1253: Everybody Likes Chocolate – Chapter Three

Title: Everybody Likes Chocolate
Author: nutin-but-JD
Media:  Book / Movie
Topic: Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
Genre: Romance
Chapter Three
Critiqued by Lyle and Koori


Koori: Yes, ma’am?

I can’t help but notice that you found us a fic that has twenty-three chapters.  Are you really prepared for the long haul?

Koori:  Absolutely.  I have ordered twenty pounds of loose-leaf oolong and bought you a new mug.  *passes the mug to Lyle*


You just earned yourself a raise.

Koori:  But you don’t pay me.

I’ll take a week off your honey badger duty, then.

Anyway, let’s get started today, shall we?  Last time on “Everybody Likes Chocolate,” our feline protagonist met Willy Wonka, who proceeded to make light of homelessness and then decided to lead the kitty to [location] that may or may not be Jesus.

Koori:  It’s really quite amazing how little happens in each chapter, isn’t it?

It’s like EP’s love life.

Koori:  A total lack of action?


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1252: Garfield Effect: Galaxy Adventure – Chapter One

Title: Garfield Effect: Galaxy Adventure
Author: ShakespeareHemmingway
Media: Video Game/Comic
Topic: Garfield/Mass Effect  (Wait… what?! – Lyle)
Genre: Sci-fi/Adventure/crossover
URL: Chapter One
Critiqued by agigabyte


*It hits, causing severe damage to the GNS Archon*

agig: Shit, infirmary, be prepared for a lot of injured. And somebody get that fire out!

Dakota: *Puts down his datapad and stands up* Gunnery, arm Snerkannons, engineering, prepare SDQF deterrents, security, prepare for DRD boarders.

agig: Without further ado, fire all weapons on the trollfic!

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1251: Legendary Adventurers, Futuristic Saviors – Chapter Nine, Part Three

Title: Legendary Adventurers, Futuristic Saviors
Author: Stone-Man85
Media: Movie
Topic: Princess Mononoke
Genre: Adventure/Romance
URL: Chapter 9
Critiqued at the expense of Alexander Killian by SC, Shades, and William

Alex: You let the evil bitch in?! Why would you do that?!

Shades: Keep mouthing off like that and this evil bitch might just stuff lead in your eye sockets.

*Alex whimpers fearfully*

Realistically, I could bring any member of the Specs and Co. in and have you cowering in terror like you are right now. But Shades has guns and a hair-trigger temper, and that makes it funnier to bring her in.

Alex: Why do you hate me?!

That’s a rhetorical question, right?

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1250: Tomorrow Is Always Better – Chapter 8


Title: Tomorrow Is Always Better
Author: LaRae and Ninjas Incorporated
Media: Anime/Manga
Topic: Ouran High School Host Club
Genre:  Romance/Hurt/Comfort
URL: Chapter 8
Critiqued by Ghostcat





Greetings, my darling Patrons! And a very happy Black Friday to all the Americans among our Patronage; if you work retail, then you have my sympathies.

I’m back with another chapter of this steaming pile of fail, but fortunately it is an extremely short chapter – roughly half the length of most of the others. We’ve passed the shark-jump point; there is a very noticeable shift in quality and the chapters become even more rushed and incoherent. It is as if the author just wanted to finish them as quickly as possible. I don’t blame her, but it does make for a challenging read.

What happened in the last chapter? There was some singing, rape was revealed in the most half-assed way possible, and someone (possibly Daddy Dumbass) grabbed Kyo-Sue in the hallway and made her say the wrong inappropriate Japanese word. This slight rough-housing caused Kyo-Sue’s wounds, which should already be healed, to open and gush blood, making her pass out. She wakes in the hospital to the news that Daddy Dumbass has been arrested for crimes that he really shouldn’t have been arrested for because there is no evidence of them, but whatever. Given the bipolar nature of this fic, now that the serious matters have been dealt with it will likely swing back up into giddy wish-fulfillment.

XOXOOXOXOXOX You know the drill and if you don’t look at some of the chapter’s before thisXOXOXOXOXOXOX


Shirigaomoi zusan.* Could you get any lazier, author? No, don’t tell me; the answer’s “yes”, isn’t it? It always is.

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1249: Fire Emblem: ReAwaken – Chapter Five

Title: Fire Emblem: ReAwaken
Author: MaesterDimentio
Media: Video Game
Topic: Fire Emblem: Awakening
Genre: Adventure/Fantasy
URL: Chapter 5
Critiqued by Herr Wozzeck and Crunchy Raptor

Hello ladies and gentlemen! I’m Herr Wozzeck, and—

Crunchy: And already, I have the feeling this introduction has gone on too long.

Oh, right. As you may notice, Crunchy is with us this time. It’s been rather a while since you last showed up in a snarking, hasn’t it?

C: I suppose it has. I miss seeing you monkeys when you scream about bad fanfiction. Though, I must say, it surprises me you picked up one of SC’s leftovers.

Hey, you can’t complain with results, right? And besides, we’ve got a lot to do with this thing!

C: I suppose. It cannot be any worse than anything Swenia has read recently, at any rate, and it is certainly far better than…

*cringes* Crunchy, please do not bring that up. I would rather we never spoke of that fic again.

C: I cannot blame you for that. Well, let us get on with this, shall we?


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