Title: Mass Effect: United Species Aliance [sic]
Author: Delfim the Black Kitsune
Media: Video Game
Topic: Mass Effect
URL: Chapter 4
Critiqued by: AdmiralSakai and Specialist Adrian Sevarra
Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome back to Mass Effect: United Species Aliance. Last time, the crew of the Nautilus went to visit Tuchanka in order to
suck off the krogan a bunch test out their new Mako against some klixen or whatever. This resulted in a lot of scenery porn, a stupid meeting with Urdnot Wrex and his stupid kid, and the revelation that Commander Delfim and possibly the Alliance more broadly are taking kickbacks from a krogan arms manufacturer and for whatever reason damned proud of it.
Honestly, the whole ‘graft in space’ angle was the most interesting thing to come out of this ‘fic in a good long while.
Title: The Red Queen
Author: Dravyn LeCrux
Media: Web Series
URL: Chapter 5
Critiqued by BatJamags
Uwaah count: 10
A Sentence Fragment count: 6
Hello once again, patrons! I’m your host, BatJamags, and I’m back with more of The Red Queen, the fic which has now properly devolved into an edgy, swirling pool of angst and trajedy.
Last time, Yang and Ozpin began to realize that the Dumbass Conspirators were kind of dumbasses about their conspiracy. Ruby killed some generically creepy dude who showed up in her neck of the woods, and was simultaneously Batman and Naked Buff Santa. It’s a long story. Pyrrha did some mustache twirling and the author narration insisted she was SO TOTALLY JEALOUS OF RUBY because RUBYXJAUNE OTP!
*Another volley of cannonballs bursts through the walls of the Riffcave*
Yeah, I’m still working on sinking that. And by “I,” I mean GoodJamags.
The days had been blending together for the past couple of weeks. For Yang, time became irrelevant the moment they brought back the news that she would never again set eyes on her precious little sister again.
Smooth, author. Now, let’s see if the DRD can make it past that ferocious naval batt-
*Headshotted in the head*
Hello, dear Patrons!
I’m back with another chapter in this seemingly endless fic. In the last chapter everyone’s least favorite character, TSue, exploded but was almost immediately put back together again in a special science machine. But of course she would be.
I’m getting over having my ass metaphorically kicked by pneumonia, so this week’s riff might be a little light as well. Apologies, but I’ve spent a week barely being able to breathe. It greatly hampered my sarcasm.
Title: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Author: Hikari no Vikki
Media: Video Game / Movie
Topic: Legend of Zelda / Star Wars
Genre: Adventure / Fantasy
URL: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Retired Darth Lord Crunchy
Howdy doodly-do, patrons! Welcome back to Legend of Force High! With me once again is Crunchy who will be furnishing us with an extremely unhelpful recap of last week.
“King Melty informs the party of local shopping opportunities but the fashion district is nearly sold out and they leave with an outdated hand-me-down. In other news: sharing is impossible.”
Thank you, that was wonderfully obtuse. Let’s see if there’s any more Water Temple in this part of the Water Temple chapter.
As they stood beyond the crashing wave of the waterfall, Link fingered the Ocarina in his hands.
*Taco sigh, rubs his forehead, and waves Swenia into the room*
“I’m next in line after the potato flute!”