875: Samurai Jack Meets Jewel Lee – Chapter VI

Title: Samurai Jack Meets Jewel Lee
Author: HopelessRomanticArtist1990
Media: TV Show
Topic:  Samurai Jack
Genre: Adventure/Fantasy
URL: Chapter VI
Critiqued by Ghostcat (with special guest, Ishi)

 

 

 

 

Hello and Happy Halloween, Patrons!

It is I, the ghoulish Ghostie, here with my merry clan of ninjas, who are all festively attired for the holiday! Well, as festively as a group of ultra-stealthy and silent assassins who dress all in black can be, I guess. Most of them just painted their masks white and came as mimes. Ishi-sensei has even managed to get over his little snit and has joined me to help pass out candy! Isn’t that right, sensei?

“I still think the children would be happier with shuriken, Ghostcat-sama.”

You know what the Library’s policy is on handing out weapons to kids.

“If you get caught, it was Dragon-kun’s idea?”

Don’t make me bite you again.

So what happened last week? The author proved that it is possible to make fire-dancing, a giant bonfire, and a mechanical cobra attack really boring. There was also the introduction of Sasha, the gold-loving Earthbender, but she really didn’t do much to help out in the ten seconds she was in the chapter.

On to the chapter!

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874: Quarter Quell Sequels – Serpent’s Fang, Chapters 3 and 4

Title: Quarter Quell
Author: L.Q. Brooks
Media:  Books/Movies
Topic: Ice Age/Hunger Games/Underland Chronicles/Michael Vey/Percy Jackson and the Olympians/The Hobbit/???/Alpha and Omega
Genre: Family/Suspense
URL: Serpent’s Fang: Chapter 3
URL: Serpent’s Fang: Chapter 4
Critiqued by Herr Wozzeck

Hello ladies and gentlemen, and welcome back to this shit. Well, I’m just glad that next week we’re going to be able to finish Homura Afterstory. But unfortunately, we can’t get to it right away because… well, we still have these Quarter Quell sequels to burn. But hey, on the bright side, the end is nigh! Or it will be soon. I hope.

Anyway, let’s not waste too much more time. On with the story!

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873: Jurassic Park: The RH Project – One Shot

Title: Jurassic Park: The RH Project
Author: aryn-vernier
Media: Movies
Topic: Jurassic Park
Genre: Horror/Adventure
URL:  Jurassic Park: The RH Project
Critiqued by TacoMagic

*HACK COUGH*

Happy Wednesday, patrons.

*COUGH COUGH WHEEZE*

Feeling a bit under the weather today, so it’ll be a short-

*Swenia comes barging into the Snark Control Room*

“He’s in here, Eliza!  I should have known he’d try to snark.  Taco, your doctor specifically told you to avoid exposure to horrible fiction until you’re better!”

Goeth is NOT my doctor!

*WHEEZE COUGH HACK*

“Whatever; you’re in no condition to do this today.  You’re going to get back in that bed and eat the damn soup, even if we have to kill you to get you to do it!”

*Swenia grabs Taco by the scruff of his shirt and starts to drag him out of the room*

“ELIZA!  Get the darkwraiths to load the soup cannon and meet me in the infirmary!”

HELP!

*Taco is dragged bodily from the room.*  

*A few minutes later, Crunchy slinks in*

Greetings, gentle patrons.  It is I, your emperor!  Let us first take care of that woefully inaccurate “Critiqued by” field.

Critiqued by TacoMagic Supreme Darth Overlord Crunchy

There, it is now quite sufficient.

Let me see, this week we have a Jurassic Park fic featuring raptors!  For a whole three sentences.

*Crunchy Squints*

I do believe I was set up.

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872: Normandy High – Chapter 14 Part 2 & Chapter 15

Title: Normandy High
Author: The Eezoman
Media: Videogame
Topic: Mass Effect
Genre: Adventure/Romance
URL: Chapter 14 & Chapter 15
Critiqued by Erttheking

N: Ok, I think he’s all healed up from the fight with Manus. Should we let him in? I’m against it.

E: To be perfectly honest so am I. Well, physically in the room. I put a communicator in his room though and a live feed to us. He can chime in whenever he wants, and if he starts pissing us off too much we can cut the audio. Button’s right here.

C: I’m keeping one finger on that thing. So when we last left off, 23 and co were stuck in a random ass cave that Cerberus had caved in because reasons (I guess it was to kill 23, but you’d think you’d want to go with something more reliable like poison. The guy still needs to metabolize right?) And then 23 found “Another one”. What is “another one”? We’re about to find out.

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871: of wolf and woman – Chapter Three

Title: of wolf and woman
Author: gothicrocker2
Media: Movie
Topic:  Underworld
Genre: Romance / Adventure
URL: Chapter three
Critiqued by Lyle

Hello, everyone!  Welcome to chapter three of “of wolf and woman,” an Underworld fic that has gained me a new weapon in my fight against badfics.  *hefts her sledgehammer*  This thing is one giant brick of text and I’m gonna wreck it.

Last time we met our nameless protagonist, who isn’t very bright, and Lucian somehow came back to life after being shot with silver.  No explanation.  He’s just miraculously not dead.  We also met our Awesome McEvil, a man who is out to get the nameless woman for [reasons.]

With that recap, let’s get started.

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870: Fire Emblem: ReAwaken – Chapter Three

Title: Fire Emblem: ReAwaken
Author: MaesterDimentio
Media: Video Game
Topic:  Fire Emblem: Awakening
Genre: Adventure/Fantasty
URL: Chapter 3
Critiqued by SC

Hello, and welcome back to Fire Emblem: ReAwaken, by MaesterDimentio! I’m your host and guest-riffer, SC, and in the last chapter, Kale fell down a hill, fought some Risen, met exiled Plegian nobles Myra and Marco the Titan, and had anime shenanigans!

We come now to Chapter 3, entitled, “Work for Rest”, but that’s not where my focus is right now. If you’ll recall from last chapter, MaesterDimentio made the statement that he might start allowing audience OCs into the fic. So, I’m a bit more worried this week than I was the last two riffs.

Well, whatever. Let’s get to the guest.

Normally, Specs and Contacts would be with me this week, but Contacts got an email from one of his old thief buddies about a sweet job he could cash in on, so he left and dragged Specs out with him. I also heard a sledgehammer taking out a wall and then some angry screaming and a lot of gunshots, so I assume he dragged Shades with him as well in spite of her barred door. So, I got left a bit in the dirt. I couldn’t get Bifocals because she ran off with my Comically Oversized Magnifying Glass, probably for nefarious purposes, and Glasses was already helping me with A Witch needs her Cat. Booky had taken a page from Shades’ book and locked himself in his room, and lined the entire hallway with magical explosive traps to ward off any attempts to get at him, and Sportsy was left with the task of keeping the closet door shut so that Monocle couldn’t break out in a fit of new-found spirit after his brief (and regrettable) moment of freedom.

What’s an SC to do, then?

Call in an OC, duh!

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869: Samurai Jack Meets Jewel Lee – Chapter V

Title: Samurai Jack Meets Jewel Lee
Author: HopelessRomanticArtist1990
Media: TV Show
Topic:  Samurai Jack
Genre: Adventure/Fantasy
URL: Chapter V
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

 

Hullo, fine Patrons!

I’m back with another chapter of the Samurai Jack  fic that has had blessed little to do with anything in the canon so far. Ishi-sensei is strangely absent today, he’s either hiding really well or Kanai-san has finally caught up with him.

So what happened last time? Not a whole lot; Jack and Luna made it to the nameless bar and sushi restaurant, which requires a password to gain entry, and Luna drank something called Dark Mist to restore her shadow-based abilities. Jewel-Sue confirmed with the Magic Alicia Ball that her brother is alive, but there’s no need to rescue him because he can do that himself. She’s supposed to meet him at the tree house the following morning, which means she’s probably going to have to book it to make it in time. Instead of leaving immediately to meet with her formerly dead brother, Jewel-Sue goes to the nameless sushi restaurant where she has her own beverage, Aqua Star, that restores her powers. She doesn’t really need to do this since she hasn’t used her abilities all that much, but whatever.

On to the chapter!

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