700: Raptor and I – Chapter Twenty-Eight

Title: Raptor and I
Author:
 Akashi.Cloud / ZincRae
Media: Movie
Topic:  Jurassic Park
Genre: Adventure/Romance
URL: Raptor and I: Chapter 28
Critiqued By: Universal Galactic Supreme Master Overlord Crunchy
And Minion Taco.

Crunchy, it’s still the same as last week.

“I happen to like this one.”

But it’s extremely similar to what we had during those first few… wait a damn minute!

“I resent and deny any allegations that I might have commissioned a time machine so that I can travel back into the past and steal our Critiqued By field before it has a chance to run away.”

But, that’s what’s going to… er… did get us into this mess in the first place!

“I disagree.  Besides, I already sent Eliztha back in time to do it for me.  So it is going to have happened anyway.”

DAMN IT, CRUN… Was that a properly executed future-past tense?

“Of course it was.”

I’m so proud.  *Sniff*  What were we talking about again? Read the rest of this entry »


699: My Little Fallout, Vegas Isn’t Magic – Chapter 1 & 2

Title: My Little Fallout, Vegas Isn’t Magic
Author: SomeGuyCamping
Media: Video Game/Cartoon
Topic: Fallout/My Little Pony
Genre: None Given
URL: Chapter 1 & Chapter 2
Critiqued by Erttheking

WARNING! THE FOLLOWING SNARKING WILL COVER RAPE! IT IS VERY POORLY WRITTEN RAPE BUT THE ACT DOES OCCUR! PLEASE PROCEED WITH CAUTION!

N: Well, Twin Humanities is finally done with. What’s next on the agenda?

W: Ert and Cornelia are practicing with the Red Ring, not sure how that’s working out so-

E: FUCKING COCKING MOTHERFUCKING ASSFUCKING SON OF A-*Zap*. I…ugh. Time?

C: Fifteen seconds until you completely lost control. That’s two seconds more than last time.

N: Well, we’ll leave them to that then.

G: In the meantime the three of us will oversee the handling of his next project. And frankly considering Ert’s history with them, I’m surprised he hasn’t reviewed one of these yet.

W: One of what?

G: A Fallout crossover.

N: Oh sweet! We’re 50% Fallout! Hah! Finally, the home field advantage. So, what’s it crossovered with?

G: My Little Pony.

W: Wait seriously? The kids show? I mean, I’ve looked up a couple of the G4 episodes, and yeah the writing seems pretty good, but who thought that would work out?

N: Actually there’s a really famous Fallout/MLP crossover out there called Fallout Equestria. I can’t comment on it’s quality as I’ve never read it, but it does seem to be fairly popular. Besides, when you get down to it, any idea is possible if the execution is right. Heck, Ert considering writing an MLP/Dark Souls crossover. There’s even a pretty good TF2/MLP crossover out there with Slenderman thrown into the mix.

W: I’m sensing a but incoming.

G: Yup.

N: Yup. But some ideas are inherently harder to execute than others. For example, Star Wars/Star Trek. That’s an idea that’s not too hard to pull off, the two universes meld together really well. Now here’s another one. Winnie the Pooh/Saving Private Ryan. Now, you COULD tell a really interesting tale about Pooh and his friends risking their lives to saving Christopher Robin from deep behind enemy lines and have a scene where Piglet steps on a fragmentation mine and gets his legs blown off or have Tigger-

G: *Scribbles down notes*

N: But it’d be pretty hard to pull off and easy to mess up. So, will this story rise above being another crappy fic on the internet and manage to carve a place for itself among the few good fics of the web?

W: Well it’s on this website, so I doubt it.

N: Sharp one. Well, let’s get to it. Read the rest of this entry »


698: Tales of Vesperia 2: The Blastia Age Restored – Chapter Two, Part Two

Title: Tales of Vesperia 2: Blastia Age Restored
Author: MrAwesomeMattyDA
Media: Video Game
Topic:  Tales of Vesperia
Genre: Adventure/Humor
URL: Chapter 2
Critiqued by SC

Hello, and welcome back to part two of chapter two of Tales of Vesperia 2: The Blastia Age Restored, by MrAwesomeMatty! I’m your host and guest-riffer, SC, and in the last part, we discovered a weapon which wasn’t total bullshit (but according to the comments section, it was still some degree of bullshit, at least where the hilt and material were concerned – and I should have called the material choice out, I fucking knew better!), Matty made far too many redundancies to be acceptable, Tai and Estelle left Halure, Tai had a panic attack because he is a filthy coward, and the two headed for Deidon Hold, where I was holding out for them running smack-dab into Brutal, who they (well, Tai, at least) are in no condition to be fighting. With me, as always, is my guest and fellow Co.-mate, Specs, and Book Specs is sitting in as well to provide a more even-headed, unbiased opinion of the fic – but really is just here for the sake of being within striking distance of Specs in case he starts acting like a dumbshit.

*Book Specs adjusts his glasses in confirmation*

This is also being submitted before DMC4 because I miscalculated how much of DMC4 I had actually written before my anger got the better of me, and I need more time to finish it. Rest assured (Pfft!), it will be up next week. Read the rest of this entry »


697: United under two skies – Chapter Six

Title: United under two skies
Author: Gearman
Media:  Video Game
Topic:  Mass Effect/Fallout
Genre: None Listed
URL:   Chapter Six
Critiqued by SuperFeatherYoshi

(Buckle up, people. This is going to be the longest snarking so far, unlike Gearman, I mean it..)

01

“When Death claws met knife”? Oh god, I have a bad feeling about this…

*Headdesk* Are you honestly telling me that using long ranged weapons against enemies that can only attack at close range is amateurish, and charging said enemies with a sword is not?

Did he just kill three Deathclaws, in one go, with a freaking sword?!

So the only way to know if the mother is a problem or not is for you to charge it WITH A FUCKING SWORD?!

You can’t just not describe the Prothean. This is before Mass Effect 3, so the Normandy crew has NEVER seen an actual Prothean before, you can’t cop out like this!

…There’s gotta be a better explanation that DOESN’T INVOLVE PLAGIARISM!

Pro tip, author: Saying fixing the Earth isn’t possible DOESN’T FUCKING WORK when you spent your ENTIRE GODDAMNED FIRST CHAPTER talking about how well you’re doing!

 

Read the rest of this entry »


696: Rolling Blossoms – One Shot

Title: Rolling Blossoms
Author: Kiekow
Media: Video Games
Topic: Katamari Damacy
Genre: Hurt/Comfort/Romance
URL: Rolling Blossoms
Critiqued by Silky

Warning: This fic contains somewhat graphic descriptions of injuries. Please read with caution if you are sensitive to these things.

O patrons, my patrons, it is I, Silky! I have returned, with a fanfic that I… really wish I hadn’t read. And now I’m going to make you wish you hadn’t read it!

Read the rest of this entry »


695: The Animagus Predator – Chapter 4, Part 1

 

 

Title: The Animagus Predator
Author: Bijuui9
Media: Book / Movie
Topic: Harry Potter / Aliens/Predator Cross-Over
Genre: Romance / Sci-Fi
URL: The Animagus Predator
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

Hello, gracious Patrons!

Today I’m revisiting an old favorite of mine, The Animagus Predator. This infamous fic is one I first started way back in the early days of the Library, in 2012. So imagine my surprise when, after all this time, I find the author has posted another three (very long) chapters!  This fic has long been one of my “favorites”, mostly because it is one of the most bizarre things I’ve ever read – and I’m a Librarian.

Let that sink in for a minute.

Like a few of the early chapters, some of these are very long and will be divided into more manageable bites. Speaking of the earlier chapters – you can read the earlier riffs here, but if you don’t feel like clicking through I can give you the Cliff Notes version.

Read the rest of this entry »


694: Twenty Warriors – Chapters Twenty-Two and Twenty-Three Part One

Title: Twenty Warriors
Author: Herr Wozzeck
Media:  Video Games/Comics/Movies/Cartoons
Topic: Skies of Arcadia/Fire Emblem (Path of Radiance/Radiant Dawn duology)/X-Men/Punisher/Super Smash Brothers/Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles/Tales of Symphonia/Dead or Alive/Riviera: The Promised Land/Gears of War
Genre: Adventure/Fantasy
URL: Twenty Warriors: Chapter 22
URL: Twenty Warriors: Chapter 23
Critiqued by Herr Wozzeck

Hello ladies and gentlemen, and welcome back for more Twenty Warriors! Well, this week, we get to see two chapters that are little more than an extended fight scene.

Yep, you know what this means: there will be lots of skipping this week. Yay!

Anyway, let’s not waste any more time. Let’s get down to business, shall we?

Read the rest of this entry »