2111: Andi Sekforde: The Cat Who Lost His Cool – Part III

Title: Andi Sekforde: The Cat Who Lost His Cool
Author: Lizzimba
Media: Shared RP Universe
Topic: Furry Basketball Association
Genre: Uh… Romance/Horror?
URL: Andi Sekforde: The Cat Who Lost His Cool Part III
Critiqued by Herr Wozzeck

Hello ladies and gentlemen, and welcome back to the last part of this story. And good God, it can’t get any worse, can it? I mean, after the cavalcade of sexism in the last installment, and the trivialization last time?

God, I hope it can’t get any worse…

*sigh*

Well, let’s find out, shall we?

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2105: Andi Sekforde: The Cat Who Lost His Cool – Part II

Title: Andi Sekforde: The Cat Who Lost His Cool
Author: Lizzimba
Media: Shared RP Universe
Topic: Furry Basketball Association
Genre: Uh… Romance/Horror?
URL: Andi Sekforde: The Cat Who Lost His Cool Part II
Critiqued by Herr Wozzeck

Hello ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to part 2 of this snarking of an FBA story. I’m Herr Wozzeck, and we’re all gathered today to witness just how far this story can sink.

Don’t believe me? Just read the chapter. I swear, this is the part where the story just sinks straight into the mud. It just gets worse in this story, and if it was silly last time, here it stops being silly.

So let’s get right into it, shall we? Here we go!

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2100: Andi Sekforde: The Cat Who Lost His Cool – Part I

Title: Andi Sekforde: The Cat Who Lost His Cool
Author: Lizzimba
Media: Shared RP Universe
Topic: Furry Basketball Association
Genre: Uh… Romance/Horror?
URL: Andi Sekforde: The Cat Who Lost His Cool Part I
Critiqued by Herr Wozzeck

Heyo folks, and welcome to the Library once again. I’m your host, Herr Wozzeck, and here we are again with Lizzimba on the snarking block.

I know what some of you are saying: “Herr, it’s an FBA story, why are you snarking it?” Well, as far as the FBA went, I had an “FBA fics are off-limits” policy while I was there. So while I did that, I didn’t snark any of the stories, although by God did I want to snark at least some of the stories.

Well, I’m no longer part of the FBA as per one of its current contributors being allowed to be an arrogant bully (and before you ask: unbelievably, I’m not talking about Lizzimba in this case, and in fact the person I actually left over is someone that Lizzimba is actually more or less right about!), and as such… well, I figure it’s time for the gloves to come off, because Lizzimba isn’t the only person who produced bad FBA content. I’ll be getting to that later, but for now, you have no idea how much I wanted to snark this story, so I’m starting here. Because man, if you thought Whisker Wonka was bad, this is somehow even worse, and without the shitty art!

And don’t worry, I do plan on providing a few SC-style infodumps along the way, because you guys will need them: now we’re getting into proper FBA canon!

So let’s get started!

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1997: Nightmares in Wonderland – Chapters Nine and Ten

Title: Nightmares in Wonderland
Author:  OnlyALittleMad
Media: Movie / Video Game
Topic: American McGee’s Alice / Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
Genre: Suspense/Horror
URL: Nightmares in Wonderland
Critiqued by TacoMagic

We’re finally here, the last two chapters!

Well, that’s being a bit generous.  It’s more like the last chapter and then a little chapter booster pack.

Last time we finally had something happen!  It was stupid, but it was a happening, so it’s at least progress toward wherever the author thought this was going.  The whole chapter boiled down to a particularly sloppy GM session where a new player joins the table and has to be added to the party.  There was a fairly nonsense scene where the tweedle-three threatened the lives of the children in order to… uh… magruamfum.  Luckily their motivations are irrelevant since a bunch of cats pop out of the SDQF and stab them with shards of plotonium anyway.

Everyone up to speed?  No?  Perfect!

Chapter 9: Down The Rabbit Hole

*Porno music blares over the PA system*

Well, at least she didn’t wheel that damn contraption in here this time.

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1992: Nightmares in Wonderland – Chapter Eight

Title: Nightmares in Wonderland
Author:  OnlyALittleMad
Media: Movie / Video Game
Topic: American McGee’s Alice / Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
Genre: Suspense/Horror
URL: Nightmares in Wonderland
Critiqued by TacoMagic

Howdy-doodly do, patrons!

Last time we kinda sorta almost had something happen!  This happening boils down to the voices in Alice’s head telling her to kill the candy maker so that she doesn’t fall in love.  Because apparently love will open the way for the Queen of Hearts because she’s second in line for the throne.  Because that’s how hereditary monarchies work.  At the very end of the seventh chapter, Wonka finishes time traveling to the Victorian era and arrives at the asylum.  And that was pretty well it.

Let’s see what we’ve got this week!

Chapter 8: Meet Your New Nightmare

Well, my worst nightmare is apparently Rambo, so maybe my new nightmare is Batman?

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1986: Nightmares in Wonderland – Chapters Six and Seven

Title: Nightmares in Wonderland
Author:  OnlyALittleMad
Media: Movie / Video Game
Topic: American McGee’s Alice / Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
Genre: Suspense/Horror
URL: Nightmares in Wonderland
Critiqued by TacoMagic

Heyo, patrons!  Welcome back to “Nightmares in Wonderland!”

Last time we had two solid chapters of padding.  Literally nothing of interest happened; all we got was hardcore mirror fixation and brooding.  Fortunately, Maddie seemed to, at some level, understand that what she was writing wasn’t very good.  Unfortunately she quashed those instincts and posted the chapters up anyway.  C’est la vie.

Let’s see what she’s got in store for us this week!

Chapter 6: Look Beyond What You See

Oh shit, is this going to turn into a Matrix cross, too!? Read the rest of this entry »


1983: Nightmares in Wonderland – Chapters Four and Five

Title: Nightmares in Wonderland
Author:  OnlyALittleMad
Media: Movie / Video Game
Topic: American McGee’s Alice / Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
Genre: Suspense/Horror
URL: Nightmares in Wonderland
Critiqued by TacoMagic

Howdy, doodly-do, patrons!

Last time in Nightmares in Wonderland we didn’t make much plot progression.  It was mostly just empty grimdork edginess pandering as Alice was locked in a jail cell by a pirate orderly in the prison wing of the Arkham Rutledge Asylum.  There was also a small child in the cell with her named Maggie, who may be a delusion or might be an author insertion (it’s a close call since the author’s name is similar); we’re going to keep an eye on that situation.  Meanwhile, we learned that Wonka has a Dark Tortured Past™ of being an inmate of the Arkham Rutledge Asylum.  And that was pretty much it.  Three sentences to sum up two whole chapters.  Not great, author, not great.

Onwards!

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