2404: Just Watch Her Bleed Until She Can’t Breathe – Chapters 3 & 4

 

 

Title: Just Watch Her Bleed Until She Can’t Breathe
Author: AmazingGraceless
Media: Movie/Book
Topic: Jurassic Park/Jurassic World/Twilight
Genre: Adventure/Romance
URL: Chapter 3
URL: Chapter 4
Critiqued by Ghostcat

Hello, dear Patrons, and welcome to the last (thus far) two chapters of this continuing saga of a crossover.

In the last chapters Lex had a screaming nightmare and was left alone by her erstwhile guardians so she could chat on the phone with her boyfriend, followed by her arriving home from school to find ominous messages written in blood on her mattress – despite living in a household full of people with unnaturally enhanced senses specifically honed towards blood – and then she got dressed up for a party the family is throwing because reasons, likely something to do with the park since the other named characters from the film are supposed to be attending.

Now, on to the fic!

Once again, Lex found herself wishing that she could be anywhere but where she was.

Stuck in a badfic? I sympathize, but I’m not breaking the security cordon around the Literary Extractor to bust you out. One useless badfic character in the Library is enough.

:Markus leans in and give Ghostie the finger:

Get out of my riff! Shouldn’t you be off disappointing Crunchy?

:Markus leaves:

And take this finger with you! Dumbass.

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2397: Just Watch Her Bleed Until She Can’t Breathe – Chapters 1 & 2

 

Title: Just Watch Her Bleed Until She Can’t Breathe
Author: AmazingGraceless
Media: Movie/Book
Topic: Jurassic Park/Jurassic World/Twilight
Genre: Adventure/Romance
URL: Chapter 1
URL: Chapter 2
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

 

 

 

Hello, dear Patrons, and welcome to another fic! This one is also from the Jurassic park/World section and is also a crossover, but this time it’s a crossover with the town bicycle of fanfics, Twilight!

And it gets better! Not only is it another JP/Twilight crossover, but it’s a sequel to another fic we’ve already seen – the cavalcade of strangeness that is She’s Got a Little Bit of Raptor in Her Angel Eyes.

You know what that means!

Also, the author really has a thing for nonsensical titles.

Weirdness aside, that fic seemed fairly complete, ending with the Sue being stalked by paparazzi at school and pitching a bitch-fit regarding how triggered she was that was soothed by attention from a cute boy. It just sort of fizzled out like many we see in the Library, so I have no idea where this sequel is supposed to be going. I’m sure the summary will let us know.

Sequel to She’s Got a Little Bit of Raptor in Her Angel Eyes. Carlisle now heads InGen and the Volturi plot to use this to take down the Cullens once and for all, starting with the death of Lex. But what happens when Claire’s nephews and Owen are in the wrong place at the wrong time? Enter Forks at its most dangerous and deadly time.

The fic hasn’t even started yet and I already have questions. How would the Volturi use the fact that Carlisle is (for some inexplicable reason) now the head of a company to ‘take down’ the Cullen clan? The sparklepires do have a masquerade in place to prevent normies from getting suspicious, but as long as Carlisle retires before anyone notices that he doesn’t age and doesn’t do anything stupid like make herds of sparklesaurs he should be fine.

…There’s going to be herds of sparklesaurs, isn’t there? And they’re going to try to attack all the named characters from the movie (who will apparently all be in Forks at the same time with the sparklesaurs because reasons) and the Sue is going to have to save them, isn’t she?

Crapcakes.

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2355: Game of Thrones and Dragons – Chapter 1

 

Author: ArtAddictedArchitect
Media: TV Series/Book/Video Game
Topic:  The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim/Game of Thrones
Genre: none given
URL: Chapter 1
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

 

 

 

Hello, dear Patrons, and welcome to another single chapter and possible oneshot from the Skyrim/GoT crossover section! The fic is only a few months old and hasn’t had any updates, but is described as a “power wank fic” in the author’s bio, so they may add to it when they feel like stroking their SI some more.

It … It gets bad. Really bad. You should go get a headdesking pillow now to avoid the line.

:brief pillow pause:

Everyone prepped and ready? Great! Let’s take a look at the summary, shall we?

SI insert into game of thrones as the Dragonborn

Well, that’s certainly … succinct.

I woke up to a slow gradual bumping with a headache.

Urgh. I don’t remember drinking last night.

I’m not really a big drinker, but I don’t think hangovers are usually accompanied by bumping sensations.

The last thing I remember was booting up the PC, getting ready to play a heavily modded version of Skyrim.

That probably describes every PC version of Skyrim – Why run vanilla when the Nexus is a thing that exists? – but what kind of mods? There’s a lot of weird stuff under that umbrella. Are we talking “Every dragon is now Thomas the Dank Engine” and there’s tits on the side of the Blue Palace or do you have so many ENBs and graphical enhancements running you have to keep a fire extinguisher trained on your GPU at all times?

Did I fall asleep gaming? I am sitting up so there’s that.

Why would that be an option? Wouldn’t gaming tend to keep you awake, since you’re presumably focused on a particular task?

But things didn’t add up. Why would I be in a rocking upright position if I fell asleep in my apartment?

Do you own a rocking chair?

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2350: What is the music of life? – Oneshot

 

Author: Cyricist001
Media: TV Series/Book/Video Game
Topic:  The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim/Game of Thrones
Genre: none given
URL: Chapter 1
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

 

 

 

Hello, dear Patrons, and welcome to another oneshot! This one is a ‘true’ oneshot in that there’s just one chapter and it is listed as completed. Also, it’s another Skyrim crossover!

It’s also a Skyrim/Game of Thrones crossover, which actually sounds like a fairly plausible concept to me.  We haven’t had a Game of Thrones (or A Song of Ice and Fire, which is the book series the show is based on) before, but I’m fairly confident that most people with Internet access are aware that Game of Thrones is a thing which exists. I’m not going to give a massive SC-style info-dump for this fic because an info-dump for GoT/ASoIaF would stretch for many, many pages, but I’ll try to cover any relevant information as it is needed. It should go without saying that there are major spoilers ahead.

Let’s take a look at the summary, shall we?

What happens when mages blunder.

If the mage in question is a overly confident Khajiit named J’Zargo, then what happens is that you repeatedly set yourself on fire while trying out his “improved” Flame Cloak scrolls.

Vigdis watched as the Unsullied patrol passed her hiding spot and marched down the narrow street. The ‘Mother of Dragons’ certanly tightened the security in Meereen after the Sons of the Harpy started their murder spree.

Okay, time for some info-dumping.

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2338: The Alphas Daughter – Chapters 1 & 2

Author: britbailey87
Media: Movie/Book
Topic:  Jurassic Park/World
Genre: Romance/Humor
URL: Chapter 1
URL: Chapter 2
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

 

 

 

Hello, dear Patrons!

As has become my custom lately, I’ve decided to clear out a few short fics and/or oneshots before starting on something longer. This particular fic is just two short chapters; there’s been no activity on the fic since early 2018 so it possibly has been abandoned, but then again we’ve seen authors go longer stretches between updates before. It’s also from the Jurassic Park/World canon, but this time I’ve picked a fic that doesn’t contain human/raptor hybrids or sparklepires. Probably. It’s been a while since I skimmed through it.

To the fic!

I was outside working on my dirt bike my dad got me to drive around on.

Your dad bought you a broken dirt bike? I guess he really doesn’t want to to “ride around” all that much.

The stupid thing kept stalling. I would have to go to the main park to get the stuff i need to fix it.

Because parks are well-known for stocking spare parts for crotch-rockets.

I looked up when i heard the door to the bungalow open.

…Is Nameless fixing their bike inside a house?

“Morning sweetheart.” my dad said as he walked down the steps and kissed me on the head. “Morning dad. Did you see breakfast on the counter?” he nodded and sat down in front of his own bike. “I did. Thank you.” i mumbled a quiet your welcome. He had a late night last night with the girls. They’ve been moody lately. Usually when he’s up super late he has a headache when he wakes up.

Are we eventually going to get some sort of description of something? Where this bungalow is, who Nameless is, who their father is, what “girls” he was up late with, anything? Are these “girls” children who couldn’t sleep, or was Daddy Nameless out with some bar-skanks?

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2299: Harry Potter Becomes A Communist – Chapters 55-62

Title: Harry Potter Becomes A Communist
Author: HardcoreCommie
Media: Book/Film
Topic: Harry Potter
Genre: Fantasy/Parody
URL: Chapters Fifty-FiveFifty-SixFifty-SevenFifty-EightFifty-NineSixtySixty-One, and Sixty-Two
Critiqued by Herr Wozzeck

Hello ladies and gents, and welcome back for more Harry Potter Becomes A Communist. We are back with yet more insanity, and yet more stupidity, and I am not sure either one is really gonna let up here.

I’d say at least it doesn’t concern sexytimes with a minor, but we’ve already seen that play out a bit with Nymphadora Tonks fucking a high schooler, so I won’t go into that again.

Anyway, let’s get back to the action. I just can’t wait to see how much worse the political misrepresentation gets around here.

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2250: Harry Potter Becomes A Communist – Chapters 33-37

Title: Harry Potter Becomes A Communist
Author: HardcoreCommie
Media: Book/Film
Topic: Harry Potter
Genre: Fantasy/Parody
URL: Chapters Thirty-ThreeThirty-Four, Thirty-Five, Thirty-Six, and Thirty-Seven
Critiqued by Herr Wozzeck

WARNING: Yep, it happened again, patrons: this installment of Harry Potter Becomes A Communist has more fucking sex in it. This means our installment is NSFW this week as well. You know the drill!

Hello patrons. Sorry if I’m a little mystified: I’m still taken aback by Hagrid being a monarchist of all things to be. Like… what? It honestly defies explanation, it really does.

So I guess now that it’s confirmed that this is a troll fic, I guess the only thing to do is to keep going with it, right? Because it’s not even well-done trollfic. I mean… There’s something about this that makes for good conversation, but do I stop here…?

No. I already quit halfway through FaCe ThE StRaNgE and the laziest Smash Bros. fanfic in existence, I shouldn’t do that here too. Let’s keep forging on!

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