1908: Padme-Series: Clone Trooper – Chapter Five

Title: Padme-Series: Clone Trooper
Author: Darth Sith’ari
Media: Film
Topic: Star Wars
Genre: None given, other than the fact that it’s an AU
URL: Chapter Five
Critiqued by BatJamags (BadJamags and Jamags)

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your guest host, BatJamags, and we’re back with more boring AU!

Jamags: I’ve returned as well.

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1897: Padme-Series: Clone Trooper – Chapter Four

Title: Padme-Series: Clone Trooper
Author: Darth Sith’ari
Media: Film
Topic: Star Wars
Genre: None given, other than the fact that it’s an AU
URL: Chapter Four
Critiqued by BatJamags (BadJamags and Jamags)

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your guest host, BatJamags…

Jamags: And I’m back.

And I’m just happy he didn’t call the DRD again by saying he’s the guest guest host.

*Alarms blare*

Jamags: You’re not very smart, are you?

It’s not like I have to deal with it. Get moving, minion.

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1884: Padme-Series: Clone Trooper – Chapter Three

Title: Padme-Series: Clone Trooper
Author: Darth Sith’ari
Media: Film
Topic: Star Wars
Genre: None given, other than the fact that it’s an AU
URL: Chapter Three
Critiqued by BatJamags

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your guest host, BatJamags, and we’re back with more of this thing.

Last time, OOC!Mandalorian!Padme and a squad of Rule 63troopers blew up a droid factory after some sloppy action scenes and sloppier tactics. Let’s see what lies in store for us this time.

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1875: Padme-Series: Clone Trooper – Chapter Two

Title: Padme-Series: Clone Trooper
Author: Darth Sith’ari
Media: Film
Topic: Star Wars
Genre: None given, other than the fact that it’s an AU
URL: Chapter Two
Critiqued by BatJamags (BadJamags and Jamags)

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your guest host, BatJamags, and I’m back with…

Holy shit, he’s gone!

Jamags: Hello?

Oh, yeah, you’re here.

Jamags: You were the one who invited me.

Yeah, I know, I’m just glad to get rid of the other guy who was in here. Right, we’re riffing a bad Star Wars fic where Padme Amidala’s been made into an out-of-character Mando mercenary so there can be female clones.

Jamags:

Jamags: Ah.

I understand. So anyway, like I mentioned in the last riff, this is Jamags. He’s a Jedi.

Jamags: To be a bit more specific, I’m a Jedi Sentinel working with the Republic as an intelligence agent. I became a Master after my padawan and I disrupted an attempt on Senator’s life. When the Clone Wars started, I was assigned to command of the 507th Strategic Offensive Corps. This guy pulled me out of that timeline, so I theoretically shouldn’t know about anything that occurred after that. I actually have all the spoilers.

All of them?

Jamags: Indeed.

You were supposed to say “aaaaaaaallllllllllllllll of them.”

Jamags: I see. I’ll keep that in mind for the future.

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1871: What The Slayer Saw

Title: What The Slayer Saw
Author: Reallybored2
Media: Television/Movies
Topic: Buffy: The Vampire Slayer / Star Wars
Genre: Whining
URL: What The Slayer Saw
Critiqued by TacoMagic

Hey, folks, welcome to Wednesday!  Well, once again we’re staring down a Star Wars fic, but this time we’re crossing it with Buffy: The Vampire Slayer because why the fuck not, right?

And no, I don’t know why I keep doing this to myself.  But at least I’m not doing a Land Before Time fic, right?

*Eyes up his pile of oneshots*

Right?

Anyway, let’s see what the summary has to offer!

Buffy realizes something.

And that’s it.  That’s the summary.  I can already see that we’re going to be getting a lot of descriptive narrative in this one.

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1861: Padme-Series: Clone Trooper – Chapter One

Title: Padme-Series: Clone Trooper
Author: Darth Sith’ari
Media: Film
Topic: Star Wars
Genre: None given, other than the fact that it’s an AU
URL: Chapter One
Critiqued by BatJamags (BadJamags and GoodJamags)

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your guest host, BatJamags, or BadJamags, if you listen to this idiot-

GoodJamags: Hi!

You don’t get to talk. Anyway, we’re back with a new badfic that has absolutely nothing to do with Batman! I know, crazy, right?

GoodJamags: Yeah, I can tell you like to live life on the edge.

What did I say?

GoodJamags: “I know, crazy, right?”

If you don’t stop prolonging this, I’m going to have to…

*SLAM!*

*Puts Door launcher down*

Show you the Door. Heh, that one never gets old.

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1636: A Very Special Christmas – Chapters Three and Four

Title: A Very Special Christmas
Author: Jasmin Kenobi
Media: Television / Movies / Whatever else you have.
Topic: Star Wars / Kitchen Sink
Genre: Adventure/Friendship
URL: A Very Special Christmas 
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Retired Darth Lord Crunchy

Heyo, patrons!  Welcome back to this year’s holiday-of-choice special!  With me again is Crunchy.

“Ahem.”

I am not using your full title.

“Fine, then you can do the recap yourself.”

Fair enough.  Last time  we met Jasmine Kenobi, our resident author-insertion Sue.  Jasmine is a Jedi knight, S.H.I.E.L.D. agent, and the top street fighter of Tatooine.  Last time, she spent some time agonizing over what to buy for her babies before the scene shifted over to her padawan,T’mir, getting hassled by Scottie and Chekov while trying to purchase a window.  After that, we cut up to the bridge of the Enterprise as Kirk embraces the life of the intergalactic voyer and continues the crusade against T’mir by spying on her in her room.  Spock acts all mysterious for about three sentences before it’s dropped that T’mir is his cousin.

So, Spock goes down to visit his cousin, and is promptly interrupted by a baby, Ashoka, and one of the infants.  Everyone banters for a few sentences before the baby and Ashoka leave to be quickly replaced by Elaine Kirk and Clone Trooper Jesse.  Which apparently was supposed to be a cliff hanger because the chapter ends abruptly after she introduces herself.

“A shame that cliff hangers require audience investment to be effective.”

Yeah, not giving a crap about the name parade really does hamstring any tension that might try to accumulate.

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