1794: The Lone Wolf Of The Normandy — Chapter 2

Title: The Lone Wolf of the Normandy
Author: SSJ Lone Wolf
Media: Games
Topic: Halo / Mass Effect
Genre: Sci-Fi/Adventure
URL: Chapter 2
Critiqued by
AdmiralSakai and JLT. Troy Fisher

Hello hello, all you patrons and welcome back to The Lone Wolf Of The Normandy, SSJ Lone Wolf’s ME/Halo crossover that is doing its level best to asymptotically approach EclipsePheniox in quality!

Last time Logan-B312 the Noble Stu got barfed onto Eden Prime during the geth/Reaper raid, and immediately put his god-mode Forerunner augmentations to good use by blowing up a bunch of husks and geth and then mentally undressing Jane Shepard and Ash Williams. He saved Nihlus from getting shot by Saren and then immediately beat the shit out of the entire Normandy landing team for having the gall to point their guns at the giant black armored thing that showed up behind them without any warning instead of immediately dropping to their knees in abject worship of his mighty Hyper-Lethal-Vectorness. No hard feelings were had, however, and Logan proceeded to steal all the badassery in the area for himself while disarming the bombs Saren had planted at the Eden Prime docking area. Then Shepard got a headfull of Beacon pretty much as canon, only Logan got to be all Edward Culleny in giving her permission to lose consciousness before carrying her back to the ship.

Amorous Counter: 26

Show and Tell Counter: 7

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1792: Unknown Origins – Chapter One

Title: Unknown Origins
Author: Cyberweasel89
Media: Video Games
Topic: Fallout: New Vegas
Genre: Adventure and Romance
URL: Chapter One
Critiqued by Angie
Rating: M

For swearing, nudity, sex, blood, and violence. Hey, it’s Vegas, baby.

And drugs and alcohol. Thanks Cyber.

Hey, I’m Angie. And…after I got in touch with Cyberweasel on Fanfiction, she informed me that she liked my riffs and was wondering if I was willing to review what she considered to be her worst. So I went onto the Suggestion Box page. Scrolled to the bottom. And I clicked on the link.

*takes a shaky breath in* I also read the reviews. “The character has a severe case of Mary Sue, anime influenced or not.” “I stopped reading after the 1st scene. Way to unbelievable for me. Way to different than I remember from the game.” “Instead, she comes off as a two-dimensional, annoying idiot.”

I don’t want to read this. I really don’t. I don’t know shit about Fallout. I shouldn’t have to read this.

*sighs* Let’s take a look at Unknown Origins.

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1791: Tales of Vesperia 2: The Blastia Age Restored – Chapter Six, Part Two

Title: Tales of Vesperia 2: The Blastia Age Restored
Author: MrAwesomeMattyDA
Media: Video Game
Topic: Tales of Vesperia
Genre: Adventure/Humor
URL: Chapter Six
Critiqued by SC, Teh Specs and Contacts

I bet you thought I was joking about inviting Contacts, huh?

Specs: I was kinda hoping you were.

Contacts: Am I gonna get my head cut off again?

We’re probably about to run smack-dab into a combat scene, so it’s possible.

Contacts: Right, then I’m out of he-

*The sound of a shotgun pump being jacked stops Contacts dead in his tracks*

Sit your ass down.

Contacts: …Right, then I’m staying right where I am, like a good boy.

That’s better.

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1787: The Lone Wolf Of The Normandy — Chapter 1 Part 2

Title: The Lone Wolf of the Normandy
Author: SSJ Lone Wolf
Media: Games
Topic: Halo / Mass Effect
Genre: Sci-Fi/Adventure
URL: Chapter 1
Critiqued by
AdmiralSakai and JLT. Troy Fisher

Hello hello all you Patrons! And welcome back once again to the fetid pile of rampant Stupidity that is The Lone Wolf of the Normandy.

Last time we got introduced to Logan-B312, aka. *gags* The Grim Reaper, aka. *gags harder* Hyper-Lethal Vector. He got left behind on Reach when the Covvies invaded and almost got himself killed, but then brought back to life by some Forerunner AI called Militant Bias that spent basically the whole rest of the chapter giving him upgraded armor – sorry, upgraded “amour” – upgraded biomedical shit, upgraded weapons to fire upgraded bullets, a Slipspace thingy in his tactical pad that lets him carry basically an entire armory’s worth of gear around and teleport it out whenever he needs it, the military AI Auntie Dot as his own personal assistant on a chip in his helmet, and probably for that matter an upgraded meter-long dick as well. Then he got sent through a portal to what I can only assume is this Eden Prime place the summary talked about, and that was really about it.”

Show and Tell Counter: 6

Amorous Counter: 26

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1782: The Lone Wolf Of The Normandy — Chapter 1 Part 1

Title: The Lone Wolf of the Normandy
Author: SSJ Lone Wolf
Media: Games
Topic: Halo / Mass Effect
Genre: Sci-Fi/Adventure
URL: Chapter 1
Critiqued by:
AdmiralSakai and JLT. Troy Fisher

Hello hello all you patrons!

*In the rollie-chair next to Sakai’s, a young man dressed in olive-drab Marine-issue body armor shifts position awkwardly. He is lean but well-built, with pale skin and brown hair cropped military-short.*

Uhhh… hi?”

Let me introduce Junior Lieutenant Troy William Fisher of Love of a Spartan fame- today’s tactical adviser, DRD-repellant, and all-around badass.

So… stuff goes on on this screen and we have to pick it apart for the audience? That’s how it works?”

Basically. Let’s start with something… wow. Ok, so this guy. This guy has sixteen different Halo ‘fics, each and every one of them dealing with his Noble-Six Stu. Twelve of them are bizarre crossovers where Noble is transplanted to some random franchise that I am fairly certain does not want him, including Naruto, Bioshock Infinite, and Percy Jackson & The Olympians… or, in this case, Mass Effect.

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1775: Betrayal – Author’s Note and Chapter Two

Title: Betrayal
Author: Darksakudragon
Media: Anime
Topic: Naruto
Genre: Fantasy/Adventure
URL: Chapter One
Critiqued by Lyle

Hello, lovelies!  After some consideration (not a whole lot, mind you, just some) I’m dropping SONIC HIGH SCHOOL.  It was sapping my will to live and just wasn’t funny anymore.  So good riddance to the trollfic.  Let’s get back to the crackfic I’m doing, instead!

Last time, Sakura ran into Ino, who was turned into a moss-covered cat.  Ino told Sakura that she has a demon inside of her and then Sakura fake-exploded, the author threw a random-ass note into the middle of the fic explaining that Sakura didn’t actually explode, made fun of Ino, and then resumed the story.  Sakura decides to follow Ino’s advice of skipping town and we find out that Ino is actually serving a dark master (that the author reveals in her author’s notes to be Madara Uchiha, because what the hell is suspense and mystery about, right?)

With that, let’s start the next chapter, which is really an author’s note, because Darksakudragon doesn’t put enough author’s notes before, during, halfway through, and at the end of the prose as it is.

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1769: Betrayal – Chapter One

Title: Betrayal
Author: Darksakudragon
Media: Anime
Topic: Naruto
Genre: Fantasy/Adventure
URL: Chapter One
Critiqued by Lyle

I’m sorry.  I’m so, so very sorry.  I can’t apologize enough for what I’m about to subject you to, my poor lovelies.  Welcome to “Betrayal.”

“Betrayal” hails from the Naruto section of ff.net.  Koori has been conspicuously absent since I mentioned I was going to look into riffing this fic, but I’m sure she’ll show up periodically to rage at the story for it’s numerous inaccuracies.  I won’t bother infodumping before we get started since I’ve done Naruto fics in here before.

Let’s dive in.

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