2358: Son of a Smith – Chapter 2

Title: Son of a Smith
Author: DemonKnight312
Media: Comic Book? Cartoon? ff.net lumps the animated Justice League into the same section as the comics, so it’s impossible to tell.
Topic: Justice League
Genre: Supernatural / Friendship
URL: Chapter 2
Critiqued by BatJamags

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your host, BatJamags, and we’re back with another Justice League fic that I think was a Batman fic in disguise. Seriously, what is with that?

Anyway, last time our self-insert got reborn as the demigod child of Hephaestus and some random Amazon who was named after food. He went to school in Gotham and made friends with baby Pamela Isley and eight-year-old Bruce Wayne. He also swore a lot, which is mostly my job. We resume the fic in the process of building an obnoxious Gotham Babies spinoff series.

Actually, I’m pretty sure we already got one of those, but I guess it didn’t have a totes badass to the max self-insert in it.

Four years since I met Bruce but damn it all the little bastard endeared himself to me, I often do wonder if this is what it’s like to have a little brother.

Bruce Wayne: Well known for endearing himself to people.

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2351: Son of a Smith – Chapter 1

Title: Son of a Smith
Author: DemonKnight312
Media: Comic Book? Cartoon? ff.net lumps the animated Justice League into the same section as the comics, so it’s impossible to tell.
Topic: Justice League
Genre: Supernatural / Friendship
URL: Chapter 1
Critiqued by BatJamags

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your host, BatJamags, and I lied to you. I said I’d find a bad Justice League oneshot, but this thing has two chapters, so yeah. There’s that. I’ll be doing this for two weeks and then we’ll get back to The Red Queen. And I’m like 40% certain we’ll get back to The Shadow Warriors sometime this year maybe. Anyway, I don’t really know what I’m getting into with this one, but it’s called Son of a Smith, which I figure is like a son of a preacher man.

OK, maybe not. Let’s look at the summary!

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2247: The Garfield Story One-shot

The Garfield Story One-shot
Title: The Garfield Story
Author: ShakespeareHemmingway (yes that one)
Media: Cartoon/Movie
Topic: Garfield/A Christmas Story
Genre: Drama/Supernatural
URL: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10963071/1/The-Garfield-Story
Critiqued By: Crazy Minh & Biskit

CZM: Captain’s log: Stardate 24356.52.3. I have just assumed command of the Starship Bongo after my riffing studio was unexpectedly blown to pieces in a tragic failure of a “completely routine chemical experiment” by a individual whose identity will remain unknown for the purposes of this log. We are now on a five month mission to the Fanfictium Nebula to conduct a…

Biskit: Captain Crazy sir! There’s a red thingy on the scopes!!!

CZM: Dear god. Don’t call me ‘Captain Crazy’ while we’re on duty. Afterwards, that’s perfectly fine. Status of the red-thingy?

Biskit: It appears to be a class-2 unmanned probe. It’s IFF identifies it as a message buoy sent from the Library Servers. Receiving our assignment data:

CZM: *reads mission briefing* FUCK! Oh nononononono!!! We are NOT doing this!!!

Biskit: Captain, may I remind you that you’re on probation right now? You don’t have the capacity to refuse given orders.

CZM: *sigh* Ok. On-screen.

*riff-of-the-day pops up on the main veiwer*

CZM: Hello patrons, and welcome to our guest review of ‘The Garfield Story’, a one-shot by the author who brought you ‘Garfield Effect: Galaxy Adventures’. I’m your captain and guest riffer Crazy Minh…

Biskit: …and I’m the First Officer and double-guest riffer Biskit.

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2224: Howl – Chapter 5

Title: Howl
Author: naturally morbid
Media: Film
Topic: Die Hard
Genre: Supernatural / Romance / Holiday Cheer
URL: Chapter 5
Critiqued by BatJamags (BadJamags and GoodJamags)

Dun dun DUNNNNNNNN! count: 59

On the Eleventh Day of Sithmas, the Library gave to me…
Eleven dooters dooting,
Ten sharks a-jumping,
Nine edgelords edging,
Eight reincarnating idiots,
Seven Dakwraiths brewing,
Six tranquilizings,
FIVE! IGUANODON! COOKIES!
Four key lime pies,
The third moon of Jupiter,
Two talking raptors,
And porno music on the intercom!

On the Twelfth Day of Sithmas, the Library gave to me…
Twelve ninjas buttering,
Eleven dooters dooting,
Ten sharks a-jumping,
Nine edgelords edging,
Eight reincarnating idiots,
Seven Darkwraiths brewing,
Six tranquilizings,
FIVE! IGUANODON! COOKIES!
Four key lime pies,
The third moon of Jupiter,
Two talking raptors,
And porno music on the intercom!

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your host, BatJamags…

GoodJamags: … And I’m your guest host, GoodJamags…

… And we’re back with the final installment of Howl! Let’s dive right in, shall we?

Author’s Note: Finally back with another installment.

We noticed.

However, I am sorry it is so short!

We’re not.

School is pretty much just kicking my butt right now, along with some changes at work and stuff.

Don’t care.

I will keep working on it though.

Obviously not.

Thank you so much for all the support and I hope you enjoy this latest part!

We won’t.

GoodJamags: Line break!

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2220: Howl – Chapter 4

Title: Howl
Author: naturally morbid
Media: Film
Topic: Die Hard
Genre: Supernatural / Romance / Holiday Cheer
URL: Chapter 4
Critiqued by BatJamags (BadJamags and GoodJamags)

Dun dun DUNNNNNNNN! count: 44

On the Ninth Day of Sithmas, the Library gave to me…
Nine edgelords edging,
Eight reincarnating idiots,
Seven Darkwraiths brewing,
Six tranquilizings,
FIVE! IGUANODON! COOKIES!
Four key lime pies,
The third moon of Jupiter,
Two talking raptors,
And porno music on the intercom!

On the Tenth Day of Sithmas, the Library gave to me…
Ten sharks a-jumping,
Nine edgelords edging,
Eight reincarniting idiots,
Seven Darkwraiths brewing,
Six tranquilizings,
FIVE! IGUANODON! COOKIES!
Four key lime pies,
The third moon of Jupiter,
Two talking raptors,
And porno music on the intercom!

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your host, BatJamags…

GoodJamags: … And I’m your guest host, GoodJamags…

… And we’re back with more of this festive Christmas romp! Last time, Hans called his brother and busted the hacker guy out of jail. This took far more wordcount than necessary.

GoodJamags: Let’s dive on in!

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2215: Howl – Chapter 3

Title: Howl
Author: naturally morbid
Media: Film
Topic: Die Hard
Genre: Supernatural / Romance / Holiday Cheer
URL: Chapter 3
Critiqued by BatJamags (BadJamags and GoodJamags)

Dun dun DUNNNNNNNN! count: 26

On the seventh day of Sithmas, the Library gave to me…
Seven Darkwraiths brewing,
Six tranquilizings,
FIVE! IGUANODON! COOKIES!
Four key lime pies,
The third moon of Jupiter,
Two talking raptors,
And porno music on the intercom!

On the eighth day of Sithmas, the Library gave to me…
Eight reincarnating idiots,
Seven Darkwraiths brewing,
Six tranquilizings,
FIVE! IGUANODON! COOKIES!
Four key lime pies,
The third moon of Jupiter,
Two talking Raptors,
And porno music on the intercom!

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your host, BatJamags…

GoodJamags: … And I’m your guest host, GoodJamags…

… And we’re back with more of Howl, because apparently it’s festive or something.

GoodJamags: This still absolutely counts as a Christmas fic.

Whatever you say. Last time, we had an extended flashback where Hans boned the Sue and probably got wolfed, except for some reason his wolfiness didn’t surface for apparently some years afterwards. Why? Who gives a fuck?

Author’s Note: Alright, finally chapter three.

Not yet, apparently. We’ve got to wade through an unnecessarily long author’s note first. Gee, sure would be nice if we didn’t have to do that. I wonder if there’s some way of not putting those in the fic?

I’ve actually had it mostly written for a while, at least in my head.

No one cares.

Then I got a bit stuck and some stuff happened in my family, etc.

No one cares.

So, as usual, a bit alternate universe.

GoodJamags: You already said that in the first chapter. I don’t think you need to repeat it here.

Theo and Simon both make an appearance, sort of.

Stop writing about writing it and just write it.

Sort of a filler, but getting closer to the good stuff, if you know what I mean, or at least the overall purpose.

THE ENTIRE FUCKING FIC HAS BEEN FILLER, YOU LONG-WINDED HACK!

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2211: Howl – Chapter 2

Title: Howl
Author: naturally morbid
Media: Film
Topic: Die Hard
Genre: Supernatural / Romance / Author’s Note / Holiday Cheer
URL: Chapter 2
Critiqued by BatJamags and GoodJamags

WARNING: Hey, you know what’s more fun than sticking suicide trivialization in the first chapter of your fic? Sticking it in the first two chapters of your fic.

WARNING 2: RAGE-INDUCING BOOGALOO: And our protagonist casually considers raping somebody. This fucking fic, man.

Beware, patrons! There’s sensuality in this chapter! And drinking! When will the debauchery end?! Yes, this is the part our dear author sees fit to warn us about.

Dun dun DUNNNNNNNN! count: 18

On the fourth day of Sithmas, the Library gave to me…
Four key lime pies,
The third moon of Jupiter,
Two talking raptors,
And porno music on the intercom!

On the fifth day of Sithmas, the Library gave to me…
FIVE! IGUANODON! COOKIES!
Four key lime pies,
The third moon of Jupiter,
Two talking raptors,
And porno music on the intercom!

On the sixth day of Sithmas, the Library gave to me…
Six tranquilizings,
FIVE! IGUANODON! COOKIES!
Four key lime pies,
The third moon of Jupiter,
Two talking raptors,
And porno music on the intercom!

Hello once again, and happy holidays, patrons! I’m your host, BatJamags…

GoodJamags: … And I’m your guest host, GoodJamags…

… And we’re back with another thrilling chapter of Howl. GJ, tell them what happened last chapter.

GoodJamags: Absolutely nothing.

Bingo! To elaborate, there was an unnecessarily long author’s note. Then there was a pretentious and somewhat confusing journal thing. Then Hans Gruber from Die Hard survived getting shot out of a skyscraper because he was a werewolf. He killed some teenagers and decided to leave the country to go talk to the Sue.

GoodJamags: All of this was muddled by a multitude of incoherent tangents.

Indeed. The lack of proofreading is strong with this one.

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