1815: Adopted – Chapter Five, Part Two and Chapter Six

Title: Adopted
Author: Angie J Trifid (Tony Terrace)
Media: Movie
Topic: Jurassic Park
Genre: Friendship/Romance
URL: Adopted
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Eliza

Hey, patrons!  Welcome back to Adopted, this week we finally finish off this turkey!  And then hopefully we can get on to doing some wholesome, cleansing one-shots.

“What about the Raptor and I rewrite?”

Nope.

“But you prom-”

NOPE!  Recap!

“Last time the raptors hovered around Annie’s insensate body while waiting for the bruised rib to heal enough for her to regain consciousness.  Eventually she did wake up and quickly joined Fitz for some exposition of the previous chapter.  Other than a few more blobs of Nedry hate, that was pretty much it.”

Onwards to glory!

“You’re in a strange mood today.”

I had two hours of sleep last night and am already on my fourth coffee!  I added espresso to this one!  Let’s do this!

“Well okay then.”

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1813: Coffin Rock – Chapter Two

Title: Coffin Rock: Retold
Author: PureNexus
Media: Movies
Topic: The Blair Witch Project/Alpha and Omega
Genre: Mystery and Horror
URL:  Chapter Two
Critiqued by Angie

Hello, hello! Welcome back to another edition of Coffin Rock: Untold. Last time, an OC named Aaron told Kate, Humphrey and Garth not to go to Idaho and to instead go to Maryland. That’s it. That’s the plot of chapter one.

Let’s dive into chapter two!

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1807:Adopted – Chapter Five, Part One

Title: Adopted
Author: Angie J Trifid
Media: Movie
Topic: Jurassic Park
Genre: Friendship/Romance
URL: Adopted
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Eliza

Heyo, patrons!  Welcome back to Prehistoric Bestiality 3 Adopted.  If we split this chapter up, we’ve got just enough fic left for two installments.  So soon we’ll be free of Raptor and I forever!

“Until you do the rewrite.”

So basically forever!  So, what happened last time?

“Well, Fitz hurt his leg, Annie fixed it, Fitz and his sister baton-passed the point of view a bit to exposite his affection for Annie, and then Muldoon and nameless keeper twelve shot Fitz’s father.”

That feels like a lot of progress for one chapter, especially given that the first three chapters limped along like a wounded sloth.  I’d pretend to be surprised that the pacing is so inconsistent, but I won’t insult the intelligence of our patrons like that.  Instead, let’s get this party rolling!

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1801: Adopted – Chapter Four

Title: Adopted
Author: Angie J Trifid
Media: Movie
Topic: Jurassic Park
Genre: Friendship/Romance
URL: Adopted
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Eliza

Welcome back to Raptor and I Life with Raptors Adopted!  The totally-not-a-ripoff-of-other-ripoffs fic!  With me again as my raptor correspondent is Eliza!  Say hello, Eliza.

“Hi!”

You didn’t do the joke.

“What joke?”

*Taco heaves a sigh*  Recap?

“One of my lesser kin, Sharifa, tried to eat cola can and Rae May Anna had to come in and save her by cramming an arm down her throat.  I think that was it.”

Well, that does gloss over the half-chapter of padding where Anna was supar skerd of the raptors!  And the other half where he boss had to wake her up to do something that should have been the Veterinarian’s job.

Anyway, let’s see what the next chapter is all about.

Chapter Four: Gunpoint

I suppose it’s too much hope for that the raptors get their claws on some guns.

“Talons.”

What?

“Raptors have talons, not claws.”

Technically talons are just a kind of claw.

“Technically humans taste wonderful!”

Talons it is.

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1799: THE PRINCESS BRIDE: LADY IN WAITING – Chapter One, Part Two

Title: THE PRINCESS BRIDE: LADY IN WAITING
Author: GaGa4FrightNight
Media: Movie
Topic: The Princess Bride (Movie Version)
Genre: Romance/Humor
URL:Chapter One
Critiqued by Lyle

Hello, lovelies!  I’m back this week with the second half of TPB:LiW.  I heard last week went really well and I’m glad my guest found his way just fine.  I’ve heard he’s gotten quite the warm welcome from the Library.  Good job, everyone!

I’ll do a quick sum-up of the last installment since it’s been a few weeks, then we will get started.

A Sue named Fauna, who may actually be a conglomerate of floating body parts, met Humperdinck right after the credits rolled, flounced continually around the room, acted kind of like a bitch, and decided that, instead of untying the prince and earning his gratitude, she would tell him a “fairy tale,” which we all know is really her TWAJEK BAKSTURY!

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1798: Coffin Rock: Retold – Chapter One

Title: Coffin Rock: Retold
Author: PureNexus
Media: Movies
Topic: The Blair Witch Project/Alpha and Omega
Genre: Mystery and Horror
URL: Chapter One
Critiqued by Angie

Last week…last year, I reviewed a terrifyingly boring creepypasta about Dragon Tales. It seemed to do fine on the Library, so this got me to thinking…is there another bad creepypasta based off a children’s show that made a few adults want to gouge their eyes out?

Lucky for all of us, there is. And it is based on…*pause for effect, even though you’ve all already read the title card* Alpha and Omega. And it’s a creepypasta about…*pause for effect, even though you’ve all already read the title card* The Blair Witch Project. Why? Who knows. Is it scary? Who knows. Is this author on crack? Who knows.

Before I get to this fic, I figured I might as well explain the premises of each movie.

The Blair Witch Project follows three aspiring filmmakers who find out there’s a thing called the Blair Witch in a forest near a town that used to be called Blair, now known as Burkittsville. They figure it’s a good idea to go into these woods and make a documentary on this terrifying being that they know for a fact exists and have tortured people before, because that’s a thing people do. It is one of my very favorite movies, and it has been referred to by at least one person as one of the worst films of 1999. So. There’s that.

Alpha and Omega is about wolves.

So let’s dive into Castle Rock: Retold.

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1795: Adopted – Chapter Three

Title: Adopted
Author: Angie J Trifid
Media: Movie
Topic: Jurassic Park
Genre: Friendship/Romance
URL: Adopted
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Eliza

Hey, folks!  Welcome back to Adopted! Another Raptor and I clone that’s not even trying to pretend it isn’t a Raptor and I clone!

“Hopefully this week we will get to see more raptors.”

Even if we do, I’m not so sure they count as raptors.

“Last time we got introduced to our new Rae!  This model of Rae is referred to as Anna and is the kennel help variety as opposed as the original botany flavor.  The first thing Anna does when arriving in the island is ignore everyone and then notice the dinosaurs.  After that, we went over to the newest model of Sorin called Fitzroy.  He banters with his sister over dinner, complains about the parental pressure to marry, and then makes a bet with his sister over that involves sexually assaulting Nedry as the stakes.”

You make it sound so good.

“Right!?”

This week opens with the now standard author’s note featuring her copy-pasted disclaimer and a gaggle of responses to her reviews.  We’re just going to skip all-

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