2578: The Shadow Warriors – Chapter 32

Title: The Shadow Warriors
Author: Shadow knight1121
Media: Comics
Topic: Justice League
Genre: Crime/Mystery
URL: Chapter 32
Critiqued by BatJamags (GoodJamags)

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your host, BatJamags*, and we’re back with the next chapter of The Shadow Warriors. Last time, Hush and the Legion of Dumb staged a hostile takeover of Wayne Enterprises to try to make an army of Bruticuses (Brutici?).

Also, Edgelord and an army of Sues and Stus tried to take over the Riffcave, but were subsequently stopped by Batman. This mostly happened because I got bored, but now that we’ve captured Edgelord, I can drag him in here as necessary to explain his stupidity.

*A quick reference on how big the Backlog of Doom was: This is the riff I was writing when I became a permanent riffer back in April of 2018. I put the asterisk here because this was the first post I converted from saying “guest host” to just “host.”

Anyway, let’s hit the chapterly news briefing before we go any further.

Opener

As usual, credit to Anne for this.

Chapter 32: Retribution: Part 1

Ooh, is this retribution of the right of the wronged because the right are wrong and wronged the right of the wrong, who are not justice of the right?

Read the rest of this entry »


2575: The Shadow Warriors – Chapter 31, Part 2

Title: The Shadow Warriors
Author: Shadow knight1121
Media: Comics
Topic: Justice League
Genre: Crime/Mystery
URL: Chapter 31
Critiqued by BatJamags (GoodJamags and BadJamags)

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your guest host, BatJamags…

BadJamags: … And I’m your usual guest host, the real BatJamags…

… And we’re back with the next section of The Shadow Warriors!

BadJamags: Last time, we watched a poorly-composed scene where the Legion of Dumb attacked Batman and proved completely inept, enabling Bats to get away and prepare his counterattack.

Also, Edgelord and all of our past Sues and Stus broke into the Riffcave and are holding the two of us hostage so that we don’t interfere with his plans. Edgelord ended up shooting Raya Sue and Smugularity, but Smugularity got better. Cerbersheep trampled Dr. Moneybags to death and Sueby Psychose was badly burned in a misguided attempt to add Cerbs to her Grimm menagerie.

Edgelord: I really should’ve just used my normal crew for this. They can at least pretend to be competent.

Smugularity: I’ll have you know that my Mandalorians are the most competent warriors in the galax-

Edgelord: Stop talking. You two, move on with the story.

But what about the chapterly news briefing?

Edgelord: Don’t push your luck.

BadJamags: Also, it’s not a new chapter. Sadness.

Read the rest of this entry »


2569: The Shadow Warriors – Chapter 31, Part 1

Title: The Shadow Warriors
Author: Shadow knight1121
Media: Comics
Topic: Justice League
Genre: Crime/Mystery
URL: Chapter 31
Critiqued by BatJamags (GoodJamags and BadJamags)

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your host, BatJamags…

BadJamags: … And I’m your usual host, the real BatJamags…

… And we’re back with the next section of The Shadow Warriors! We’ll check in with your chapterly news briefing right quick…

Opener

As usual, credit to Anne for this.

BadJamags: I don’t wanna do it.

Too bad. So, last time our intrepid heroes were confronted by some kind of Edgelord Legion of Doom.

BadJamags: They got their asses beat and we were told that Batman is dead. I didn’t buy that one the last eight or so times the mainstream comics have tried to tell us that in the past decade or two and I’m not falling for it here.

BadJamags: I mean, there was literally a minor event where every even tangentially Batman-related book released in a certain month declared “THIS ISSUE: BATMAN DIES!!!” on the cover. Some of the issues’ attempts (or lack thereof) to deliver on the promise were so half-assed it was hilarious. The Batgirl series (the good one, with Cassandra Cain) basically had the following conversation:

“So I totally killed Batman.”

“Then how’d you get beaten up?”

“Oh, I guess I didn’t kill Batman.”

BadJamags: … And in Birds of Prey, in the background of one panel you can see Batman fighting a bear for no reason in an unrelated issue and it’s never brought up again. I adore that series, but it sometimes gave no fucks whatsoever.

Are you done?

BadJamags: It’s certainly more interesting than the fic.

Touche. Anyway, the Dork Patrol was finally rescued from the Legion of Dumb by the timely intervention of *sigh* yet another edgelord (lowercase e – big E is for Edgelord Prime).

BadJamags: The reason a big E was used when he said “Edgelord Legion of Doom” was because they were almost certainly organized by none other than Jayden Warney himself for some sinister purpose. Explains how they know everybody’s Secret IDs (which, if I recall correctly, is not otherwise explained, so… yeah).

Right, let’s press on to the chapter.

Chapter 31: Big Changes

Like when you use a hundred-dollar bill to pay for a candy bar.

Read the rest of this entry »


2555: Five Nights with Jack – Chapter 7

Title: Five Nights with Jack
Author: mah29732
Media: Video Game/TV Show
Topic: Five Nights at Freddy’s/Samurai Jack
Genre: Mystery/Suspense
URL: Chapter 7
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

 

 

Hello, dear Patrons, and welcome to the last chapter of the fic! Now, I can’t actually remember if this fic is listed as being completed or if it is one of the many abandoned fics that have made their way to the Library, and I’m too lazy to actually go check so it will be a surprise for all of us when we get to the end.

The last chapter ended with a small nugget of what passes for excitement, with the explosive death of Springtrap and the arrival of a (possibly unrelated) Generic Purple Spirit that is exceedingly polite and doesn’t just attack Jack after delivering what I assume is meant to be a threat. Since it is the last chapter, the Generic Purple Spirit will probably threaten and/or attack, someone (either Aku or the Generic Purple Spirit) will steal Jack’s sword – but Jack will get it back within a paragraph or two, kick moderate ass, the ‘time machine’ will either be fake or somehow be destroyed just before Jack can use it, Aku will run off (while laughing evilly, no doubt) and then everything will return to the status quo.

Let’s see if I’m right!

Chapter 7: The Purple Spirit

It’s prose shall be both florid and insubstantial! Truly one of the most terrifying of all spectral entities.

Read the rest of this entry »


2551: Five Nights with Jack – Chapter 6

Title: Five Nights with Jack
Author: mah29732
Media: Video Game/TV Show
Topic: Five Nights at Freddy’s/Samurai Jack
Genre: Mystery/Suspense
URL: Chapter 6
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

 

Hello and Happy Valentine’s Day, dear Patrons! If you find yourself still looking for love in all the wrong places, we have an entire clan of ninjas that can locate damn near anything except missing socks available and they have very reasonable rates.

Welcome to the penultimate chapter! I know, if feels like it’s been going on forever. I gave up keeping count of which night we’re on a long time ago. Third? Fourth? Ninety-fifth? Somewhere in there.

The previous chapter ended on what I guess could technically be called a cliffhanger, as Springtrap had stolen Jack’s sword. Jack will no doubt rush out and reclaim his blade very quickly, so I’m not overly worried about any dramatic tension building. It might cut into the time Jack can spend glaring at things.

Now, on to the fic!

Chapter 6: Finding the Sword

:points into the Void:

It’s over there! Probably.

Read the rest of this entry »


2546: Five Nights with Jack – Chapter 5

Title: Five Nights with Jack
Author: mah29732
Media: Video Game/TV Show
Topic: Five Nights at Freddy’s/Samurai Jack
Genre: Mystery/Suspense
URL: Chapter 5
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

 

 

Hello, dear Patrons, and welcome to more crossover blandness.

In our last chapter, there was a big showdown between Aku and Jack! And by “showdown” I mean that Aku stole the magic sword but Jack almost immediately got it back because reasons.

Also, questionable pizza was involved.

On to the next chapter!

Chapter 5: Aku Finds Springtrap

:headdesk:

I theorized in the last chapter that Aku was likely going to cycle through the animatronics and possess them in turn so that Jack could “battle” (I use the term extremely loosely) each one singly, and this is only reinforcing that opinion.

Aku needed to find a new source to help him in his quest against the pesky samurai,

Because for some reason, just attacking him directly, or carpet-bombing the restaurant, or anything that might accomplish the goal of killing Jack is out of the question.

as the night went on, Jack continued to monitor the animaltronics through the cameras.

:yawns:

This is like watching a Minecraft tutorial, only less interesting because nothing gets accomplished and there’s significantly less chance someone will get attacked by the pixelated undead.

Read the rest of this entry »


2540: Five Nights with Jack – Chapter 4

Title: Five Nights with Jack
Author: mah29732
Media: Video Game/TV Show
Topic: Five Nights at Freddy’s/Samurai Jack
Genre: Mystery/Suspense
URL: Chapter 4
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

 

 

 

Hello, dear Patrons, and welcome to more … whatever this trainwreck is.

In the last chapter there was a confrontation between Jack and Aku, until Aku got bored and wandered off. Then some other stuff happened, but no one really cares about that because it probably isn’t important.

Also, the Big Book of Ponderations for Sleepless Nights is still here, hovering in the corner, and a cluster of raccoons has built a shrine that mostly looks to be made of tin foil and apple cores around it. Not sure where the raccoons came from, but I’ve learned not to question things too closely.

Chapter 4: Sensing Aku

Is it really that hard to find a near-omnipotent shape-shifting demon who rules the entire universe?

Jack was awaiting the next night when he was doing his best during the day to try to hunt for Aku.

From inside the pizza restaurant, where he’s locked up until the five nights have passed. All Aku would have to do to get away is just … Leave.

It’s almost as if this fic is designed to suck all the dramatic tension out of itself.

Read the rest of this entry »