HEY! UPDATE YO SHIT! NEW EMAIL!

Hey lovelies,

As I’m sure some of you have noticed, I’ve been pretty absent lately.  A lot has been going on and it’s making it harder and harder for me to keep up on my administration duties.  (I have a whole batch of Pterodactyl cookies ordered from Gumdrop for the guest riffers who have sent me submissions that haven’t gone anywhere.  I’m so sorry, guys.  Life has been rough in my head lately.)

To help ease my duties a bit, we now have a new email for the site!  So change your contacts!  If you need to get a hold of us, you can email the library at:

lotdguestriffs@gmail.com

All Librarians have access to this account, so you won’t always get me anymore.  But now if you want to contact a specific Librarian, this makes it easy to do so without me having to filter and funnel and sort.

Thank you and happy riffing!

~Lyle


2152: THE PERFECT CHRISTMAS – Chapter One

Title: THE PERFECT CHRISTMAS
Author: Addicted2greatness
Media: Comic
Topic: Iron Man
Genre: Romance/Drama
URL: Chapter One
Critiqued By: Crazy Minh

CZM: Hello readers, and welcome to the guest review of ‘THE PERFECT CHRISTMAS’ by Addicted2greatness. While this story isn’t…terrible.

Biskit: It’s pretty terrible Minh…

CZM: Oh shut up…I should probably introduce myself and my fellow reviewer before I go any further. My name is Crazy Minh, and I’ve written a number of stories on Fanfiction. I’m not that ‘well known’ among the community of fanfiction authors…wait, is there a community??

Biskit: Don’t know, might care a bit.

CZM: In any case, I’ve got a bit of experience with writing. Like many authors, I also have some skeletons in the closet, in the form of my stories Depths of the Night and Borderlands: The Post Sequel

Biskit: You spent three days squeezing me in your hand over the rewrites for those stories. Also, you haven’t introduced me yet…

CZM: I was just getting to that. My fellow reviewer is Biskit, who in reality is the small stuffed toy who sits on the edge of my desk and stares at me when I’m writing something terrible. You know how every writer has (or should have) that little nagging voice that tells them when they should not be writing something…yeah, now that I think about that…people really don’t all have someone like you, Bisk. Just from the fact that this site exists. I think some authors have really bad internal critics.

Biskit: One: Don’t call me ‘Bisk’. Two: you’re totally right. But this fic is still terrible.

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2140: Realm of the New Gods – Chapter Thirteen

Title: Realm of the New Gods
Author:  Thatoneselfinsertguy
Media: Video Games
Topic: Fire Emblem
Genre: Bad Shonen anime
URL: Chapter 13
Critiqued by Zues Killer Productions

Realm of the New Gods riff part 6-We’ve reached just below the tip of the Iceburg.

Uggh…wow, that happened. Can’t believe someone wrote a trollfic in which Garfield takes Shepherd’s place in Mass Effect.

For those wondering what the hell happened last time, Emm dies, Jean attempts to kill Gangrel, and Chrom recruits Jean to the Shephe-and there goes my brain now.

*pops cork onto ear*

Hopefully, Flavia can save this part, lest I go mad due to the sheer stupidity here.

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2115: Realm of the New Gods – Chapters Eleven and Twelve

Title: Realm of the New Gods
Author:  Thatoneselfinsertguy

Media: Video Games
Topic: Fire Emblem
Genre: Self-Insert
URL:  Chapter 11
Critiqued by Zues KIller Productions

Kept ya waiting huh?

Realm of the New Gods riff part 5-You ever feel like writing shitty romances based solely on how hawt someone is?

So yeah…after an impromptu hiatus due to online homework for a semester, and me being bad at math, I’ve finally gotten back towards writing this riff. However, it has been a while, and some people might not have seen it. So, here’s the abridged version of events thus far:

Noah is the protagonist, who’s backstory is that his family gets into a tragic car crash so over the top, that the story of “If I Stay” somehow has a more realistic outcome, handholding bridging the gap of the underworld included. After some time passes, he manages to get into an edgelord’s fanfic that’s supposed to be a combination of Asleep and Decruited, two other fanfics in Fire Emblem Awakening fandom.

Noah, despite being a thief, and acting like a sociopath, has the story make him supposedly more sympathetic than several other people, including but not limited to, Frederick (who admits that Noah is better than him in-story despite the fact that he has no real evidence for it), Muriel (who’s compared to a high-functioning sociopath despite fanon stating that she might be autistic), and Gaius (who somehow turned from a comedically addicted sugar rusher to a womanizer)…and that’s not going into his alternate, who’s an Awesome Mcevil in his own right.

Noah was so unsubtle at being a Self-Insert Gary Stu, he earned a position in the Library’s poll for “Most blatant Gary Stu.” This is despite the last part ending on chapter 10.

Of 55.

When we last left off, he had just promoted into a hybrid of the Trickster and Assassin class that I dubbed “The Edgelord Class” and picked up a matching cape almost two minutes after. We then find that Edgy!Olivia is who he’s trying to bang…which is fucking stupid because who wants to read about an edgy Gary Stu getting shacked up with the Edgy!Olivia from Decruited (which was a comedic fanfic btw). Now they’re all supposed to get towards Chapter 8.

How’s that going?

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How to Not End Up in the Library: Joining the Conversation – Part One: Attribution is Your Friend

Hello, lovelies!

Taco had a busy week and was unable to get his riff ready for today.  We currently have no guest riffs in line for posting, either.  Batjamags suggested that, when this happens, we could do a little bit of an advice column to help out up-and-coming writers improve their skills.

I’ve chosen for my advice specialty “dialogue and character interactions.”  I’ve been told before by people that they really enjoy how my characters interact with each other, both in my fanfic writing as well as my original works.  While this doesn’t make me an expert, I think I’m good enough at it that I could help out those who struggle with this aspect of writing.  Let’s do this!

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2098: Hybrid of the Underworld – Chapter One

Title: Hybrid of the Underworld
Author: WolveHulk
Media: Movie
Topic: Underworld
Genre: Romance / Supernatural
URL: Chapter One
Critiqued by Lyle and Lina

Warning:  NSFW due to poorly written sexy times

Hello, my lovelies. Today, I’m doing something really dangerous.  I’m riffing an active fic.  That’s right.  As of snagging this fic from ff.net, the last update was on July 18th, 2018.  In fact, when I grabbed it, the most recent chapter had been up for a whopping 4 hours.

Normally, I pick a fic that’s a bit older.  It’s had time to ruminate in the first stomach of the bovine that is the interwebs.  It’s ripe and stinky and has been molding like a fine cheese.  This time, however, when I went to ff.net with the intent of finding some good Underworld fics to read (don’t judge me!) and this one was at the very top of the list when I applied my filters*.

*English language and all ratings, if you must know.  I wasn’t looking for anything specific.

Since I was looking for a fic to read for pleasure, I just started at the top.  One look at the summary and I knew I’d found my next Library project.

Lovelies, I present to you “Hybrid of the Underworld.”

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2092: ZERO HOUR – Intro and Chapter One (One Shot)

Title: ZERO HOUR
Author: jameron4eva
Media:  Movie / Television
Topic: Underworld / Terminator / That 70’s Show
Genre: Crossover / Romance / Sci-Fi
URL: Intro
Critiqued by Lyle

You guys ready for this?

*cracks knuckles*

Welcome to ZERO HOUR, because apparently I like fics with all caps titles.  ZH hails from the confusing “crossover” section of ff.net.  As you’ve probably noticed from the stats up there, it is a crossover of Underworld, Terminator, and, I shit you not, That 70’s Show.  I’ll do a very brief SC-Style Infodump for you guys before we dive in.

I’ve covered Underworld on here before but it was a few years ago.  Underworld is a supernatural vampire/werewolf franchise starring Kate Beckinsale and Kate Beckinsale’s bustier.  It’s about vampires and werewolves that are trying to kill each other due to old feuds.  Then a hybrid of the two species is created, more shit hits more fans, and we get a few sequels and a prequel.  I might seem a little derisive, but I actually really like the Underworld series.  The most you really need to know is that it’s about sexy vampires and sexy werewolves having sexy-times and fighting each other.

Terminator, for those living under a rock, is a franchise about robots known as terminators being sent through time to kill off the ancestors of the people who will eventually defeat the sentient robot overlords that tried to destroy humanity.  The first ones star the former governor of California, hence why everyone called him The Governator when he was in office.  I don’t know much about the rest of the movies or the shows that have spun off it, but it’s all about the same general idea.  Skynet wants to take over the world and kill off all the humans.  Humans don’t want this to happen.  A few terminators get their wires crossed and want to help humanity.  The Conner family is important.

Now, a crossover of Terminator and Underworld isn’t very far fetched.  If Skynet can send a robot back in time, why not into another dimension or reality?  Where this story gets weird is the inclusion of That 70’s Show.

T70S was a prime-time sitcom about a group of high school aged kids in the 1970’s, and the shenanigans they get into during the course of their young lives.  It has absolutely nothing to do with either of the incredibly dark themes of the other source materials.  It’s the show that started the careers of Ashton Kutcher, Mila Kunis, and Laura Prepon.

This particular story caught my eye not only because it was the only Underworld/T70S crossover on FF.net, but also because the summary is as batshit as the premise.

Let’s do this thing.

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