You’re reading about another dimension, a dimension not only of prose and narrative but of pure, concentrated suck. A journey into a twisted land whose boundaries are that of a poor writer’s feeble imagination. That’s the header up ahead—your next stop, the Badfic Zone!
Hello once again, patrons! I’m your host, BatJamags, and I’m back with MystRWBY, Inc. for the latter half of this adventure into bizarrely regurgitative crossovers (though thankfully a much shorter one than The True Force)!
Last time, Team RWBY (plus unnecessary OC hanger-on) traveled to Mount Massive Asylum, inexplicably forgetting all of their weapons because plot regurgitation. They all forgot about their respective powers and abilities and got lost in the asylum. They proceeded to fuck around and just generally regurgitate the plot points of the original game. Usually described in terms of “the thing” and “the place” and “the guy.”
Oh, yeah, and the author’s failed attempts and writing their personalities kind of reminded me of the Scooby-Doo! gang, so snarky fake Ruby-Doo! dialogue kind of took over the riff, except by the end it was really more normal snark than Scooby-Doo! jokes because there was only so much mileage I could get out of that. I can virtually guarantee you’re all sick of it by now, but tough luck, I’m having fun. I promise next week’s riff will be all normal-like.
“We need to find the sprinklers valve” said Weiss
“I wonder where it is?” said Ruby
“I dont know Ruby we need to find it”
Weiss: Like, you’re a little slow on the uptake, aren’t you, Ruby-Doo?
Yang: Let’s split up and look for clues!
“Well lets find it before I die of blood loss” said Blake
“Blake it’s fine on the way we’ll try to find a medical kit” said Grey a text noise came
Blake: Damn, if you’re in charge of that then I know I’m – Oh, ew. Whose text tone is that?!
Yang: Uh… Would you believe I did it on a dare?
Ruby-Doo!: Please don’t talk about where you did it. Now give me the phone.
You’re reading about another dimension, a dimension not only of prose and and narrative but of pure, concentrated suck. A journey into a twisted land whose boundaries are that of a poor writer’s feeble imagination. That’s the header up ahead—your next stop, the Badfic Zone!
Hello once again, patrons! I’m your host, BatJamags, and I’m back with something that really shouldn’t exist. You thought we were done with RWBY, but you were wrong! I decided that this year’s Badfic Zone would focus on horror games instead of movies for a change in pace. Of course, I happened to have a half-finished crossover riff on hand for just such an occasion!
Hey, patrons, welcome back to Wednesday! With the Library’s official unofficial Spooptacular on the horizon, I thought I’d start getting us in the mood by savaging a few fics based on the MediEvil franchise.
For those who haven’t been exposed to it, MediEvil is a set of two Playstation games released in 1998 and 2000. There is technically a third game, MediEvil: Resurrection released in 2005, but it’s a re-imagining of the first game and not really a fresh entry to the series. The games follow the comedic exploits of Sir Daniel Fortesque, a charlatan knight who is killed by the first arrow fired in the only battle he ever participated in, and his quest for posthumous redemption by saving the kingdom from the evil wizard Zarok.
Actually, the game does a fair job of introducing itself, so why don’t I just let it do that.
Despite some control flaws, it’s a great little game that combines a hack-n-slash beat-em-up style game such as Gauntlet Legends or Diablo with exploration and puzzling as found in Legend of Zelda. There is also a remaster of the first game coming out in October that I’d be more excited about if it wasn’t a PS4 exclusive. So it goes.
Title: Reconciliation: Grief’s Reunion
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Family
URL: Reconciliation: Grief’s Reunion
Critiqued by Herr Wozzeck
Hello all, and welcome to something decidedly different: a spotlight of a good fanfic that isn’t happening on a Sunday.
Now, those of you that have jumped on for me reading Borba to filth over IWS and BTBA have probably come up with one singular question: “Herr, what does the good version of this fic look like?” Glad you asked, patrons, because I have just the fic for you!
So sit back, relax, and let me talk about a little thing called Grief’s Reunion…
Title: A Thousand Cuts
Topic: Borderlands 2
Category: Video Game
Genre: Hurt/Comfort / Sci-Fi
Critiqued by Crazy Minh
WARNING!!! THIS FIC CONTAINS GRAPGIC VIOLENCE AND UNGRACIOUS SWEARING. IT ALSO CONTAINS A REALLY BAD MARY SUE OC AND ABOUT AS MUCH RESPECT FOR ENGLISH AS AUSTRALIANS HAVE FOR OUR POLITICIANS. WHICH IS TO SAY, LITTLE-TO-NONE. IF YOU HAVE ANY TRIGGERS BELONGING TO THIS CATEGORIES, PLEASE BE CAUTIOUS WHILE READING. ALSO, FEAR FOR YOUR SANITY. FOR I HAVE NONE LEFT.
CZM: Hello, and welcome back to the Minh and Biskit show. I’m your guest-reviewer host, Crazy Minh…
Biskit: …and I’m Biskit, the guest-guest-reviewer trapped in the body of a stuffed toy!
CZM: Yeah…we’re working on that.
Biskit: Are we? I could finally be able to…
CZM: Today…oh my god. So, I know many of you will have read Lyle’s review of My Immortal, read the piece or just heard of the terribleness of that…said fic…
Biskit: …Wow…just cut me off like that every time. I’ll be fine, don’t you worry…
CZM: This one…this is a treat. Imagine My Immortal in one chapter set in the Borderlands universe, written by a person who claims quite insultingly to be autistic. Seriously, EP does it, alongside 3/5 badfic writers. I’m aspie, and it pisses me off when people use it as a excuse for lazy or otherwise terrible writing. I happen to actually have been diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome, and while my writing isn’t of the same level as- say- Herr, it’s still pretty decent for someone whose only been writing and publishing fanfiction for two years.
Biskit: Now, we have to admit something: we both have a vendetta against this author. For one, he’s been very unreceptive to our attempts to ask if we can help, and has been downright racist at one point. I can tell you that while Minh has actually got Chinese family, he considers himself Australian. That still doesn’t make calling someone a ‘chink with bad breath’ (actual quote from the author, albeit with better grammar) acceptable. Not fucking kidding. He called my partner a chink with bad oral hygiene.
CZM: Thanks for reminding me…in any case, yeah: he’s been a asshole, and we don’t have anything in kind words to say about him/them. But despite this, we’re riffing his fiction, not the author. He’s like a less mature and less capable (if that could even be possible) version of EP. Imagine that for a second. Yeah. You wish you didn’t now, don’t you?
Biskit: We’ve gotten off track here, so let’s just get into what this is. For those of you who don’t know, Borderlands is a series of action RPG shooters set on a planet in the far future. Each game features a crack team of Vault Hunters, whose goal is to open alien vaults rumoured to contain shittons of loot and treasure. It’s gameplay is very centred around shooting and looting. There have been three ‘main’ games (Borderlands and it’s sequel Borderlands 2; as well as the spinoff ‘Borderlands: The Pre-Sequel’) as well as a mobile game (Borderlands Go) and a telltale games adaptation called ‘Tales from the Borderlands’. If you haven’t played, pick up a copy off Steam while it’s on sale. Pretty much every Christmas, they put it down from nearly $80 Australian to a fantastic price of around $20. This is for the GOTY edition of BL2 by the way, which features all the DLC, including 2 new Vault Hunters and four new mini-campaigns…
CZM: Ok, now you’re off track, AND you’re advertising a game. Not to mention that we are not affiliated with the company Gearbox, or any of it’s business partners.
Biskit: Aw…there goes my retirement benefit…anyway, this story is kinda the tamest of TAD’s stories…so let’s get into it!
Hello, dear Patrons, and welcome to the continuation of my holiday-themed fics! That are also Twilight-themed, because reasons. (That might not continue; there’s only so much Twilight I can stand in one go.)
Let’s take a look at the fic summary and see if it can shed any light on which angle is the Christmas angle.
What happens when Bella have a kid and it is christmas time? Will one of the cullens help her, or will her past haunt her forever?
Right away I can tell that grammar isn’t the author’s strong suit. That’s always a good sign.
The fic is listed as Romance and is tagged as being Bella/Emmett, which is not a very common pairing when compared to, say, Jacob/Edward. He doesn’t really have a lot of personality, which is saying a lot considering the series’ low bar on the matter, and is basically the tank of the party; a stereotypical big, dumb brute that hits things real good.
Now, on to the fic!
N/A: I do not own twilight
Which starts with a disclaimer.
And a POV Tag. Awesome.
Title: The Aftermath
Topic: Night of the Living Dead
URL: The Aftermath
Critiqued by BatJamags
Hello once again, patrons! I’m your host, BatJamags, and I’m back again.
There is a fifth dimension, beyond that which is known to Man. It is a dimension as vast as the author’s note to My Inner Life, and as timesquiggly as My Immortal. It is the middle ground between light and Edgelord, between thermal radiation and BLUE; and it lies between the pit of a riffer’s fears and the summit of his anger. This is the dimension of bad horror oneshots. It is an area which we call… the Badfic Zone.
Respectfully submitted for your derision: An international romance, sparked by a call to a wrong number. This may have also involved zombies at some point.