Title: Reconciliation: Grief’s Reunion
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Family
URL: Reconciliation: Grief’s Reunion
Critiqued by Herr Wozzeck
Hello all, and welcome to something decidedly different: a spotlight of a good fanfic that isn’t happening on a Sunday.
Now, those of you that have jumped on for me reading Borba to filth over IWS and BTBA have probably come up with one singular question: “Herr, what does the good version of this fic look like?” Glad you asked, patrons, because I have just the fic for you!
So sit back, relax, and let me talk about a little thing called Grief’s Reunion…
Title: A Thousand Cuts
Topic: Borderlands 2
Category: Video Game
Genre: Hurt/Comfort / Sci-Fi
Critiqued by Crazy Minh
WARNING!!! THIS FIC CONTAINS GRAPGIC VIOLENCE AND UNGRACIOUS SWEARING. IT ALSO CONTAINS A REALLY BAD MARY SUE OC AND ABOUT AS MUCH RESPECT FOR ENGLISH AS AUSTRALIANS HAVE FOR OUR POLITICIANS. WHICH IS TO SAY, LITTLE-TO-NONE. IF YOU HAVE ANY TRIGGERS BELONGING TO THIS CATEGORIES, PLEASE BE CAUTIOUS WHILE READING. ALSO, FEAR FOR YOUR SANITY. FOR I HAVE NONE LEFT.
CZM: Hello, and welcome back to the Minh and Biskit show. I’m your guest-reviewer host, Crazy Minh…
Biskit: …and I’m Biskit, the guest-guest-reviewer trapped in the body of a stuffed toy!
CZM: Yeah…we’re working on that.
Biskit: Are we? I could finally be able to…
CZM: Today…oh my god. So, I know many of you will have read Lyle’s review of My Immortal, read the piece or just heard of the terribleness of that…said fic…
Biskit: …Wow…just cut me off like that every time. I’ll be fine, don’t you worry…
CZM: This one…this is a treat. Imagine My Immortal in one chapter set in the Borderlands universe, written by a person who claims quite insultingly to be autistic. Seriously, EP does it, alongside 3/5 badfic writers. I’m aspie, and it pisses me off when people use it as a excuse for lazy or otherwise terrible writing. I happen to actually have been diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome, and while my writing isn’t of the same level as- say- Herr, it’s still pretty decent for someone whose only been writing and publishing fanfiction for two years.
Biskit: Now, we have to admit something: we both have a vendetta against this author. For one, he’s been very unreceptive to our attempts to ask if we can help, and has been downright racist at one point. I can tell you that while Minh has actually got Chinese family, he considers himself Australian. That still doesn’t make calling someone a ‘chink with bad breath’ (actual quote from the author, albeit with better grammar) acceptable. Not fucking kidding. He called my partner a chink with bad oral hygiene.
CZM: Thanks for reminding me…in any case, yeah: he’s been a asshole, and we don’t have anything in kind words to say about him/them. But despite this, we’re riffing his fiction, not the author. He’s like a less mature and less capable (if that could even be possible) version of EP. Imagine that for a second. Yeah. You wish you didn’t now, don’t you?
Biskit: We’ve gotten off track here, so let’s just get into what this is. For those of you who don’t know, Borderlands is a series of action RPG shooters set on a planet in the far future. Each game features a crack team of Vault Hunters, whose goal is to open alien vaults rumoured to contain shittons of loot and treasure. It’s gameplay is very centred around shooting and looting. There have been three ‘main’ games (Borderlands and it’s sequel Borderlands 2; as well as the spinoff ‘Borderlands: The Pre-Sequel’) as well as a mobile game (Borderlands Go) and a telltale games adaptation called ‘Tales from the Borderlands’. If you haven’t played, pick up a copy off Steam while it’s on sale. Pretty much every Christmas, they put it down from nearly $80 Australian to a fantastic price of around $20. This is for the GOTY edition of BL2 by the way, which features all the DLC, including 2 new Vault Hunters and four new mini-campaigns…
CZM: Ok, now you’re off track, AND you’re advertising a game. Not to mention that we are not affiliated with the company Gearbox, or any of it’s business partners.
Biskit: Aw…there goes my retirement benefit…anyway, this story is kinda the tamest of TAD’s stories…so let’s get into it!
Hello, dear Patrons, and welcome to the continuation of my holiday-themed fics! That are also Twilight-themed, because reasons. (That might not continue; there’s only so much Twilight I can stand in one go.)
Let’s take a look at the fic summary and see if it can shed any light on which angle is the Christmas angle.
What happens when Bella have a kid and it is christmas time? Will one of the cullens help her, or will her past haunt her forever?
Right away I can tell that grammar isn’t the author’s strong suit. That’s always a good sign.
The fic is listed as Romance and is tagged as being Bella/Emmett, which is not a very common pairing when compared to, say, Jacob/Edward. He doesn’t really have a lot of personality, which is saying a lot considering the series’ low bar on the matter, and is basically the tank of the party; a stereotypical big, dumb brute that hits things real good.
Now, on to the fic!
N/A: I do not own twilight
Which starts with a disclaimer.
And a POV Tag. Awesome.
Title: The Aftermath
Topic: Night of the Living Dead
URL: The Aftermath
Critiqued by BatJamags
Hello once again, patrons! I’m your host, BatJamags, and I’m back again.
There is a fifth dimension, beyond that which is known to Man. It is a dimension as vast as the author’s note to My Inner Life, and as timesquiggly as My Immortal. It is the middle ground between light and Edgelord, between thermal radiation and BLUE; and it lies between the pit of a riffer’s fears and the summit of his anger. This is the dimension of bad horror oneshots. It is an area which we call… the Badfic Zone.
Respectfully submitted for your derision: An international romance, sparked by a call to a wrong number. This may have also involved zombies at some point.
Hello, dear Patrons!
Well, it’s October again – the month when some of us dust off our spoopiest fics for your entertainment. Or, in my case, dig out some more Slender Man fics. Because dear gods, that is a deep well of weird.
And, once again, this is a Hurt/Comfort and/or Friendship fic – because there are apparently a lot of people who find Slendpai to be a comforting and/or arousing presence, which kind of makes me think they didn’t fully understand the game or creepypastas.
Since this is a very short chapter/oneshot, let’s look at the summary.
After Hilda’s dad dies in car accident, she becomes depress and alone until her friend, Melanie helped her deal with the lost and pain but it never heals. She almost gets killed by bullies until someone saves her, the Slender man. She gets scared of him but tells her he will not hurt her. With this, they’ll create a friendship and experience feelings that they never felt before.
We seem to be hitting all the favorites found in Slendpai fics; a young person with a Tragek Past including a dead parent is being abused and/or bullied but is saved by Slendpai, becomes besties with him and then immediately starts having sexy thoughts about the faceless Lothario. I don’t know why so many Slendpai fics have the same elements.
Now, on to the fic itself.
Life isn’t so happy for me. I used to be a cheery, happy person but now, I feel like I don’t exist like a ghost.
So … Nameless here feels like the opposite of a ghost? I don’t know if I should feel insulted or not.
I feel empty, weak like a doll. Broken.
Please let me know if we’re going to venture too far into the Swamps of Sadness, so I can go put my hip waders on.
I wished I was dead.
I’m going to need the waders, aren’t I?
Title: Bid My Blood To Run
Author: Jaeger Gypsy Danger
Media: Video Game
Topic: Mass Effect
URL: Chapter 2 and Chapter 3
Critiqued By: AdmiralSakai and Senior Cabalist-Lieutenant Rijus Ta’nin
The ‘fic under riff today contains potential flamebait in the form of vaguely suicidal behavior and substantially less-than-vague sexism. And also NSFW fanart.
And also a really angry Admiral.
Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome back to Bid My Blood To Run, aka. The Animalization Writer’s Guide Is Not A Bingo Game, You Don’t Get A Prize If You Fill In All The Boxes, Oh God Why Did You Try To Fill In All The Boxes.
“*sigh*… Twenty-two years in the Cabal Corps, ten in Blackwatch… and still nothing could have prepared me for this.”
So, last time we were introduced to Commander Katherine Shepard, the depressed, horny, and disturbingly spongiform CO of the SSV Normandy. She moped around the captain’s quarters for a while, propositioned Thane, promptly forgot about Thane, and moped some more. Then Garrus Vakarian showed up from nowhere, claimed he was doing what she needed by refusing to leave when she needed him to leave, took off his armor and let Shepard punch him (which somehow resulted in her breaking bones), physically restrained her, and then played “I’ll-fuck-you, I’ll-fuck-you-not” for like a third of the ‘fic before finally settling on “I’ll-fuck-you” when Shepard pretty much just stripped naked in front of him. After that some really legitimately terrifying sex went down with Garrus basically beating Shepard to a pulp because apparently That’s What Turians Do in these sorts of ‘fics, followed by much more pedestrian sex and cuddling. Oh yeah and the turian language has no word for ‘love’ even though it is literally Latin, and turian women get basically no say in whether they enjoy fucking or not.
Animalization Checklist: 16/38