Well, I made a promise to myself that I would get to at least Chapter 8 by the end of the year, so let’s get this over with.
Maya and Raider
(I’m all out of jokes for these parts)
(you guys got any ideas?)
Hello, and welcome back to Valkyrie: The Unknown Unit, by JewishPotato! I’m your host, SC, and last time, Valkyrie put the hurtin’ on some
cartel revolutionary goons, broke some more Geneva Convention articles whilst interrogating a guy, then Jack left his computer unlocked with the file he doesn’t want people seeing open for anybody to read, because, you know, that’s smart… oh yeah, and Sports Shades said a real dumb thing and now Shades is distributing punishment as she sees fit.
*Sounds of screaming and the repeated inserting of foot in ass*
*And then there were flamethrowers*
Do I think he’ll learn his lesson? No, but at least it’s entertaining in the moment.
Hey, patrons, welcome back to “Dawn By Eye!”
In our last installment, we received what was essentially the beginning of Fallout: New Vegas but with the courier playing the part of Benny, and EVE playing the part of the courier. Because apparently that’s how writing works these days.
Well, terrible writing, anyway.
There was also a pointless scene in there about the crew of the Axiom setting up “repopulation camps,” which I think we’re all better off not thinking about. Following that was an even more pointless scene where WALL-E is fetched by EVE for a meeting with Captain McCrea.
And that was pretty much it since the bulk of the riff ended up being info dumping and cinematography shop-talk on my part. This week should be more fic-focused, so let’s head on in!
Hello, and welcome back to Valkyrie: The Unknown Unit, by JewishPotato! I’m your host, SC, and last time, we discovered an INSIDIOUS PLOT™ in Mexico, involving military corruption, drug smuggling by
cartels revolutionaries, and the heinous murder of policemen.
What is this wicked plan, you may ask?
Fuck if I know.
…BUT IT’S INSIDIOUS™.
Title: Dragon Souls
Author: A Dumbass
Media: Video Games
Topic: Skyrim and Dark Souls
Genre: Adventure, Supernatural
URL: None Available
Critiqued by Leider Hosen and Invaded by God-Prince Sanyn Ruanna Beuxllon
Trigger Warning: Unlike last one, this is serious. You see, the closeted misogyny popping up here and there gets worse by enough magnitudes to warrant a trigger warning. If you’re very uncomfortable with groping, you may want to skim some sections.
Also, your humble author has an out-of-character catastrophic mental breakdown that isn’t played for laughs. If you read The Savior, you know what I’m talking about. So be wary.
Oh fuck me, no!
Beuxllon: I, the glorious and virile and all-powerful spectacular Beuxllon, heard tell that someone from the general vicinity of this place was disparaging the eternal glory that is me. Now I am traversed all of times and space and all that fuckery to kick that infidel in the face, surrender to me your infidel fool! Ooo!
*Beuxllon overtakes Hosen*
Beuxllon: Happy and glorious occasion it’s Rosfyr! I thought you were just a figment of my imagination; a very annoying figment that never allows me to indulge in the festivities of life!
Rosfyr is just my Self-Insert, I’m not actually- *Hosen is interrupted by an ebony-clad boot burying itself in his face, throwing him from his riffing chair*
Beuxllon: Nyehahahahaa *snork* Finally! Of all the faces I have acquainted with mine armor-clad footpads, your face was the face I was most desiring to kick. Granted, I could have just kicked myself to spite you, but you know it’s really fucking hard to kick yourself in the face with the base of your foot and not the- umm- you are my bitch! Grovel before me!
*Hosen rubs his nose* It’d say it’s a good thing I revised you, but no, you’re about the same. At least in-universe there are others to bring you in line.
Beuxllon: Blasphemy! I am a god, none may hinder my all powerful- power, to wreak my unholy retribution of the things upon the world that should have been mine but was not because . Now, witness the power of a fully-
*Suddenly and from behind, Abrelepine appears from the SDQF to defend Hosen, but freezes upon seeing the neon-yellow haired calamity*
-The two stop a moment as they regard eachother, before Beuxllon gives an enthusiastic wave- Hi, honey!
Abrelepine: Oh my, I didn’t realize you were coming.
*Beuxllon puts a hand of indignation over his heart* You wound me! I thought after the first fifty times we dirted the sheets, you’d pick up on the many subtle nuances of my persona.
Abrelepine: That’s hyperbole and you know it.
Beuxllon: Give it time.
Abrelepine: *scoff* Of course you’d say that.
Beuxllon: Now you’re remembering, wondrous wife of mine.
Abrelepine: Should I take a form you’re more used to while we catch up?
Beuxllon: You madden me no matter what skin you put on.
*Hosen gets back in his chair, talking over the lovers snogging in the background as he adjusts his * I guess I’ll just continue.