The Snark Crew

Meet the crew!  Here you will find a list of each of the critics, their online pseudonyms, title, and specialties (if they have any.)  Also, a list of what qualifies them as a full-time member of the Snark Crew and a link to their collection of submissions.

Snarker: Lyle
Title: Head Librarian, Founding Snarker
Media Specialty: Books and movies, with the occasional anime
Topic Specialty: JRPG, Harry Potter, Children’s Shows
Genre Specialty:  Any
Qualifications:  Reformed MarySue fic writer.  I’ve been there and have proven one can break away from the horribleness and become a good writer if they actually put some effort into it.  It should be noted that I absolutely despise fanfics that are written in first-person perspective.  I hardly tolerate actual published works in first-person, let alone horrible works of fandom.
Personal Blog: n/a
Submissions

Snarker: TacoMagic
Title: RumpyBottomed Walrus Emasculator, Founding Snarker
Media Specialty: Video games
Topic Specialty: Video Games, Sci-fi, and Fantasy; both in books and TV.
Genre Specialty: Mature, teen angst, and crossover.
Qualifications: As a bad writer of cliche fantasy, I feel I have a lot to add in the destruction of my brethren and sisters of bad fiction. What can I say, with a mixture of egotism, sarcasm, and cynicism you can’t go wrong when snarking about the works of others.  I can barely spell, rarely use punctuation correctly, and don’t really understand the grammatical structure of English.  This should make for a wonderful mixture of snarking on bad fiction and ironically making unintentional grammar and spelling errors while making fun of the grammar and spelling errors of others.  It is my dream to someday find that one of my mocking critiques has been mockingly critiqued itself.  Such a moment of meta would be a pure joy.
Personal Blog: TacoMagic’s Random Insanity
Submissions

Snarker: Ghostcat, A.K.A. Ghostie
Title: Princess of Gumdrop Island, Founding Snarker
Media Specialty:  primarily Books, Television Shows, and Movies
Topic Specialty: Any but I loves me some crossovers
Genre Specialty: Primarily science fiction and fantasy
Qualifications:  Long time fan of the written word; I’m willing to read anything, no matter how gut-wrenchingly horrible, and then snark about it. Joining me on my journey is Mr. Crowbar, a twelve inch pry bar with an attractive and easy-to-clean enamel finish and a quiet, reserved manner. He is easy to anger and tends to THWACK! first and not really ask any questions later. Recently I have gotten addicted to manga and holy crapstacks are manga-based fanfics insane. My personal pet peeves are time-skips and the dreaded P.O.V. Tag.
Personal Blog: Ghostcat Chronicles
Submissions

Snarker: SC
Title: He, of the Specs
Media Specialty: Video games, Books, Anime (sometimes)
Topic Specialty: Tales of Vesperia/the Abyss, Fire Emblem: Awakening, Assassin’s Creed (Mainline games only, up to Revelations), Black Cat, s-CRY-ed, Princess Mononoke, Castle in the Sky
Genre Specialty: Almost any genre, with the exception of hurt/comfort, fetish, or lemons (unless they’re funny lemons)
Qualifications: I got my start in writing from an incredibly young age, and because my head is forever swarming with ideas, I quickly improved my technique. That didn’t stop me from writing some real whoppers, though. They never saw the light of the internet, and the hard drive they were saved on has long been cast to the Graveyard of Eternal Blue Screens, but I still know what I’ve done. Because I enjoy writing and improving my talents, and because those old sins still linger with me, I take it upon myself to tear into the sins of unrepentant badfic authors – whether they realize they’ve done wrong or not – to try and get them to see the light before they become a lost cause. Oh, but don’t think for one second that this is a task I’ve taken up alone – I’ve got plenty of guns on me, and though they might be the furthest things from saints or disciples you could hope to find, I’m backed by a veritable army of OCs with varying specialties who can provide their aid to my cause. Oftentimes, unwillingly so. Beware, all ye who encounter me, for if I become pissed, my glasses come off; and if you give me half an excuse, I will deploy my most fearsome weapon: INFODUMPS.

UPDATE: As of Sunday, February 8, 2015, my sister KittyNoodles and I are the awesomest of prankster siblings… At least until somebody gets us back.
Personal Blog: SC’s Blog of Marvelous Misadventures
Submissions

Snarker: AdmiralSakai
Title: The Metal Librarian
Media Specialty: Video Games, Animation, Web Original
Topic Specialty:  Military science fiction, creepypasta, My Little Pony, Cthulhu Mythos
Genre Specialty: Military science fiction written by COD Bros, creepypasta that isn’t scary, ‘edgy’ stories, anything with turians in it
Qualifications: I grew up religiously watching Mystery Science Theater 3000, and after that there was simply no going back. I wrote a few pieces of both fanfiction and original fiction back in high school when I was still a pretentious philosophical windbag, but I’d like to think that I can at least serve as an example to others. I’ve also been known to lay down a sick Photoshop or three when the mood strikes me.
Personal Blog: You’re looking at it.
Submissions

Snarker: BatJamags
Title: The Bat-Librarian! (The exclamation point is important.)
Media Specialty: Comics, Film
Topic Specialty: Superheroes (especially DC but sometimes Marvel as well), Star Wars, Homestuck
Genre Specialty: None in particular, but developing a taste for long-winded, pretentious Stu and Sue fics
Qualifications: I’ve studied narrative theory for most of my life, and I make a point of watching classic films on a weekly basis. There are fundamental commonalities to writing that works. Proper narrative structure interfaces with the human psyche in a particular way, but while a lot of people can recognize good writing, it’s a taller order to replicate it. I’d like to think that by examining what doesn’t work and why, I can help others understand that. While my portfolio of fiction is a tad unimpressive (something I hope to correct in the near future), I’ve had a great deal of success with nonfiction writing, and videos I’ve written and produced have received nationwide attention. And to refer to Ert’s bio up there, reading TV Tropes absolutely counts as a qualification if you know how to read it.
Personal Blog: None, currently.
Submissions

Retired Snark Crew Members

Over the course of our existence, we’ve had a number of snarkers who have retired from our ranks.  Although no longer contributors, they have helped shape our Library.  This is their section.

Snarker: Frozenpoodlemeat
Title: Gnome Novelist, Founding Snarker
Media Specialty: Books, Television Shows, and Movies
Topic Specialty: Any
Genre Specialty: Any
Qualifications: I like to write and I read a lot (not to be confused with Alot-he hasn’t written anything worth reading yet). There is a plethora of great stuff out there to read. Sadly, the internet has made it possible for anyone to share their “literature” with the world. I just want to keep the world safe from terrible writing.
Personal Blog: None
Submissions

Snarker: The Psychic Librarian
Title: She who knows which book you want before you do, Founding Snarker
Media Specialty: Books, movies, and television
Topic Specialty: Really weird and horrible one-shots
Genre Specialty: Horror it would seem, although I wouldn’t have guessed that to begin with.
Qualifications: Psychic abilities regarding your literature preferences. Well, not really, but that would be awesome. Mostly I just have a sense of humor and the absurd. Most importantly, Bcuz I’m a bear.
Personal Blog: None
Submissions

Snarker: Addicted Reader
Title: The Red Pen Slasher, Founding Snarker
Media Specialty: Books
Topic Specialty: Any
Genre Specialty: Mostly-coherent fics with terrible grammar or spelling.
Qualifications: I am descended from a long line of librarians and English teachers.  I always read with a red pen in my mental hand.  I’ve read enough to know bad-but-still-entertaining from bad-but-really-just-terrible.  I read anything that stays still long enough:  books, blogs, books, instruction manuals, books, cereal boxes, and books.
Additional: AR has been working very hard to rid the world of TacoMagic’s explosive semicolon usage.  For that, she deserves our undying devotion.  -Lyle
Also, the semicolon usage is highly contagious according to AR. -Taco
I blame ninjas. – Ghostie
Personal Blog: None
Submissions

Snarker: Herr Wozzeck
Title: The Music Librarian
Media Specialty: Video Games, Movies, Opera (if people would write
more fanfiction for opera, that is)
Topic Specialty: Mass Effect, Sci-fi, Fantasy, Music-related stuff
Genre Specialty: Any
Qualifications:  Well, for one thing, I wrote the Mass Effect fanfic
Mass Vexations, with which I attempted to deconstruct a few tendencies
I saw that tend to pop up in self-insert fanfiction all over the
board. So I like to think I know a thing or two about what makes a
character and a story work. It also helps that I once wrote a really
terrible fanfic that had something along the lines of fifteen Gary
Stus in it. Probably more, I don’t remember. (Don’t bother looking it
up, my sense of shame wouldn’t let me keep it on the internet.)
Personal Blog: None
Submissions

Snarker: Erttheking
Title: The Raging Librarian
Media Specialty:  Video Games, Movies, Anime (To a certain extent)
Topic Specialty:  Mass Effect, Fallout, Dark Souls, crossovers.
Genre Specialty:  General, but with an interest in romance and crossovers.
Qualifications:  I’ve been writing fanfiction ever since my freshman year in highschool.  I’ve had a lot of ups and downs over the years with my works mainly focusing on crossovers, and along the way I’ve learned a lot of things.  The stories I’ve written range from lousy to pretty good, having gotten a lot of attention over time.  I tend to have large casts, giving me experience with a wide variety of personalities and relationships between characters.  Plus I read TV Tropes.  That counts right?
Personal Blog:  None
Submissions

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