1954: Star Wars: Shadow War Episode I – Chapter Three

Title:  Star Wars: Shadow War Episode I
Author:  dragonfang33
Media: Movie / Cartoon
Topic: Star Wars / MLP
Genre: Sci-Fi / Adventure
URL: Star Wars: Shadow War Episode I
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Darth Lord Crunchy (Retired)

Heyo, patrons!  Welcome back to another installment of ‘Shadow War’, the Star Wars fic where nothing happens and the characters don’t matter!  Crunchy is here again.

“You sound so pleased.”

Ecstatic.  Anyway, last time more long-winded nothing happened.

“I question whether you could consider that chapter long.”

Fine, more short-winded nothing happened.  The Cliff-notes of all the nothing is that Team Evil is landing their shit on the planet of Ponyland while Team Stu gathered a few juvenile recruits before being dispatched to explore what will coincidentally™ be the same exact planet that Team Evil is orbiting despite the region being nearly a third the size of the entire galaxy.

“Your Dickens would be proud.”

Compared to this, Dickens showed incredible restraint with his contrivances.  In any case, let’s get on with the show!

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1952: Jumanji II – Prologue

Title: Jumanji II
Author: Moonlight Willows
Media: Movies
Topic: Jumanji
Genre: Adventure/Suspense
URL: Jumanji II
Critiqued by Angie

What’s going on, everybody? My name is Angie and today I’m taking the CinemaSins way of choosing topics. Since “Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle” recently came out to just…

…just the worst reviews, we’re going to be riffing it.

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1950: Star Wars: Shadow War Episode I – Chapter Two

Title:  Star Wars: Shadow War Episode I
Author:  dragonfang33
Media: Movie / Cartoon
Topic: Star Wars / MLP
Genre: Sci-Fi / Adventure
URL: Star Wars: Shadow War Episode I
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Darth Lord Crunchy (Retired)

Heyo, patrons, and welcome back!

“They must be delighted.”

No, I’m pretty sure they aren’t, this is “Shadow War,” after all.

“Yet, I am here to delight them.  So delighted they will be, provided they comprehend what is best for their well being.”

Don’t threaten the readers.  I would hate it if Jiwe would happen to find his way into Eliza’s emergency glitter reserve the next time you’re forced to watch him.

“You would not dare!”

Wouldn’t I?  I mean, I certainly would hate to inconvenience Markus with cleaning that up.

*Crunchy glowers menacingly at Taco*

“I believe my influence may have created something unsavory within you.  I would find that worth celebrating were it no so inconvenient.  We shall put aside this discussion for now as I believe it is time to recapitulate, yes?”

It would be, but nothing of note happened in the first chapter.

“You forget the introduction of the author insertion and his Awesome McEvil brother.  Ponyland was also briefly mentioned.”

As I said, nothing of note.

“Touché”

Anyway, let’s see what’s in store for us in chapter two!

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1948: THE PRINCESS BRIDE: LADY IN WAITING – Chapter Two, Part Two

Title: THE PRINCESS BRIDE: LADY IN WAITING
Author: GaGa4FrightNight
Media: Movie
Topic: The Princess Bride (Movie Version)
Genre: Romance/Humor
URL:Chapter Two
Critiqued by Lina

*Lina plops down into Lyle’s chair and presses a few buttons on the desk.*

She owes me so much for this.

*pops her neck and rolls her shoulders*

Welcome, Patrons, to THE PURPLE BRIDE: LADY IS WHINING.  I’m Lina and I’m taking over for Lyle today.  She has a new work schedule and can’t be here right now.

*straightens a few papers on the desk and glances at them*

If I’ve gone over Lyle’s notes correctly, the last time we saw this fic, the Sue coerced a marriage proposal from Humperdinck while he was tied to a bed.  Then they fucked, although they did so “off screen,” so the thesaurus was spared from having to come up with twenty different ways to say they fucked.  Small victories.

Let’s see what this chapter has in store for us.

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1947: Blue Moon – One Shot

Title: Blue Moon
Author: SivanShemesh
Media: Books/Cartoon
Topic: Lord of the Rings/The Smurfs
Genre: Angst and Humor
URL: Chapter One
Critiqued by Angie and Queenie

Queenie: “Australian, not Scottish.”

Shut up.

Queenie: “That’s why Jack calls him a kangaroo at one point.”

I will physically fight you.

Welcome back to Angie Pays for Her Sins. This time, I’m reviewing a Lord in the Rings fanfiction to repay for Brego’s Mistress.

Queenie: I went through the tiresome labor of searching for a fanfiction, and I stumbled upon a crossover between some Earth cartoon called The Smurfs. The title is also the name of a beer brand. So…that’s fun.

This fic is called Coors Light.

Queenie: That’s…nope. That’s incorrect. The fic is called Blue Moon. Let’s begin.

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1944: Star Wars: Shadow War Episode I – Chapter One

Title:  Star Wars: Shadow War Episode I
Author:  dragonfang33
Media: Movie / Cartoon
Topic: Star Wars / MLP
Genre: Sci-Fi / Adventure
URL: Star Wars: Shadow War Episode I
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Darth Lord Crunchy (Retired)

Unnnggghhh, did anyone get the number of that party that hit me?

*Taco, who is laying on the ground covered in glitter and confetti, lifts his head off the ground to peer around the riffing chamber with blood-shot eyes*

The hell am I doing in Riffcon?

“Such an unseemly display.  Truly you monkeys have no sense of propriety.”

What are you doing here?

“The girls asked me to deliver your latest project.  Given the source material, it was inevitable that you would seek out and forcibly procure my assistance, so I acquiesced.

Another Star Wars, then?

“Sadly, yes.  Crossed with that show about ponies, no less.”

Well shit.  Okay, give me a moment to gather myself and we’ll do this thing.

“Allow me.  Darkwraiths!  Unleash the roughage!”

-*A pressurized blast of coffee and a change of clothes later*-

That was oddly refreshing.  Once you get past being burned by scalding hot coffee, anyway.

“I prefer to think of that as a bonus.”

Hello, dear patrons!  This week we start in on another smaller project: ‘Star Wars: Shadow Wars Episode I’ which has the distinction of being the only Star Wars fics I’ve riffed so far this year!

“Clever.”

While we’ve already covered the two canons covered by the fic, it’s worthwhile to note that this fic takes place in an AU that revolves around Emperor Luke Skywalker ruling over a new Jedi Empire in the wake of the events of the New Jedi Order book series.  It’s an AU featured in a handful of fanfics I’ve looked at, so apparently it’s a thing that exists outside of this particular fic.  I’m not sure why this small collection of authors created this AU, as it clashes pretty hard with all the books leading up to it, but I’ve learned that fanfiction AUs rarely bother to attempt to seamlessly merge with the source material.

Anyway, let’s just jump into the summary.

“Must we?”

How else are we supposed to know what’s going on?

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1941: The Competition – One Shot

Title: The Competition
Author: dominiquesweatt
Media: Books/Movies
Topic: The Outsiders/Sing (2016)
Genre: Drama and Humor
URL: The Competition
Critiqued by Angie and Queenie

May, 2017

No! No! I don’t want to finish The Girl! I hate this! This fanfiction is ruining what I love about my favorite book! I won’t do it, I won’t do it, I won’t do it.

Now

There’s really no reason to tie me up.

Queenie: I know, I just thought it would be fun.

Are you having fun?

Queenie: Yeah, I’m having a good time.

Couldn’t be happier for you.

Hey, everyone. So…Queenie reminded me that I didn’t—

Queenie: Couldn’t.

…couldn’t finish The Girl. And as punishment, she gave me this crapfest.

Queenie: I dig deep.

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