2319: Varren-Chasing Simulator: Unwanted Sychological Advisement — Chapter 4 Part 3

Title: Mass Effect: United Species Aliance [sic]
Author: Delfim the Black Kitsune
Media: Video Game
Topic: Mass Effect
Genre: Sci-fi/Romance
URL: Chapter 4
Critiqued by: AdmiralSakai and Specialist Adrian Sevarra

Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome back to Mass Effect: United Species Aliance. Last time, the crew of the Nautilus went to visit Tuchanka in order to suck off the krogan a bunch test out their new Mako against some klixen or whatever. This resulted in a lot of scenery porn, a stupid meeting with Urdnot Wrex and his stupid kid, and the revelation that Commander Delfim and possibly the Alliance more broadly are taking kickbacks from a krogan arms manufacturer and for whatever reason damned proud of it.

hfy_4_delfim

Honestly, the whole ‘graft in space’ angle was the most interesting thing to come out of this ‘fic in a good long while.

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2318: The Purple Queen – Chapter 5

Title: The Red Queen
Author: Dravyn LeCrux
Media: Web Series
Topic: RWBY
Genre: Drama/Tragedy
URL: Chapter 5
Critiqued by BatJamags

Niagara Falls!

Uwaah count: 10
A Sentence Fragment count: 6

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your host, BatJamags, and I’m back with more of The Red Queen, the fic which has now properly devolved into an edgy, swirling pool of angst and trajedy.

Last time, Yang and Ozpin began to realize that the Dumbass Conspirators were kind of dumbasses about their conspiracy. Ruby killed some generically creepy dude who showed up in her neck of the woods, and was simultaneously Batman and Naked Buff Santa. It’s a long story. Pyrrha did some mustache twirling and the author narration insisted she was SO TOTALLY JEALOUS OF RUBY because RUBYXJAUNE OTP!

*Another volley of cannonballs bursts through the walls of the Riffcave*

Yeah, I’m still working on sinking that. And by “I,” I mean GoodJamags.

The days had been blending together for the past couple of weeks. For Yang, time became irrelevant the moment they brought back the news that she would never again set eyes on her precious little sister again.

*Alarms blare*

Smooth, author. Now, let’s see if the DRD can make it past that ferocious naval batt-

*Headshotted in the head*

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2317: Portal 3 Aperture Again! – Chapter 14

 

Author: terminalvelocityrunner
Media: Video Game
Topic:  Portal
Genre: Humor/Sci-Fi
URL: Chapter 14
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

Hello, dear Patrons!

I’m back with another chapter in this seemingly endless fic. In the last chapter everyone’s least favorite character, TSue, exploded but was almost immediately put back together again in a special science machine. But of course she would be.

I’m getting over having my ass metaphorically kicked by pneumonia, so this week’s riff might be a little light as well. Apologies, but I’ve spent a week barely being able to breathe. It greatly hampered my sarcasm.

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2316: Pokemon The Kanto Harem Chronicles – Chapter 6

Title: Pokemon The Kanto Harem Chronicles
Author: Prince Sonic WindStriker
Media: Video Game
Topic: Pokemon
Genre: Romance/Adventure
URL: Chapter 6
Critiqued by Herr Wozzeck

WARNING: This fanfiction contains several NSFW elements, including possible scenes of sexual activity with a minor. I do plan on skipping over all portions of the fic with underage sexual activity, but reader discretion is HIGHLY advised.

Well, welcome back to more of this piece of child porno, ladies and gentlemen. We’re back with more “fun” times, and today, we’re gonna get really deep into it just because we’re gonna run into a chapter that has a surprisingly large amount of content in it.

So let’s get started, yes? The sooner we can get going, the better.

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2315: Legend of Zelda: The True Force – Chapter Eighteen, Part Two

Title: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Author:  Hikari no Vikki
Media: Video Game / Movie
Topic: Legend of Zelda / Star Wars
Genre: Adventure / Fantasy
URL: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Retired Darth Lord Crunchy

Howdy doodly-do, patrons!  Welcome back to Legend of Force High!  With me once again is Crunchy who will be furnishing us with an extremely unhelpful recap of last week.

“King Melty informs the party of local shopping opportunities but the fashion district is nearly sold out and they leave with an outdated hand-me-down.  In other news: sharing is impossible.”

Thank you, that was wonderfully obtuse.  Let’s see if there’s any more Water Temple in this part of the Water Temple chapter.

As they stood beyond the crashing wave of the waterfall, Link fingered the Ocarina in his hands.

*Taco sigh, rubs his forehead, and waves Swenia into the room*

“I’m next in line after the potato flute!”

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2314: Varren-Chasing Simulator: Unwanted Sychological Advisement — Chapter 4 Part 2

Title: Mass Effect: United Species Aliance [sic]
Author: Delfim the Black Kitsune
Media: Video Game
Topic: Mass Effect (and Sonic the Hedgehog and Star Trek???)
Genre: Sci-fi/Romance
URL: Chapter 4
Critiqued by: AdmiralSakai and Specialist Adrian Sevarra

Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome back to Mass Effect: United Species Aliance, the only Mass Effect Gary Stumanity ‘fic to be almost completely upstaged by the primary Stu’s pet varren.

Last time, Shepard and Delfim had a chat to deduce the blindingly obvious fact that having just been involved in a well-planned ambush by an organized and well-equipped force might indicate that somebody wishes the USA harm. Then Delfim and his harem-component XO had a conversation about underwear for no reason, and they got assigned to clear out a klixen nest on Tuchanka as a field test for their new MAKO. Normally I’d be flagging this as another excuse to be all “look at my tech, my tech is amaaaaazing!’ in our faces, but the previous Stu-masterbating scenes have all been so perfunctory in this thing that I suppose it’s really anybody’s guess.

hfy_4_delfim Read the rest of this entry »


2313: The Red Queen – Chapter 4

Title: The Red Queen
Author: Dravyn LeCrux
Media: Web Series
Topic: RWBY
Genre: Drama/Tragedy
URL: Chapter 4
Critiqued by BatJamags

You Keep Using that Word…

Uwaah count: 10
A Sentence Fragment count: 4

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your host, BatJamags, and I’m back with more of The Red Queen, the fic whose prose I want to beat up, give a swirlie, and steal lunch money from! Fuckin’ nerd.

That’s how bullies work, right?

Last time, two things happened: Jack and Shit. The plot has not progressed in the slightest from Chapter 2.

“Professor, can I speak with you?”

Professor: I’m afraid not. I don’t associate with Formless Voices.

“Racist.”

“Wouldn’t that be ‘formist?’”

“You stay out of this!”

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