Hello, everyone! Happy Monday and welcome back to Betrayal. Last time we went through this fic, a lot of cracked-out stupid happened. There was something about Sakura summoning her demon creature who may or may not have killed Ino and then ate her. Neji was overpowered by Sakura and then everyone had a party in the hospital while Neji admitted to Sakura kissing him. This is a bid deal because blue.
I’ve been under the weather lately, so hopefully this chapter doesn’t kill me. Let’s do it.
Title: Tales of Vesperia 2: The Blastia Age Restored
Media: Video Game
Topic: Tales of Vesperia
URL: Chapter Eight
Critiqued by SC, Teh Specs and Book Specs
*Specs wanders into the riffing chamber*
Specs: Sorry I’m late, I overslept. Again. Because for some reason, Booky didn’t whoop my ass awake toda-
*Book Specs turns and adjusts his glasses at Specs*
Specs: …Well, that would explain it.
I’m gonna go ahead and ignore the fact that Booky beating the ever-loving shit out of you is how you keep on schedule.
Specs: I mean, it’s effective, isn’t it?
…So anyhow, while we were waiting for you to get here, Booky was telling me about the one and only time he ever took on an apprentice.
Specs: Oh yeah?
Yeah, it didn’t end well for the apprentice:
According to Booky, modern-day magi are fucking useless.
*Book Specs rolls his eyes and adjusts his glasses*
Specs: He says that’s an understatement.
Hello hello, all you patrons, and welcome back once again to The Lone Wolf of the Normandy.
“Last time not a whole lot happened to said Lone Wolf on the Normandy, but we did get to see Jorge the Spartan land a Covenant Corvette all by himself as well as being introduced to easily the stupidest PMC outfit in the history of human spaceflight in the form of Blaze Shepard and his idiot friends Ravager and Phantom.
Show and Tell Counter: 43
Amorous Counter: 114
Collateral Douchebag Counter: 24
Chapter Ten is called ‘Xawin’, and surprisingly enough opens with a regurgitated MAKO drop and exploration of said planet. This includes several paragraphs dedicated to finding the Chatti Outpost Insignia on the wreckage of a turian frigate, and yes the narrative does indeed use that exact phrasing complete with capitalization.
Title: Unknown Origins
Media: Video Games
Topic: Fallout: New Vegas
Genre: Adventure and Romance
URL: Chapter One
Critiqued by Angie and Hiraani
Welcome back to Unknown Origins, the fic that tries and tries but never succeeds. And…screw it, let’s just get through the prologue. There’s not a lot left to throw at me.
Oh, and uh. *reads notes* Dr. Mitchell is a worse doctor than I initially thought, it’s highly plausible this takes place in a post apocalyptic universe with all your favorite cartoon characters, and the AJB is still around saving the world.
Yay. Let’s move on.
-Hosen walks into Riffing Chamber 7181B, now designated as his personal Riffing Chamber, as he forgot to remove the Heresy Counter from the desk when he last skedaddled, the eldritch plastic button soaking up the enmity of months of Badfic and welding itself to the desk, subsequently transmogrifying the room and a few adjoining closets into a personal sanctuary. The room is 900% more Goffic than it was before; the desk now made of ebony wood with antiquated brass lamps and fixtures overhead, the evil button proudly adorning the center with quills, inkwells, several arcane scrolls, and various odds and ends uniformly arranged on either side.
An old-timey Super 8mm projector hums from a loft near the ceiling as it inexplicably plays classic movies on a loop without human intervention. It casts flickering glows across memorabilia of the likes of Ed Wood, Robot Monster, and Monty Python on the walls, and the blue, gold, and black theater carpet-
Well this place is right fucked. Hello patrons! It’s me, Leider Hosen! Here with the very belated Skyrim Fic riff I teased in the yesteryears of six months ago!
Contain your non-existent excitement por favor.
Heresy Counter: [I am a cat… meow]
…Ok. Speaking of, yes I’m aware one of our intrepid interns, Tim, attempted to pry the Heresy Counter from its rest without proper protection and was cast into the 49th Circle of Super Hell, where all the Badfic characters go when their fic dies. I also know he’s stuck in a five way between Buster, Harker, Jenna, The Goblin King, and Edward-117, and only legolas and his gards have come to assist him.
At Hosen Inc, safety is number one priority. I just placed an order for someone to destroy them all the demons and got a hit within 30 seconds. For free!
Hello, Patrons, and welcome to a new fic! No more boring Slender Man halfheartedly chasing an androgynous drone around the forest! This particular fic is listed as a crossover between Batman: The Animated Series (my all-time favorite show and the reason I love Batman so much) and “Mythology”, which seems to be where most authors stick things that don’t really go anywhere else. Let’s take a look at the summary, shall we?
Lisa Glider, a cat gryphoness/princess is held against her will and there’s no one who can save her…or is there? Read on and find out.
:looks up at author’s name:
I think I can spot the SI Sue already. Also, a gryphon (or griffin, both spellings are accurate) is an eagle/lion hybrid with the head, wings, and talons of an eagle and the body of a lion but this particular one apparently has an extra helping of regular cat in her to give her those kawaii desu! kitty ears. And she is a princess. Because that is a thing that can happen, I guess.
Let’s go to the actual fic, shall we?
Gotham City. A place of corruption, crime, and a law breakers paradise. People lived in fear, as mad men steal, rob, and take lives within their own ways. However, a major plan was going change the city forever, not even The Dark Knight would know what to do.
This looks a lot more like a summary than the actual fic summary does.
Read the rest of this entry »
Hey, all! Welcome back to The Beginning a fic that you could design a badfic bingo board on! It’s got almost everything: random capitalization, try hard names, a resident Sue, a potential Awesome McEvil, a generic horror-movie cast, lack of setting, amnesia, forced cliff-hangers, and much more! On the plus side, the chapters are short and the grammar/spelling is far from the worst I’ve ever encountered, so at least there are some building blocks in place.
Last time, stuff happened! I’m not sure I can get more specific than that, but I’ll try. One of Dr. Zomboss’s labs explodes, something named Catastrophe (yes, really) has a few angsty moments, a vampire flower named Vengeance (yes, really) sees the explosion, a search party is called to investigate, and a bunch of horror movie rejects bumble around the exploded remains of the lab for a while. During the bumbling, Vampy falls down a conveiniently placed hole and stumbles upon an electro pea who’s unconscious and suffering from amnesia. And that’s pretty much it.
Onwards to the second half!