2400: Captain Rapist’s Quarter-Assed Adventure – Chapter 1 Part 2

Title: Trapped in 40k
Author: Eclipse Pheniox
Topic: Warhammer 40,000
Media: Tabletop Game
Genre: Sci-fi/Mystery
URL: Chapter 1
Critiqued by Crazy Minh and Major Wade

Look, this is a EP fic. Just…just be on the lookout for pretty much ~all~ the triggers here. Trivialisation of something is to be expected. May the Force be with you, Patrons.

Hello Patrons, and welcome back to part two of Eclipse Pheniox’s ‘Trapped In 40k’, a rewrite of the equally terrible ‘Trapped’. I’m your guest riffer, Crazy Minh, and today we’ll be diving ever deeper into the hellgate that is this fic. Last time, a Inquisitor did the impossible task of capturing a Farseer, threatened a member of her command for doing his job, EP fell out of a exploding Webway gate, and we got vaguely introduced to EP’s rewritten harem. Now, let us begin our descent into hell once more!

So… I guess we’re just going to ignore the fact that you dragged me backwards in time to riff this with you, before you actually introduced me?

Hey man, this is a starship. Lotsa impossible wibbly-wobbly-timey-wimey bullshit happens aboard these things. I mean, space may be a final frontier; but it’s not the final frontier. There’s always some frontier to break new ground on.

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2381: Trapped in 40K (AKA Captain Rapist’s *Even More* Half-Assed Adventure) – Chapter 1

Title: Trapped in 40k
Author: Eclipse Pheniox
Topic: Warhammer 40,000
Media: Tabletop Game
Genre: Sci-fi/Mystery
URL: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12486706
Critiqued by Crazy Minh

Look, this is a EP fic. Just…just be on the lookout for pretty much ~all~ the triggers here. Trivialisation of something is to be expected. May the Force be with you, Patrons.

Yes, I am doing motherfucking ‘Trapped in 40k’. Yes, this is the rewrite of ‘Trapped’ by our “esteemed” friend EP. And yes, it is about as shit as it gets. Hello patrons, I’m your guest riffer, Crazy Minh, and I’ll be alternating this with SUECOM every other posting. Hopefully. Anyway, let’s see how far down this rabbit hole goes.

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2291: The Darkening of Equestria — One-Shot

Title: The Darkening of Equestria
Author: Shadow Stormblade
Media: Cartoon
Topic: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Genre: Romance, Dark, Adventure, Mystery, (pauses for breath) and Thriller
URL: Entire ‘Fic
Critiqued by: Serketry

*Indiscriminate staticky sounds*

*TAP TAP TAP* Is this thing on? Hello? Alright, signal looks strong. Morning, y’all, I’m Serketry, and today I’m reporting in live from the Frozen North. My surviving broodmates and I are back at the old hatchery, celebrating our brood-elder’s 80th, and it’s quite the trip down memory lane.

snowling

I remember being taught the basics of engine maintenance, proper firearm safety, and how to operate an excavator- that very one, back there, half-buried in a ditch! Skills still I use to this very day. And before you ask, of course we have a basecamp set up monitoring the Crystal Empire, the love capitol of the world. The question isn’t ‘where are we hiding’, it’s ‘who have we already replaced.’

Well, a janitor’s work is never done, so let’s look at what we’ve got here… The Darkening of Equestria, by Shadow Stormblade. Oh, it’s a recent one, too! Early 2017, by the looks of it. Right after… Season 6…

The horror… The candy-coated horror…

Huh? What do you mean I’ve been sitting here for over an hour? Oh. Alright, moving on. Tags, tell us what we’re dealing wi-

darkening_tags.png

Oh son of a fucking bitch. Wha- HOW?! This fic has, like, 1100 words! How do you fit so much shit into so little space?

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2284: The Shadow Warriors – Chapter 25

Title: The Shadow Warriors
Author: Shadow knight1121
Media: Comics
Topic: Justice League
Genre: Crime/Mystery
URL: Chapter 25
Critiqued by BatJamags (GoodJamags) and Kane

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your host, BatJamags, and I’m back with the end of this five-chapter chunk of The Shadow Warriors! I don’t know about you, but I’ll be excited to get back to something that’s not this. Not that I’m the same person as BadJamags, who would be the one hypothetically riffing a thing that’s not this. That’s just silly.

Last chapter, we had a villain teamup of Damian Cole (a vile, disgusting perpetrator of the atrocities which can only be known as “experiments,” for to explain them in more detail would be to forever shatter the sacred bond of nonspecificity between author and reader), Adam Kinsley (one of the most hilariously over-the-top Awesome McEvils I’ve ever seen and the newly renicknamed Miranda Strawson’s father), and Lex Luthor (who’s actually still pretty cool).

#lexwrecks

Anyway, they made some superfurries, didn’t quite understand the concept of cloning, kidnapped Edgelord and Miranda Strawson, and turned those two into superfurries. So, let’s check in on our chapterly news briefing and get started!

Opener

As usual, credit to Anne for this.

Chapter 25: Wolfman Vs. Batman

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2279: The Shadow Warriors – Chapter 24

Title: The Shadow Warriors
Author: Shadow knight1121
Media: Comics
Topic: Justice League
Genre: Crime/Mystery
URL: Chapter 24 – https://www.fanfiction.net/s/8306604/24/The-Shadow-Warriors
Critiqued by BatJamags (GoodJamags)

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your host, BatJamags, and I’m back with more of The Shadow Warriors, the fic that was actually getting better for a while until we took a nosedive back into edge-land.

Last time, Sam Motherfuckin’ Jackson blew up His Idiocy’s arms. Yes, really.

And that’s about it. Let’s take a look at our chapterly news briefing, I suppose.

Opener

As usual, credit to Anne for this.

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2273: The Shadow Warriors – Chapter 23

Title: The Shadow Warriors
Author: Shadow knight1121
Media: Comics
Topic: Justice League
Genre: Crime/Mystery
URL: Chapter 23
Critiqued by BatJamags (GoodJamags)

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your host, BatJamags, and I’m back with the next thrilling chapter of The Shadow Warriors.

Last time, everyone moped around for a while, Sam Motherfuckin’ Jackson’s backstory continued to be dumb and interchangeable with all these other “characters’” backstories, and then they all went back to their headquarters to try to dislodge the absurd supervillain who the author has dubbed King Leonae. SMJ and Edgelord confronted His Travesty, who promptly made a break for it, pursued by SMJ, while Bane dropped out of the ceiling and fought Edgelord.

Yeah. Now, before we get started, your chapterly news briefing:

Opener

As usual, credit to Anne for this.

Let’s start the next chapter!

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2268: The Shadow Warriors – Chapter 22

Title: The Shadow Warriors
Author: Shadow knight1121
Media: Comics
Topic: Justice League
Genre: Crime/Mystery
URL: Chapter 22
Critiqued by BatJamags (GoodJamags)

WARNING: Hey, domestic abuse is a funny joke, right? Wait, you mean it isn’t? Well, somebody should go tell Shadow knight1121 immediately!

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your host, BatJamags, and I’m back with yet another edgetacular chapter of The Shadow Warriors!

Last time, our villain of the week(s), Johnny Simmons, showed up at the Dork Patrol’s headquarters, only this time he was dressed up in a gaudy outfit as a Silver-Agey knockoff of King Tut from the Batman TV show with Adam West. He calls himself “King Leonae,” the “King of Gotham,” even though there are a lot of reasons that makes no sense.

Also he’s British now, even though he was not at all described as speaking with an accent.

Anyway, in a surprising and oddly satisfying display of decent pacing and tension, King Leonae and Bane trashed the EGA’s headquarters and sent them running with their tails between their legs. And before we get started, your chapterly news briefing.

Opener

As always, credit to Anne for this.

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