941: From Another World – Chapter 46 & 47

Title: From Another World
Author: EclipsePheniox
Media: Video Game
Topic:  Mass Effect / Parallel Realities
Genre: Supernatural/Romance/AU
URL: None
Critiqued by Erttheking

E: Yup. It’s gone. EP has deleted the original From Another World.

N: But he’s saying in the new one that he made that he’s bringing it back.

C: Kinda sad. That story is three chapters long…and two of them are just author notes. I swear, this guy has been putting out more author notes than chapters recently.

N: Wait no, he says he’s only thinking about bringing it back, and he’s only doing it if people help him get all the sexism and grammar mistakes out.

E: I haven’t forgotten what he did the last time I tried to help him. He’s on his own.

C: And look at this. He says that he’s working on SIX DIFFERENT STORIES aside from From Another World/A Tale of Two Worlds/whatever this mutant abomination is called now. No wonder things never get updated.

E: This guy is a real piece of work. Well, we’re almost done with this shit.

Chapter 46 The Plan

Shepard entered Grunts old room to find Liara standing in front of a couple of guards holding pulse rifles. Javik was on his behind the guards in a meditative state. As Shepard walked up to Liara who was pacing herself up and down.

“What’s the problem?” John asked

“I’ve tried to make the room more accommodating but they are not letting me talk to him.” Liara said indicating to the guards.

“Apologies doctor but contact protocol with a new spices is assume hostilities.” the lead guard said coming up to Liara and John. ” We had to dust off the regulations.”

E: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! Oh me oh may oh my could we have used this protocol when Shepard first made it clear that he was an alien.

N: Also apparently the Alliance military regularly holds spice racks at gunpoint.

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934: From Another World – Chapter 44 & 45

Title: From Another World
Author: EclipsePheniox
Media: Video Game
Topic:  Mass Effect / Parallel Realities
Genre: Supernatural/Romance/AU
URL: Chapter 44 & Chapter 45
Critiqued by Erttheking

E: Still can’t believe that that was a thing. I mean really? Inter-dimensional genital travel?

C: EP really does seem like he’s making shit up as he goes along. Before the story was like a game of connect the dots, but he never realized that the dots weren’t going anywhere and now he’s filling in the blank spaces with his own random and disjointed dots in the vague hope that it will lead to something good.

N: And because of that we got evil twin, which is one step above the bad guy, whose name I ALREADY forgot, going “John, I am your father.”

C: Sadly. But hey, no one ever said that he had any good ideas.

E: Let’s just get this story over with. We’re almost there, maybe we can find something more amusingly bad after this, we could use another Full Life Consequences. Or at least a bad story by someone who doesn’t let his fetishes run wild in story. I’d settle for that. Read the rest of this entry »


927: From Another World – Chapter 42 & 43

Title: From Another World
Author: EclipsePheniox
Media: Video Game
Topic:  Mass Effect / Parallel Realities
Genre: Supernatural/Romance/AU
URL: Chapter 42 & Chapter 43
Critiqued by Erttheking

E: Wow. The chapters got really short all of a sudden.

C: Maybe he was too busy writing Jasmine…no I’m not saying the name to that thing out loud. Just thinking about it makes me feel pissed.

E: No kidding. I’m into some really weird shit and just thinking about that story makes me feel physically ill. Well, one train wreck at a time, something EP should really learn (seriously, he’s updated/published five half baked ideas in the past month. No wonder he never gets anything done). Let’s move onto the next two chapters.

Chapter 42 JFU and The Council.

Shepard stood in front of the air lock as the Normandy approached a small JFU ship. The Ministers where taking an high risk. They where sick of the Council beating around the bush

N: Pot? This is kettle. You’re black.

and now it was high time to show them that they are not the only ones at risk. Ash was next to her sister most of the time. She was the older sister, and older siblings looked after the younger ones.

C: Thank you for that vital piece of information. Are there are there any other basic family structure mechanics that we need to be informed of?

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921: From Another World – Chapter 41

Title: From Another World
Author: EclipsePheniox
Media: Video Game
Topic:  Mass Effect / Parallel Realities
Genre: Supernatural/Romance/AU
URL: Chapter 41
Critiqued by Erttheking

E: So how badly damaged is the engine?

C: Saying that it’s damaged implies that there are still bits of it left. And that’s not really the case.

N: Well crap. Princey is out cold too. Whatever Manus hit him with must’ve done a hell of a number on his healing factor.

E: Anti-stu spray? If we ever get out of this, remind me to have Goeth look into that.

N: I will.

C: Well, what do you say we all kick back, relax and rift the shit out of EP’s latest failure? Not like worrying will do anything.

E: Fine by me.

Chapter 41 Mars and the weapon.

E: Oh yeah by the way, we’re gonna be doing something for just this chapter. We’re gonna be including a one-off buzzer. At the end of the chapter it’ll be melted down for whatever Crunchy is cooking up, but right now we’re going to be keeping track of the number of firefights there are in this chapter. Remember when EP said he was playing the games and taking notes? Remember how that almost sounded like research? Turns out he was focusing on the gameplay and all of the times you fight people in game. And…well you’ll see.

(Another Fucking Firefight Counter: 0)

“Commander we have to go back.” James said as he walked after Shepard.

Ash was checking out the weapons and armour listening to the two.

C: New from the lines of the Haribon Military Industries, firearms and armor that are capable of hearing.

“Vega your out of line.” John said.

N: Vega has an out of line? I always wanted one of those as a kid.

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914: From Another World – EP’s Bitching & Chapter 40

Title: From Another World
Author: EclipsePheniox
Media: Video Game
Topic:  Mass Effect / Parallel Realities
Genre: Supernatural/Romance/AU
URL: EP’s Bitching & Chapter 40
Critiqued by Erttheking

S: You! You’ve got some nerve showing your face here!

M: I’m sorry, who are you supposed to be again? I think I heard your name once, but I can’t particularly recall it. It was rather stupid.

S: You son of a bitch! If you can’t even remember my name then just remember this! John Shepard! NOW DIE! *Tackles Manus through a wall*

N: Shit! Ert, we’re gonna try and take him, but if we can’t we’ve reached a situation high enough to warrant use of the Red Ring. We call for help, you put the thing on. Got it?

E: Kick his ass!

C: Read my mind! Come on Nora, let’s shatter that damn ring of his! *Both exit*

E: Looks like this is gonna be a solo one. Well, we start off not with a chapter, but with an author’s note from EP.

Ok guys I just want to say that due to collage the next chap will be delayed. This is partly due to my aspergus syndrome (have a bad habit of being distracted)

E: I’d criticize him for this, then I remember I only have 2,000 words for my next chapter done and I have updated in other a month. Kinda sad.

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902: From Another World – Chapter 38 Part 2 & Chapter 39

Title: From Another World
Author: EclipsePheniox
Media: Video Game
Topic:  Mass Effect / Parallel Realities
Genre: Supernatural/Romance/AU
URL: Chapter 38 & Chapter 39
Critiqued by Erttheking

E: So we’re doing it?

N: He’s a walking disaster. Add onto it he’s guilty of war crimes and unlike Goeth there’s no way to control him. I’ve got a dose of a drug Goeth made right here. He’ll fall into a calm sleep and die peacefully. Figures that Goeth would name this “The Boring Drug”

E: I feel really shitty about this, but I guess there really isn’t any other way.

C: Nora and I will take care of this Ert. Until then let’s just focus on the review.

E: So when we left off, Shepard had been captured and Ashley had a dramatic fainting fit that told her he was in trouble.

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896: From Another World – Chapter 38 Part 1

Title: From Another World
Author: EclipsePheniox
Media: Video Game
Topic:  Mass Effect / Parallel Realities
Genre: Supernatural/Romance/AU
URL: Chapter 38
Critiqued by Erttheking

E: Hey guys how’s it going? Nora and Cornelia are a bit…

C: Nora smack him with something heavy!

N: I came in like a WRECKING BALL!

S: GAH!

E: Busy. Yeah let’s go with that. Busy. Well, EP discontinued From Another World, so now I’m going to finish this fucker off once and for all. But first, something I need to say. All of you have seen Herr’s open letter to EP and what he has done, but EP sent me several private messages, privates messages that I, frankly, feel the need to response to openly, since responding to them privately become a non-option when EP blocked me. Here is the PM

k let me clear a few things up fist FAW was my fist fanfic so it’s bound to be bad an i’m serously concidering rewite.

E: Then you shouldn’t have had any problems with all of our criticism. My first stories were bad too. I didn’t throw a fit every time someone told me so. Nowadays I kind of roll my eyes and go “Yeah I KNOW it sucks,” but I keep it to myself.

now onto herr, IF HE DIDN’T DO THAT STUPIT LETTER THEN I WOULDN’T CALL HIM A TROLL! it’s as simple as that!

E: And if you didn’t have all the sexism in your story, Herr and I wouldn’t have said every cuss word we did about you. Also I don’t think you know what a troll is, because Herr isn’t one. At all. Like, not ever close.

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