2310: Legend of Zelda: The True Force – Chapter Eighteen, Part One

Title: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Author:  Hikari no Vikki
Media: Video Game / Movie
Topic: Legend of Zelda / Star Wars
Genre: Adventure / Fantasy
URL: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Retired Darth Lord Crunchy

Hey, patrons, welcome back!  I’m back from the Taco family road trip (patent pending), so am ready to sink my teeth into some hot, chunky exposition.  Crunchy is with me as well.

“And delighted to be here.”

Save your sarcasm for the fic, you’ll need it.  Speaking of which, care to furnish us with one of your unhelpful recaps of chapter seventeen?

“The Kingsicle is upsetting so the party hunts for blue fire to melt the ice of impenetrable redness.  Meanwhile, Sheik wants to jam but the venue he picked is awful.”

Awesome, let’s see what awaits us in chapter eighte-!

Chapter Eighteen: Water Temple – Part 1

Oh hell.

Wait, part one?  This chapter is almost ten-thousand words and it’s still a two-parter?  Ugh, strap-in patrons.

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2305: Pokemon The Kanto Harem Chronicles – Chapters Four and Five

Title: Pokemon The Kanto Harem Chronicles
Author: Prince Sonic WindStriker
Media: Video Game
Topic: Pokemon
Genre: Romance/Adventure
URL: Chapter 4 and Chapter 5
Critiqued by Herr Wozzeck

WARNING: This fanfiction contains several NSFW elements, including possible scenes of sexual activity with a minor. I do plan on skipping over all portions of the fic with underage sexual activity, but reader discretion is HIGHLY advised.

Hello ladies and gentlemen, and welcome back for more chapters in the fucking Pokemon child pornography fanfic. I’m your host Herr Wozzeck, and…

*sigh*

Well, since we’re really gonna do this fic some more, let’s just get right into it, yes? Anything I could say at this moment really won’t change the fact that this is written by a guy who really needs the services of a mental health professional, so let’s just get into it!

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2304: Maya and Raider – Chapter XIII

Title: Maya and Raider
AuthorEclipsepheniox
Media: Video Game
Topic: Borderlands
Genre: Adventure/Romance
URL: Chapter 13
Critiqued by Delta XIII

Well, it was only slightly more than one month this time! That’s progress, right?
…right?
(plsdontkillme)

Anyway, let’s get on with this.

EVERYTHING WRONG
WITH
Maya and Raider
Chapter 13

(spoilers)
(as if you care)

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My Inner Life: Redux – Chapter 1 Part 1 (FILLER!)

[Sorry this is late, but nobody scheduled anything for today and this has been sitting around in the drafts for a while. It’s another slightly-updated scrapped riff from years ago, because we need more filler, and why let this go to waste, right?

Also, rereading before posting, there are a surprising number of BadJamags’ catchphrases and running gags that I started with GoodJamags in this riff. Huh.]

Title: My Inner Life
Author: Link’s Queen
Media: Video Game
Topic: Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time
Genre: Adventure/Romance
URL: My Inner Life (Full Story)
Critiqued by BatJamags (GoodJamags)

*GoodJamags walks into the secret base’s prison block. There is a glass cell at the end of the hall.*

*In the glass cell, BadJamags is waiting*

BadJamags: Hello, GoodJamags.

Drop the Hannibal Lecter routine and tell me how to stop the fic.

BadJamags: Now, now. Is that any way to greet an old friend?

I never met you before I went through the portal. Tell me how to stop the fic.

BadJamags: *Sigh* You can’t stop it. Door won’t let you out until you riff it, and you can’t close it without going through Door.

Didn’t I explode the door for my dramatic entrance?

BadJamags: Not the door, Door. He respawned and is back where he started.

Are you implying the door is sentient?

BadJamags: Actually…

BadJamags: I have no fucking idea, but it kinda seems like it could be the case. I’m not bullshitting you about needing to riff the fic, though.

Why can’t I just let it sit there?

BadJamags: BLUE.

Makes sense to me.

*In the riffing chamber*

Hello once again for the first time, patrons! I’m your guest host, GoodJamags.

Today, I’ll be picking up where my evil counterpart left off with My Inner Life.

Last time, Link’s Queen ranted, raved, and spat nails like an immature child about her reviewers supposedly ranting, raving, and spitting nails like immature children.

And she had the gall to call them hypocrites.

This time, we start the actual story.

The Beginning

Well…

At least it’s spelled properly.

I will never forget the day, the day I met Link.

*Alarms blare*

Ah, you have the DRD here too? I suppose some things are universal constants.

*John Johnson walks in*

John Johnson: Hello. My job is that whenever there’s a redundancy, I’m supposed to shoot you whenever there’s a redundancy which means I have to shoot you.

Huh?

*Headshotted in the head*

It was a warm spring day; I was on my usual trip back to Hyrule with my wagon of goods to sell in Hyrule market at the annual Spring Festival (1).

Ah. Here we have, aside from the cumbersome sentence, the first of this story’s footnotes. What does this footnote say about the annual Spring Festival?

(1) The Spring Festival is a celebration of the upcoming season change from Winter to Spring. This celebration is held every year to celebrate the planting of the year’s crops and to prey to Mother Sclyina for a prosperous crop season.

It’s an annual festival, held every spring. Thanks, Captain Obvious.

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2294: Pokemon The Kanto Harem Chronicles – Chapters 2 and 3

Title: Pokemon The Kanto Harem Chronicles
Author: Prince Sonic WindStriker
Media: Video Game
Topic: Pokemon
Genre: Romance/Adventure
URL: Chapter 2 and Chapter 3
Critiqued by Herr Wozzeck

WARNING: This fanfiction contains several NSFW elements, including possible scenes of sexual activity with a minor. I do plan on skipping over all portions of the fic with underage sexual activity, but reader discretion is HIGHLY advised.

Well, we’ve moved away from Harry Potter is a Communist once again, ladies and gentlemen, and we’re back on some more Pedophilic Fun Times from the Haus of Borba. This time, we’ve got more forays into the Pokemon world, and what else are we going to expect, except insane times with the little pedophilia stuff.

So… uh… I guess we’re just gonna jump into it, huh?

Let’s… uh… get started here!

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2293: Legend of Zelda: The True Force – Chapter Seventeen, Part Four

Title: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Author:  Hikari no Vikki
Media: Video Game / Movie
Topic: Legend of Zelda / Star Wars
Genre: Adventure / Fantasy
URL: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Retired Darth Lord Crunchy

Hi, patrons, welcome back to Legend of High School: The True Regurgitation!  Before we get started I thought I should announce that the next two weeks I’ll be without any form of reliable internet, so will not be posting any riffs again until April 17th.  Sorry about that.   Anyway, on with the riff!  Crunchy, hit us with the unhelpful recap!

“Link was upset that the seafood was frozen.”

Thank you, that was not helpful in the slightest.  Onward to part four!

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2291: The Darkening of Equestria — One-Shot

Title: The Darkening of Equestria
Author: Shadow Stormblade
Media: Cartoon
Topic: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Genre: Romance, Dark, Adventure, Mystery, (pauses for breath) and Thriller
URL: Entire ‘Fic
Critiqued by: Serketry

*Indiscriminate staticky sounds*

*TAP TAP TAP* Is this thing on? Hello? Alright, signal looks strong. Morning, y’all, I’m Serketry, and today I’m reporting in live from the Frozen North. My surviving broodmates and I are back at the old hatchery, celebrating our brood-elder’s 80th, and it’s quite the trip down memory lane.

snowling

I remember being taught the basics of engine maintenance, proper firearm safety, and how to operate an excavator- that very one, back there, half-buried in a ditch! Skills still I use to this very day. And before you ask, of course we have a basecamp set up monitoring the Crystal Empire, the love capitol of the world. The question isn’t ‘where are we hiding’, it’s ‘who have we already replaced.’

Well, a janitor’s work is never done, so let’s look at what we’ve got here… The Darkening of Equestria, by Shadow Stormblade. Oh, it’s a recent one, too! Early 2017, by the looks of it. Right after… Season 6…

The horror… The candy-coated horror…

Huh? What do you mean I’ve been sitting here for over an hour? Oh. Alright, moving on. Tags, tell us what we’re dealing wi-

darkening_tags.png

Oh son of a fucking bitch. Wha- HOW?! This fic has, like, 1100 words! How do you fit so much shit into so little space?

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