1813: Coffin Rock – Chapter Two

Title: Coffin Rock: Retold
Author: PureNexus
Media: Movies
Topic: The Blair Witch Project/Alpha and Omega
Genre: Mystery and Horror
URL:  Chapter Two
Critiqued by Angie

Hello, hello! Welcome back to another edition of Coffin Rock: Untold. Last time, an OC named Aaron told Kate, Humphrey and Garth not to go to Idaho and to instead go to Maryland. That’s it. That’s the plot of chapter one.

Let’s dive into chapter two!

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1808: The Shadow Warriors – Chapter Three, Part Two

Title: The Shadow Warriors
Author: Shadow knight1121
Media: Comics
Topic: Justice League
Genre: Crime/Mystery
URL: Chapter 3
Critiqued by BatJamags (GoodJamags)

Shadow Kill count: 4

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your guest host, GoodJamags, and we’re back for more of the Shadow Warriors. Oh, and I’m still unperson-ing a guest guest host.

Let’s dive back in.

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1802: The Shadow Warriors – Chapter Three

Title: The Shadow Warriors
Author: Shadow knight1121
Media: Comics
Topic: Justice League
Genre: Crime/Mystery
URL: Chapter Three
Critiqued by BatJamags (GoodJamags)

Shadow Kill count: 4

[NOTE: This riff used to have a guest riffer. She ended up being boring and not showing up again, so if any of this sounds like it was written as two-person dialogue, that’s why. I’ve tried to clean it all up, though.]

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your guest host, GoodJamags, and your usual guest host is still tied up in the basement-

Muffled Voice: Fuck you!

Anyway, last time on the Shadow Warriors, Edgelord, Generic Female Unit #1, and The Other Jason fought Two-Face, and killed him. Luckily, it turned out not to be Two-Face, but Clayface! So, they fought Clayface in an epic battle, the sheer scale and tension of which would make Dakari-King Mykan proud.

Then, the requisite Deus ex Machina came in the form of Sam Motherfuckin’ Jackson, who was all like “Enough is enough! I have had it with these motherfuckin’ supervillains in this motherfuckin’ town!” Then, he battled Clayface with his purple lightsaber, did the Pulp Fiction speech, and then recruited Edgelord, GFU1, and TOJ to the Avengers Initiative.

And got eaten by a raptor or something. While advertising the Capital One Venture Card. What’s in your wallet?

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1798: Coffin Rock: Retold – Chapter One

Title: Coffin Rock: Retold
Author: PureNexus
Media: Movies
Topic: The Blair Witch Project/Alpha and Omega
Genre: Mystery and Horror
URL: Chapter One
Critiqued by Angie

Last week…last year, I reviewed a terrifyingly boring creepypasta about Dragon Tales. It seemed to do fine on the Library, so this got me to thinking…is there another bad creepypasta based off a children’s show that made a few adults want to gouge their eyes out?

Lucky for all of us, there is. And it is based on…*pause for effect, even though you’ve all already read the title card* Alpha and Omega. And it’s a creepypasta about…*pause for effect, even though you’ve all already read the title card* The Blair Witch Project. Why? Who knows. Is it scary? Who knows. Is this author on crack? Who knows.

Before I get to this fic, I figured I might as well explain the premises of each movie.

The Blair Witch Project follows three aspiring filmmakers who find out there’s a thing called the Blair Witch in a forest near a town that used to be called Blair, now known as Burkittsville. They figure it’s a good idea to go into these woods and make a documentary on this terrifying being that they know for a fact exists and have tortured people before, because that’s a thing people do. It is one of my very favorite movies, and it has been referred to by at least one person as one of the worst films of 1999. So. There’s that.

Alpha and Omega is about wolves.

So let’s dive into Castle Rock: Retold.

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1796: The Shadow Warriors – Chapter Two, Part Two

Title: The Shadow Warriors
Author: Shadow knight1121
Media: Comics
Topic: Justice League
Genre: Crime/Mystery
URL: Chapter 2
Critiqued by BatJamags (GoodJamags and BadJamags)

Shadow Kill count: 3

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your guest host, GoodJamags, and we’re back with more of the Shadow Warriors.

Last time, we got a taste of how truly incompetent these “heroes” are. This time won’t be much different.

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1789: The Shadow Warriors – Chapter Two

Title: The Shadow Warriors
Author: Shadow knight1121
Media: Comics
Topic: Justice League
Genre: Crime/Mystery
URL: Chapter 2
Critiqued by BatJamags (GoodJamags and BadJamags)

Hello! *Waves* I’m your guest host, GoodJamags, and I’m back for more of the Edgy Edgelords. I mean the Shadow Warriors!

BadJamags can’t be with us today for reasons that don’t involve his being tied up in the basement.

Muffled Voice: I didn’t even think we had a basement!

Quiet, you! Anyway, last time, our edgy protagonist by the name of Shadow attacked an evil night club, sucked at it, but got away with it anyway. Also, he made a “your mom” joke and expected to be taken seriously. I was forced to disappoint him.

Well then, let’s see what we’ve got in store for us today!

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1784: The Shadow Warriors – Chapter One

Title: The Shadow Warriors
Author: Shadow knight1121
Media: Comics
Topic: Justice League
Genre: Crime/Mystery
URL: Chapter 1
Critiqued by BatJamags (GoodJamags and BadJamags)

WARNING: This chapter contains references to sex trafficking. *Sigh* At least it’s nothing graphic or detailed. 

BadJamags: Hello once again, dear patrons, and- Hey, wait a minute! What is this bullshit?

What is what bullcrap?

BadJamags: Why do I have a nametag and you don’t?

Because I’m cooler than you are. Now shut up and do the intro.

BadJamags: I can’t do both of those things at the same time.

Don’t be a jerk. *Sigh* Hello once again, patrons. I’m your guest host, GoodJamags, and this guy is BadJamags, who is sort of me, except I come from a reverse-alignment alternate dimension, and he comes from this dimension. Also, he swears a whole bunch and is kind of creepy.

BadJamags: *Raises finger in protest*

BadJamags: *Pauses*

BadJamags: *Lowers finger*

Today, we’re doing a Justice League fic. If you’ve checked the ff.net link, you’ve noticed something about the story’s length.

BadJamags: Namely that it’s FUCKING LONG.

However, I couldn’t resist riffing it, for reasons which you’ll see below, so I figure I’ll just take it in five-chapter chunks, and take breaks to do other fics in between.

BadJamags: Now, allow me to introduce the fandom.

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