1315: Tomorrow Is Always Better Rewrite – Chapter 4

 

Title: Tomorrow Is Always Better Rewrite
Author: LaRae and Ninjas Incorporated
Media: Anime/Manga
Topic: Ouran High School Host Club
Genre:  none given
URL: Chapter 4
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

 

 

 

Hello, dear Patrons!

It’s that magical time again – the last chapter of a fic!

:spins around in chair:

WHEEE!!!

But I still have to get through the last chapter. Bugger all.

So what happened last time? There was that odd confrontation between Kyo-Sue and Random Angry Girl where Kyo-Sue felt she needed to deliver a preemptive verbal smackdown as well as info-dumping some of her family status into the narration. Afterwards, Kyo-Sue stood in front of her class a recited a poem, which is allegedly an impressive feat, and then Kyo-Sue and Lena went to the music room where the Host Club meets so that Lena can return Usa-chan to Huni-senpai.

Onward, brave Patrons!

“Welcome Princess” The host club coursed as myself and Lena walked into the room.

:eye-twitch:

The grammar continues getting worse and worse. How is this happening?

I shook my head in a great disgust, while Lena smiled widely.

Let me guess; Kyo-Sue is far too mature to fall for their compliments but Lena is a dumbass kid who is easily suckered by a pretty face?

They were dressed up as pirates; I mumbled something along the lines of idiot.

Pot, this is kettle. Kettle, pot.

“Ah what a lovely princesses they are, what is the name that belongs longs to such a beautiful maiden.” Tamaki said as he kissed my hand.

:snorts: If the host business doesn’t pan out, Tamaki-senpai would have a promising future as a manure salesman.

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1309: Tomorrow Is Always Better Rewrite – Chapter 3

 

Title: Tomorrow Is Always Better Rewrite
Author: LaRae and Ninjas Incorporated
Media: Anime/Manga
Topic: Ouran High School Host Club
Genre:  none given
URL: Chapter 3
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

 

 

 

 

 

Welcome back, dear Patrons!

We’re halfway through this odd little fic, and thus far there’s a whole lot of nothing going on. Kyo-Sue and Lena went to school mere hours after arriving in the country and there was a hasty little info-dump tacked on the end of the last chapter that tried (and failed) to explain why no one has told Lena about her status as a kidnapping victim.

Ugh. These chapters are about as substantial as a stale rice cake.

Lena was sitting at a table with me during lunch, she was happily eating a cookie while holding Usa-chan.

I’m hoping the lack of tags means that this event is occurring shortly after the meeting between Huni-senpai, Kyo-Sue, and Lena in the garden, but you can never be sure.

A angry looking girl walked up and I knew what was about to happen. A few months after I left Japan Kyoya and Souh Tamaki started a host club, which Mitsukuni and Takashi joined and this girl was jealous and about to chew my sweet Lenora ears out.

How does she know that this is what is going to happen? I assume it is, because Sues are never wrong, but how does she know? I can accept that Kyo-Sue was told about the Host Club forming, but I don’t know why she instantly comes to the conclusion that this girl must be jealous of Lena when there could be a perfectly logical and non-Host Club related reason that she’s angry. Lena might have stepped on her foot or said something rude in the bathroom, or almost anything could have happened.

“Say one word to her and you will find yourself in a law suit faster than you can say Host Club.” I told this girl in a cross me and you die tone of voice.

:headdesk:

You just overreact right out of the gate, didn’t even bother to let her say anything or find out the reason why the girl is there. Super classy of you, my dear. Threatening people with legal actions every time they come near you is a great way to make friends in a new school and a new country. Thank you for upholding America’s international reputation for being a country of litigious assholes.

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1301: Tomorrow Is Always Better Rewrite – Chapter 2

 

 

Title: Tomorrow Is Always Better Rewrite
Author: LaRae and Ninjas Incorporated
Media: Anime/Manga
Topic: Ouran High School Host Club
Genre:  none given
URL: Chapter 2
Critiqued by Ghostcat (with special guest Ishi)

 

 

 

Greetings, dear Patrons!

I’m back with the second chapter of this “improved” fic! What happened in the first chapter? After struggling through some half-assed attempts at exposition, Kyo-Sue and Lena arrived in Japan together. That’s about the extent of it.

:sigh:

It looks like this fic has as much nothing-narrative in it as its big brother does.

Monday morning I woke up with a blonde blob curled up in my side.

Eww. You might want to see a doctor about that.

“You require assistance, Ghostcat-sama?”

AHHHH! :falls off chair:

“You are as graceful as ever, Ghostcat-sama.”

Smartass ninja. Help me up.

:Ishi helps Ghostie into her chair:

We really need to put bells on y’all, this can’t be good for my heart.

“One is wearing a bell, Ghostcat-sama.”

Bullshit you are!

:Ishi pulls down the collar of his uniform, revealing a bright brass bell strung on a red satin ribbon:

Wha… How… But… How? It’s not making any noise!

“One is a ninja.”

Right. Moving on.

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1294: Tomorrow Is Always Better Rewrite – Chapter 1

 

Title: Tomorrow Is Always Better Rewrite
Author: LaRae and Ninjas Incorporated
Media: Anime/Manga
Topic: Ouran High School Host Club
Genre:  none given
URL: Chapter 1
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

 

 

 

Hello, dear Patrons!

Now that my lovely little holiday oneshots have run their course, I’m tackling another fic from my pile. It’s the rewrite of Tomorrow Is Always Better, the OHSHC fic that broke new ground in how badly one author could muck up such serious subjects as childhood cancer, rape, physical abuse, and teen pregnancy. It probably didn’t help that the Sue was breaking into song at least once a chapter. If you missed out, the riffs can be found here.

The original version didn’t have a summary, but luck for us the rewrite does!

This was the relationship we had, he was my very best friend who I could tell anything and everything to he would protect me against my demons.

Could you try to be a little more vague? I almost understood that.

disregard the oringinal plot it has changed so it flows better with the story after this one.HikaruXOC KyoyaXOC

That wouldn’t take much, the original was a clunky train wreck that was little more than a series of “tragic events” tossed together. I’m hoping a little more thought is put into these two relationships, but I’m not holding my breath.

Let’s get to the fic!

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1264: Tomorrow Is Always Better – Chapter 10 & 11

 

Title: Tomorrow Is Always Better
Author: LaRae and Ninjas Incorporated
Media: Anime/Manga
Topic: Ouran High School Host Club
Genre:  Romance/Hurt/Comfort
URL: Chapter 10
URL: Chapter 11
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

 

 

Welcome, dear Patrons!

:tosses confetti into the air:

YAY! It’s the last chapter! Last two chapters, actually, but one of those is just an Author’s Note so it doesn’t really count.

In the previous chapter, not much happened besides the fact that Kyo-Sue found out she was pregnant. Everyone took the news that an underaged and unmarried high school student was knocked up remarkably well despite the intense prejudices against unwed mothers in Japan. I suppose the fact that she shares a room with her fiance kind of makes it inevitable, if no less stupid.

On to the last chapter!

XOXOXOXOXOXOX I now own OHSHC YAY!XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

The hell you do.

Kyoya: no she doesn’t

Kyoko: I so do

Kyoya: no you don’t

:headdesk:

Ghostie want to do violent things now.

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1257: Tomorrow Is Always Better – Chapter 9

 

Title: Tomorrow Is Always Better
Author: LaRae and Ninjas Incorporated
Media: Anime/Manga
Topic: Ouran High School Host Club
Genre:  Romance/Hurt/Comfort
URL: Chapter 9
Critiqued by Ghostcat

Welcome back, dear Patrons!

I’m here with the second-to-last chapter! Almost time to do the End-of-Fic Dance!

The last chapter was quite short and essentially existed only so that Kyo-Sue/the author could have a chance to sing one of her favorite songs. Disappointing times were had by all.

XOXOXOXOXO Disclaimer….. something about not owning anything but oc I don’t rememberXOXOXOXOXOXOX

:headdesk:

If you’re going to half-ass it, why even bother putting up a disclaimer?

Chapter 9: Unexpected Airplanes

That sounds like a bad thing. Airplanes showing up where they aren’t expected to are rarely happy occurrences.

It was Monday morning three weeks after that day with Gale,

Whatever day that was supposed to be.

and to be honest I noticed more changes, I’m getting FAT! NOOOOOO…..

If you were abused and neglected before, then you would likely be under-nourished so a little weight gain wouldn’t be unheard of. If this turns into more Pretty Ugly Girl body shaming like I had to sit through for that Kore wa Zonbi Desu Ka fic, I’m going to be pissed.

Anyway I not at school today I’m sick and feel really bad, I’m getting Fuyumi to take me to the doctor in a minute I’m getting ready….

… I just had an unsettling thought, and I really hope I’m not right.

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1250: Tomorrow Is Always Better – Chapter 8

 

Title: Tomorrow Is Always Better
Author: LaRae and Ninjas Incorporated
Media: Anime/Manga
Topic: Ouran High School Host Club
Genre:  Romance/Hurt/Comfort
URL: Chapter 8
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

 

 

 

Greetings, my darling Patrons! And a very happy Black Friday to all the Americans among our Patronage; if you work retail, then you have my sympathies.

I’m back with another chapter of this steaming pile of fail, but fortunately it is an extremely short chapter – roughly half the length of most of the others. We’ve passed the shark-jump point; there is a very noticeable shift in quality and the chapters become even more rushed and incoherent. It is as if the author just wanted to finish them as quickly as possible. I don’t blame her, but it does make for a challenging read.

What happened in the last chapter? There was some singing, rape was revealed in the most half-assed way possible, and someone (possibly Daddy Dumbass) grabbed Kyo-Sue in the hallway and made her say the wrong inappropriate Japanese word. This slight rough-housing caused Kyo-Sue’s wounds, which should already be healed, to open and gush blood, making her pass out. She wakes in the hospital to the news that Daddy Dumbass has been arrested for crimes that he really shouldn’t have been arrested for because there is no evidence of them, but whatever. Given the bipolar nature of this fic, now that the serious matters have been dealt with it will likely swing back up into giddy wish-fulfillment.

XOXOOXOXOXOX You know the drill and if you don’t look at some of the chapter’s before thisXOXOXOXOXOXOX

:headdesk:

Shirigaomoi zusan.* Could you get any lazier, author? No, don’t tell me; the answer’s “yes”, isn’t it? It always is.

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