2016: Legend of Zelda: The True Force – Chapter One

Title: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Author:  Hikari no Vikki
Media: Video Game / Movie
Topic: Legend of Zelda / Star Wars
Genre: Adventure / Fantasy
URL: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Critiqued by TacoMagic

Howdly-ho, patrons!  Sorry for missing last week, Influenza B made me its personal play-thing for almost nine days and I unfortunately haven’t had a post buffer since like 2015 due to equal parts being busy and being lazy.  Speaking of having no buffer, I’m letting you all know that there will not be a post from me next Wednesday as I’ll be entertaining company that whole week.

Now that that’s all out of the way, welcome to Legend of Zelda: The True Force!  If you’re in the habit of skipping over our headers, let me quickly grab a line from it so that you’ll all know what you’re in for!

Topic: Legend of Zelda / Star Wars

Bask in it, patrons!  BASK!

The Legend of Zelda: The True Force is a tremendous-sized fic that is absolutely brimming with… game mechanics.  Lots and lots and lots of game mechanics.  And regurgitation!  Now, that aside, by word count it’ll be one of the biggest single projects I’ve undertaken.  Fortunately we’ll be skipping almost half of it because of just how much plot regurgitation and pointless game mechanic play-by-play there is in it.

Oh, and it’s got sexified faeries! Read the rest of this entry »

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Artastic Wednesday – Star Wars

Hey, patrons!  Sorry for the cop-out post this week, but things have been very… vomit-y in the Taco household this past week.  Fortunately I have not yet been afflicted by the 48-hour barfing bug that’s been working it’s way through my family one-by-one, but I figure it’s only a matter of time.  Unfortunately, with everyone else in the house taking turns puking at night, I’ve not been getting much sleep over the last week, so I’m running pretty low on energy to devote to riffing.  I could have forced myself to put something out there, but it would probably suck more than normal and I’d rather take a breather and return next week with more energy for the riffing (providing the unrelenting tide of vomit subsides by then, of course).

En Lieu of a real post, here’s some Star Wars fanart to gaze at for the next thirty seconds!

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1967: Star Wars: Shadow War Episode I – Chapter Six

Title:  Star Wars: Shadow War Episode I
Author:  dragonfang33
Media: Movie / Cartoon
Topic: Star Wars / MLP
Genre: Sci-Fi / Adventure
URL: Star Wars: Shadow War Episode I
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Darth Lord Crunchy (Retired)

Welcome back, dear patrons, to the sixth and final chapter of Star Wars: Shadow War Episode I, Book I, Act I, Part I!

“You are taking far too much enjoyment from that.”

Gotta get it where I can, right?

“Be mindful of your phrasing, I spotted the Portable Pornography Music Synthesizer parked just down the hall when we arrived.”

Noted.  Last time we finally had stuff happen!  Sort of.  Team evil shelled the Troggle village, killed most of them, and turned the rest into slaves.  I think.  There was mention of non-Force-sensitivity, but nothing was really done with it, so it’s possible there are some Darth Troggles wandering around now, or probably not.  It’s unlikely to become a thing either way because this is the last chapter and the author can’t even bring himself to have Team Evil and Team Designated Protagonists interact in any way.  Speaking of TDP, what they were up to last chapter was far less interesting.  In that they arrived at the pony village that they were already in, tormented one of the ponies for daring to question that they were aliens from outer space, and then decided to finally make their way over to the dance party.  It’s weird, but this chapter I hope they finally make it to the dance party so I can have some closure on it.

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1963: Star Wars: Shadow War Episode I – Chapter Five

Title:  Star Wars: Shadow War Episode I
Author:  dragonfang33
Media: Movie / Cartoon
Topic: Star Wars / MLP
Genre: Sci-Fi / Adventure
URL: Star Wars: Shadow War Episode I
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Darth Lord Crunchy (Retired)

Heyo, patrons!  Welcome back to Shadow War Episode I, Part I, Book 2, Chapter 5, Subsection 27, Paragraphs c through q:l.

“Do not tempt the author with knowledge of finer-grained sectioning.”

Oof, good point.  Last time our resident Sith-bait Stu, Kennith, or whatever his name is, made landfall with his cohort of other forgettable, cut-and-paste characters.  They quickly stumbled upon one of the resident ponies of the area, swapped exposition, then headed off to join the dance party already in progress.  Meanwhile in orbit, Kaleb’s clone twin brother in everything except plot assignment waffled on about whether his hodgepodge fleet of 3,000 discount ships could possibly take on a single Jedi and his Celestial Uberwang.  Eventually he decides his fleet is no match, probably due to genre savviness more than anything else, and decides to try to search for help on the planet, which pretty much limits him to an alliance with the Smooze.

“Which none exposed to the section title ‘The Smooze Campaign’ could possibly have predicted.”

And since the Smooze are pretty limited in attack strategy to blorping all over everything, we can all expect some absolutely riveting combat scenes in our future.

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1958: Star Wars: Shadow War Episode I – Chapter Four

Title:  Star Wars: Shadow War Episode I
Author:  dragonfang33
Media: Movie / Cartoon
Topic: Star Wars / MLP
Genre: Sci-Fi / Adventure
URL: Star Wars: Shadow War Episode I
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Darth Lord Crunchy (Retired)

Hey, Patrons!  Welcome back to Star Wars: Shadow War Episode I, and you’re just in time to see the Celestial Uberwang penetrate deep into the Unknown Regions.

“Must you phrase it that way?”

Absolutely.  Want to handle the recap?

“Very well.  The Jedi boarded their compensation-class Star Destroyer while the Shadow Order landed the bouillabaisse army onto the pony homeworld in hopes of defeating the most overwhelming enemy imaginable:  The Spring Festival Dance Party.”

Sadly, the chapter was not nearly as interesting as that summary of it.  Anyway let’s see what’s in store for us this-

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1954: Star Wars: Shadow War Episode I – Chapter Three

Title:  Star Wars: Shadow War Episode I
Author:  dragonfang33
Media: Movie / Cartoon
Topic: Star Wars / MLP
Genre: Sci-Fi / Adventure
URL: Star Wars: Shadow War Episode I
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Darth Lord Crunchy (Retired)

Heyo, patrons!  Welcome back to another installment of ‘Shadow War’, the Star Wars fic where nothing happens and the characters don’t matter!  Crunchy is here again.

“You sound so pleased.”

Ecstatic.  Anyway, last time more long-winded nothing happened.

“I question whether you could consider that chapter long.”

Fine, more short-winded nothing happened.  The Cliff-notes of all the nothing is that Team Evil is landing their shit on the planet of Ponyland while Team Stu gathered a few juvenile recruits before being dispatched to explore what will coincidentally™ be the same exact planet that Team Evil is orbiting despite the region being nearly a third the size of the entire galaxy.

“Your Dickens would be proud.”

Compared to this, Dickens showed incredible restraint with his contrivances.  In any case, let’s get on with the show!

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1950: Star Wars: Shadow War Episode I – Chapter Two

Title:  Star Wars: Shadow War Episode I
Author:  dragonfang33
Media: Movie / Cartoon
Topic: Star Wars / MLP
Genre: Sci-Fi / Adventure
URL: Star Wars: Shadow War Episode I
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Darth Lord Crunchy (Retired)

Heyo, patrons, and welcome back!

“They must be delighted.”

No, I’m pretty sure they aren’t, this is “Shadow War,” after all.

“Yet, I am here to delight them.  So delighted they will be, provided they comprehend what is best for their well being.”

Don’t threaten the readers.  I would hate it if Jiwe would happen to find his way into Eliza’s emergency glitter reserve the next time you’re forced to watch him.

“You would not dare!”

Wouldn’t I?  I mean, I certainly would hate to inconvenience Markus with cleaning that up.

*Crunchy glowers menacingly at Taco*

“I believe my influence may have created something unsavory within you.  I would find that worth celebrating were it no so inconvenient.  We shall put aside this discussion for now as I believe it is time to recapitulate, yes?”

It would be, but nothing of note happened in the first chapter.

“You forget the introduction of the author insertion and his Awesome McEvil brother.  Ponyland was also briefly mentioned.”

As I said, nothing of note.

“Touché”

Anyway, let’s see what’s in store for us in chapter two!

Read the rest of this entry »