The Snark Crew

Meet the crew!  Here you will find a list of each of the critics, their online pseudonyms, title, and specialties (if they have any.)  Also, a list of what qualifies them as a full-time member of the Snark Crew and a link to their collection of submissions.

Snarker: Lyle
Title: Head Librarian, Founding Snarker
Media Specialty: Books and movies, with the occasional anime
Topic Specialty: JRPG, Harry Potter, Children’s Shows
Genre Specialty:  Any
Qualifications:  Reformed MarySue fic writer.  I’ve been there and have proven one can break away from the horribleness and become a good writer if they actually put some effort into it.  It should be noted that I absolutely despise fanfics that are written in first-person perspective.  I hardly tolerate actual published works in first-person, let alone horrible works of fandom.
Personal Blog: n/a
Submissions

Snarker: TacoMagic
Title: RumpyBottomed Walrus Emasculator, Founding Snarker
Media Specialty: Video games
Topic Specialty: Video Games, Sci-fi, and Fantasy; both in books and TV.
Genre Specialty: Mature, teen angst, and crossover.
Qualifications: As a bad writer of cliche fantasy, I feel I have a lot to add in the destruction of my brethren and sisters of bad fiction. What can I say, with a mixture of egotism, sarcasm, and cynicism you can’t go wrong when snarking about the works of others.  I can barely spell, rarely use punctuation correctly, and don’t really understand the grammatical structure of English.  This should make for a wonderful mixture of snarking on bad fiction and ironically making unintentional grammar and spelling errors while making fun of the grammar and spelling errors of others.  It is my dream to someday find that one of my mocking critiques has been mockingly critiqued itself.  Such a moment of meta would be a pure joy.
Personal Blog: TacoMagic’s Random Insanity
Submissions

Snarker: Ghostcat, A.K.A. Ghostie
Title: Princess of Gumdrop Island, Founding Snarker
Media Specialtyprimarily Books, Television Shows, and Movies
Topic Specialty: Any but I loves me some crossovers
Genre Specialty: Primarily science fiction and fantasy
QualificationsLong time fan of the written word; I’m willing to read anything, no matter how gut-wrenchingly horrible, and then snark about it. Joining me on my journey is Mr. Crowbar, a twelve inch pry bar with an attractive and easy-to-clean enamel finish and a quiet, reserved manner. He is easy to anger and tends to THWACK! first and not really ask any questions later. Recently I have gotten addicted to manga and holy crapstacks are manga-based fanfics insane. My personal pet peeves are time-skips and the dreaded P.O.V. Tag.
P
ersonal Blog: Ghostcat Chronicles
Submissions

Snarker: Addicted Reader
Title: The Red Pen Slasher, Founding Snarker
Media Specialty: Books
Topic Specialty: Any
Genre Specialty: Mostly-coherent fics with terrible grammar or spelling.
Qualifications: I am descended from a long line of librarians and English teachers.  I always read with a red pen in my mental hand.  I’ve read enough to know bad-but-still-entertaining from bad-but-really-just-terrible.  I read anything that stays still long enough:  books, blogs, books, instruction manuals, books, cereal boxes, and books.
Additional:
AR has been working very hard to rid the world of TacoMagic’s explosive semicolon usage.  For that, she deserves our undying devotion.  -Lyle
Also, the semicolon usage is highly contagious according to AR. -Taco
I blame ninjas. – Ghostie
Personal Blog:
None
Submissions

Snarker: Herr Wozzeck
Title: The Music Librarian
Media Specialty: Video Games, Movies, Opera (if people would write
more fanfiction for opera, that is)
Topic Specialty: Mass Effect, Sci-fi, Fantasy, Music-related stuff
Genre Specialty: Any
Qualifications:  Well, for one thing, I wrote the Mass Effect fanfic
Mass Vexations, with which I attempted to deconstruct a few tendencies
I saw that tend to pop up in self-insert fanfiction all over the
board. So I like to think I know a thing or two about what makes a
character and a story work. It also helps that I once wrote a really
terrible fanfic that had something along the lines of fifteen Gary
Stus in it. Probably more, I don’t remember. (Don’t bother looking it
up, my sense of shame wouldn’t let me keep it on the internet.)
Personal Blog:
None
Submissions

Snarker: Erttheking
Title: The Raging Librarian
Media Specialty:  Video Games, Movies, Anime (To a certain extent)
Topic Specialty:  Mass Effect, Fallout, Dark Souls, crossovers.
Genre Specialty:  General, but with an interest in romance and crossovers.
Qualifications:  I’ve been writing fanfiction ever since my freshman year in highschool.  I’ve had a lot of ups and downs over the years with my works mainly focusing on crossovers, and along the way I’ve learned a lot of things.  The stories I’ve written range from lousy to pretty good, having gotten a lot of attention over time.  I tend to have large casts, giving me experience with a wide variety of personalities and relationships between characters.  Plus I read TV Tropes.  That counts right?
Personal Blog:  None
Submissions

Snarker: SC
Title: He, of the Specs
Media Specialty: Video games, Books, Anime (sometimes)
Topic Specialty: Tales of Vesperia/the Abyss, Fire Emblem: Awakening, Assassin’s Creed (Mainline games only, up to Revelations), Black Cat, s-CRY-ed, Princess Mononoke, Castle in the Sky
Genre Specialty: Almost any genre, with the exception of hurt/comfort, fetish, or lemons (unless they’re funny lemons)
Qualifications: I got my start in writing from an incredibly young age, and because my head is forever swarming with ideas, I quickly improved my technique. That didn’t stop me from writing some real whoppers, though. They never saw the light of the internet, and the hard drive they were saved on has long been cast to the Graveyard of Eternal Blue Screens, but I still know what I’ve done. Because I enjoy writing and improving my talents, and because those old sins still linger with me, I take it upon myself to tear into the sins of unrepentant badfic authors – whether they realize they’ve done wrong or not – to try and get them to see the light before they become a lost cause. Oh, but don’t think for one second that this is a task I’ve taken up alone – I’ve got plenty of guns on me, and though they might be the furthest things from saints or disciples you could hope to find, I’m backed by a veritable army of OCs with varying specialties who can provide their aid to my cause. Oftentimes, unwillingly so. Beware, all ye who encounter me, for if I become pissed, my glasses come off; and if you give me half an excuse, I will deploy my most fearsome weapon: INFODUMPS.

UPDATE: As of Sunday, February 8, 2015, my sister KittyNoodles and I are the awesomest of prankster siblings… At least until somebody gets us back.
Personal Blog: SC’s Blog of Marvelous Misadventures
Submissions

Retired Snark Crew Members

Over the course of our existence, we’ve had a number of snarkers who have retired from our ranks.  Although no longer contributors, they have helped shape our Library.  This is their section.

Snarker: Frozenpoodlemeat
Title:
Gnome Novelist, Founding Snarker
Media Specialty:
Books, Television Shows, and Movies
Topic Specialty:
Any
Genre Specialty:
Any
Qualifications:
I like to write and I read a lot (not to be confused with Alot-he hasn’t written anything worth reading yet). There is a plethora of great stuff out there to read. Sadly, the internet has made it possible for anyone to share their “literature” with the world. I just want to keep the world safe from terrible writing.
Personal Blog:
None
Submissions

Snarker: The Psychic Librarian
Title: She who knows which book you want before you do, Founding Snarker
Media Specialty
: Books, movies, and television
Topic Specialty: Really weird and horrible one-shots
Genre Specialty: Horror it would seem, although I wouldn’t have guessed that to begin with.
Qualifications: Psychic abilities regarding your literature preferences. Well, not really, but that would be awesome. Mostly I just have a sense of humor and the absurd. Most importantly, Bcuz I’m a bear.
Personal Blog: None
Submissions


25 Comments on “The Snark Crew”

  1. I just wanted to tell the Crew how proud I am of this site y’all built from the ground up, mostly on the backs of horrid writers, and fueled with the crushed dreams of fanfic devotees.

    You make me happy to call y’all my friends.

    You twisted bunch of freaks, you.

    *sniffle*

  2. REN says:

    Lyle and Andrew, I know what you did and I am NOT pleased! I am upset that two people like you would think it’s appropriate to post somebody else’s story on a different site without their permission. I am even more upset that my story that I spent months on was posted on a site for travesty literature. I want you to take MY story off of your site this instant. If you cannot do an action as simple as that, then I will have to report to the person in charge of deviantart.
    Please, what you have done was violation.

    • "Lyle" says:

      No.

    • "Lyle" says:

      I fail to see what tattling to deviant art is going to do considering we are not an affiliate site. Plus your story is a FANFICTION and technically a plagerism of The Secret of NIMH. Unless you’re secretly Robert C O’Brien, you have no actual legal rights to that story.

      • TacoMagic says:

        *Sniff*

        I’m so proud. I’ve trained you people in copyright law so well that you’re all beating me to pointing out that fanfiction is copyright infringement.

      • Andrew says:

        Hmm, perhaps showing her the link may have not have been such a good idea after all. I took no responsibility for doing it, but apparently she has no idea who you people really are or what your purposes are. If we had shown her this link:https://literarytravesty.wordpress.com/about/, maybe she might have understood, though I doubt it.

        At first, when I saw the site when looking up “The Land Before Time: A Jedi’s Destiny”, I thought it was just a cruel joke despite a few valid points at times. But when I contemplated Stitchpunk89’s story, I thought how would this sliced and diced on the site, hence why I brought it up. Here’s what she thinks of your site: http://stitchpunk89.deviantart.com/journal/Again-is-NL-bad-473708694. From the looks of things, it doesn’t look like she handles criticism well despite her protests to the contrary. I daresay, have you checked out her homepage as well as her journals? See what you make of them.

      • "Lyle" says:

        *shrug* I really couldn’t care less about how she feels regarding it. If she wants to play nice, then fine. If not, then looks it I’ll be continuing to riff her story.

    • Herr Wozzeck says:

      Yeah, have fun with that. Since this is technically a cross between criticism and parody, we’re protected by a little thing called Fair Use. You’ll get laughed right out of the DA moderator comments, especially since it’s not on DA’s site and there’s nothing they can do.

      Also, one other person has tried it before, and that snark is still here.

      Bottom line: we’re not intimidated by authors with easily bruised egos. My suggestion? Reread it, take what we say to heart, and move on.

    • We are not posting your fic as our work, it is fully credited to you with links back to your original work. Although our criticisms are delivered in a humorous manner, those criticisms are not unfounded. All of the problems in your fic that Lyle has pointed out are very real issues.

      Criticism is not always pleasant to hear, but would you rather have someone point out the flaws so that you can address them and make your work better, or just spout off some pleasant phrases that have no value?

  3. agigabyte says:

    So how many guest librarians are there?

    • "Lyle" says:

      At the moment, you and Kitty are the only active guest snarkers. We also sometimes get submissions from Crowbar and SuperFeatherYoshi.

      • The Crowbar says:

        I’m getting back with mine as soon as I get my “real life” from straddling my back!

      • SuperFeatherYoshi says:

        WAY too busy with High School Year 12 final semester to do any snarking anymore.

        That said, VCE finishes this November. Which also happens to be the release date of both XCOM 2 and Fallout 4. I’m expecting an influx of horrible fics based on these two, and given my familiarity with both, I just might be able to make more…

      • "Lyle" says:

        We would love to have you back whenever you’re able, SFY :-)

  4. AdmiralSakai says:

    Hey, does anyone know how I could go about contacting Erttheking semi-directly? His Internet presence seems to stop at the Library’s site.

    • GhostCat says:

      I can let him know you’re looking for him via our Secret Clubhouse. Might be a little bit, though.

      • agigabyte says:

        How would I contact you directly, Ghostie?

      • GhostCat says:

        You can email me at ghostcatchronicles@mail.com, just let me know if you send anything because I don’t check it very often.

      • agigabyte says:

        Sent.

      • Sent another.

    • erttheking says:

      You could always message me via Fanfiction.net. my account name is the same as my name here.

  5. agigabyte says:

    As a bad writer of cliche fantasy, I feel I have a lot to add in the destruction of my brethren and sisters of bad fiction.

    This is wrong, right?

  6. perfectionistbullet says:

    Curious about the avatars displayed across the top of the site. My best guess is that from left to right they are: Lyle, Ghostcat, TacoMagic, Herr Wozzeck, SC and Errtheking

    • GhostCat says:

      Gold star for you!

      • perfectionistbullet says:

        Huzzah


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