going to find out too much about this, because this will actually be the last part of this pointless adventure. Let’s get going, shall we?

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457: resident evil:reborn – Chapter Three

Title: resident evil:reborn
Author: Insane Doctor The Insane Shadow Hunter and JudgementDragon25
Media: Video Game / Movie
Topic:  As many video games as you can shake a stick at, and The Land Before Time
Genre: None listed, and really, it’s hard to categorize such fail
URL: Removed from FF.Net.
Critiqued by TacoMagic

In an interesting turn of events, all the “sequals” to untold zombie chronicels were removed over the past week. Either because ID didn’t want to be associated with them anymore (possibly due to his inclusion in the Library), or because of rule violations (which wouldn’t be surprising). Either way, they’re gone.

Fear not, dear patrons, I (and by I, I mean Herr Wozzy) foresaw this possibility and saved copies of them all, so the riffing will continue on unhindered. Aren’t you just thrilled?

a small torch is lit and revealing the different faces of humans and dinosaur’s as the slightly muffled voice of a human said.

Meanwhile, in a darker part of the formless void.

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456: From Another World – Chapter 8 and 9 Part 1

Title: From Another World
Author: EclipsePheniox
Media: Video Game
Topic:  Mass Effect / Parallel Realities
Genre: Supernatural/Romance/AU
URL: From Another World Chapter 8 and Chapter 9
Critiqued by Erttheking

Well, it’s getting easier for me to breath again, so hopefully this will come up on time.  Now then, the last chapter ended with Ash and Shepard confessing their love for each other, so I imagine that the next chapter will have a slow and rather sensual start that will-

The last of the Batarian forces fell as Shepard, Tali and Ash made their way to the back of the plaza. The plasma torches were put out removing the immediate threat of Terra Nova’s destruction. Along the way to this centre hub Shepard’s group ran into Balak’s second-in-command. He was subdued and left in the facility. Saying, ‘this was just supposed to be another slave grab,’ did not gain any sympathy with Shepard.

 ….or not.

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455: Twitanic – Chapter 8

Title: Twitanic
Author: mentos93
Media: Movie/Book
Topic:  Twilight/Titanic
Genre: Romance/Drama
URL: Chapter 8
Critiqued by Ghostcat

Well, dear Patrons, I’m back with :sigh: yet another chapter of Twitanic madness. We’ve gone past the shark-jump point, people – it only gets stupider from here.

To my utter amazement, there were actual events in the last chapter! Edward has decided on a hands-off approach to dealing with his new-found family and Carlisle has announced his intentions to take both Anna-Bella and Rose back with them to California whether they want to go or not. The rest of the Cullen clan then joined Edward and Carlisle in New York, making the entire “living in Santa Monica” portion of the plot completely pointless, and told them about the Alaskan “wolfs” that the Magic Alice Ball detected. These “wolfs” want to make war on the clan for some reason, probably due to Jack’s conversion to the Sparkle Side. (Which they would have no logical reason to know about.)

Just to add a cherry to the chapter, Anna-Bella rushes over to Chez Cullen after the rest of the clan arrives to inform them that Rose has been abducted by Cal, the man who thinks Rose is dead yet somehow located and kidnapped her in an event that I’m sure will be explained at some point.

:eye-twitch:

Sorry, that’s been happening a lot.  To the fic!

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454: True Grit II: A new journey – Chapter 1

Title: True Grit II: A new journey
Author: FreddysNightmare1984
Media: Movie
Topic:  True Grit (2010)
Genre: Western/Adventure
URL: True Grit II: A new journey Chapter 1
Critiqued by Herr Wozzeck

Hello ladies and gentlemen, and welcome back to more snarking adventures. This time, I’m going to take a look at a two-shot that so far looks kind of abandoned.

I’m going to start this snarking by asking you this question: do you remember the Coen Brothers remake of True Grit? How awesome it was, with Jeff Bridges and Hailee Steinfeld giving some really great performances? Yeah, that was an awesome movie, wasn’t it? But the best part? Its story was self-contained. And not only that, but it was also a pretty dark story too. The original True Grit could be called a revisionist Western, but the remake? Holy hell… a girl loses part of her arm, it ends with a central character dead, the main character ends up not achieving happiness after her revenge, and the movie ended on a rather grim tone—which did actually match the tone the rest of the movie had.

Of course, this is why we were totally asking for a pointless fanfic sequel with a Mary Sue spotlighting the supporting character that the author has the hots for. To be fair, I would have the hots for LaBeouf too (I mean, c’mon, he’s played by Matt Damon), but let’s not concentrate on that.

So… Yeah. That should be all I have to say going into this, but… let’s just dig right in.

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453: resident evil:reborn – Chapter Two

Title: resident evil:reborn
Author: Insane Doctor The Insane Shadow Hunter and JudgementDragon25
Media: Video Game / Movie
Topic:  As many video games as you can shake a stick at, and The Land Before Time
Genre: None listed, and really, it’s hard to categorize such fail
URL: resident evil:reborn – Chapter Two
Critiqued by TacoMagic

Last week we were treated to some undiluted random badassery in order to introduce Wesker as the new Awesome McEvil of the fic.  Samantha came back to life with the magic of Nemesis, but otherwise not much happened.

So let’s just jump right in and see what chapter two takes us.

(location umbrella’s secret base)

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