2547: Task Farce Ash Guest Riff chapters 11 and 12

Title: Task Force Ash
Author: Ghost509
Media: Video Games
Topic: Pokémon and Call of Duty
Genre: Adventure and “Romance”
URL: Chapter 11 and Chapter 12
Critiqued by Zeus Killer Productions

Judger: So the next chapter begins with Damien’s former Pokémon waking, having apparently lost all memory of the night before (which considering the type of abuse, is sadly plausible), with Rosa comforting them. Ash, after trying to get the 141 to stop using a hospital gurney as a battering ram for some reason, walks in, and the new trio immediately start thinking he’s “drop dead handsome.”

Because Pokémon obviously have the same standards of beauty as humans.

Svarti: So when asked what happened, Ash lies, and claims that he saved them from your standard Hentai Ugly Bastard, because it might be problematic if he’s arrested for first degree murder, even if the guy was a (exaggerated) douche. Also, this-

“I guess you could say that.” Ash said, his smile faltering ever so slightly. Rosa gently squeezed his shoulder in reassurance. She knew Ash hated to lie(unless he absolutely needed to) and, in this case, he did and didn’t. But still, she knew why he was doing this.

Anyway, the three females let the information settle in. They were almost raped. Their virginities, future, and innocence, almost taken away from them. Almost, being the key word. Ash had saved them. In their opinions they were now indebted to him. But the three lost their trains of thought, as Ash got up from his chair, while putting on his hat.

Judger: Because we needed more girls into his ducking harem. At this rate, he’s going to nab every single female on the planet.

Zeus: So Rosa states that she’ll always be by his side, when a flying pyramid shows up. Turns out the Kanto Battle Pyramid decided to show up, having heard of Ash coming here (and of course, the three females want to jump Ash’s bones because why not add even more women into the fucking harem?) and passing the cheerleaders, who are discussing how they can get laid like Ash.

Remember when the 141 were trained badasses? Me neither.

Svarti: So the chapter ends with the two groups meeting, just like what happened with the other gang. Curiously, the author felt prudent to leave this authors note at the start of the final chapter.

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2539: Task Force Ash – “Chapter 9” and Chapter 10

Title: Task Force Ash
Author: Ghost509
Media: Video Games
Topic: Pokémon and Call of Duty
Genre: Adventure / “”””””””Romance””””””””
URL: Chapter 10
Critiqued by Zeus, Svarti, Ramirez, Judger, and special guest Anakin “The Chosen One” Skywalker

*Holo-Recording starts up*

Zeus: Welcome to yet another part of the TFA riff, where we examine just how deep the rabbit hole goes.

Svarti: In the last two riffs, Ash became an even bigger Sue, we had a sex scene for 1/4 of a chapter, and the rest was spent glorifying this massive dick with a murder spree.

Ramirez: And in other news, chapter 9 is actually an authors note asking for help. Normally we’d skip it…

Judger: But we’ll let it speak for itself.

*Buzzsaw Noises*

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2526: Task Force Ash guest riff Chapters 7 and 8

Title: Task Force Ash
Author: Ghost509
Media: Stu Stories
Topic: Call of Duty and Pokémon
Genre: Brain Bleach
URL: Chapter 7
Critiqued by Zeus, Svarti, Ramirez, and Judger

WARNING: The following riff, although edited, includes a chapter with a lemon. If you look into the original story, be prepared mentally.

*holo-recording starts up*

Zeus: Welcome to the fourth riff for TFA. Last time, Ash got his 141 buddies into Pokémon catching, where Price killed a few people and Roach got shipped with a Gardevoir

Judger: Thankfully, someone or something is after Ash for hurting their sister, so maybe there’s some hope yet.

It’s been about 5 minutes since the Major went into the ‘Poke-Hell’, and already the soldiers were feeling uneasy about it. When they went in, they each had a partner. While the Major went in alone. And, Ash had a rule for something like this. Never go in alone, and/or Never go in blind. Well it appears Ash just broke those rules, by going in alone and blind.

Judger: He likely set up the rules for the 141 members who weren’t familiar with Pokémon so as to not get startled. Actual trainers have a tendency to know what they’re doing.

Ramirez: Then again, it’s likely this is setting up for Ash to become a big badass.

Zeus: Cue the best character.

“Where is he?” Delia, Ash’s mother, questioned, while she and the others walked into the lobby.

“Where is who?” Royce asked back.

Svarti: Wait, where were these guys the last 3 chapters?

Judger: Funny you should mention that, as Price then asks how the group found them at all.

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2503: Task Force Ash, Chapters Four through Six and Eterian Odyssey: Obsidian Guild Story – Oneshot

Title: Task Force Ash
Author: Ghost509
Media: Video Games
Topic: Call of Duty and Pokémon
Genre: Implausible Crossovers
URL: Chapter 4
Critiqued by Zeus, Svarti, Judger, and Ramirez

*Holo-recording starts*

Ramirez: I don’t want to be that guy, but are you entirely sure about this?

Zeus: I’ll admit, last chapter was so stupefying, it isn’t funny, but we have to push through.

To sum up the first scene, Ash wakes up, and reminisces about all the creative ways that he woke up Roach in the past (which includes methods even Chief Mendez from the SPARTAN Project would find questionable at best), and then deciding to wake him up.

By putting on headphones on Roach and blasting Pokémon porn up max volume. After a brief case of what the fuck, Ash gets Roach to help him use airhorns to wake the other solders, and is somehow aware that his old friends are back.

Ramirez: *facepalm*

Judger: Clearly, this was written by someone who didn’t know how to balance “OMG I AM AWSOME” and “comedy,” so the result shown here is incredible cringe.

Svarti: So they get into the mess hall…

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2494: Task Force Ash – Chapter Three

Title: Task Force Ash
Author: Ghost509
Media: Video Games
Topic: Pokémon and Call of Duty
Genre: Adventure / Romance
URL: Chapter 3
Critiqued by Zeus Killer, Thomas Svarti, Judger, and Pvt. James Ramirez

WARNING: This chapter contains some examples of the author writing unrealistically in regards to how drunk people and sex incidents occur. Get the brain bleach ready.

*Holo-recording shows up*

Zeus: Okay, we’re back with Task Force Ash, which is fast becoming a Sue Story. Especially because he’s a Major after 4 years, which I highly doubt is how military ranks go.

Judger: When we last left our intrepid heroes, they barely had any character development despite aging, and then Ash shows up and basically proves he’s the best by curb-stomping a Swellow with a Charizard. One with at least 20 bullet holes per wing.

Ramirez: And to top all that off, the 141 are under Ash’s command for some reason, and they help break up a scuffle between the justifiably pissed Lt. Surge and Ash.

Zeus: And now the author states that a bunch of Ash’s friends are gonna show up. Gee, I wonder why?

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2480: Task Force Ash – Chapters One and Two

Title: Task Force Ash
Author: Ghost509
Media: Video Games
Topic: Pokémon and Call of Duty
Genre: Adventure / Romance
URL: Chapter One and Chapter 2
Critiqued by Zeus Killer, (Ret) Diplomatic Officer Thomas Svarti, KJLA Agent Thomas “Judger” Kernse, Private James “DO EVERYTHING” Ramirez

*holo projector boots up*

Zeus:-and THATs why Nimitz is trying to find a copy of the King James Necronomicon in this ship.

Svarti: I have no idea what you’re talking about, but yes. To everything. Now, you said something about experts coming in?

Zeus: Oh yeah. Today, we (finally) start tackling Task Force Ash, a CoD/Pokemon crossover. Unfortunately, while Svarti is a diplomat and involved in Galactic History, Martinov is just a very capable solder, so I’ve had to call in experts. Again.

*A guy in a stereotypical Spy outfit from a 50’s film walks in*

Zeus: This is Judger, short for Judgement. He’s going to be our Pokémon expert…sort of.

Judger: What do you mean?

Zeus: It’s an anime fic.

Judger: Ah. Not my area of experience, but I’ll try my best.

Svarti: Who’s the other one?

*Russian Guy with an RPD stands at the far end…and is carrying the real guy, a very familiar US Ranger*

Zeus: It’s Ramirez. He’s gonna be our CoD expert for this fic. He can literally do anything.

*Ramirez salutes, and unstraps himself from Captain Petrenko*

Zeus: At ease.

So the fic starts with Ash losing to Virgil, and a quick Google search reveals that he was involved in the Sun and Moon tournaments. Though considering Virgil is moving up, it’s already an AU.

Judger: So what happened canonically speaking?

Zeus: Ash faces an opponent’s Mega Charazard with an Ash-Greninja, and lost. Cue fandom losing thier shit.

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2166: CoD: Black Hell Ops and Binary DNA — Crappy Pasta

–WARNING–
While today’s pasta is (surprise surprise) not in the least bit scary, it does include potential political flamebait in the form of discussion of American military activities in general and the nuclear strike on Hiroshima in particular.

Yes, really.

Title: CoD: Black Hell Ops
Author: Who knows, who cares?
Media: Video Game
Topic: Call of Duty
Genre: Creepypasta
URL: Dramatic Reading and Giant Wad Of Deleted Pages Including The Pasta

Title: Binary DNA
Author: Black goes gray
Media: Web Original
Topic: Creepypasta
Genre: Creepypasta
URL: Binary DNA

Hello hello all you patrons! Keep a detailed count of the students in your agronomics class and make sure not to let any incendiary spiders get near the gasoline you picked up from the grocery store, because it’s time once again for

spoop4

 

 

 

 

 

“Today, in case the title didn’t already clue you in… yep, there really is such a thing as Call of Duty creepypasta. Your species’ appetite for depravity really is just that great.”

There’s not really much I can say about the concept of Call of Duty creepypasta to make it any more simultaneously hilarious and depressing than it already is, so let’s just dive right in.

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