2247: The Garfield Story One-shot

The Garfield Story One-shot
Title: The Garfield Story
Author: ShakespeareHemmingway (yes that one)
Media: Cartoon/Movie
Topic: Garfield/A Christmas Story
Genre: Drama/Supernatural
URL: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10963071/1/The-Garfield-Story
Critiqued By: Crazy Minh & Biskit

CZM: Captain’s log: Stardate 24356.52.3. I have just assumed command of the Starship Bongo after my riffing studio was unexpectedly blown to pieces in a tragic failure of a “completely routine chemical experiment” by a individual whose identity will remain unknown for the purposes of this log. We are now on a five month mission to the Fanfictium Nebula to conduct a…

Biskit: Captain Crazy sir! There’s a red thingy on the scopes!!!

CZM: Dear god. Don’t call me ‘Captain Crazy’ while we’re on duty. Afterwards, that’s perfectly fine. Status of the red-thingy?

Biskit: It appears to be a class-2 unmanned probe. It’s IFF identifies it as a message buoy sent from the Library Servers. Receiving our assignment data:

CZM: *reads mission briefing* FUCK! Oh nononononono!!! We are NOT doing this!!!

Biskit: Captain, may I remind you that you’re on probation right now? You don’t have the capacity to refuse given orders.

CZM: *sigh* Ok. On-screen.

*riff-of-the-day pops up on the main veiwer*

CZM: Hello patrons, and welcome to our guest review of ‘The Garfield Story’, a one-shot by the author who brought you ‘Garfield Effect: Galaxy Adventures’. I’m your captain and guest riffer Crazy Minh…

Biskit: …and I’m the First Officer and double-guest riffer Biskit.

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1662: Garfield Effect: Galaxy Adventure – Part Four? (Chapter Eleven)

Title: Garfield Effect: Galaxy Adventure
Author: ShakespeareHemmingway
Media: Video Game/Comic
Topic: Garfield/Mass Effect
Genre: Sci-fi/Adventure/crossover
URL: Chapter Eleven
Critiqued by agigabyte

Warning: Explicit sexual content and strong sexism are pretty much guaranteed. I seriously don’t even need to look.

X as Lasagna Counter: 3

”You’re on a ship, in space” Counter: 14

Cain: Hello, everyone. Interesting thing to note, Library of the Damned is the third result when you search “Garfield Effect Galaxy Adventure.” Does this call for celebrations? Regardless, let’s begin.

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1516: Garfield Effect: Galaxy Adventure – Chapter Ten

Title: Garfield Effect: Galaxy Adventure
Author: ShakespeareHemmingway
Media: Video Game/Comic
Topic: Garfield/Mass Effect
Genre: Sci-fi/Adventure/crossover
URL: Chapter Ten
Critiqued by agigabyte

X as Lasagna Counter: 3

”You’re on a ship, in space” Counter: 14

Cain: Welcome back to… well, I don’t even need to say anything by now. The continued existence of this fic speaks for itself. Today, I’m riffing on my own (except for Monitor, but he’s always here), as everyone else is off doing other things to ensure the continued existence of the Gemini. I, meanwhile, have to continue riffing this fic, or the Library may kick us out. *Cracks knuckles* Oh, I needed that. Let’s begin.

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1495: Garfield Effect: Galaxy Adventure – Chapter Nine

Title: Garfield Effect: Galaxy Adventure
Author: ShakespeareHemmingway
Media: Video Game/Comic
Topic: Garfield/Mass Effect
Genre: Sci-fi/Adventure/crossover
URL: Chapter Nine
Critiqued by agigabyte

X as Lasagna Counter: 3

”You’re on a ship, in space” Counter: 14

Cain: Hello, everyone. It’s about that time again so I’ve been trying to work up the willpower to read more of this. I brought along Agent [CLASSIFIED] and Agent [REDACTED].

*Agent [REDACTED] mysteriously sips from a mug of Coffee and makes a humming noise*

*Agent [CLASSIFIED] waves calmly and mysteriously*

Cain: Now, I do believe that with the help of the two most senior members of the Agency, we’re ready for anything except a beach-

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1448: Garfield Effect: Galaxy Adventure – Chapter Eight

Title: Garfield Effect: Galaxy Adventure
Author: ShakespeareHemmingway
Media: Video Game/Comic
Topic: Garfield/Mass Effect
Genre: Sci-fi/Adventure/crossover
URL: Chapter Eight
Critiqued by agigabyte

Admiral Sem K’Latis: Sem K’Laatis here. I’ve been given the honor of coming back from the Vagueness front for a while to riff things. Hooray. I’m here with Engi Unit 1746, A.K.A. “Commander Ferry,” along with Rear Admiral “Rocky” Rolknyiosarnaka. Lieutenant  Admiral Yoneas Aralian and Vice Admiral Jacob Pomeroy are off directing things in my absence.

Rocky: Hello, Patrons and Librarians. I would say I am happy to be back, but my being here hinges upon me reviewing terribly written fanfiction.

Ferry: This unit is experiencing an uncharacteristic longing for the front lines.

Sem: Don’t care. Let’s start.

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1397: Garfield Effect: Galaxy Adventure – Chapter Seven

Title: Garfield Effect: Galaxy Adventure
Author: ShakespeareHemmingway
Media: Video Game/Comic
Topic: Garfield/Mass Effect
Genre: Sci-fi/Adventure/crossover
URL: Chapter Seven
Critiqued by agigabyte

Garfield Effect: Galaxy Adventure Part 7 Kasumi Thief Caper!

Cain: Ugh. I was going to do an intro, but then I saw that one of the best characters in the series was in this chapter. I don’t feel like explaining who she is, so just view this article.

http://masseffect.wikia.com/wiki/Kasumi_Goto

agig: Lazy today, are we?

Cain: Politics.

agig: That’s going to be your excuse for everything, isn’t it?

Cain: I really hate you.

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1356: Garfield Effect: Galaxy Adventure – Chapter Six

Title: Garfield Effect: Galaxy Adventure
Author: ShakespeareHemmingway
Media: Video Game/Comic
Topic: Garfield/Mass Effect
Genre: Sci-fi/Adventure/crossover
URL: Chapter Six
Critiqued by agigabyte

Cain: Welcome back! Last time, Goddess took over thanks to agig fucking up one of the servers, allowing Goddess’ techies to hack the Riff. Don’t ask how they hacked the Riff itself rather than the transmission; it involved Omnidimensional fuckery. As such, I’m here because he’s obviously not competent enough to Riff more than four chapters in a row.

Lieutenant Admiral agig: Hey!

Cain: It’s true.

Staff Colonel Diesel: In fact, you didn’t even go a full Riff and a half before Cain took over.

Cain: We shall now begin the Riff.

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