2313: The Red Queen – Chapter 4

Title: The Red Queen
Author: Dravyn LeCrux
Media: Web Series
Topic: RWBY
Genre: Drama/Tragedy
URL: Chapter 4
Critiqued by BatJamags

You Keep Using that Word…

Uwaah count: 10
A Sentence Fragment count: 4

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your host, BatJamags, and I’m back with more of The Red Queen, the fic whose prose I want to beat up, give a swirlie, and steal lunch money from! Fuckin’ nerd.

That’s how bullies work, right?

Last time, two things happened: Jack and Shit. The plot has not progressed in the slightest from Chapter 2.

“Professor, can I speak with you?”

Professor: I’m afraid not. I don’t associate with Formless Voices.

“Racist.”

“Wouldn’t that be ‘formist?’”

“You stay out of this!”

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2307: The Red Queen – Chapter 3

Title: The Red Queen
Author: Dravyn LeCrux
Media: Web Series
Topic: RWBY
Genre: Drama/Tragedy
URL: Chapter 3
Critiqued by BatJamags

The Six-Million-Dollar Beowulf

Uwaah count: 4
A Sentence Fragment count: 4

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your host, BatJamags, and I’m back with more of The Red Queen, also known as How Not to Plot to Kill Someone.

Last time, we found out that Ruby survived the Dumbass Conspirators’ assassination attempt (as if they didn’t screw up badly enough already), and was rescued by a Grimm, likely due to her transformation into Sueby Rose. This asinine twist was accompanied by a demonstration of all the different ways the Dumbass Conspirators should’ve gotten caught.

Onward!

There is no true rhyme or reason to nature.

Nomenclature. Nomenclature rhymes with nature. Also, whirlpool basically rhymes with purple. And cringe kind of rhymes with orange if you really force it. I’m still working on silver. Maybe “hill fir?”

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2302: The Red Queen – Chapter 2

Title: The Red Queen
Author: Dravyn LeCrux
Media: Web Series
Topic: RWBY
Genre: Drama/Tragedy
URL: Chapter 2
Critiqued by BatJamags

Et tu, morons?

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your host, BatJamags, and I’m back with more of The Red Queen, the fic that dares to be simultaneously personally offensive and also boring as fuck. Mostly the second thing. Actually, almost entirely the second thing from this point on, so… at least that’s good news?

Last time, a bunch of out-of-characters attacked and apparently killed Ruby and hid it with the flimsiest cover-up ever.

Let’s see what new depths of literary failure the second chapter has to offer!

“And you’re absolutely certain there was no chance of recovering Miss Rose at the time?”

I’m afraid not, Formless Voice. She willingly submitted to the Mantle of Edge. There’s no turning back now.

“None at all Professor.”

See? Even that other Formless Voice over there agrees with me!

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2296: The Red Queen – Chapter 1, Part 2

Title: The Red Queen
Author: Dravyn LeCrux
Media: Web Series
Topic: RWBY
Genre: Drama/Tragedy
URL: Chapter 1
Critiqued by BatJamags

A Rose by Any Other Name

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your host, BatJamags, and I’m back with more of The Red Queen.

Last time, Ruby angsted about some fucking bullshit that pissed me off. Then she got chosen for a SUEPER SPESHUL MEGA TOURNAMENT. And that’s about it. God, I hate this author’s rambling.

“Miss Rose, to the stage. Now, please?”

“Ah!”

Being summoned by Ozpin, Ruby walked slowly from her spot in the back. Jaune, hoping to encourage her even a little bit, rested his hand on her shoulder. “You deserve this, Ruby.” He said as kindly as he could. Still, nothing could hope to quell the uneasiness in the pits of her tiny stomach. Ruby walked along the aisle, her classmates and all with their eyes on her. She could feel jealousy from all of them, their emotions poorly disguised and their hatred thinly veiled. Nearing the front, she saw her teammates showing her supporting smiles, Yang especially. She had to look forward, but looking forward means we often miss what’s going on around us. Including the dark expressions cast over Weiss and Blake’s faces.

*Repeated headdesking*

It’s just all so contrived. And contradictory. Were Ruby’s teammates (implying at least two of them) giving her supporting smiles, or did Weiss and Blake have dark expressions?

On the stage, Ozpin addressed the four about the responsibility now given to them. To represent not only Beacon, but themselves and their teams. To prove their strength to everyone, and to showcase the talents of a true hunter or huntress.

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2290: The Red Queen – Chapter 1, Part 1

Title: The Red Queen
Author: Dravyn LeCrux
Media: Web Series
Topic: RWBY
Genre: Drama/Tragedy
URL: Chapter 1
Critiqued by BatJamags

[This riff – A whirlwind tour of Bats’ Issues™! Things get a little real for me in this one. The author lays off from the next one on, so if my whining annoys you, you won’t have to put up with it next week.]

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your host, BatJamags, and I’m back with…

Fuck, I made it to this one. Yeah, I’ll get to why I hate this fic in particular soon.

Right, so I found this fic while in the midst of binge-watching RWBY. This fandom’s never been properly infodumped on here, so I’m going to power through this quickly. If you haven’t seen the show, I highly recommend giving it a watch. The first season is pretty clunky in writing, acting, and animation, but it all steadily improves over time and is never outright bad even to begin with.

Alright, the voice acting in the Black and Yellow trailers was pretty damn awful, but I promise they get better! Except Adam Taurus. He still sounds like a tryhardy moron. Fitting, because he is a tryhardy moron.

Anyway, getting sidetracked by entirely justified hate for that insufferable dickhead Adam. Right, infodump:

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2265: I Will Survive – The Novelization Part 2

Title: I Will Survive
Author: Megumisguy
Media: Film
Topic: Zootopia/Zootropolis
Genre: Drama/Novelization
URL: I Will Survive – The Novelization
Critiqued by Herr Wozzeck

Hello all, and welcome back to read some more about the novelization of I Will Survive.

So last time, you guys probably fell asleep at reading this, and honestly who can blame you? The prose was so dull and uninteresting that I’m surprised it stirred anything that wasn’t apathy out of it. And on top of that, we still haven’t hit the plot regurgitation of I Will Survive!

So today, we’re hoping to change that by getting there. So strap on in, ’cause I expect plenty more stupid to come!

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2260: I Will Survive, The Novelization – Part 1

Title: I Will Survive
Author: Megumisguy
Media: Film
Topic: Zootopia/Zootropolis
Genre: Drama/Novelization
URL: I Will Survive – The Novelization
Critiqued by Herr Wozzeck

Hello, hello, hello! I am Herr Wozzeck, and…

*looks up*

Yes. Believe it or not, a novelization of that comic exists in the world of Zootopia fanfiction. It exists, it is written by a fan, and judging by the fact it wound up on these shores, I think you see where this is going: it sucks just as much as the comic does. My faith in humanity is pretty nonexistent at this point for a reason, you know.

But hey! I guess since we looked at the webcomic, we better look at this too, eh?

So let’s get into it!

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