Title: Brego’s Mistress
Topic: Lord of the Rings
Genre: Drama and Romance
URL: Chapter Three
Critiqued by Angie
Hey guys, gals and non binary pals! My name is Angie, and today we’re venturing through the final bit of chapter three of Brego’s Mistress.
I can’t even pretend that this is going to be a pleasant experience. Sit back, let’s see.
Title: Legendary Adventurers, Futuristic Saviors
Topic: Princess Mononoke
Url: Chapter Fifteen
Critiqued by SC, Sir Paulo Rori and Scarlet of Mesyth
Hello, and welcome back to Legendary Adventurers, Futuristic Saviors, by Stone-Man85! I’m your host, SC, joined by Sir Paulo Rori and Scarlet of Mesyth, and last time, Alex was a creeper, then read a comic book, then regurgitated some plot regarding the Incredible Hulk, and then San told him to stop fucking around and talk about himself, like he had told her he would.
Unfortunately, this means that a good chunk of chapter fifteen is just Alex rehashing everything that we already know about him.
…So instead, I’ma just skip to the part where they both get fucking shot at!
Hello, dear Patrons, and welcome to the start of a new fic!
This particular fic is also from the Subnautica section of ff.net, although written by a different author; I don’t typically do fics from the same source materials back to back, but I decided to make an exception this time. Let me show you the fic summary and I think you’ll see what drew my attention to this fic.
Nero is the trouble-sought son of the legendary survivalist, Craig McGill, and the young man’s most recent antics have landed him on an unplanned trip for Alterra, and smack dab in the middle of a romance with the ship’s Lieutenant. But when the Aurora crashes his new life, Subnautica has to learn the hard way that you don’t mess with a McGill.
Anyone want to play “Spot the Stu”? I’ll give you three guesses, and the first two don’t count.
I don’t even know what the hell ‘trouble-sought’ is supposed to mean. Is this guy trouble-prone, or a trouble-seeker?
Hello hello all you patrons!
Last time on Fall to Equestria, Twilight sprouted labia, used the narrator… protagonist… thing… as a sex aid, and Celestia stepped on Luna’s turf by invading his dreams. Then he traded a few more sexual favours for a job at the Ponyville Day Spa, which he keeps calling the Bridle Gossip for some asinine reason. We left as one of the Spa Sisters was just about to collect on her end of the deal.
Bad Touch Counter: 25
In a bit of a non sequitur, Chapter Eight is entitled “Celestia who?”
Title: Heroes and Villains
Author: Horrible’s Igor
Media: Television / Movies
Topic: Buffy: The Vampire Slayer / Kitchen Sink
URL: Heroes and Villains (Now Defunct)
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Eliza
“Hi, people! We’re back with more!”
“Still counts as more!”
I’m not really sure it does. Want to handle the recap?
“Willow asked Elsa to go threaten Spike so he wouldn’t become involved. After that, Elsa went and threatened Spike so he wouldn’t get involved.”
Title: Love & Bullets
URL: Chapter 8
Critiqued by BatJamags (BadJamags and GoodJamags)
What do you need us for? count: 10
Dick is a dick count: 5
Bullet count: 0
Hello, once again, patrons! I’m your guest host, BadJamags…
GoodJamags: … And I’m your guest guest host, GoodJamags…
… And we’re back for more of Love & Bullets, the fic that never ceases to find new ways to disappoint us, while still refusing to stop being boring!
GoodJamags: In the last chapter, Damian Wayne got involved, and the story just wouldn’t shut up and move on.
As satisfying as it was to repeat that particular phrase, we’ll stop doing it here so that it doesn’t get too grating. Anyway, let’s skip the usual canned author’s note and get on to the fic!
Author: A now-forgotten servant of Morgoth the Defiler
Topic: Lord of the Rings
Critiqued by KittyNoodles
*** WARNING: The following riff contains no rape for once. Unfortunately, it does involve random bestiality and some of the most atrocious body horror you’ve likely ever seen described on purpose, which may result in extreme dizziness, shortness of breath, nausea, heartburn, indigestion, and a lifelong aversion to ice cream. Yes, ice cream. Those of you who have seen 2 Girls 1 Cup are probably the only people prepared for this. Those of you who have not seen the aforementioned video are first advised not to look it up if you ever wish to eat again; furthermore, such persons will need to trade their complimentary Fic Sickness Bags™ for equally complimentary Fic Sickness Barrels™, both of which have been provided to us courtesy of the PCC. In case of extreme aversion to the impending body horror and character bastardization, please proceed in a shrieking, disorganized mob to your nearest fire escape.
This riff also involves descriptions of severe bodily injury. ***
(*Lyle walks in, glances at the schedule for the day, and nopes her way right back out of the riff chamber*)
[The narration would like to introduce all of you to–]
Kitty: Shut up and set the scene, you rampaging ball of ass.
[The narration smugly lays out the scene: The blankets, pillows, and stuffed animals have been washed and rearranged so that they take up only one portion of the Booth – namely, Kitty’s half. The other half is back to normal, and occupied by Kitty’s guest riffer for this week, who lounges in one of the available chairs looking artfully bored.]
Guest Riffer: Thank you, narration. I think you can go now.
[The narration makes an exit until it is needed again.]