2518: Hybrid of the Underworld – Chapter Two

Title: Hybrid of the Underworld
Author: WolveHulk
Media: Movie
Topic: Underworld
Genre: Romance / Supernatural
URL: Chapter Two
Critiqued by Lyle, Lina, and Koori

*walks into her office and plops down into her chair*

*coughs violently*

Okay, so it’s been a while since I’ve been in here.  I should probably open some windows and air it out.  And by I, I mean my interns.  *picks up her phone and sends out a quick text*

While we wait for them to arrive, I’ll remind you all what happened last time since it’s been about mffglflelff months since I riffed something.

The author Logan Shaw has poorly written sex with anything that moves.   Oh, and he’s a hybrid vampire/lycan.  But that part isn’t really important because it would retract from all the sex he gets to have.

Onward!

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HEY! UPDATE YO SHIT! NEW EMAIL!

Hey lovelies,

As I’m sure some of you have noticed, I’ve been pretty absent lately.  A lot has been going on and it’s making it harder and harder for me to keep up on my administration duties.  (I have a whole batch of Pterodactyl cookies ordered from Gumdrop for the guest riffers who have sent me submissions that haven’t gone anywhere.  I’m so sorry, guys.  Life has been rough in my head lately.)

To help ease my duties a bit, we now have a new email for the site!  So change your contacts!  If you need to get a hold of us, you can email the library at:

lotdguestriffs@gmail.com

All Librarians have access to this account, so you won’t always get me anymore.  But now if you want to contact a specific Librarian, this makes it easy to do so without me having to filter and funnel and sort.

Thank you and happy riffing!

~Lyle


2152: THE PERFECT CHRISTMAS – Chapter One

Title: THE PERFECT CHRISTMAS
Author: Addicted2greatness
Media: Comic
Topic: Iron Man
Genre: Romance/Drama
URL: Chapter One
Critiqued By: Crazy Minh

CZM: Hello readers, and welcome to the guest review of ‘THE PERFECT CHRISTMAS’ by Addicted2greatness. While this story isn’t…terrible.

Biskit: It’s pretty terrible Minh…

CZM: Oh shut up…I should probably introduce myself and my fellow reviewer before I go any further. My name is Crazy Minh, and I’ve written a number of stories on Fanfiction. I’m not that ‘well known’ among the community of fanfiction authors…wait, is there a community??

Biskit: Don’t know, might care a bit.

CZM: In any case, I’ve got a bit of experience with writing. Like many authors, I also have some skeletons in the closet, in the form of my stories Depths of the Night and Borderlands: The Post Sequel

Biskit: You spent three days squeezing me in your hand over the rewrites for those stories. Also, you haven’t introduced me yet…

CZM: I was just getting to that. My fellow reviewer is Biskit, who in reality is the small stuffed toy who sits on the edge of my desk and stares at me when I’m writing something terrible. You know how every writer has (or should have) that little nagging voice that tells them when they should not be writing something…yeah, now that I think about that…people really don’t all have someone like you, Bisk. Just from the fact that this site exists. I think some authors have really bad internal critics.

Biskit: One: Don’t call me ‘Bisk’. Two: you’re totally right. But this fic is still terrible.

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2140: Realm of the New Gods – Chapter Thirteen

Title: Realm of the New Gods
Author:  Thatoneselfinsertguy
Media: Video Games
Topic: Fire Emblem
Genre: Bad Shonen anime
URL: Chapter 13
Critiqued by Zues Killer Productions

Realm of the New Gods riff part 6-We’ve reached just below the tip of the Iceburg.

Uggh…wow, that happened. Can’t believe someone wrote a trollfic in which Garfield takes Shepherd’s place in Mass Effect.

For those wondering what the hell happened last time, Emm dies, Jean attempts to kill Gangrel, and Chrom recruits Jean to the Shephe-and there goes my brain now.

*pops cork onto ear*

Hopefully, Flavia can save this part, lest I go mad due to the sheer stupidity here.

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2115: Realm of the New Gods – Chapters Eleven and Twelve

Title: Realm of the New Gods
Author:  Thatoneselfinsertguy

Media: Video Games
Topic: Fire Emblem
Genre: Self-Insert
URL:  Chapter 11
Critiqued by Zues KIller Productions

Kept ya waiting huh?

Realm of the New Gods riff part 5-You ever feel like writing shitty romances based solely on how hawt someone is?

So yeah…after an impromptu hiatus due to online homework for a semester, and me being bad at math, I’ve finally gotten back towards writing this riff. However, it has been a while, and some people might not have seen it. So, here’s the abridged version of events thus far:

Noah is the protagonist, who’s backstory is that his family gets into a tragic car crash so over the top, that the story of “If I Stay” somehow has a more realistic outcome, handholding bridging the gap of the underworld included. After some time passes, he manages to get into an edgelord’s fanfic that’s supposed to be a combination of Asleep and Decruited, two other fanfics in Fire Emblem Awakening fandom.

Noah, despite being a thief, and acting like a sociopath, has the story make him supposedly more sympathetic than several other people, including but not limited to, Frederick (who admits that Noah is better than him in-story despite the fact that he has no real evidence for it), Muriel (who’s compared to a high-functioning sociopath despite fanon stating that she might be autistic), and Gaius (who somehow turned from a comedically addicted sugar rusher to a womanizer)…and that’s not going into his alternate, who’s an Awesome Mcevil in his own right.

Noah was so unsubtle at being a Self-Insert Gary Stu, he earned a position in the Library’s poll for “Most blatant Gary Stu.” This is despite the last part ending on chapter 10.

Of 55.

When we last left off, he had just promoted into a hybrid of the Trickster and Assassin class that I dubbed “The Edgelord Class” and picked up a matching cape almost two minutes after. We then find that Edgy!Olivia is who he’s trying to bang…which is fucking stupid because who wants to read about an edgy Gary Stu getting shacked up with the Edgy!Olivia from Decruited (which was a comedic fanfic btw). Now they’re all supposed to get towards Chapter 8.

How’s that going?

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