Title: The Truth About My Death
Author: No Idea
URL: Trollpasta Rehost
Hello hello all you patrons! Retract your scythe to an easily-stowable length and keep a look out for the talk o’ the town, because this isn’t just any riff…
This is HALLOWEEN!
“And to celebrate… we have got some really bad pastas. With Necrosleep and Suicidal Nightmare we could kind of figure out what was supposed to be scary, and the Jeff Clones just didn’t give a glub and dived straight into rampant wish-fulfillment, but here…”
… the fact that someone apparently actually tried when writing these and yet still managed to fail so abysmally at creating anything remotely frightening is nothing short of miraculous. I really do think every single pasta on display here today was written by a very small child- which, given that they were originally posted on an Edgy wiki that contains stories about pedophilia, sadomasochism as an expression of Stockholm Syndrome, Nazi prisoner experimentation, and the Jonestown mass suicide, is actually kind of alarming.
Alright, on to Chapter Six! I wonder how bad it’s gonna get-
…strap in, guys and girls (and all those in between).
Maya and Raider
(insert joke here)
Title: Unknown Origins
Media: Video Games
Topic: Fallout: New Vegas
Genre: Adventure and Romance
URL: Chapter One
Critiqued by Hiraani and Queen Malieasha of Jacelajoglia
ONE DAY LATER
Queenie: *knocks on Hiraani’s bedroom door* Lady?
*grumbles something not understandable*
Queenie: *opens door* Hiraani, we’ve got to review the fic.
*grumbles again, covers head with sheets, face sinking into pillow*
Queenie: I know you’re hungover, but we’ve got to keep going.
*begrudgingly gets up* Fine. Last time…*Hiraani is at a blank* What happened last time?
Queenie: Doesn’t matter. Let’s read it.
Hello, and welcome back to “Valkyrie: The Unknown Unit,” by JewishPotato! I’m your host, SC, joined by Bifocals and Glasses, and last time, we met Ed, did stealth ops badly, accidentally dialed up Mercy on the phone (but promptly hung up on her), and killed three potential informants with only top-layer investigation done to reveal the bare-bones of their mission: sneak into Overwatch facilities that are guarded by morons and swipe all their personnel data for future nefarious doings. The mission was somehow a success, and the team has now departed back to their home base to unwind.
Let’s get back to that, shall we?
Title: Slenderman: Eight Pages of Ecstasy Part II
Media: Video Game/Creepypasta
Topic: Slender: The Eight Pages
URL Chapter 1
Critiqued by Ghostcat (with “special” guest Syl)
—CONTAINS POSSIBLE TRIGGER MATERIAL—
Hello, dear Patrons!
Remember a few weeks ago when we had that ‘amusing’ little oneshot where the Slender Man was a plumber who laid pipe more in the euphemistic sense than doing anything remotely plumber-like? And how I might have mentioned that there was a sequel to that fic?
This is the sequel!
:an awkward silence settles over the Library:
Anyone want to take a look at the summary? It’s really something.
Slender’s conquest continues in a lust for love, passion and souls.
Not, y’know, a lot of something, but at least it is there.
“Good God, Swenia was right; you are terrible at this.”
:frustrated groan: What are you doing here, Syl?
“Barnaby slipped out again.”
Are you telling me there’s an angry honey badger loose in the Library? Again?!? :rubs forehead: Why on Earth did you think it was a good idea to get a pet, much less that particular pet?
“Hey, you’re not one to cast stones; you’ve got ninjas and a dragon.”
First off, the ninjas aren’t pets they are minions;
“There’s a difference?”
:ignores Syl: And secondly, Gumdrop is a very valuable member of the Security/Confectionery Team for the Library! He’s also a tyrannosaur, not a dragon.
:Syl makes a dismissive gesture: “Semantics. Don’t worry about Barnaby, she’ll turn up eventually. Much like me, she is a free spirit who cannot be tamed or constrained.”
No, much like you she is a raging ball of crazy and sharp bits that no one wants around.
“I know. Isn’t she delightful?”
:signs: Can I start the fic already?
“Well, you’re not here to fuck spiders.”
I … I certainly hope not.