2450: Project: Der Schlanker Mann – Oneshot

Title: Slender
Author: optimus27000
Media: Video Game
Topic: Slender: The Eight Pages
Genre: Horror/Supernatural
URL: Chapter 1
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

 

Hello, dear Patrons, and welcome to yet more ‘interesting’ interpretations of Slendpai.

This fic has a very … brief summary.

This is the origin of the infamous Slender Man

Based on my extensive experience reading Slender Man fics, it’s probably going to be one of three things; alien/cryptid species, evil science experiment, or he’s going to be some sort of supernatural entity.

Project:Der Schlanker Mann

You know it’s going to be scary ’cause it’s in German.

I’m going to warn you that this fic is one dense Wall-o-Text that doesn’t even have spaces between the (run-on) sentences, so I’m going to do my best to chop it into more manageable bricks.

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2443: Slender – Oneshot

Title: Slender
Author: TheWanderingSaint
Media: Video Game
Topic: Slender: The Eight Pages
Genre: Horror/Supernatural
URL: Chapter 1
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

 

 

Hello, dear Patrons, and welcome to my first Spooktober offering! Which, to absolutely no one’s surprise, is a Slender Man fic. It’s not a tentacle rape fic, though, even though I had an embarrassment of riches to pull from.

Let’s take a look at the summary to see why this one drew my attention.

Can anyone escape the beast known as Slender Man? Oneshot. I know this story is everywhere, but it’s supposed to be chaotic. Whether or not I succeeded is up to you.

Good to see you’re setting the bar low early, author.

Perhaps it’s just the old tabletop gamer in me, but any time I see someone claim they’re going to be going “chaotic” it usually makes me think they are going to try to get away with doing whatever the hell they want and then blame any inconsistencies in behaviour on their alignment.

I never should have let him out of his cage! I sprinted down the hallway. I could feel him behind me.

…I might have grabbed one of the Slendtai fics by mistake.

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2358: Son of a Smith – Chapter 2

Title: Son of a Smith
Author: DemonKnight312
Media: Comic Book? Cartoon? ff.net lumps the animated Justice League into the same section as the comics, so it’s impossible to tell.
Topic: Justice League
Genre: Supernatural / Friendship
URL: Chapter 2
Critiqued by BatJamags

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your host, BatJamags, and we’re back with another Justice League fic that I think was a Batman fic in disguise. Seriously, what is with that?

Anyway, last time our self-insert got reborn as the demigod child of Hephaestus and some random Amazon who was named after food. He went to school in Gotham and made friends with baby Pamela Isley and eight-year-old Bruce Wayne. He also swore a lot, which is mostly my job. We resume the fic in the process of building an obnoxious Gotham Babies spinoff series.

Actually, I’m pretty sure we already got one of those, but I guess it didn’t have a totes badass to the max self-insert in it.

Four years since I met Bruce but damn it all the little bastard endeared himself to me, I often do wonder if this is what it’s like to have a little brother.

Bruce Wayne: Well known for endearing himself to people.

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2351: Son of a Smith – Chapter 1

Title: Son of a Smith
Author: DemonKnight312
Media: Comic Book? Cartoon? ff.net lumps the animated Justice League into the same section as the comics, so it’s impossible to tell.
Topic: Justice League
Genre: Supernatural / Friendship
URL: Chapter 1
Critiqued by BatJamags

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your host, BatJamags, and I lied to you. I said I’d find a bad Justice League oneshot, but this thing has two chapters, so yeah. There’s that. I’ll be doing this for two weeks and then we’ll get back to The Red Queen. And I’m like 40% certain we’ll get back to The Shadow Warriors sometime this year maybe. Anyway, I don’t really know what I’m getting into with this one, but it’s called Son of a Smith, which I figure is like a son of a preacher man.

OK, maybe not. Let’s look at the summary!

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2247: The Garfield Story One-shot

The Garfield Story One-shot
Title: The Garfield Story
Author: ShakespeareHemmingway (yes that one)
Media: Cartoon/Movie
Topic: Garfield/A Christmas Story
Genre: Drama/Supernatural
URL: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10963071/1/The-Garfield-Story
Critiqued By: Crazy Minh & Biskit

CZM: Captain’s log: Stardate 24356.52.3. I have just assumed command of the Starship Bongo after my riffing studio was unexpectedly blown to pieces in a tragic failure of a “completely routine chemical experiment” by a individual whose identity will remain unknown for the purposes of this log. We are now on a five month mission to the Fanfictium Nebula to conduct a…

Biskit: Captain Crazy sir! There’s a red thingy on the scopes!!!

CZM: Dear god. Don’t call me ‘Captain Crazy’ while we’re on duty. Afterwards, that’s perfectly fine. Status of the red-thingy?

Biskit: It appears to be a class-2 unmanned probe. It’s IFF identifies it as a message buoy sent from the Library Servers. Receiving our assignment data:

CZM: *reads mission briefing* FUCK! Oh nononononono!!! We are NOT doing this!!!

Biskit: Captain, may I remind you that you’re on probation right now? You don’t have the capacity to refuse given orders.

CZM: *sigh* Ok. On-screen.

*riff-of-the-day pops up on the main veiwer*

CZM: Hello patrons, and welcome to our guest review of ‘The Garfield Story’, a one-shot by the author who brought you ‘Garfield Effect: Galaxy Adventures’. I’m your captain and guest riffer Crazy Minh…

Biskit: …and I’m the First Officer and double-guest riffer Biskit.

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2224: Howl – Chapter 5

Title: Howl
Author: naturally morbid
Media: Film
Topic: Die Hard
Genre: Supernatural / Romance / Holiday Cheer
URL: Chapter 5
Critiqued by BatJamags (BadJamags and GoodJamags)

Dun dun DUNNNNNNNN! count: 59

On the Eleventh Day of Sithmas, the Library gave to me…
Eleven dooters dooting,
Ten sharks a-jumping,
Nine edgelords edging,
Eight reincarnating idiots,
Seven Dakwraiths brewing,
Six tranquilizings,
FIVE! IGUANODON! COOKIES!
Four key lime pies,
The third moon of Jupiter,
Two talking raptors,
And porno music on the intercom!

On the Twelfth Day of Sithmas, the Library gave to me…
Twelve ninjas buttering,
Eleven dooters dooting,
Ten sharks a-jumping,
Nine edgelords edging,
Eight reincarnating idiots,
Seven Darkwraiths brewing,
Six tranquilizings,
FIVE! IGUANODON! COOKIES!
Four key lime pies,
The third moon of Jupiter,
Two talking raptors,
And porno music on the intercom!

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your host, BatJamags…

GoodJamags: … And I’m your guest host, GoodJamags…

… And we’re back with the final installment of Howl! Let’s dive right in, shall we?

Author’s Note: Finally back with another installment.

We noticed.

However, I am sorry it is so short!

We’re not.

School is pretty much just kicking my butt right now, along with some changes at work and stuff.

Don’t care.

I will keep working on it though.

Obviously not.

Thank you so much for all the support and I hope you enjoy this latest part!

We won’t.

GoodJamags: Line break!

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2220: Howl – Chapter 4

Title: Howl
Author: naturally morbid
Media: Film
Topic: Die Hard
Genre: Supernatural / Romance / Holiday Cheer
URL: Chapter 4
Critiqued by BatJamags (BadJamags and GoodJamags)

Dun dun DUNNNNNNNN! count: 44

On the Ninth Day of Sithmas, the Library gave to me…
Nine edgelords edging,
Eight reincarnating idiots,
Seven Darkwraiths brewing,
Six tranquilizings,
FIVE! IGUANODON! COOKIES!
Four key lime pies,
The third moon of Jupiter,
Two talking raptors,
And porno music on the intercom!

On the Tenth Day of Sithmas, the Library gave to me…
Ten sharks a-jumping,
Nine edgelords edging,
Eight reincarniting idiots,
Seven Darkwraiths brewing,
Six tranquilizings,
FIVE! IGUANODON! COOKIES!
Four key lime pies,
The third moon of Jupiter,
Two talking raptors,
And porno music on the intercom!

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your host, BatJamags…

GoodJamags: … And I’m your guest host, GoodJamags…

… And we’re back with more of this festive Christmas romp! Last time, Hans called his brother and busted the hacker guy out of jail. This took far more wordcount than necessary.

GoodJamags: Let’s dive on in!

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