2204: Love & Bullets – Chapter One, Part Two

[FILLER POST – Due to a file naming SNAFU back when I was a guest riffer, this riff was never posted. I never pointed it out because you guys honestly didn’t miss much. More recently, I figured I’d save it in the drafts for a rainy, riffless day. A day just like today, as it happens. This was written at the same time as the other Love & Bullets riffs that started going up back in 2016 or 2017 sometime, and I’ve not heavily edited it, so there are a few references that might not make sense anymore, but there they are. – Bats]

Title: Love & Bullets
Author: MissScorp
Media: Comics
Topic: Batman
Genre: Drama/Romance
URL: Chapter One
Critiqued by BatJamags (BadJamags and GoodJamags)

Hello, once again, patrons! I’m your guest host, BatJamags-

GoodJamags: So am I!

– and this moron and I are back for more of Love & Bullets. Last time, a Sue beat up some thugs in an alley. That’s it. Now we get to Nightwing babbling about how amazing the Sue is, so let’s dive in!

As much as I hate to acknowledge this, I know this little hellcat will willingly lay her life down in order to save mine.

GoodJamags: Why do you hate to acknowledge it?

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2195: By Griffin Law — One Shot

Title: By Griffin Law
Author: moonking
Media: Animation
Topic: My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic
Genre: Romance, Drama, and “Dark” (but it’s actually just porn)
URL: Chapter 1 and Chapter 2
Critiqued by: Serketry and AdmiralSakai

–WARNING–
The ‘fic under review today contains highly explicit and bizarre sexual content and… just… ick.

It’s a cold November day in RIFFCON, and the lone janitor makes his rounds, switching on consoles and turning up the thermostat. Seeing another opening…

Morning y’all, I’m Serk- wait…

*SNOP* *SNOP*

Why isn’t this working?

*AdmiralSakai wanders out of another room in a bathrobe and Rainbow Dash slippers and promptly trips over some errant JPEG artifacts*

Dagnabbit!

What’s all this?

Dammit, I’m snopping wrong. Morning, sir.

And a fine morning to you as well!

It won’t be for long, we got another orphan on the scopes.

Oh.

*Sees that it is By Griffin Law*

You had to go and pick this one, didn’t you?

I’m just working down the list.

Yeah, full disclosure, I’ve read this thing cover to cover already, and… well, I won’t say it’s my least favorite clopfic, although I’m not really sure what my least favorite clopfic is since the stories I hate the most aren’t clearly for porn but rather grimdark or edgy ‘fics with a lot of sexual content in them, but…

So it’s tied for least favorite?

Yeah let’s just go with that.

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2177: Slasher Oneshot Marathon!

Title: The texas chainsaw massacre: once again; The Real Texas Chainsaw Massacre; Halloween: Death Comes Calling; Fiery Passion; New masked killer; Murder from Scream
Author: doctorwhofan123456789; G.I. Joe Adventure Team; KLeslie; bloodyrose2014; Droids Boys; MeLoNa05
Media: Film
Topic: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre; The Texas Chainsaw Massacre; Halloween; A Nightmare on Elm Street; Scream; Scream
Genre: Horror / Drama; Crime / Horror; Horror / Romance; Romance / Horror; Horror / Drama; Horror / Poetry
URL: The texas chainsaw massacre: once againThe Real Texas Chainsaw MassacreHalloween: Death Comes CallingFiery PassionNew masked killerMurder from Scream
Critiqued by BatJamags (and Spider-Man)

A little game for the reader: By the end of the riff, guess which YouTube channel I’ve been watching a lot of recently.

Also, when I say “marathon,” I mean it. This is long, but I was having way too much fun to cut it down. Just thought I’d let you know ahead of time. Seriously, though, it’s about three times as long as my normal riffs.

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your host, BatJamags, and I’m back.

There is a fifth dimension, beyond that which is known to Man. It is a dimension as vast as the author’s note to My Inner Life, and as timesquiggly as My Immortal. It is the middle ground between light and Edgelord, between thermal radiation and BLUE; and it lies between the pit of a riffer’s fears and the summit of his anger. This is the dimension of bad horror oneshots. It is an area which we call… the Badfic Zone.

Respectfully submitted for your derision: A cavalcade of spooky, scary, and quite possibly skeletal oneshots from a wide selection of horror films!

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2152: THE PERFECT CHRISTMAS – Chapter One

Title: THE PERFECT CHRISTMAS
Author: Addicted2greatness
Media: Comic
Topic: Iron Man
Genre: Romance/Drama
URL: Chapter One
Critiqued By: Crazy Minh

CZM: Hello readers, and welcome to the guest review of ‘THE PERFECT CHRISTMAS’ by Addicted2greatness. While this story isn’t…terrible.

Biskit: It’s pretty terrible Minh…

CZM: Oh shut up…I should probably introduce myself and my fellow reviewer before I go any further. My name is Crazy Minh, and I’ve written a number of stories on Fanfiction. I’m not that ‘well known’ among the community of fanfiction authors…wait, is there a community??

Biskit: Don’t know, might care a bit.

CZM: In any case, I’ve got a bit of experience with writing. Like many authors, I also have some skeletons in the closet, in the form of my stories Depths of the Night and Borderlands: The Post Sequel

Biskit: You spent three days squeezing me in your hand over the rewrites for those stories. Also, you haven’t introduced me yet…

CZM: I was just getting to that. My fellow reviewer is Biskit, who in reality is the small stuffed toy who sits on the edge of my desk and stares at me when I’m writing something terrible. You know how every writer has (or should have) that little nagging voice that tells them when they should not be writing something…yeah, now that I think about that…people really don’t all have someone like you, Bisk. Just from the fact that this site exists. I think some authors have really bad internal critics.

Biskit: One: Don’t call me ‘Bisk’. Two: you’re totally right. But this fic is still terrible.

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2143: Margo Warrior – A Retrospective

Title: Margo Warrior, and White Eagle
Author: IllaRouge
Media: Shared RP Universe
Topic: Furry Basketball Association
Genre: Uh… Character Bio/Drama?
URL: Bio, San Jose Thrust Interview, and White Eagle
Critiqued by Herr Wozzeck

Hello ladies and gentlemen, and welcome back to more Library snarks of bad FBA characters.

And man, do I really have it in for this person in particular. Lizzimba, KZ, and Trivol were all toxic enough, but honestly, they’re small potatoes compared to IllaRouge. As is usual with my disclaimers here, I had a previous relationship with IllaRouge, and for a while, it was actually pretty friendly. I even offered her the friend card at one point.

Of course, I revoked that pretty fast when events transpired that led me to find out that, behind the scenes, she’s an arrogant bully with an inflated sense of her own abilities. It’s actually kinda personal, but hey, one thing at a time: I’ll be talking about what happened next week, but let’s just say that Illa really should have thought twice before fucking with my friends the way she did.

Anyway, we’re going to talk about one of her characters. And this is… this is gonna take a while. So let’s get going on our stop to Bad Representation Land!

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2136: Fight Story – Chapter 1 (Older Version)

Title: Untitled (eventually called “Fight Story” in a subsequent revision)
Author: Trivol McKenley/StrykerFox
Media: Shared RP Universe
Topic: Furry Basketball Association
Genre: Drama/Crime
URL: Chapter 1
Critiqued by Herr Wozzeck

Hello folks, and welcome back to the Library.

Today’s offering is… weird. Of course, you all notice that Trivol/Stryker is the guy that we talked about last week in the Flattening of Victor Vos. So that’s important to note for that.

What you may be slightly more confused about is the fact that I’m still considering today’s offering fanfiction. You look at the story itself, you’ll notice it’s technically worded like an original story. The problem is, it both is and isn’t: it’s an original story in that it’s all its own original MMA deal.

However, there are two very important somethings that keep it from being so. Or rather, two very important someones, both who started life as FBA characters, and who Trivol wound up renaming so he could have his cake and eat it too.

How do they figure into this? Well, let’s dive into his adventures in “original” fiction and find out!

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2130: The Flattening of Victor Vos

Title: Furballer Vol. 6, Issue 43, Page 19, and Hero
Author: Buck Hopper/Carrizo Kitfox, and Trivol McKenley/StrykerFox
Media: Shared RP Universe
Topic: Furry Basketball Association
Genre: Journalism Piece and Drama/Romance
URL: Furballer Vol. 6, Issue 43, Page 19 and Hero
Critiqued by Herr Wozzeck

Hello ladies and gentlemen, and welcome back to me bitching about more bad writers in the context of the FBA. Y’all know the score with Lizzimba and KZ, but we’ve got more where they came from.

But… well, today’s flavor of bad is a decidedly different variety of bad from what you usually see in the Library. What if I told you that today’s variety of bad was not of the “oh God, this is fundamentally bad from the start”, but rather “someone gradually screwed the pooch on this one” bad. And that’s a flavor of bad I’ve only seen in the FBA, and with two characters in particular.

See, sometimes as older contributors leave, they leave characters behind. And sometimes, when those characters get left behind, they switch hands. Sometimes, this doesn’t result in too much of a downgrade. But when it does result in a downgrade… Hoo boy, does it get bad!

And in this case, it got really bad, although there’s one really fucked up bit about it that makes me think about this one specifically. But, I will get to that when I get to it. For now, what happens when you take a character with a really well-beloved status in the FBA, and turn him into a generic slashfic love interest?

Well, you get Victor Vos. So let’s get started.

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