Title: She’s Got a Bit of Raptor in Those Angel Eyes
Topic: Jurassic Park/Jurassic World/Twilight
URL: Chapter 10
URL: Chapter 11
Critiqued by Ghostcat
Hello, dear Patrons, and welcome to another helping of Raptorpire and Co!
In the last chapter, Lex spun some terrible lies and then revealed some truths in an even more terrible way, Lex and the boys did some car things to a Jeep twice as old as they are, we found out that Carlisle is actually the director of the VH Project, and there’s even more human/raptor hybrids running around on the island.
I think that was the highlights. To the fic!
Carlisle had delivered slips to each of the remaining victims of Project VH. He’d watched them leave on the ferries.
Huh. I guess there isn’t going to be a Sue Squad. Kind of makes me wonder why the author felt the need to introduce these characters if they were just going to be put on a bus (or ferry) immediately.
He was relieved to see that they were safe. If only he could just get Lex and the rest of his family off of the island. He walked back into the hotel to see Alice leading the rest of his family and a disgruntled Rosalie.
Why not send the human members of the Family Blob away? The sparklepires and werewolves can probably handle themselves if they work together, but the squishy humans are in very real danger.
“Carlisle!” Alice’s angelic face was distraught and she hugged her father figure.
That’s a weirdly purple way to phrase things.
Hello, dearest Patrons, and welcome to the very last chapters of this little side-excursion into near-bestiality.
In the last pair of chapters we were treated to a big chunk of plot regurgitation in the form of the tour starting, going out to the raptor pen so Vetty Sue could blush at Raptor Jesus, and then everyone returned to the visitors’ center for lunch and the beginning of the actual tour. That was about the extent of it.
On to the fic!
The car jerked to a start along the metal tracks as the tour began.
And on to the tour, apparently. I guess the jump-cut from the film made it into the fic for some reason.
Hello, dearest Patrons!
Welcome back to this Jurassic Park that has been having fewer and fewer dinosaurs in it as the fic progresses. I’m fairly certain that’s not a bad thing.
In the previous chapter, Vetty Sue, in the grips of some sort of ill-defined illness, started playing tour guide during the automated tour of the park. She’s not very good at it, since the group breezed by some miscellaneous herbivores on their way to the raptor enclosure. I assume this is where most of this chapter will take place.
“And this is the raptor pen”, I declared, walking up the metal stairs towards the observation area.
It frickin’ sucks being right all the time.
Hello, dear Patrons, and welcome to another chapter of (alleged) raptor lovin’!
In the last chapter Nameless was finally able to treat Flint’s superficial burns with magically appearing medical supplies, although they spent most of the time just watching Flint sleep like some kind of weirdo before wandering back to their dorm room. The timeline of the fic has been weird; Nameless went from a summer intern on their first day to someone who has been at the park for an extended period of time within the space of a few paragraphs. It’s a really wonky timesquiggle that really never acknowledges that there’s been any kind of linear progression of time at all.
Sunlight assaulted my eyes as birds chirped their bright, cheery morning tunes. I immediately closed my eyes, but the bright image was already burned into my retinas.
Didn’t Nameless pull all the curtains closed the night before?
My head felt groggy, like there was a thick, cloudy mist blanketing all my thoughts, and my body was a lead weight stuck on the bed.
Yeah, but you’re a college student. I don’t see how this would be different from a normal morning. It isn’t even really all that different from the previous “Nameless wakes up late” scene in the first chapter.
I reluctantly stood up, causing my sheets to pool around my ankles.
… Nameless does not know how to make their bed properly. Or they are literally standing up on top of their bed.
I shivered harshly at the abrupt cold, but knew that I had to get ready.
From what I remember, Nameless put on flannel pajamas (that they brought with them to a tropical island) before wrapping themselves in a blanket-burrito. If anything, they are probably too hot, not too cold.
Today, I’m supposed to be leading a group of people, two paleontologists, a mathematician, a lawyer and two kids, around the park, and introduce them to most of our dinosaurs while going over the safety measures we take into account for both the guests and the animals.
…Right. Because of course the park would want to give such a tremendous responsibility for a tour that will determine if the board of directors will continue funding the park – a role which the park owner John Hammond has in the original, highlighting just how important it is – to the summer intern who can’t even come in out of the rain at night.
Hello, dear Patrons, and welcome to another chapter of exciting dinosaur on human action!
At least I assume we’ll eventually be getting to the exciting dinosaur on human action; the first chapter did little more than introduce the nameless and genderless protagonist before dumping them into the raptor enclosure alone with no supplies and no hope of doing anything useful.
Let’s see how they’re doing, shall we?
The alpha raptor lying on the damp ground eyed me wearily as I settled on my knees beside her.
Despite only being injured on her forelimbs, the raptor is laying down in a vulnerable position. I’m still kind of hoping she’s the bait to get Nameless closer, but that’s probably just wishful thinking.
Her clawed hands were burned a deep, dark red and trembled underneath her weight as she attempted to stand and assert her dominance.
If she was so concerned with trying to assert her dominance, why was she laying down in the first place? Showing a weakness, like those burns, would just be asking for one of the other raptors to challenge for the position of alpha.
That’s when I noticed it.
“She” was actually a he!
… So ‘it’ is the raptor’s penis?
Hello, dear Patrons!
As you can tell from the fic rundown, this is a Jurassic Park Romance fic, and – surprise, surprise – it isn’t Taco who’s riffing it!
Shocking, I know.
Let’s take a look at the summary, shall we?
My first Jurrasic Park fic and my second actual fic. A girl is working on Isla Nublar when the storm comes and all the power is shut off. The raptors, who have taken a liking to her after she visited them several times, see this as a chance to escape, but the alpha isn’t leaving without her, his mate. This story is basically their adventures and struggles before and after the storm
Yeah, this looks like another fic ‘inspired’ by Raptor and I or Life with Raptors or any of the numerous other fics written in this vein. Taco wasn’t kidding when he said there were a lot of these. Most likely the Sue will be a high school student inexplicably hired as a groundskeeper and/or vet tech and receive countless special privileges despite have no qualifications that would entitle them to such.
~I just wanted to say a quick thanks to all my readers, old and new~
I just had a birthday, so I’m now one year closer to being an old reader. I’ve already got my shakin’ cane polished and a rocking chair to go with my horde of cats.
Today was my first day on the job and I was scared witless.
That sounds about right for a first job.
Title: The Competition
Topic: The Outsiders/Sing (2016)
Genre: Drama and Humor
URL: The Competition
Critiqued by Angie and Queenie
No! No! I don’t want to finish The Girl! I hate this! This fanfiction is ruining what I love about my favorite book! I won’t do it, I won’t do it, I won’t do it.
There’s really no reason to tie me up.
Queenie: I know, I just thought it would be fun.
Are you having fun?
Queenie: Yeah, I’m having a good time.
Couldn’t be happier for you.
Hey, everyone. So…Queenie reminded me that I didn’t—
…couldn’t finish The Girl. And as punishment, she gave me this crapfest.
Queenie: I dig deep.