::strikes a pose and waits for applause::
Oh, none of you have any clue who I am, do you?
I’m Addicted Reader. I was a regular snarker here until life got in the way. But I finally finished digging, and now most of the shit has been moved out of the way.
I’m going to pick up where I left off with my biggest project yet, a 10-chapter “Snow White” fanfic from the “fairy tales” section. The chapters are short, though, which is why I decided to tackle it. Most of this snark was written way back when, I just finished the last few paragraphs just now. I haven’t looked at the rest of this fic in nearly 4 years though, so this should be a fun* journey of rediscovery.
*for a very twisted definition of “fun”
Here we go!
agig: Welcome back, everyone! I’m here with Hulk and Diesel, plus, I’d imagine, Monitor.
Hulk: *Nods his head* Hello.
Diesel: *Waves cheerfully* I brought equipment! *Points towards Wardroids sitting in the corner*
(Why did I have to get stuck with the Riffleet? Sentinel never has to deal with this shit. -Monitor)
(Shut it. I wrote you as the Gemini Riffleet Transcribing AI and you’re staying the Gemini Riffleet Transcribing AI. Oh, by the way, the bus just came back. -agig (the author)
agig: Wait, what?
Title: Legendary Adventurers, Futuristic Saviors
Topic: Princess Mononoke
URL: Chapter 11
Critiqued by SC, Warchief Eltain, and Sir Paulo Rori
Hello, and welcome back to Legendary Adventurers, Futuristic Saviors, by Stone-Man85! I’m your host, SC, and last time, we all kind of just bitched about how terrible San’s upcoming attack is, both canonically and as far as this fic is concerned. Really, it’s awful – “I’ma launch my ass over the wall and carve my way through every single pissed off gunman until I get to my actual targets?” That might work in Assassin’s Creed, but you know, they’d at least try and be SNEAKY about it. For someone who was raised by wolves, San seems to be lacking in the stealth department.
Anyhow, so we’re here at part two of whatever of chapter eleven, and last time, I recall saying that I should invite the ancestor whose soul Ethan happens to be linked to into a riff… so I did! And he appreciates it just about as little as any of my other OCs.
Meet the ghost of Warchief Eltain:
You’ll note that he looks very similar to Ethan. Not hard to guess that they’re related, based on that alone.
:Syl saunters into the Riffing Chamber, kicks the door shut, and places a bottle of faintly glowing red liquid on the desk before throwing herself down in the chair. She tosses her tricorn hat onto the desk, leaning back in the chair and propping her bare feet up on the edge of the desk:
:Syl toasts the air with her bottle:
“I’m here all by myself today; strangely enough, Ghostie didn’t show up in the Library this morning. I’m sure she’ll turn up eventually, but until then my humble self will have to do.”
:Syl removes a sheaf of badly rumpled notes flecked with what could be dried blood from her vest:
“Luckily, I just happen to have Ghostie’s notes on hand.”
:flips through papers:
“Let’s see; last time, there were a couple of fights that I found incredibly dull so I didn’t pay a lot of attention to them, and everyone made their way to the least secret Secret Desert Base ever founded.” :continues flipping through papers, tossing a few over her shoulder: “That’s really all there was.”
:drinks deeply from bottle before coughing out a gout of blue smoke:
“Smooth. Now to find out what happens next in this mess.”
Title: Fire Emblem: ReAwaken
Media: Video Game
Topic: Fire Emblem
URL: Chapter 15
Critiqued by Herr Wozzeck, Sura T’Lenya, and Crunchy Raptor
Hello ladies and gentlemen, and welcome back to Fire Emblem: ReAwaken. I’m Herr Wozzeck, and I’m joined here once again by Sura and Crunchy.
Sura T’Lenya: Let’s hope the Sith raptor is calm this time.
Crunchy: I have had two weeks to get over… that, asari. If I were not calm, I would ask you to tase me.
You wouldn’t, and you know it.
Crunchy: … Be quiet, parrot.
Whatever. Anyway, let’s dig in, shall we?