The following chapters mention the private parts of ponies. That is all.
Hello hello all you patrons!
Last time on Fall to Equestria, our wonderful protagonist Loser Martin attended a welcome-to-Equestria party held in his honor by Pinkie Pie. There he encountered Lyra Heartstrings and wasted no time in… jerking her off in public, getting a face full of magical horn ejaculate (!) for his trouble. After making out with Pinkie Pie (thereby getting himself covered in saliva and unijizz) and being felt up by a bunch of other random ponies-
-and losing his dickshirt in the process-
-he made the entirely sensible decision to leave that cauldron of insanity only to encounter the one and only Princess Luna.
Sadly, that does not mean the entire ‘fic up to this point has been a nightmare.
Lest she’d banish it from existence.
Bad touch counter: 16
We resume with a whole lot of nothing in Chapter Seven, ‘The midnight walk’.
After faffing around for close to five thousand words, this chapter of the so-called “Sex” ‘fic does indeed contain a money shot. Featuring technicolor horses. You have been warned.
Hello hello, all you patrons!
I’m back with some more of Fall to Equestria, the story of Loser Martin’s quest to inappropriately touch the entire primary cast of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. Last time, they had a meet-and-greet about human culture at the Golden Oaks library where it was revealed that six capable and intelligent mares had no idea what the word ‘omnivore’ means, the main character traded in his tragic past for a dickshirt, and Rarity got off.
While Spike watched in envy.
Which, alarmingly, was the most in-character thing to have happened.
It makes just as much sense in context.
Bad Touch Counter: 8
All of that, of course, brings us to Chapters Five and Six, “the party” parts one and two.
Hello hello, all you patrons!
Welcome back once again to Fall to Equestria. Last time we were introduced to Loser Martin, a bog-standard Sensitive Stu who was promptly shitted into Equestira, mauled to within an inch of his life by a ‘manticor’, and nursed back to health by Fluttershy and Twilight. As we left off, he was being introduced to the entirety of the Mane Six, and was getting right down to business in the form of setting the Bad Touch Counter to a very respectable 6.
Chapter Three is entitled ‘story time part 1’, which has me worried the ‘fic is going to start recursing.
Hello hello, all you patrons!
I was getting the feeling once again that these hallowed halls of literature were alarmingly devoid of technicolor horses, so I’ve decided to grace you with another story excreted straight from the bowels of fimfiction.net. With me today is not another character but my IRL friend Serketry! He’s the coauthor of Palaven’s Dogs, the only player in my Call of Cthulhu games to be anywhere near reliable, and just in general the perfect partner in crime.
I was going to do something related to the execrable “Fall of Equestria” AU
This chapter contains potential flamebait in the form of discussion of sexual assault and date rape.
Hello hello, all you patrons! Welcome back to the giant creepy after-school special that at some point might have been called Love of a Spartan!
“Previously, we observed the resolution to the pointless ‘Kelly claims Edward doesn’t like Renee and Renee believes her’ arc, as she went out to a bar with Troy Fisher and under the malign, corrupting, and sorcerous influence of a few whiskey-sodas proceeded to be happier than she had ever been while bonded with the Chief (including getting rather physical with the Lieutenant for no real adequately explained reason other than that any amount of alcohol apparently causes her to immediately attempt to couple with the first living thing she sees). Obviously Renee enjoying herself and growing closer to a comrade who respects her and has her best interests at heart was unacceptable to a certain Spartan, and Edward immediately showed up at the site to physically remove Troy from her proximity and carry her by-then insensate body back to the military base and Spartan barracks.”
Terrible Troy Counter: 115
Mommy’s Little Marines (And Spartans) Counter: 122
Motherfucking Halight Counter: 56
“And this all brings us to Chapter 27/Twenty-six, Turning Point.”
Ohh, this is going to be a turning point all right…
This chapter contains potential flamebait in the form of discussion of sexual assault and date rape. No military component this time, though, just the regular versions.
Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome to yet another chapter of Love of a Spartan.
Last time, the Hercules stopped over on Reach for a poorly-planned resupply run, where Kelly tried to drive a wedge between Edward and Renee by telling the idiot Marine that the idiot Spartan had ‘dumped’ her with no explanation or preamble. Terrifyingly, this was plan was entirely successful. Renee left with the other Marines and excuses for Marines to have some kind of celebration in the city around the military base (it’s all extremely vague), and Edward asked Amy to give her the message that Kelly lied even though he was five feet away from Renee at the time and could have just fucking told her himself.
“*Sigh….* Remember when this story had something to do with Halo?”
Terrible Troy Counter: 108
Mommy’s Little Marines (And Spartans) Counter: 114
Fucking Halight Counter: 53
We pick right back up with Chaper 26/Twenty-Five, “Repercussions”.
Can’t we just read that instead?”
Hello hello, all you patrons, and welcome back to Love of a Spartan.
Last chapter was thankfully entirely free of moping, as it focused solely on the Spartans in their mission to deny the Covenant Capricornia’s strategic resources through pinpoint sabotage of their mining equipment blowing everything to smithereens with an anachronistic NOVA bomb. Nobody whose name we know died, but other than that the entire mission, on behalf of both the UNSC and Covenant, was pretty much one massive, poorly-planned, poorly-executed, scientifically-dubious clusterfuck.
“So, basically, exactly what you would expect from Master Chief Petty Officer Edward-117 and Fuck-Shit the Ossoona.
And… that was about it.
Terrible Troy Counter: 106
Mommy’s Little Marines (And Spartans) Counter: 109
Fucking Halight Counter: 52
“Chapter 25/Twenty-Four is called ‘Deviant Interventions’. The good news is, it isn’t spoiling the main event for once. The bad news is, that’s because neither of us have any idea what it means.”
We’re only doing the one again today and it’s incredibly short, but the chapter that comes after is very long and really quite bizarre, so I wanted a whole riff dedicated to dissecting it.