2496: The Shadow Warriors – Chapter 30

Title: The Shadow Warriors
Author: Shadow knight1121
Media: Comics
Topic: Justice League
Genre: Crime/Mystery
URL: Chapter 30
Critiqued by BatJamags (GoodJamags), Kane, and Malcolm

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your guest host, BatJamags, and this is another chapter of The Shadow Warriors! Last time, we had a villain team-up of that Gallagher guy who showed up at the end of Sam Motherfuckin’ Jackson’s story arc, that Leonae nutjob who got his arms brutally exploded, yet another “Iron Man but with GUNS and SWORDS and SKULLS” character, someone who I think was supposed to be Jean White, a new guy in a white cloak who’s apparently Sovereign’s evil twin or something (Maybe I’ll call him Harbinger), and Hush.

Let’s get started, shall we?

Kane: I’d rather not, but it seems we’ve little choice in the matter.

GAH! Every time. Oh, and who’s Tall, Dark, and Bald there behind you?

*Behind Kane stands a large, muscular (and bald) man in black sleeveless robes and a mask that covers the lower half of his face. He looks rather bewildered.*

?: Wha- Kane. Why have you brought me here?! Is this another one of your tricks?

Kane: Calm yourself, Malcolm. You’ll give yourself another ulcer. Then we’ll have to get Constantine to heal you, and no one wants that.

*Malcolm attempts to punch Kane, who actually recoils slightly before sidestepping out of the way*

Kane: *Looking at GoodJamags* I’ve been mentioning my old adventuring party, so I thought I’d bring one along. Malcolm here is a monk with… anger management issues.

[Meta note: Kane and Malcolm (and the other five, Constantine, Lady Adelaide, Revenore, Erik, and Ylva) are designed as characters for a fic based on Dungeons & Dragons that may or may not materialize at some point in the future, but I might also play as them at some point in the actual game. However, they’re both characters I created.]

Malcolm: Do not mock me, sorcerer!

Kane: We’ve been over this. I am a Warlock, and you will remember this. As I was saying, Malcolm was exiled from his monastery for his inability to control his emotions. I, along with some other associates of mine, helped him train to go back and kill every monk in that monastery. It was one of our finest moments. I thought that as one of the edgiest members of our group, he’d have a unique perspective on this tale.

Is he up to speed?

Kane: Naturally. I always plan ahead.

Bet he hasn’t seen this chapter’s chapterly news briefing!

Opener

As usual, credit to Anne for this.

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2491: The Shadow Warriors – Chapter 29

[Sorry about the late post, patrons. I’ve been busy and didn’t check that this was set for the right time.]

Title: The Shadow Warriors
Author: Shadow knight1121
Media: Comics
Topic: Justice League
Genre: Crime/Mystery
URL: Chapter 29
Critiqued by BatJamags (GoodJamags) and Kane

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your guest host, BatJamags, and today we’re tackling another chapter of The Shadow Warriors. Fun stuff. But first, your chapterly news briefing:

Opener

As usual, credit to Anne for this.

Chapter 29: Pure Evil

Oh, so this chapter is about Edgelord?

But then again, aren’t they all?

Authors Note: Okay people, I got a lot of ideas from some new reviews and some new characters both villains and heroes this story arc goes out to Light Seeker 001. I made a few changes but the plot is still the same, I got big plans for the climax of Slade which hopefully will be out by Christmas. Also, later I’m gonna put up all the dossiers of the Shadow Warriors and the Villains on a separate story later tonight so enjoy!

No.

No no no.

No no no no no no no no.

NOT MORE EDGELORDS! PLEASE! ANYTHING BUT THAT! HELP! HELP! LET ME OUT OF HERE! I’VE GOT TO-

*Tranquilized*

Kane: It seems I’ll have to step in earlier than expected.

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2487: The Shadow Warriors – Chapter 28

Title: The Shadow Warriors
Author: Shadow knight1121
Media: Comic Book / Video Game?!
Topic: Justice League / Assassin’s Creed?!
Genre: Crime / Mystery
URL: Chapter 28
Critiqued by BatJamags (GoodJamags)

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your guest host, BatJamags, and I’m back with the midpoint of our harrowing journey through this five-chapter chunk of The Shadow Warriors! Before we get started, here’s your chapterly news briefing:

Opener

As usual, credit to Anne for this.

Chapter 28: Happy Birthday/Halloween

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2482: The Shadow Warriors – Chapter 27, Part 2

Title: The Shadow Warriors
Author: Shadow knight1121
Media: Comics
Topic: Justice League
Genre: Crime/Mystery
URL: Chapter 27 – https://www.fanfiction.net/s/8306604/27/The-Shadow-Warriors
Critiqued by BatJamags (GoodJamags)

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your guest host, BatJamags, and I’m back with the second half of this really long chapter of The Shadow Warriors! When we last left off, the Dork Patrol was storming the McEvil Alliance’s headquarters and whining about how Jean Grey needed his revenge.

Phoenix was storming through the holding area of the labs, passing many kidnapped children and teenagers along the way. He grimaced at the fact that Cole was stealing kids off the streets as they were nothing no one would miss.

So… they were something someone would miss.

Double negatives!

As he walked he stopped when he saw a small child no more than five years old. The two made eye contact as Phoenix saw his past and his pain in his eyes.

*Fails to dodge and gets cut by all that edge*

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2477: The Shadow Warriors – Chapter 27, Part 1

Title: The Shadow Warriors
Author: Shadow knight1121
Media: Comics
Topic: Justice League
Genre: Crime/Mystery
URL: Chapter 27 – https://www.fanfiction.net/s/8306604/27/The-Shadow-Warriors
Critiqued by BatJamags (GoodJamags)

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your guest host, BatJamags, and I’m back with yet another less-than-thrilling chapter of The Shadow Warriors. Last time, Jean Grey angsted about his backstory (in which Dami(a/e)n Cole, sometimes known as Cole Damien but not, to date, as Cole Damian, twirled his moustache aggressively and Baby Jean Grey failed to SAVE MARTHA), Edgelord ESCAPED THROUGH A PLOT PORTAL TO AVOID BEING SOUNDLY DEFEATED BY THE REAL HEROES, and then the two of them stole the Batmobile for some bizarre reason.

Make sense? No? Who cares? We’re doing the next chapter!

Crap, it’s LONG. This’ll probably be a two-parter, so let’s get your chapterly news briefing out of the way now.

Opener

As usual, credit to Anne for this.

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2470: The Shadow Warriors – Chapter 26

Title: The Shadow Warriors
Author: Shadow knight1121
Media: Comics
Topic: Justice League
Genre: Crime/Mystery
URL: Chapter 26 – https://www.fanfiction.net/s/8306604/26/The-Shadow-Warriors
Critiqued by BatJamags (GoodJamags and BadJamags)

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your guest host, BatJamags…

BadJamags: … and I’ve been dragged into riffing this piece of shit again because fuckin’ GJ’s turned it into a Thing™ where I have to join in on the first chapter of every five-chapter chunk and then Kane does the last one.

And Another Thing

So, last time, the pointless subplot of Edgelord and Miranda Strawson getting turned into superfurries was abruptly, unfunnily, and unceremoniously resolved. Onward!

BadJamags: Got turned into what?

I’m legitimately not sure how else to describe it. The fic calls them “splicers.” Anyway, first, your chapterly news briefing:

Opener

As usual, credit to Anne for this.

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2387: Lemonade – Oneshot?

Title: Lemonade
Author: SpideyMoon
Media: Comic Book? Cartoon?
Topic: Justice League
Genre: Potential Trollfic
URL: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13111445/1/Lemonade
Critiqued by BatJamags

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your guest host, BatJamags, and I’m back for our oneshot break from The Red Queen. Today, we’ll be looking at another oneshot from the Justice League section. Let’s have a peak at the summary, shall we?

Stop the Creeper, Batman.

Ah, the Creeper is an interesting character.

jeepers

Jeepers!

Jack Ryder is an obnoxious talk show host who got doused with chemicals or something (he’s one of those characters whose origin gets changed every five seconds), started dressing in one of the DC Universe’s more ridiculous costumes, and became essentially a good (?) version of the Joker. He runs around laughing maniacally (a laugh which may or may not be supernaturally discomforting or outright painful), having super strength and agility, beating up bad guys, and generally being a walking acid trip. He shows up sporadically in stuff, usually as a supporting character for Batman. His most notable appearance was in Batman: The Animated Series, where he was so nuts that the Joker of all people was legitimately terrified of him. He’s like a more interesting Deadpool: Lighter on the ultraviolence and fourth wall-breaking and heavier on the absurdist humor.

Anyway, I’m not sure why Batman needs to stop him, but I suppose we’ll look into the fic to find out. Naturally, we start off with an author’s note.

SpideyMoon owns nothing but her own OC characters and her ideas so please don’t copy any of my fanfics without my permission ok?

Oh, sounds like we’ve got an ORIGINAL CHARACTER DONUT STEELE on our hands. That should be fun. So, after a line break, we get into the fic proper.

Batman punches the Creeper from hitting Joker for robbing his suits and gets him imprisonment.

Huh? Who’s robbing whose suits now? Who’s hitting who? What?

Lemonade is served.

Ah, right, well I’m glad there are refreshments… I guess. Anyway, after another line break we cut to-

The End.

Huh? Oh, I… guess it’s over?

Well, this is awkward. I… guess I’ll see you guys later.

*SLAM!*

And now, your out-of-context quote from the next riff:

Revenge is a dish best served lukewarm with a side of angst.