1954: Star Wars: Shadow War Episode I – Chapter Three

Title:  Star Wars: Shadow War Episode I
Author:  dragonfang33
Media: Movie / Cartoon
Topic: Star Wars / MLP
Genre: Sci-Fi / Adventure
URL: Star Wars: Shadow War Episode I
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Darth Lord Crunchy (Retired)

Heyo, patrons!  Welcome back to another installment of ‘Shadow War’, the Star Wars fic where nothing happens and the characters don’t matter!  Crunchy is here again.

“You sound so pleased.”

Ecstatic.  Anyway, last time more long-winded nothing happened.

“I question whether you could consider that chapter long.”

Fine, more short-winded nothing happened.  The Cliff-notes of all the nothing is that Team Evil is landing their shit on the planet of Ponyland while Team Stu gathered a few juvenile recruits before being dispatched to explore what will coincidentally™ be the same exact planet that Team Evil is orbiting despite the region being nearly a third the size of the entire galaxy.

“Your Dickens would be proud.”

Compared to this, Dickens showed incredible restraint with his contrivances.  In any case, let’s get on with the show!

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1950: Star Wars: Shadow War Episode I – Chapter Two

Title:  Star Wars: Shadow War Episode I
Author:  dragonfang33
Media: Movie / Cartoon
Topic: Star Wars / MLP
Genre: Sci-Fi / Adventure
URL: Star Wars: Shadow War Episode I
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Darth Lord Crunchy (Retired)

Heyo, patrons, and welcome back!

“They must be delighted.”

No, I’m pretty sure they aren’t, this is “Shadow War,” after all.

“Yet, I am here to delight them.  So delighted they will be, provided they comprehend what is best for their well being.”

Don’t threaten the readers.  I would hate it if Jiwe would happen to find his way into Eliza’s emergency glitter reserve the next time you’re forced to watch him.

“You would not dare!”

Wouldn’t I?  I mean, I certainly would hate to inconvenience Markus with cleaning that up.

*Crunchy glowers menacingly at Taco*

“I believe my influence may have created something unsavory within you.  I would find that worth celebrating were it no so inconvenient.  We shall put aside this discussion for now as I believe it is time to recapitulate, yes?”

It would be, but nothing of note happened in the first chapter.

“You forget the introduction of the author insertion and his Awesome McEvil brother.  Ponyland was also briefly mentioned.”

As I said, nothing of note.

“Touché”

Anyway, let’s see what’s in store for us in chapter two!

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1944: Star Wars: Shadow War Episode I – Chapter One

Title:  Star Wars: Shadow War Episode I
Author:  dragonfang33
Media: Movie / Cartoon
Topic: Star Wars / MLP
Genre: Sci-Fi / Adventure
URL: Star Wars: Shadow War Episode I
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Darth Lord Crunchy (Retired)

Unnnggghhh, did anyone get the number of that party that hit me?

*Taco, who is laying on the ground covered in glitter and confetti, lifts his head off the ground to peer around the riffing chamber with blood-shot eyes*

The hell am I doing in Riffcon?

“Such an unseemly display.  Truly you monkeys have no sense of propriety.”

What are you doing here?

“The girls asked me to deliver your latest project.  Given the source material, it was inevitable that you would seek out and forcibly procure my assistance, so I acquiesced.

Another Star Wars, then?

“Sadly, yes.  Crossed with that show about ponies, no less.”

Well shit.  Okay, give me a moment to gather myself and we’ll do this thing.

“Allow me.  Darkwraiths!  Unleash the roughage!”

-*A pressurized blast of coffee and a change of clothes later*-

That was oddly refreshing.  Once you get past being burned by scalding hot coffee, anyway.

“I prefer to think of that as a bonus.”

Hello, dear patrons!  This week we start in on another smaller project: ‘Star Wars: Shadow Wars Episode I’ which has the distinction of being the only Star Wars fics I’ve riffed so far this year!

“Clever.”

While we’ve already covered the two canons covered by the fic, it’s worthwhile to note that this fic takes place in an AU that revolves around Emperor Luke Skywalker ruling over a new Jedi Empire in the wake of the events of the New Jedi Order book series.  It’s an AU featured in a handful of fanfics I’ve looked at, so apparently it’s a thing that exists outside of this particular fic.  I’m not sure why this small collection of authors created this AU, as it clashes pretty hard with all the books leading up to it, but I’ve learned that fanfiction AUs rarely bother to attempt to seamlessly merge with the source material.

Anyway, let’s just jump into the summary.

“Must we?”

How else are we supposed to know what’s going on?

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1915: better season 5 end — Part 3

Title: better season 5 end
Author: iamli3
Media: Animation
Topic: My Little Pony, Friendship is Magic
Genre: Adventure/Drama/AU
URL: Chapter 1
Critiqued by
AdmiralSakai and Serketry

Hello hello, all you patrons, and welcome back to better season 5 end, Dakari King Mycan’t’s attempt to strip out everything that was actually impressive or visually interesting about the Season 5 finale of My Little Pony.

Last time, Twitlight Sparkle and Starlight Glimmer spent way, way, way too much time doddling around what turned out to be an alternate Equestria ruled by N I G H T M A R E M O O N, queen of evil laughter, sneering at each other and failing to figure out where they were or what was going on. Then some Lunar Guards (N I G H T M A R E Guards?) showed up and made off with the scroll that was their only ticket home, and the two timeDUMMENSHIN travelers promptly followed them right to her castle. N I G H T M A R E M O O N kicked their asses, confiscated the scroll, and locked them in the kinky bondage dungeon… but not without first filling up another scene or two with even more explanation of THINGS WE ALREADY KNOW.

We’re three parts into this, and something just hit me: Mycan’t never told us his mission statement. We know he wants to improve the script, but he never told us how. What was wrong with the original that needed correcting? We’ve been inferring that he wanted a less powerful Starlight, more talky bits up front, more N I G H T M A R E M O O N and evidently much less of the other timelines-

-like, none

– but, again, those are only guesses. We have no idea what the author wants to tell us, and that’s one of the most fundamental flaws in literature a writer can ever make.

I mean, he has a blog, but it’s all just ranty lectures about time travel and multiverse theory interrupted by a section on Undertale for some odd reason.

Ohhhh, I know what he wants to tell us:

Rich, chunky exposition.

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1910: better season 5 end — Part 2

Title: better season 5 end
Author: iamli3
Media: Animation
Topic: My Little Pony, Friendship is Magic
Genre: Adventure/Drama/AU
URL: Chapter 1
Critiqued by
AdmiralSakai and Serketry

Hello hello all you patrons!

I’d say it’s good to be back, but, no. It’s never good to be back. Not here.

And welcome back to better season 5 end, the single best episode(s) of My Little Pony as re-imagined by Dakari King Mykan.

Actually, Mykan could at least remember to use capital letters without an editor. This guy is Dakari King Mycan’t.

Last time we were treated to Mycan’t’s treatment of… well, nothing but the opening scene of the Season 5 end, apparently. And the reason why it was only the very first scene was because apparently to Mycan’t ‘better’ means ‘filled to the brim with lots and lots of rich, chunky exposition’.

And scenes stolen from the end of the original episode to pad out the beginning.

Also, to sum up the changes to characterization:

89253__safe_twilightsparkle_meme_mspaint_sweetbroandhellajeff_85ey

On the left is canon Twilight losing her shit. On the right is Mycan’t’s interpretation of the character, being shit.

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1906: Butch x Reader: I Think You’re Pretty

Title:  Butch x Reader: I Think You’re Pretty
Author:   Ugly Kitty Cat Sweater
Media: Cartoon
Topic: Power Puff Girls
Genre: Romance/Friendship
URL: Butch x Reader: I Think You’re Pretty
Critiqued by TacoMagic & Swenia

Hey, patrons!  As promised, this week I’m brining you a smut fic!  Featuring trains!  Since it’s a smut fit, well, somebody insisted on helping.

“Hi, patrons!  Let’s get to the sex already!”

The train sex.

“Wait, trains?  Why are trains having sex?”

Did you not see the context last week? This is a Thomas and Friends fic.

“I feel lied to!  I didn’t sign up for train sex!  Why didn’t you say anything!”

I DID.

“Why didn’t you make me pay attention!?”

Anyway, for anyone wondering, this is Butch:

He’s a breakdown truck with a big-ol winch on him.

*Swenia waggles her eyebrows*

Oh for crap’s sake.

“If you’re going to rope an unsuspecting gal into train sex, you can’t blame her for enjoying herself anyway.”

Anyway, Butch’s main job is assisting when stuff breaks by dragging or towing it.  Pretty easy.  He doesn’t appear a whole lot in the show, but the vast majority of the characters are like that, appearing in only one or two episodes yet somehow cultivating sometimes quite rabid followings.

Now that that’s out of the way, let’s check out the summary!

I’M NOT GOOD WITH SUMMARIES SO LET’S GET THIS OVER WITH!

“That’s a good sign.”

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1866: The adventure of The Doctor – Oneshot

Title: The adventure of The Doctor
Author: Butchee
Media: Cartoon / Television
Topic: DuckTales / Doctor Who
Genre: Family/Adventure
URL: The adventure of The Doctor
Critiqued by TacoMagic

Hey, patrons!  Let’s keep this oneshot train rolling by digging up another canon I haven’t touched in a while: DuckTales!  This time, we’re going to cross it with Doctor Who, because why the hell not!?

For those wondering, this will be the 10th Doctor (The popular David Tennat version).  The Doctor is never explicitly described in the fic, so I had to look at the character list to find out which it was.

Anyway, let’s start where we always do, with the summary!

When The Doctor gets sucked into a dimension,and Gyro Gearloose’s invention is to blame.  But also the solution…

Well, we’re certainly off to a great start!  Onwards and into the fic!

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