2336: Legend of Zelda: The True Force – Chapter Nineteen, Part Three

Title: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Author:  Hikari no Vikki
Media: Video Game / Movie
Topic: Legend of Zelda / Star Wars
Genre: Adventure / Fantasy
URL: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Retired Darth Lord Crunchy

Welcome back to Wednesday!  As is tradition by now, I have more High School of Zelda for you all.  Crunchy, serve us up some hot recap action.

“The future is now, and also set in stone.  Or is it?  Wait, it definitely is.  Regardless, be mindful that evil is only easy to overcome when it wants you to win, or when it forgets to put on its jewelry before going out.  Evil is always most vulnerable when struck directly in the elegance.  Meanwhile, Link has become unstuck in time.”

Awesome!  Let’s see where this week takes us!  Spoiler: quite a bit of talking about the trial they just face-rolled.

Obi-Wan walked up next to Anakin shortly after the world had returned to focus. It seemed they were still trapped in an illusion, but Obi-Wan guessed that might be because either Link or Ashei had yet to break free of theirs.

So…

“Indeed.”

Illusions, right?

“Absolutely.”

Read the rest of this entry »


2331: Legend of Zelda: The True Force – Chapter Nineteen, Part Two

Title: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Author:  Hikari no Vikki
Media: Video Game / Movie
Topic: Legend of Zelda / Star Wars
Genre: Adventure / Fantasy
URL: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Retired Darth Lord Crunchy

Welcome back to True High: The Legend of School!  Crunchy, hit us with that hot recap action!

“The dampness continues.  Always.  Later, the combined magical powers of climbing and architecture aids the game master in splitting the party.  This naturally leads to isolated cases of vampirism and predeterministic malaise.”

As unhelpful as always.  You have a gift for that.

Anyway, onward to this week’s cliché fest!

It was the strangest thing to know you were walking upon a stone floor with water licking at the edges of your boots, but to not actually be able to see the water or the floor you were standing on.

“I believe that is called ‘darkness.’  Not terribly strange by any account as much of the universe is like that.”

And in this fic not being able to see the setting is just par for the course, dark or not.

Read the rest of this entry »


2326: Legend of Zelda: The True Force – Chapter Nineteen, Part One

Title: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Author:  Hikari no Vikki
Media: Video Game / Movie
Topic: Legend of Zelda / Star Wars
Genre: Adventure / Fantasy
URL: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Retired Darth Lord Crunchy

Whew, we’re in for it now, Patrons.  We have arrived at chapter nineteen.  Chapter nineteen is the second longest chapter in this fic, and the longest of the chapters in the second block.  It’s a fifteen-thousand-word monster of padding and dungeon regurgitation and we’re going in hard!  And, as a spoiler to everyone, one of the reasons this chapter is so fucking long is because of Dark Link.  Yup, that obnoxious-yet-fun mini-boss fight will be used to pad the living snot out of this thing.  Anyone who’s surprised should go back and read a few of the other Legend of Zelda fanfics we’ve featured here.  Dark Link is basically padding incarnate in any fic he shows up in, and often enough with a giant handlebar mustache to boot.  Anyway, Crunchy, hit us with that recap!

“Dungeon crawling and a tentacle beast.”

That was pithy.

“And no information of value was lost.”

As it’s a new chapter, let’s check out Vikki’s latest cringe-inducing disclaimer and author’s note!

Disclaimer: I… have a shirt. That’s about it. I own nothing else.

*Taco and Crunchy cringe*

Dude, the pathos is too thick.

Okay, so after this chapter I’m gonna disappear for a little bit and then maybe I’ll try to work on getting to and through the Shadow Temple at some point.

“Unfortunately we are far enough into the future to know she makes good on that promise.”

But things also need to start moving in regards to Link and Ashei, and other character development… bleh.

I mean, any character development at all would be nice.  Also, for the record, character development is characters changing and growing due to the circumstances they are exposed to.  Reacting with absolute consistently to all stimulus is not character development.  For example, Link and Ashei’s “OMG WE TOUCHED!” *BLUSH BLUSH* relationship is not one that is being developed so much as it is has been flopped in there because high school anime.

“Having the characters be complex and dynamic seems to be a bit of a tall order for this fic.  I would be satisfied if the characters could simply be relevant to the plot.”

Yeah, baby steps here, Vikki.  Work on actually remembering you have more than two characters first, then try to make them interesting.

Too much to think about right now.

Precisely why your fic sucks so hard:  Can’t be bothered to think about the plot before you actually sit down to write it.

“One of the multitude of reasons, at least.”

Just scroll down and enjoy. Bon appetit!

“I must confess my confusion.  Are we supposed to read this, or gnaw on it?”

In all fairness, it would probably serve better as a chew toy than a fic.

Read the rest of this entry »


2320: Legend of Zelda: The True Force – Chapter Eighteen, Part Three

Title: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Author:  Hikari no Vikki
Media: Video Game / Movie
Topic: Legend of Zelda / Star Wars
Genre: Adventure / Fantasy
URL: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Retired Darth Lord Crunchy

Welcome back to True Force High, Chapter 18: The Water Temple Part 1, part 3, wherein we finish the chapter that Vikki padded out so much she couldn’t even fit the a whole rushed dungeon crawling session in it.  Hit us with that sweet recap action, Crunchy!

“Songs are complicated, but enough of that, let us instead discuss the decline of lake-front property.  I personally feel like it has a lot to do with the lack of swimming these days.  Fortunately only low-density residents are present, so the accessory market is still booming, which is helpful given the royal engagement.  Well, that is until the engagement was broken off.  Or did it!?”

Very nice, that was even less coherent than normal.

“Thank you.”

Let’s get crackin’!

Read the rest of this entry »


2315: Legend of Zelda: The True Force – Chapter Eighteen, Part Two

Title: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Author:  Hikari no Vikki
Media: Video Game / Movie
Topic: Legend of Zelda / Star Wars
Genre: Adventure / Fantasy
URL: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Retired Darth Lord Crunchy

Howdy doodly-do, patrons!  Welcome back to Legend of Force High!  With me once again is Crunchy who will be furnishing us with an extremely unhelpful recap of last week.

“King Melty informs the party of local shopping opportunities but the fashion district is nearly sold out and they leave with an outdated hand-me-down.  In other news: sharing is impossible.”

Thank you, that was wonderfully obtuse.  Let’s see if there’s any more Water Temple in this part of the Water Temple chapter.

As they stood beyond the crashing wave of the waterfall, Link fingered the Ocarina in his hands.

*Taco sigh, rubs his forehead, and waves Swenia into the room*

“I’m next in line after the potato flute!”

Read the rest of this entry »


2310: Legend of Zelda: The True Force – Chapter Eighteen, Part One

Title: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Author:  Hikari no Vikki
Media: Video Game / Movie
Topic: Legend of Zelda / Star Wars
Genre: Adventure / Fantasy
URL: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Retired Darth Lord Crunchy

Hey, patrons, welcome back!  I’m back from the Taco family road trip (patent pending), so am ready to sink my teeth into some hot, chunky exposition.  Crunchy is with me as well.

“And delighted to be here.”

Save your sarcasm for the fic, you’ll need it.  Speaking of which, care to furnish us with one of your unhelpful recaps of chapter seventeen?

“The Kingsicle is upsetting so the party hunts for blue fire to melt the ice of impenetrable redness.  Meanwhile, Sheik wants to jam but the venue he picked is awful.”

Awesome, let’s see what awaits us in chapter eighte-!

Chapter Eighteen: Water Temple – Part 1

Oh hell.

Wait, part one?  This chapter is almost ten-thousand words and it’s still a two-parter?  Ugh, strap-in patrons.

Read the rest of this entry »


2293: Legend of Zelda: The True Force – Chapter Seventeen, Part Four

Title: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Author:  Hikari no Vikki
Media: Video Game / Movie
Topic: Legend of Zelda / Star Wars
Genre: Adventure / Fantasy
URL: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Retired Darth Lord Crunchy

Hi, patrons, welcome back to Legend of High School: The True Regurgitation!  Before we get started I thought I should announce that the next two weeks I’ll be without any form of reliable internet, so will not be posting any riffs again until April 17th.  Sorry about that.   Anyway, on with the riff!  Crunchy, hit us with the unhelpful recap!

“Link was upset that the seafood was frozen.”

Thank you, that was not helpful in the slightest.  Onward to part four!

Read the rest of this entry »