2566: Legendary Dungeons, Futuristic Dragons – Chapter 15

Title: D&D Tag Along
Author: Tint
Media: Tabletop RPG
Topic: Dungeons & Dragons
Genre: Adventure / Fantasy
URL: Chapter 15
Critiqued by BatJamags and Kane

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your guest host, BatJamags, and I’m back with the actual final installment of D&D Tag-Along. I hope. Unless this actually is as long as the first chapter (Spoiler: It’s actually one of the shorter chapters. The author was lying).

Last time, Hockey Stu turned out to not just be a demigod, but an ACTUAL FUCKING DEITY.

Kane: No, I believe that was Ehlonna and Nerull.

Wiseass. Anyway, Hockey Stu somehow got Nerull and Vecna to stop beating each other up and went to go fight the apparent main bad guy, who we don’t know anything about other than that he’s named Kas. Let’s get rolling.

D&D Tag Along

And in the end, that still hasn’t stopped not being not the title of the fic.

Kane: That was painful.

I did my best.

Chapter 15: Death, Betrayal, Lies, War, Arrogance

, and pie. There should be pie at the end. It’s the least you can do for your readers after making them sit through all of this.

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2563: Legend of Zelda: The True Force – Chapter Twenty-Five, Part Two

Title: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Author:  Hikari no Vikki
Media: Video Game / Movie
Topic: Legend of Zelda / Star Wars
Genre: Adventure / Fantasy
URL: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Retired Darth Lord Crunchy

Heyo, patrons!  As a heads up, I may not have a post next week due to a business trip taking up a sizable portion of my week.

“Is that not a common monkey euphemism for something illicit?”

I wish.  In this case it’s a 12 hour drive so I can spend a few days learning about new radiographic management software.  Anyway, enough about me, we’ve got a vast field of nothing to tackle!  Crunchy!

“That is not how mines work.”

Pithy.  Let’s see what we’ve got this week!

It felt like the two of them had spent an eternity padding

Cut!  That’s a wrap!

*BZZZT*

Ugh, fine.

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2561: Legendary Dungeons, Futuristic Dragons – Chapters 13 and 14

Title: D&D Tag Along
Author: Tint
Media: Tabletop RPG
Topic: Dungeons & Dragons
Genre: Adventure / Fantasy
URL: Chapters 13 and 14
Critiqued by BatJamags and Kane

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your guest host, BatJamags, and I’m back with what may be, with a little luck, the final installment of D&D Tag-Along.

Kane: Highly doubtful.

Hey, a guy can dream, right?

Kane: My dreams were being invaded by Elder Gods so I designed a ritual to stop myself from having them.

Last time, there was a big stupid fight where Gabriel died and Hockey Stu almost died. Then he had a pointless conversation with some goddess or other. Keep in mind that I just summarized two chapters of this thing in as many sentences.

D&D Tag Along

Hello, title of this fic. Haven’t seen you in… about four inches of screen space.

Chapter 13: Pure Neutral Alignment

Author, that’s True Neutral or just Neutral.

Kane: As I see it, the ethical axis ranges from sane to indecisive to mad, and the moral one from evil (with delusions of righteousness) to evil (but squeamish) to evil.

So that makes you Sane Evil and him Indecisive Evil-but-Squeamish?

Kane: Roughly.

I’m not sure how I feel about calling you sane, but the rest checks out.

A/N: Just a couple of quick little notes before I start. Inadvertently, I discovered a Yu-Gi-Oh card named Boneheimer. It’s a weak little sea horse thing, barely any attack or defense, no effect. Imagine my disappointment.

Kane: Rather appropriate, though I’m sorely disappointed that someone else was under the impression that “Boneheimer” would be an acceptable name for anything.

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2558: Legend of Zelda: The True Force – Chapter Twenty-Five, Part One

Title: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Author:  Hikari no Vikki
Media: Video Game / Movie
Topic: Legend of Zelda / Star Wars
Genre: Adventure / Fantasy
URL: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Retired Darth Lord Crunchy

Hey, patrons!  Welcome back to True Force High!  Where the drama is made up and the plot points don’t exist!   We’re in for a bit of a treat during the next three parts of the riff since this is the first chapter where Vikki actually adds her own dungeon!  Sorta.

“Oh dear.”

Yeah, expect things to get padded and trite as hell.  Not to mention filled with scenes of stuff stolen from other sources.  Regardless, let’s have some of that sweet, sweet recap action.

“Garish Wilford Brimley exposits on socio-political issues while the forgettable one of great aesthetics ruminates on his wasted existence.”

Wow, at the time it didn’t seem like much was going on, but now I feel validated in that viewpoint.  Let’s check out our fresh chapter header!

Disclaimer: Would I be writing this if I owned these franchises?

If not, that would be reason enough to consider giving you ownership.

Well, even if I were, I’d be busy making it a reality instead of leaving it here to gather cyber dust on a data sever somewhere.

“Implying she would be overseeing a remake?”

Ouch.

 (Because really, what else is it doing?)

Apparently Vikki was not aware that both franchises were active during the time she was writing this.  At the time Vikki was writing this series, the Zelda team at nintendo was wrapping up production of Skyward Sword while planning pre-production of Link Between Worlds, and Lucasfilm was in talks with Disney for the merger while also producing the fourth season of the Clone Wars series.

Am I surprised she didn’t know what was going on with the franchises she was steeling from?  No, no I am not.

Author’s Notes-

No luck on the job… wish me luck while I continue searching, I guess.

Irrelevant, but it’s still a bummer.

“Primarily because she ended up having more available time for writing.”

As for progress? We’re getting there.

“Where would that be, again?”

I has to be some kind of word-count goal or something.

(Been drawing a bunch of junk to get my mind off the job bust.  Listening to Harry Potter audiobooks… should have some time before the next one is available for download so now I’m here, writing this.)

This is all incredibly irrelevant, but I suppose anything that can distract enough to stop you from writing more of this can’t be a bad thing.

Don’t really know where we’re going to end up, but hey… here we go! :D

“That is deeply foreboding.”

Please, by now we’re well aware that Vikki wrote this whole fic without a plan and without a clue.

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2556: Legendary Dungeons, Futuristic Dragons – Chapters 11 and 12

Ladies and gentlemen, this is it. This is the culmination of Project: One Year Later, which you’ve probably never heard of if you’re not a Librarian. I am scheduling this on February nineteenth, 2019. That’s a full year in advance, kids. And I’m almost through the Backlog of Doom!

Title: D&D Tag Along
Author: Tint
Media: Tabletop RPG
Topic: Dungeons & Dragons
Genre: Adventure / Fantasy
URL: Chapters 11 and 12
Critiqued by BatJamags and Kane

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your guest host, BatJamags, and I’m back with yet another couple chapters of D&D Tag-Along, the fic which I bet has probably stopped being called that between chapters.

D&D Tag Along

Oh, nope! Looks like it didn’t! Funny how that happened.

Kane: Fascinating. Truly.

So, last time, Hockey Stu, Dragonshit, and Gabriel went into the future-present to save Stalky Sue from Bonehead McEvil. This went predictably poorly. First, Lord-King Baltimore devised a cunning plan to trap all of these assholes in the future, well away from his kingdom in both time and place. Second, they ran into some of the “punks” from the first chapter and dispatched them with minimal effort. This led them to meet up with Hockey Stu’s D&D group, including some big guy, Ashley the Female Wisecracker™, and then that one other dude. They revealed that Hockey Stu’s parents who never appeared and haven’t been named are dead, which was probably supposed to have some kind of emotional impact. They, being under Bonehead McEvil’s control, led Hockey Stu into his fourth incredibly obvious trap because Hockey Stu is stupider than GoodJamags. Then, rather than JUST KILLING HIM, Bonehead McEvil decided to (for no reason whatsoever) make Hockey Stu fight a duel against some random three-eyed lady, who’s a werewolf now. We left off as the battle was about to begin.

Chapter 11: Battles in the Streets

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2554: Legend of Zelda: The True Force – Chapter Twenty-Four, Part Three

Title: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Author:  Hikari no Vikki
Media: Video Game / Movie
Topic: Legend of Zelda / Star Wars
Genre: Adventure / Fantasy
URL: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Retired Darth Lord Crunchy

All right, time to finish up chapter twenty-four with yet more thrilling shopping!  Honestly, it’s weird that the fic has had so many chapters where the party stops to do some shopping.  Crunchy, hit us with that unhelpful recap!

“Machinational machinery malfunctions, token equine inclusions, and looming immobile murderous marauders.”

Ah, sweet poetic nonsense.  Let’s get cracking!

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2552: Legendary Dungeons, Futuristic Dragons – Chapters 9 and 10

Title: D&D Tag Along
Author: Tint
Media: Tabletop RPG
Topic: Dungeons & Dragons
Genre: Adventure / Fantasy
URL: Chapters 9 and 10
Critiqued by BatJamags and Kane

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your guest host, BatJamags, and I’m back with another thrilling chapter or two of D&D Tag-Along, the fic where the future-present is about to get bone(heimer’)d.

Kane: That was atrocious.

Don’t blame me, blame the author for coming up with the name.

Last time, a series of incompetent and disjointed plans enabled Hockey Stu and Stalky Sue to bumble into *snerk* Boneheimer’s evil fortress, where they walked into yet another obvious trap and managed to avoid getting brutally slaughtered by our stupidly-named villain. When our oddly long-tentacled foe took Stalky Sue hostage, Hockey Stu sold out his entire time period in exchange for her life, because the power of Bone(heime)rs is stronger. Normally, this would be a brilliant move, since there’s no way Bonehead McEvil’s pathetic little mutant army could survive thirty seconds against a modern military force. However, the characters all seem to think that Bonehead McEvil might actually conquer the future, which instead makes it a dick move on Hockey Stu’s part. We then find out that for some reason, only people from Hockey Stu’s time period and eeeeeeeevil creatures can actually pass through the portal, so Hockey Stu is forced to pursue Bonehead McEvil alone. This has the unintended but amusing consequence of implying that Hockey Stu and Stalky Sue are evil creatures, which, being a Stu and a Sue, respectively, they are.

Kane: Enough. If we must continue, let us do so.

D&D Tag Along

And take a look at the title of the fic again! That sure is the title of the fic, and definitely hasn’t ceased to be so since the last chapter.

Chapter 9: Hidden Friends

This shit is exactly why I hate playing hide-and-seek.

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