2452: Cupcakes, Part 2 — Crappy Pasta

-WARNING-
While this so-called horror story continues to resoundingly fail at being even remotely scary, it starts to hit pretty hard with the gross-out attempts in terms of blood and guts and also a bizarre focus on the actions of Rainbow Dash’s bladder.

Title: Cupcakes
Author: Sergeant Sprinkles
Media: Cartoon
Topic: My Little Pony
Genre: Creepypasta / “Horror” / Torture Porn
URL: Creepypasta Wiki Rehost
Critiqued by AdmiralSakai and Serketry

Hello hello all you patrons! Inflate your favorite organs and sort your pegasus wings by color because we are back with more Cupcakes goodness.

Don’t you mean…

baked_bads

Hey y’all, Serketry here. Again. Until this fic is as dead as Rainbow Dash. 

And, of course, by ‘goodness’ I mean ‘incredibly repetitive foreshadowing of incredibly repetitive torture porn’.

Last time, Pinkie Pie fed Rainbow Dash a drugged cupcake and tied her up in a torture chamber underneath Sugar Cube Corner. Much capering and posing with skulls ensued, but it was all pretty pointless. And…. that’s literally it.

dootober_by_paw_of_darkness_ddhidu5-fullview.jpg

EDITED BY EDINPONY COUNTER: 6

Dubiously sexual counter: 4

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2450: RWBY and Outlast – Chapters 1-4

You’re reading about another dimension, a dimension not only of prose and and narrative but of pure, concentrated suck. A journey into a twisted land whose boundaries are that of a poor writer’s feeble imagination. That’s the header up ahead—your next stop, the Badfic Zone!

Title: RWBY and Outlast
Author: Fanfic Bros
Media: Web Series / Video Game
Topic: RWBY / Outlast
Genre: Hurt/Comfort / Horror
URL: Chapters 1, 2, 3, and 4
Critiqued by BatJamags and Ruby-Doo!

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your host, BatJamags, and I’m back with something that really shouldn’t exist. You thought we were done with RWBY, but you were wrong! I decided that this year’s Badfic Zone would focus on horror games instead of movies for a change in pace. Of course, I happened to have a half-finished crossover riff on hand for just such an occasion!

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2446: Cupcakes Part 1 — Crappy Pasta

-WARNING-
While the creepypasta under riff today is insanely not scary, it does contain some measure of gratuitous gore and you may not want to read it over lunch.

Title: Cupcakes
Author: Sergeant Sprinkles
Media: Cartoon
Topic: My Little Pony
Genre: Creepypasta / “Horror” / Torture Porn
URL: Creepypasta Wiki Rehost
Critiqued by AdmiralSakai and Serketry

Hello hello all you patrons! Plug your nearest housepet into the television set and make sure your doll vaccinations are up to date, because it’s that time of year again!

Today we’re dealing with a ‘fic that I wasn’t originally planning to ever riff due to its potential Librarian-breaker status (you will see why soon). However, I ran into a bunch of other people in a fimfiction forum I frequent saying that maybe it wasn’t so bad and for the time had some interesting ideas. So now I’m going to show exactly why that’s not the case, on a site with an average readership of ten people that none of the commenters on that forum frequent or even know exists.

Yay me!

Yay us, actually. Hey y’all, Serketry here. The Admiral brought me back. For this. Thanks, Admiral. 

Yeah. This is… a doozie.

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2440: The Origin of Mickey & The Origins of Raggedy Anne — Crappy Pasta

-WARNING-
While, as to be expected, the creepypasta being reviewed today are not in the least bit scary, the second one contains potential flamebait in the form of the work of some legitimately reprehensible people, namely the ‘anti-vaxxer’ movement.

Title: Origins of Mickey
Author: DubiousDugong
Media: Animation
Topic: Mickey Mouse
Genre: Creepypasta
URL: Origins of Mickey

Title: The Origins of Raggedy Ann
Author: Kat the Killer Neko, who strangely enough is not a Jeff Clone
Media: IRL, except for the ‘reality’ part.
Topic: Raggedy Ann
Genre: Creepypasta / Propaganda
URL: The Origins of Raggedy Ann

Critiqued by: AdmiralSakai and Guard-Novitiate Psk’nyor “Nina” C’hon

Hello hello all you patrons! Sharpen your knives on some convenient bones and make sure you don’t get sent to Finland by any spontaneously-appearing wall portals, because it’s that time of year again!

spoop4

Punch it, my fishy friend!

“With gusto!”

 

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2418: Bizarre Billion Beans Blizzard – Oneshot

Title: Bizarre Billion Beans Blizzard
Author: SharanMcQuack
Media: Cartoon / Comic Book
Topic: Duck Tales
Genre: Adventure / Family
URL: Bizarre Billion Beans Blizzard
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Jiwe

*Taco walks into the riffing chamber with Jiwe in tow*

Well, patrons, it’s that time of year again.  Somebody’s five today-

“It’s me!”

-which means I’m on babysitting duty while the crew prepares a party that will hopefully not end in a full-Library respawn event.  Again.

Anyway, since I’ve got Shrimpy with me this week, you should all brace yourselves for my annual family-friendly riff!  This time we’re heading back into the land of Duck Tales fanficion and revisiting an old friend of ours, SharanMcQuack, who’s work I riffed way back in the Library’s second year.  Sharan has been pretty prolific in her writing since her first feature in 2013, but, sadly, I cannot say her writing has improved much.  As you’re about to see, it might actually have gotten worse.

Fortunately for us all, in searching through Sharan’s more recent fics, I was able to find one that doesn’t involve her OC having any dialogue, so we won’t have to suffer through her sitting on the sidelines and making snide remarks at the cast like in the last one.  You’ll still have to suffer through me doing it, but at least it’s only the one of us.

“What about me?”

You’re too young to be snide.

“Awww.”

Anyway, let’s start with the relatively non-alarming summary:

Magica siccs a billions beans vs the Bin in an attempt to get the Dime.

While I’m not sure what “siccs” means, at least this is a summary.

“I know!  Sicks is throwing up!”

So far as plans go, throwing up billions of beans at somebody is not the worst one.  Still, gotta be better ways to get ten cents.

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Fillertacular Special: Admiralsakai and Serketry Riff MORE Terrible My Little Pony Fanart!

Hello hello, all you patrons. Someone didn’t get their riff in on time again, so that means it’s time for more chatlogs riffing the worst of the worst (or at least the funniest of the worst) My Little Pony fanart scraped from the depths of the fansite Equestria Daily!

Ok, fine, some of it’s not necessarily bad in a qualitiative sense; some of it’s just baffling or has uncomfortable implications to be read into it. But worthy of snark, regardless.

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2247: The Garfield Story One-shot

The Garfield Story One-shot
Title: The Garfield Story
Author: ShakespeareHemmingway (yes that one)
Media: Cartoon/Movie
Topic: Garfield/A Christmas Story
Genre: Drama/Supernatural
URL: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10963071/1/The-Garfield-Story
Critiqued By: Crazy Minh & Biskit

CZM: Captain’s log: Stardate 24356.52.3. I have just assumed command of the Starship Bongo after my riffing studio was unexpectedly blown to pieces in a tragic failure of a “completely routine chemical experiment” by a individual whose identity will remain unknown for the purposes of this log. We are now on a five month mission to the Fanfictium Nebula to conduct a…

Biskit: Captain Crazy sir! There’s a red thingy on the scopes!!!

CZM: Dear god. Don’t call me ‘Captain Crazy’ while we’re on duty. Afterwards, that’s perfectly fine. Status of the red-thingy?

Biskit: It appears to be a class-2 unmanned probe. It’s IFF identifies it as a message buoy sent from the Library Servers. Receiving our assignment data:

CZM: *reads mission briefing* FUCK! Oh nononononono!!! We are NOT doing this!!!

Biskit: Captain, may I remind you that you’re on probation right now? You don’t have the capacity to refuse given orders.

CZM: *sigh* Ok. On-screen.

*riff-of-the-day pops up on the main veiwer*

CZM: Hello patrons, and welcome to our guest review of ‘The Garfield Story’, a one-shot by the author who brought you ‘Garfield Effect: Galaxy Adventures’. I’m your captain and guest riffer Crazy Minh…

Biskit: …and I’m the First Officer and double-guest riffer Biskit.

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