Hello hello, all you patrons, and welcome back once again to The Lone Wolf of the Normandy.
“Last time not a whole lot happened to said Lone Wolf on the Normandy, but we did get to see Jorge the Spartan land a Covenant Corvette all by himself as well as being introduced to easily the stupidest PMC outfit in the history of human spaceflight in the form of Blaze Shepard and his idiot friends Ravager and Phantom.
Show and Tell Counter: 43
Amorous Counter: 114
Collateral Douchebag Counter: 24
Chapter Ten is called ‘Xawin’, and surprisingly enough opens with a regurgitated MAKO drop and exploration of said planet. This includes several paragraphs dedicated to finding the Chatti Outpost Insignia on the wreckage of a turian frigate, and yes the narrative does indeed use that exact phrasing complete with capitalization.
Hello hello all you Patrons, and welcome back to The Lone Wolf of the Normandy.
“Last time after wandering around doing basically nothing for most of the chapter, Spartan took off his armor for an out-of-nowhere medical exam which revealed that- surprise, surprise!- he looks like a male model. After that everybody went back to the Citadel station and met up with that Jun guy, and yet another Spartan named Jorge got shit out of Slipspace ‘somewhere in the Terminus’. And that, really, was about it.”
Show and Tell Counter: 38
Amorous Counter: 111
Collateral Douchebag Counter: 21
Hello hello all you patrons!
Last time on The Lone Wolf of the Normandy a whole lotta stupid went down, as in between regurgitated canonical get-to-know-you conversations with the Normandy squad it was revealed that Jane Shepard has an enormous Gary Stu of a brother named “Blaze” who is off fighting batarians somewhere; that The Illusive Man is actually an Admiral in the UNSC Navy who got plotholed into the Mass Effect universe many years before Six did; that he’s got Miranda busy trying to recruit the Spartans into Cerberus for no real reason that I can tell; and that Jun is reacting to these attempts with displays of gratuitous bloodshed sufficient to make Logan-B312 proud. Oh yeah, and the ‘relationship’ between Logan and Shepard continues to chug along its well-oiled rails with the fell inevitability of a WWI troop-train destined for the trenches of Verdun.
Show and Tell Counter: 33
Amorous Counter: 99
Collateral Douchebag Counter: 19
Hello hello all you Patrons, and welcome back to the slowly expanding pile of horrors that is The Lone Wolf of the Normandy.
“Last time everyone had a big long chat with that asari scientist Liara that they picked up on Therum, during which time Spartan beat up some more Alliance soldiers, developed some sort of weird hate-on for the pilot, insulted everyone’s intelligence, threw out stupid conspiracy theories dressed up as some sort of tactical insight, and generally was an insubordinate prick to Shepard. Shepard for her part just took a shower, posed in her underwear for no real reason for the author, and was an insubordinate prick to the Council she is supposed to work for. We left just as she was going up to the cockpit to probably be an insubordinate prick to Joker or for Joker to be an insubordinate prick to her.
Oh, and Jun is still chilling on the Citadel and not being a massive dickwad to every single person he meets.”
Show and Tell Counter: 29
Amorous Counter: 74
Collateral Douchebag Counter: 19
Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome back to The Lone Wolf of the Normandy, Spartan Logan-B312’s personal crusade to piss off every single person in the Mass Effect universe one-at-a-time.
“Last time… well, really not a whole lot even happened as Spartan dicked around on the Normandy en route to Therum. He pissed off Shepard, plotted to start a war between the UNSC and the Council and possibly also the Systems Alliance, gloated about how goddamn fucking overpowered his stupid Forerunner guns are, and settled in for the first part of a MAKO drop to their target alongside Garrus, Shepard, and Tali.”
Amorous Counter: 37
Show and Tell Counter: 18
Collateral Douchebag Counter: 11
Hello hello all you Patrons! Welcome back once again to The Lone Wolf Of The Normandy, where Noble Six just keeps digging himself deeper and deeper into douchehood.
“Last time the Normandy actually managed to put the idiot under arrest and convey him to the Citadel to become somebody else’s problem, during which time he mostly just sat in the cargo bay and periodically attacked his guards without Captain Anderson ever doing anything to retaliate. When they docked he incapped still more of the crew- including Anderson himself- and snuck out into the docking area. It’s really a miracle he didn’t kill anybody, and really he should have because he shot eight Marines in the legs with those superpowerful gravity rounds and left them unconscious on the floor for like ten minutes with no medical attention whatsoever.”
Show and Tell Counter: 15
Amorous Counter: 29
Collateral Douchebag Counter: 5
Hello hello, all you patrons and welcome back to The Lone Wolf Of The Normandy, SSJ Lone Wolf’s ME/Halo crossover that is doing its level best to asymptotically approach EclipsePheniox in quality!
Last time Logan-B312 the Noble Stu got barfed onto Eden Prime during the geth/Reaper raid, and immediately put his god-mode Forerunner augmentations to good use by blowing up a bunch of husks and geth and then mentally undressing Jane Shepard and Ash Williams. He saved Nihlus from getting shot by Saren and then immediately beat the shit out of the entire Normandy landing team for having the gall to point their guns at the giant black armored thing that showed up behind them without any warning instead of immediately dropping to their knees in abject worship of his mighty Hyper-Lethal-Vectorness. No hard feelings were had, however, and Logan proceeded to steal all the badassery in the area for himself while disarming the bombs Saren had planted at the Eden Prime docking area. Then Shepard got a headfull of Beacon pretty much as canon, only Logan got to be all Edward Culleny in giving her permission to lose consciousness before carrying her back to the ship.
Amorous Counter: 26
Show and Tell Counter: 7