2040: Legend of Zelda: The True Force – Chapter Four, Part One

Title: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Author:  Hikari no Vikki
Media: Video Game / Movie
Topic: Legend of Zelda / Star Wars
Genre: Adventure / Fantasy
URL: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Critiqued by TacoMagic

It’s Wednesday!  And do you know what that means?  It means the doors are locked from the outside until we finish another chapter of True Force.  Well, half a chapter.  As this fic goes on the chapters get progressively longer and, mercifully, include more not-stolen content to riff on.  So, I’m going to have to start breaking them up to keep them things at manageable length.

This week I almost have enough to make a recap!  By almost, I mean the whole recap of the unique content would look like this:

Child Link meets child Anakin in Hyrule Castle Town and they play a board game.

So we may as well just jump into the fic.  And boy do I have a treat for you in today’s author’s note!

Oh, also, starting today I’m going to be skipping everything in Vikki’s header except the disclaimer since it is unique every chapter.  And we really don’t want to skip this week’s.

Well as of now, George Lucas still owns Star Wars and Shigeru Miyamoto still owns the Legend of Zelda. And, last I checked, both of them are guys. I’m a girl. You do the math.

Do the math?  Okay, so two guys plus one girl equal-

*A cacophonous blast of porno music launches Taco out of his chair*

I own nothing, except my plot.

I’m sorry, your plot?  Your plot!?

Author’s Notes-

Yes, there is an actual plot.

Technically true, but it’s still not YOUR plot.

And yes, we’re getting to it, but I need you all to sit tight while I work on some character development, okay?

As a reference, if you think you have to say something like this to your audience, you’re failing pretty hard as an author.  Which, to be fair, Vikki certainly is failing pretty hard as an author.

Thanks.

Now go read my stuff. :)

I’d be happy to!  Can you point me to something that’s actually yours?

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2038: Salvation – Chapter 1

Title: Salvation
Author: FreddysNightmare1984
Media: Film
Topic: Deliverance
Genre: Adventure/Suspense
URL: Chapter 1
Critiqued by BatJamags

Caution: Fic contains extreme plot regurgitation. Please take appropriate sanitary measures.

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your host, BatJamags, and I’m submitting this little two-shot riff out of order. Screw the Backlog of Doom, this needs to be mocked right now.

Why? Well, allow me to direct your attention to the header.

Topic: Deliverance

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2036: She’s Got a Little Bit of Raptor in Those Angel Eyes – Chapters 10 & 11

Title: She’s Got a Bit of Raptor in Those Angel Eyes
Author: AmazingGraceless
Media: Movie/Book
Topic: Jurassic Park/Jurassic World/Twilight
Genre: Adventure/Family
URL: Chapter 10
URL: Chapter 11
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

 

 

 

Hello, dear Patrons, and welcome to another helping of Raptorpire and Co!

In the last chapter, Lex spun some terrible lies and then revealed some truths in an even more terrible way, Lex and the boys did some car things to a Jeep twice as old as they are, we found out that Carlisle is actually the director of the VH Project, and there’s even more human/raptor hybrids running around on the island.

I think that was the highlights. To the fic!

Carlisle had delivered slips to each of the remaining victims of Project VH. He’d watched them leave on the ferries.

Huh. I guess there isn’t going to be a Sue Squad. Kind of makes me wonder why the author felt the need to introduce these characters if they were just going to be put on a bus (or ferry) immediately.

He was relieved to see that they were safe. If only he could just get Lex and the rest of his family off of the island. He walked back into the hotel to see Alice leading the rest of his family and a disgruntled Rosalie.

Why not send the human members of the Family Blob away? The sparklepires and werewolves can probably handle themselves if they work together, but the squishy humans are in very real danger.

“Carlisle!” Alice’s angelic face was distraught and she hugged her father figure.

That’s a weirdly purple way to phrase things.

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2034: Legend of Zelda: The True Force – Chapter Three

Title: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Author:  Hikari no Vikki
Media: Video Game / Movie
Topic: Legend of Zelda / Star Wars
Genre: Adventure / Fantasy
URL: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Critiqued by TacoMagic

Hello, patrons!  Welcome back to The Legend of Zelda: The Ocarina of The Force!  Or something like that.  I’ve decided I won’t really bother with recaps until the author actually starts diverging from the source materials, so don’t expect to see summaries until around chapter eleven.

And if you don’t think that’s a demoralizing thought, then try this one:

Chapter Three: On to Castle Town!

Title: Legend of Zelda – The True Force

Chapter: 3

Author: Hikari no Vikki

Genre: Adventure/Fantasy

Disclaimer: If I owned Zelda or Star Wars, would I even been saying the word “if” in my disclaimer?

Description: A modern Hyrule is in chaos. After reconstruction from the receding sea, the New Hyrule is literally built from the ashes of the Old Kingdom. However, history is destined, or rather, determined to repeat itself.

Though, to be fair, I’m actually kinda glad that Vikki isn’t taking the disclaimer seriously because, at the risk of being a broken record, disclaiming ownership of something that, by the letter of the law, you are stealing doesn’t really change the fact that you’re stealing it.  And that’s still the case regardless of how well you write the disclaimer, so it’s generally best not to take them too seriously as an author since lawyers definitely won’t.  Certainly it’s never stopped the big corporations like Disney from blanket-sending CNDs whenever the mood takes them.

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2031: The Right Partner – Chapters 14 and 15 (Finale)

Title: The Right Partner
Author: Justasmalltowngirl2713
Media: Film
Topic: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Romance/Adventure
URL: Chapter 14
Critiqued by BatJamags

Lousy Goddamn Stupid Blushing count: 15

Shits I Give count: -16

We Watched the Movie count: 12

Time is Not on my Side (No it’s Not) count:

Ahoy, ye Scurvy Swabs count: 3

You’re Not as Funny as you Think you Are count: 11

Hello once again, patrons, and Happy Mothers’ Day! I’m your host, BatJamags, and I’m back with one mother of a bad fanfiction the last chapter(s) of The Right Partner! And as soon as this adventure in generic Sueficcery is over, the idiot would normally be back with more of your regularly scheduled adventure in over-the-top edgery, but I’ve got something special lined up for you for next week.

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2028: Legend of Regurgitation: The True Game Mechanics – Chapter Two

Title: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Author:  Hikari no Vikki
Media: Video Game / Movie
Topic: Legend of Zelda / Star Wars
Genre: Adventure / Fantasy
URL: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Critiqued by TacoMagic

Heyo, patrons!  Welcome back to The Legend of Regurgitation: The True Game Mechanics!  You can probably guess what we’re in for this week.

I’d sum up the last chapter, but if you really want to know what happened, just pick up a copy of Ocarina of Time and play it for thirty minutes (or if you don’t have a copy of your own, there are other ways you can play it wink wink, nudge nudge).

Or, you know, just watch a Let’s Play.  Anyway, let’s head on in!

Title: Legend of Zelda – The True Force

Chapter: 2

Author: Hikari no Vikki

Genre: Action/Adventure

Disclaimer: If I owned Zelda or Star Wars, Midna would have kissed Link at the end, and the last forty-five minutes or so of Revenge of the Sith would have gone a whole lot differently.

Description: A modern Hyrule is in chaos. After reconstruction from the receding sea, the New Hyrule is literally built from the ashes of the Old Kingdom. However, history is destined, or rather, determined to repeat itself.

Hello, pointless header my old friend. 
I’ve come to skip over you again. 

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2026: THE PRINCESS BRIDE: LADY IN WAITING – Chapter Three, Part One

Title: THE PRINCESS BRIDE: LADY IN WAITING
Author: GaGa4FrightNight
Media: Movie
Topic: The Princess Bride (Movie Version)
Genre: Romance/Humor
URL:Chapter Three
Critiqued by Lyle

I have such mixed feelings about this fic.  On one hand, thank god it’s more coherent than Betrayal.  On the other hand, not this shit again.

The things I do for you, my lovelies.

Last time, Lina was good enough to take over the riffing of this fic for me.  This time, she told me to bugger off with a rusty spoon and threatened to shove a scone “somewhere entirely unpleasant” if I dared try to drag her into today’s riff.  So I hog-tied her with some Vampire-Proof Rope™.  Say hello to the readers, Lina.

Lina:  *tied to her chair, arms pinioned at her sides*  Fuck off, ya cunt.

Ooo, someone is testy today.  Why don’t you recap what happened in the last riff; it might make you feel better.

Lina:  *in a high, whining voice*  I hate pink!  I hate blue!  You’re all so stupid!

Yeah, that sound about right.

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