2250: Harry Potter Becomes A Communist – Chapters 33-37
Posted: January 31, 2019 Filed under: Harry Potter, Harry Potter Becomes A Communist | Tags: Book, Fantasy, Film, Harry Potter, Herr Wozzeck, Not Safe For Work, Parody, Politics, Trollfic 7 CommentsTitle: Harry Potter Becomes A Communist
Author: HardcoreCommie
Media: Book/Film
Topic: Harry Potter
Genre: Fantasy/Parody
URL: Chapters Thirty-Three, Thirty-Four, Thirty-Five, Thirty-Six, and Thirty-Seven
Critiqued by Herr Wozzeck
WARNING: Yep, it happened again, patrons: this installment of Harry Potter Becomes A Communist has more fucking sex in it. This means our installment is NSFW this week as well. You know the drill!
Hello patrons. Sorry if I’m a little mystified: I’m still taken aback by Hagrid being a monarchist of all things to be. Like… what? It honestly defies explanation, it really does.
So I guess now that it’s confirmed that this is a troll fic, I guess the only thing to do is to keep going with it, right? Because it’s not even well-done trollfic. I mean… There’s something about this that makes for good conversation, but do I stop here…?
…
No. I already quit halfway through FaCe ThE StRaNgE and the laziest Smash Bros. fanfic in existence, I shouldn’t do that here too. Let’s keep forging on!
2249: Legend of Zelda: The True Force – Chapter Fifteen, Part Two
Posted: January 30, 2019 Filed under: Legend of Zelda, The True Force | Tags: Adventure, Extreme Plot Regurgitation, Fantasy, Legend of Zelda, Movie, Star Wars, TacoMagic, Video Game 25 CommentsTitle: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Author: Hikari no Vikki
Media: Video Game / Movie
Topic: Legend of Zelda / Star Wars
Genre: Adventure / Fantasy
URL: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Retired Darth Lord Crunchy
*Crunchy’s head lazily lifts up from his heat rock as Taco, wrapped in several large blankets, rushes into the room*
“Remind me again why you live in this glacial wasteland?”
Trust me, I ask myself that all the time.
“Hmm. Remind me to see if I can get an author transfer to one of the Librarians who resides in a more tropical climate.”
Pretty sure you burned all those bridges years ago. Regardless, it’s your turn to handle the recap while I get myself settled.
“Very well. The party went to a bar.”
Care to fill that in a bit?
“They went to the bar to acquire intelligence of what might be waiting for them up the mountain. While there they spend a large amount of time ordering drinks and then had an informant fall into their laps who provided them with a large amount of information. Most of that information comprised things that would have been common knowledge or knowledge that Impa should have been able to provide them. The only esoteric information provided was that of Volvagia’s name, which is largely irrelevant aside from spoiling any degree of surprise that might have happened later during the actual confrontation.”
So, basically, nothing happened.
“Nothing that needed half of a chapter devoted to it, at the least.”
2248: Sly Cooper and the gang occasionally mentioned in: Red Tide — Chapter 12
Posted: January 29, 2019 Filed under: Admiral Sakai, Sly Cooper, Sly Cooper and the gang in: Red Tide, Video Game | Tags: AdmiralSakai, Adventure, Boring, Crime, Don't Cut Yourself on All That Edge, Extreme Plot Regurgitation, Filler, Kitchen Sink, Mall Ninjutsu, Oh Dear God My Eyes!, Shut up shut up shut up shut up shut UP!!!!!, Sly Cooper, Video Game, WHAT IS THIS I DON'T EVEN 33 CommentsTitle: Sly Cooper and the gang in: Red Tide
Author: Stalin69
Media: Video Game / Movie
Topic: Sly Cooper Trilogy (and a bunch of other garbage)
Genre: Adventure/Crime
URL: Chapter 12
Critiqued by: AdmiralSakai, JLT. Troy Fisher, and Chief Director (Ret.) Dominic Torus
Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome back to the very last chapter of Sly Cooper and the gang in: Red Tide.
Previously, Sly and the Attal OC Brigade just sort of dicked around war-torn Moscow for a while fighting nameless RED goons and accomplishing vague objectives. There really wasn’t a great deal more to it than that, really, although apparently Bastion doesn’t exist or something and was actually a hallucination of Sly’s due to Stalin69 somehow conflating the characters of Bastion and Cole and then just flat-out refusing to fix his mistake Sly having something called “the disease of Him” which may or may not be connected to the evil dentists.
Anyway, we left off as the team prepared to board and destroy a giant RED airship which is totally not a Kirov, with Sly having been given a small white Magical Mystery Crystal by Ras to use when the mission inevitably goes pear-shaped.
And that’s… really about it.
2247: The Garfield Story One-shot
Posted: January 28, 2019 Filed under: Garfield, The Garfield Story | Tags: A Christmas Story, Cartoon, Comic, Drama, Garfield, Guest Riffs, Movie, Supernatural 13 CommentsThe Garfield Story One-shot
Title: The Garfield Story
Author: ShakespeareHemmingway (yes that one)
Media: Cartoon/Movie
Topic: Garfield/A Christmas Story
Genre: Drama/Supernatural
URL: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10963071/1/The-Garfield-Story
Critiqued By: Crazy Minh & Biskit
CZM: Captain’s log: Stardate 24356.52.3. I have just assumed command of the Starship Bongo after my riffing studio was unexpectedly blown to pieces in a tragic failure of a “completely routine chemical experiment” by a individual whose identity will remain unknown for the purposes of this log. We are now on a five month mission to the Fanfictium Nebula to conduct a…
Biskit: Captain Crazy sir! There’s a red thingy on the scopes!!!
CZM: Dear god. Don’t call me ‘Captain Crazy’ while we’re on duty. Afterwards, that’s perfectly fine. Status of the red-thingy?
Biskit: It appears to be a class-2 unmanned probe. It’s IFF identifies it as a message buoy sent from the Library Servers. Receiving our assignment data:
CZM: *reads mission briefing* FUCK! Oh nononononono!!! We are NOT doing this!!!
Biskit: Captain, may I remind you that you’re on probation right now? You don’t have the capacity to refuse given orders.
CZM: *sigh* Ok. On-screen.
*riff-of-the-day pops up on the main veiwer*
CZM: Hello patrons, and welcome to our guest review of ‘The Garfield Story’, a one-shot by the author who brought you ‘Garfield Effect: Galaxy Adventures’. I’m your captain and guest riffer Crazy Minh…
Biskit: …and I’m the First Officer and double-guest riffer Biskit.
2246: Mandalorian Effect – Chapters 9 and 10
Posted: January 27, 2019 Filed under: Mandalorian Effect, Mass Effect, Star Wars | Tags: Adventure, batjamags, Film, Mass Effect, Sci-Fi, Star Wars, Video Game 31 CommentsTitle: Mandalorian Effect
Author: Nicranger
Media: Film/Video Game
Topic: Star Wars/Mass Effect
Genre: Adventure/Sci-Fi
URL: Chapters 9 and 10
Critiqued by BatJamags (BadJamags)
Hello once again, patrons! I’m your host, BatJamags, and I’m back with more of Mandalorian Effect, a fic starring a guy who has become such a concentrated mass of smugness that he’s collapsed into a cosmic event: the smugularity.
Actually, that’s a better nickname than Dickhead. His name is now Smugularity.
Last time, in what was actually a well-executed example of dramatic timing, Smugularity returned to *gag* New Mandalore and found it under attack by the geth. The author then shat away any goodwill that earned him when he used an author’s note to reveal that the actually-interesting plotline of Benezia infiltrating the Mandos to steal the Beacon was actually not happening at all. I’d just read too much into the awkward writing. It’s really my fault for assuming that Nicranger understands the concept of subtlety.
New Mandalore, Orbit
Alren looked at the Geth fleet attacking his home with a cold, calculating gaze. He was beyond angry but knew it wouldn’t help him to just rush in there. He may have the technological advantage but he was vastly outnumbered. Sure he could use the Ion cannon that was the Malevolence’s trump card but he wouldn’t be able to take out the entire fleet with it and he would lose the element of surprise.
What’ll it be, Alren? Watching your new home burn, or seeing it consumed by the event horizon of the Smugularity that is your own head?
What he needed was more ships but the Geth were putting up a very powerful jammer that even his technology was having trouble bypassing. Then something struck him. The shipyards had been working on recreating the old Mandalorian Cruisers along with a new ship design that his favorite scientist had cooked up. By his knowledge the ships should have been completed over a month ago.
I believe the Latin term for this type of plot event is machina ex rectum.
Library of the Damned 
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