1742: The Girl – Chapter Seven

Title: The Girl
Author: MRobitussin
Media: Books
Topic: The Outsiders
Genre: Romance
URL: Chapter Seven
Critiqued by Angie

Disclaimer: Probably something about a Soc and a Greaser.

*waves widely* Howdy, patrons! My name is Angie, and we are back with the seventh edition of The Girl and, surprise surprise, our POV isn’t Ponyboy, Darry or Riley for once!

Granted, the POV we have is Two-Bit, but I’ll take what I can get I suppose.

So with that, let’s dive into the seventh chapter of The Girl.

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1731: The Girl – Chapter Six

Title: The Girl
Author: MRobitussin
Media: Books
Topic: The Outsiders
Genre: Romance
URL: Chapter Six
Critiqued by Angie

Sponsored by the fact that someone could get offended by Soc and Greaser™.

As I am sitting on my couch reviewing two fics at once, working on Brego’s Mistress part four, I am constantly reminded that eventually I can take a break from reviewing the terrible Lord of the Rings fic and go towards the slightly less terrible Girl.

THAT SURE AIN’T SAYING MUCH THOUGH HUH.

Anyway, this chapter is “luckily” twice as long as the former, which…at least it gives me more to say. So without further ado, let’s see from whose perspective this chapter is told.

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1730: Three Generations – Chapter One

Title: “Three Generations”
Author: YinYangProphecy
Media: Literature
Fandom: Enchanted Forest Chronicles
Genre: Family and hurt/comfort
URL: Chapter One
Critiqued by eatpraylove

I briefly considered doing this as a PPC mission, but didn’t for three reasons: The chapters don’t have much meat on them, I have enough fics lined up already, and I couldn’t think of a reason for my agents to feel the same protective attachment to the Enchanted Forest series that I do. Also, hi, I’m eatpraylove on the PPC Board. I’ve poked around the halls of the Library plenty of times but never thought to get a WordPress account.

Moving on, let’s start with the canon basics. The Enchanted Forest Chronicles is a fantasy kid’s book series by Patricia Wrede, focusing on Princess Cimorene of Linderwall. Linderwall is your standard Disney-style safe, prosperous fairy-tale kingdom, and the rest of Cimorene’s family—mom, dad, and six older sisters—are your standard Disney royalty, the sisters in particular.

Cimorene wants none of it, and runs away from home to avoid an arranged marriage with the equally generic Prince Therandil in the first book. Thanks to her lack of a plan and a sarcasm-blind talking frog (I swear this makes sense in context), she ends up living and working with Kazul, a dragon who’s been looking for a new princess. Kazul doesn’t mind that Cimorene isn’t a typical princess (Cimorene can cook Kazul’s favorite desserts, for example), and both of them eventually gets roped into a big mystery involving the King of the Dragons, a stone prince, Morwen the witch, and several wizards.

The whole series turns fairy tales and fairy-tale tropes on their heads—the wizards melt when you throw buckets of water (specifically soapy water and lemon juice) at them, for example, not Morwen. It’s great fun to read and deserves all the love it gets and then some.

So naturally, bunches and bunches of folks on the Internet have written their own stories about it with predictably mixed results. Thanks to Sehkmet over on the PPC Board for bringing this to my attention. The first chapter is literally a “don’t like, don’t read, please review” author’s note, so I’m going to the first one with actual substance to it.

Also, this riff will contain spoilers for the entire series, so if you’re sensitive about that sort of thing, go get the books and read them. If you’re not, or you’ve already read all of them, strap in, ready your weapon of choice, and put on your coolest sunglasses.

*sits in comfy riffing chair*

*sips hot cocoa* Ahhh, perfect.

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1719: The Girl – Chapter Five

Title: The Girl
Author: MRobitussin
Media: Books
Topic: The Outsiders
Genre: Romance
URL: Chapter Five
Critiqued by Angie

Probably something about a Soc and a Greaser, maybe. Probably not.

*screech* Let’s! Get! This! Over with!

I mean, The Girl is only like…a fifth of the way over, but goddamn if that doesn’t mean I’m gonna celebrate. Let’s just be glad this chapter is short. (Why are the Darry chapters always so short?)

Anyway, my name is Angie, and this is The Girl. Let’s continue.

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1709: The Girl – Chapter Four

Title: The Girl
Author: MRobitussin
Media: Books
Topic: The Outsiders
Genre: Romance
URL:  Chapter Four
Critiqued by Angie and Queenie

Soc and Greaser.

Alright. Good night, Queenie.

Queenie: *lays in her bed* Have a pleasant evening.

You too. *closes door, slides onto floor, sighs* Pleasant evening. That ain’t gonna happen. I still have to review this fic.

*coughs, goes down to my office (a broom closet), and pulls out manuscript* Lets just get this chapter over with. It’s a doozie from Riley’s perspective.

Okay, seriously. What sane person would imagine The Outsiders as a better book with POV changes?

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1697: Master of the Universe – Chapter One

Title: Master of the Universe
Author: E.L. James
Media: Books
Topic: Twilight
Genre: Drama/Romance
URL: https://ohfifty.com/downloads/MOTU_w_Outtakes_Snowqueens_Icedragon_COMPLETE.pdf
Critiqued by Angie and Lyle

*covers face* I don’t know how to defend this one, guys. I really don’t.

Lyle: *walks in with a giant bag of gummy worms*  What’s this you’ve found? *reads intro stats* E. L. James….  Why does that sound familiar….

She’s the…she wrote that super bad BDSM trilogy ‘Fifty Shades’. It’s also that movie, with like…Dakota Something and Jamie Whatsisface.

Lyle:  Oh. Her. I didn’t realize she wrote more than that.

Actually, she really didn’t. It’s the exact same story, it’s just a Twilight fic instead of something original. It’s the exact same thing as Fifty Shades, word per word basically, just with changed names.

Lyle: *looks at the bag of gummy worms and then hands them to Angie*  I’m going to need something stronger than this.   You go ahead and get started.  I’ll be back in a minute.

Oh no, Lyle. I’ve got alcohol right here. *opens cabinet built into desk* But if you must, I’ll get a head start.

Lyle: I was thinking coffee but that works, too. *grabs a bottle of wine from the cabinet, pops the cork, and takes a swig right from it.*

Well, guess there’s no use fighting it anymore. Let’s dive into the “fan fiction”, Master of the Universe.

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1696: The Girl – Chapter Three

Title: The Girl
Author: MRobitussin
Media: Books
Topic: The Outsiders
Genre: Romance
URL: Chapter Two
Critiqued by Angie

Something about Soc’s and Greasers or something I don’t give a fuck.

*shows up at Lyle’s doorstep* Lyle…it’s just…it’s just so stupid. It’s such a bad fic. I don’t know how I can finish it. And I’m only one twelfth of the way through.

*vents for eleven more hours*

And then Riley’s like ‘maybe it would be a good idea to go back home to my abusive dad’ because apparently that’s a thing people do.

*vents for thirty three more minutes*

Darry’s all like ‘oh shit, girl I just met. Hey, I might as well let you stay here’ even though it was PONYBOY’S decision and then….

*vents for eight more weeks*

And they just so happened to be at the same convenience store at the same time….

*vents for sixteen more minutes*

…never would’ve happened if he had just been more careful. You know?

*Angie looks up to see the door shut, Lyle being at her work*

Goddamnit, sorry. I just. There are so many bad things I could say about this fic. It’s just so boring.

*sigh* Luckily for me, Chapter Three is infinitely shorter than Chapter Two. And also, we can finally escape Ponyboy’s point of view. It’s about damn time, too. So, let’s read on.

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