2124: Broken – Oneshot

Title: Broken
Author: KZMaster
Media: Shared RP Universe (No Longer Considered Canon)
Genre: Um… Hurt/Comfort/Family?
URL: Broken – Oneshot
Critiqued by Herr Wozzeck

WARNING: The fic being snarked contains references to domestic abuse. People who are sensitive to such a subject may wish to exercise caution when reading this snarking.

Well, folks, here it is. Coby Carson come to the Library of the Damned.

Yeah, believe it or not, Coby Carson didn’t just stay a Twitter RP exclusive: every once in a blue moon, there was a story that came out about his antics. (And yes, I do mean “every once in a blue moon”. It undercuts a lot of KZ’s whining about how he contributed so much to the FBA community when you consider I produced more story for just Agundio’s rookie year than he did across Coby Carson’s entire run in the UFFL, so…) Today, we’re going to go with the story that ultimately ended up being the punctuation of Coby Carson’s general character arc. Or rather, the character arc that was hastily conceived and patched together because hey, turns out you can’t just play the same “loudmouth idiot” routine fifty-two times in the same year and expect people to stick around, right?

Yeah, consider me extra salty right now. Let’s dive right in, shall we?

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1976: Bid My Blood To Run — Chapters 2 and 3

Title: Bid My Blood To Run
Author: Jaeger Gypsy Danger
Media: Video Game
Topic: Mass Effect
Genre: Romance/Hurt-Comfort
URL: Chapter 2 and Chapter 3
Critiqued By: AdmiralSakai and Senior Cabalist-Lieutenant Rijus Ta’nin

The ‘fic under riff today contains potential flamebait in the form of vaguely suicidal behavior and substantially less-than-vague sexism. And also NSFW fanart.
And also a really angry Admiral.

Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome back to Bid My Blood To Run, aka. The Animalization Writer’s Guide Is Not A Bingo Game, You Don’t Get A Prize If You Fill In All The Boxes, Oh God Why Did You Try To Fill In All The Boxes.

*sigh*… Twenty-two years in the Cabal Corps, ten in Blackwatch… and still nothing could have prepared me for this.”

So, last time we were introduced to Commander Katherine Shepard, the depressed, horny, and disturbingly spongiform CO of the SSV Normandy. She moped around the captain’s quarters for a while, propositioned Thane, promptly forgot about Thane, and moped some more. Then Garrus Vakarian showed up from nowhere, claimed he was doing what she needed by refusing to leave when she needed him to leave, took off his armor and let Shepard punch him (which somehow resulted in her breaking bones), physically restrained her, and then played “I’ll-fuck-you, I’ll-fuck-you-not” for like a third of the ‘fic before finally settling on “I’ll-fuck-you” when Shepard pretty much just stripped naked in front of him. After that some really legitimately terrifying sex went down with Garrus basically beating Shepard to a pulp because apparently That’s What Turians Do in these sorts of ‘fics, followed by much more pedestrian sex and cuddling. Oh yeah and the turian language has no word for ‘love’ even though it is literally Latin, and turian women get basically no say in whether they enjoy fucking or not.

Animalization Checklist: 16/38

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1973: Bid My Blood To Run — Chapter 1

Title: Bid My Blood To Run
Author: Jaeger Gypsy Danger, who somewhat oddly has written no Pacific Rim ‘fics
Media: Video Game
Topic: Mass Effect
Genre: Romance/Hurt-Comfort
URL: Chapter 1
Critiqued By: AdmiralSakai and Senior Cabalist-Lieutenant Rijus Ta’nin


The ‘fic being riffed today contains potential flamebait in the form of yet another borderline-abusive relationship. And also more pseudo-MRA bullshit.
And porn. Lots and lots of porn.

Hello hello all you patrons. Rijus and I are back once more-

Please let me go, or at least let me die with some modicum of honor.”

-with another Mass Effect ‘fic, and while the last one basically forgot that turians existed, this one loves them a little too much.

Summary: A different approach to the FemShep/Garrus relationship. He’s a turian and perhaps not always the kind-hearted and gentle teddy bear we’ve come to expect. Adult situations about adult relationships. Rated M for a good reason.

TITLE: Bid My Blood To Run


AN: Three Evanescence songs “Bring Me to Life,” “Haunted,” and “My Immortal” served as my inspiration. Adult stuff in here.

So, Rijus, are you sure we didn’t somehow end up in an alternate timeline where the Soviet Union took over the entire galaxy, right?

Ummm… fairly, yes. Why?”

Because I’m seeing nothin’ but red flags.

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1785: His Inamorata: Light and Dark – Oneshot


Title: His Inamorata: Light and Dark
Author: LittleNightma
Media: Video Game/Creepypasta
Topic: Slender: The Eight Pages
Genre: Romance/Hurt/Comfort
URL: Chapter 1
Critiqued by Ghostcat







Hello, dear Patrons!

Are you ready for another chapter of softcore Slendtai?

“But Ghostie!” You may be thinking to yourself, “I thought you finished The Slender Man Romance fic already?”

Why, yes I did, hypothetical Patron – but this is the Intertubez! There’s so much more out there.

So, so much more. Also fanart. :shudders:  Do not look for the fanart without Safe Search on.

Any-hoo, this is a new “Romance” fic featuring The Slender Man. Let’s take a look at the summary, shall we?

Jayde is visited by the Slenderman. What does he want? Light and Dark Version to this. Two-Shot. Previously known as His Mate: Part 1.

Already I can tell a few things about this fic; the character with the Special Name Spelling is probably the Sue and – based on the fic’s current and previous titles – is going to wind up being The Slender Man’s lover. I did take a look at the author’s other fics and could not fine the second part of this two-shot. The fic is over four years old so it is possible it has never been written.

Let’s get to the fic!
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1765: The New Security Guard – Chapter 2


Title: The New Security Guard
Author: The Lazy Darklord
Media: Video Game
Topic: Five Nights at Freddy’s
Genre: Hurt/Comfort
URL Chapter 2
Critiqued by Ghostcat




Welcome back, dear Patrons, to another chapter! When last we met, the audience was introduced to college freshman and extremely late bloomer Gabe/Michael via a pair of rambling and disjointed flashbacks that raised more questions than they answered.

On to the fic! Which starts with another all-bold Author’s Note that contains almost no punctuation. Yay.

Hello everybody and welcome back to the Fnaf fanfic,

Which so far has had very little FNAF in it.

some of you might be wondering hey dark why is it that you sometimes promise to finish a story and then you just disappear from the face of the earth for a few months,

No, I can honestly say I wasn’t wondering that at all. At the risk of resurrecting one of our favorite dead horses, you aren’t on a schedule. Post (or don’t post) whenever you feel like it. Your only deadline is self-imposed.

im not going to make excuses i honestly was at point were i was almost entirely done with fanfiction mainly because i did alot of work into my stories and then too rewrite them was an honest pain in my ass

Welcome to writing, honey – it’s two percent pure pleasure and ninety-eight percent soul-shredding grunt work that no one will ever see. And don’t even get me started on editing; it’s much easier to edit someone else’s work because you aren’t emotionally invested in it, but trying to edit your own writing is like having your fingers caught in a bear trap and trying to decide which one to gnaw off first.

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1758: The New Security Guard – Chapter 1


Title: The New Security Guard
Author: The Lazy Darklord
Media: Video Game
Topic: Five Nights at Freddy’s
Genre: Hurt/Comfort
URL Chapter 1
Critiqued by Ghostcat




Hello, Patrons, and welcome to a new fic!

This one is notSubnautica fic, but it does come from a video game source material – Five Nights at Freddy’s. There’s been a number of FNAF fics in the Library, so I will dispense with the usual SC-style info-dump and just move on to the fic – after taking a peek at the summary.

A college kid needs some work after his life goes to hell and his friends got the place and it pays pretty good for a pizza parlor

The grammar is wonky but that doesn’t sound all that bad…

(ok there will be sexual scenes and possible lemons and lots violence in the beginning and lots of cussing… I own nothing!)

And there we are.

Will make break off stories!

Those are typically called “sequels”, y’know.

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1730: Three Generations – Chapter One

Title: “Three Generations”
Author: YinYangProphecy
Media: Literature
Fandom: Enchanted Forest Chronicles
Genre: Family and hurt/comfort
URL: Chapter One
Critiqued by eatpraylove

I briefly considered doing this as a PPC mission, but didn’t for three reasons: The chapters don’t have much meat on them, I have enough fics lined up already, and I couldn’t think of a reason for my agents to feel the same protective attachment to the Enchanted Forest series that I do. Also, hi, I’m eatpraylove on the PPC Board. I’ve poked around the halls of the Library plenty of times but never thought to get a WordPress account.

Moving on, let’s start with the canon basics. The Enchanted Forest Chronicles is a fantasy kid’s book series by Patricia Wrede, focusing on Princess Cimorene of Linderwall. Linderwall is your standard Disney-style safe, prosperous fairy-tale kingdom, and the rest of Cimorene’s family—mom, dad, and six older sisters—are your standard Disney royalty, the sisters in particular.

Cimorene wants none of it, and runs away from home to avoid an arranged marriage with the equally generic Prince Therandil in the first book. Thanks to her lack of a plan and a sarcasm-blind talking frog (I swear this makes sense in context), she ends up living and working with Kazul, a dragon who’s been looking for a new princess. Kazul doesn’t mind that Cimorene isn’t a typical princess (Cimorene can cook Kazul’s favorite desserts, for example), and both of them eventually gets roped into a big mystery involving the King of the Dragons, a stone prince, Morwen the witch, and several wizards.

The whole series turns fairy tales and fairy-tale tropes on their heads—the wizards melt when you throw buckets of water (specifically soapy water and lemon juice) at them, for example, not Morwen. It’s great fun to read and deserves all the love it gets and then some.

So naturally, bunches and bunches of folks on the Internet have written their own stories about it with predictably mixed results. Thanks to Sehkmet over on the PPC Board for bringing this to my attention. The first chapter is literally a “don’t like, don’t read, please review” author’s note, so I’m going to the first one with actual substance to it.

Also, this riff will contain spoilers for the entire series, so if you’re sensitive about that sort of thing, go get the books and read them. If you’re not, or you’ve already read all of them, strap in, ready your weapon of choice, and put on your coolest sunglasses.

*sits in comfy riffing chair*

*sips hot cocoa* Ahhh, perfect.

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