2513: Two Worlds Collide – Chapters 10-14

Title: Two Worlds Collide
Author: Ghostwriter85
Media: Book
Topic: A Christmas Carol
Genre: Romance / Sci-Fi
URL: Chapters 101112, 13, and 14
Critiqued by BatJamags, Kane, and the Ghost of Riffing Guests Yet to Come

Dummarization count: 16

In this riff, Kane learns The True Meaning of Christmas™!

Kane: … Doubtful.

Uh… right. Anyway, hello once again, patrons! I’m your host, BatJamags, and I’m back, with the Riffcave’s resident Scrooge, Kane, but not the Riffcave’s resident stooge, who was our guest last time.

Kane: I’m sure that line is the product of the previous week’s worth of intense concentration.

Humbug to you too, smartass.

The Ghost of Riffing Guests Yet to Come: Y’all aren’t very civil around here, are you?

Ah, it’s all in good fun. Right, Kane?

Kane: I despise you.

Anyway, this is our Ghost of Riffing Guests Yet to Come (GRGYC for short), also known as a random OC of mine who may or may not appear in some variety of original story in the future, and will probably show up in one of my superhero-related riffs at some point, because otherwise I’ve just created a time paradox. Say hi, Anna!

Anna: Hi, Ann- Wait, are we sure it’s OK for them to know my name?

Ah, they’re trustworthy.

Well, any given one of them is either trustworthy or incompetent.

For the most part.

Kane: A ringing endorsement.

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2508: Two Worlds Collide – Chapters 5-9

Title: Two Worlds Collide
Author: Ghostwriter85
Media: Book
Topic: A Christmas Carol
Genre: Romance / Sci-Fi
URL: Chapters 567, 8, and 9
Critiqued by BatJamags, Kane, and the Ghost of Riffing Guests Present

Hello once again, patrons! We’re back with the second step of Kane’s journey to learn The True Meaning of Christmas™! Kane, are you ready to meet the Ghost of Riffing Guests Present?

Kane: No.

Too bad, he’s right here in the riffing chamber.

GoodJamags: Come in, and know me better, man!

Kane: … So it’s you.

GoodJamags: Hi!

Kane: You do not appear to be ghost.

GoodJamags: Look, the fewer questions you ask, the better.

Kane: Ah. I’d hoped you were actually dead.

GoodJamags: I’m sorry to disapp- Hey, was that an insult?

Kane: *Sigh*

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2506: Olympus: The Immortal Child – Part Four

Title: Olympus: The Immortal Child
Author: crazyCULTure
Media: Books
Topic: Percy Jackson and the Olympians
Genre: Adventure/Friendship
URL: Olympus: The Immortal Child
Critiqued by Angie

Hey, friends. Glad you decided to join me for the undoubtedly thrilling conclusion of The Immortal Child. The author has quite a bit to write in this final chapter, such as the second and third act entirely. They plan to do this in fourteen hundred words I guess, so let’s not waste any more time and get to reading.

The next day, nothing especially major happened. All right, that’s a lie. I was all new to everything, so everything that did happen was major.

I guess we’re ending this where we started, with aggressively meaningless, redundant statements.

The night before, after orientation and all that stuff I hate so much I won’t even write about, I was taken to dinner. They’ve got the best stuff. They had grilled chicken, pork and beans, Mac ‘n cheese, and salad. Well, what can I say? They have to throw in something healthy in there.

I guess it’s not, like, the most healthy thing in the world, but grilled chicken? That’s not terrible for you. Is it because it’s not vegan? I mean, I guess that could be the case because I assume her father raised her vegan, but she was craving some McDonald’s in the first chapter so I don’t think grilled chicken should matter to her that much. Even if it does, it’s still healthy. So I don’t know what her point is.

The drink was just as amazing. Two kids with curly black hair passed them out to everyone sitting down at the tables. The cool thing about the cup (or the drink) was that it could be whatever drink I told it to be. I spent about five minutes saying “hot chocolate”, “lemonade”, “strawberry juice”, and “soda”.

…mango milkshake?

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2505: Olympus: The Immortal Child – Part Three

Title: Olympus: The Immortal Child
Author: crazyCULTure
Media: Books
Topic: Percy Jackson and the Olympians
Genre: Adventure/Friendship
URL: Olympus: The Immortal Child
Critiqued by Hiraani and Queen Malieasha of Jacelajoglia

Queenie: My, but it’s nice to be referred to by my actual title again. It feels like it’s been years.

It has been just over two years. I’m real sorry about that, Malie.

Queenie: I’m sorry Angie already decided to bounce and leave this chapter to us.

Pretty sure she just wanted to reestablish God’s favorite power couple.

Queenie: That’s probably it. Anyway, in the last riff, luck killed a policeman demon (irony?), Wendy ate strawberries like an absolute edgelord, and our main character met a boy that she described with an analogy to black pepper.

Wendy’s mindset is super food oriented, apparently.

Queenie: With recaps out of the way, let’s continue.

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2502: Two Worlds Collide – Chapters 1-4

Title: Two Worlds Collide
Author: Ghostwriter85
Media: Book
Topic: A Christmas Carol
Genre: Romance / Sci-Fi
URL: Chapters 123, and 4
Critiqued by BatJamags, Kane, and the Ghost of Riffing Guests Past

BatJamags was dead, to begin with. There is no doubt whatever about that. The DRD got to him. Again. Kane watched happen. He got headshotted. In the head. Twice. I mean, this guy was dead as shit.

Mind! I don’t mean to say that I know, of my own knowledge, what there is particularly dead about shit. Well, technically, it’s organic material, and it’s certainly not alive, so in that sense, it might be considered dead, and moreso than a door-nail, which was the subject of the paragraph I’m largely failing to imitate.

Anyway, point is, dude is dead. Kane knows it. Dickens went on for a few more paragraphs about Marley without it getting old, but I ain’t no Dickens, if you get what I’m saying here. So yeah, imagine I said some stuff about Kane not renaming Stately Jamags Manor, or something like that.

Oh! But he was a tight-fisted hand at the grindstone, Kane! A squeezing, wrenching, grasping, covetous old sinner! Hard and sharp as a fl-

Kane: What is that noise? Some of us are endeavoring to read.

Ah, there he is now! But that wasn’t your cue. I was supposed to go on for a little-

Kane: And I don’t squeeze, wrench, or grasp except with a well-applied Mage Hand, and furthermore, I’ll have you know that for my species, I am merely middle-aged.

Look, that’s what the story says. I’m just the messenger here, buddy. Look, anyway, you’re supposed to show up and see Bats’ face on the knocker.

Knockers? Where?

Goddammit, it’s not your cue yet either. And it’s not that kind of-

Wait, wait, if I’m getting my face embedded in knockers, I want in on it. What kind of-

Shut up! Kane, you go upstairs and the Ghost of BatJamags appears to you.

Kane: But he’s not a gho-

Hey! Weren’t there two Marleys? We should get GoodJamags in on this!

That’s only in the Muppet version, numbnuts.

I roll for Investigation!

Wait, what? This isn’t- You know what? Fuck it. Just do your lines. I did my part, I’m out, screw all of you.

Kane: Who was-

Don’t worry about it. Anyway, listen. Kane. Buddy. We need to have an intervention, here.

Kane: An… intervention?

Last riff, you said this:

your strange Earthly holiday season.

This means that you don’t understand The True Meaning of Christmas™, which means I need to teach it to you through shenanigans involving three ghosts!

Kane: … What?

Don’t worry, it’ll make complete sense when we’re done.

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2497: Olympus: The Immortal Child – Part Two

Title: Olympus: The Immortal Child
Author: crazyCULTure
Media: Books
Topic: Percy Jackson and the Olympians
Genre: Adventure/Friendship
URL: Olympus: The Immortal Child
Critiqued by Angie and Queenie

Queenie.

Queenie: No.

Queenie.

Queenie: Fuck off.

What if I don’t?

Queenie: I’ll send a strongly worded letter to Taco.

But don’t you want to watch me suffer?

Queenie: Always. But in having me riff it with you you’re making me suffer too.

What if I…take you to Denny’s afterwards?

Queenie: *groans* Alright, fine. What’s happened so far?

Jack shit. The author basically kept saying the same things over and over for several hundred words.

Queenie: I think I’m caught up.

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2495: The Weasley Curse – Chapter 2

Title: The Weasley Curse
Author: AuthorAndrewCharlusPotter
Media: Books/Movies
Topic: Harry Potter
Genre: Romance/Humor
URL: Chapter 2
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

 

Welcome, dear Patrons, to the second chapter of Weasley cursing.

And just a lot of cursing in general, most of it on my part.

In the previous chapter we learned about the Weasley Curse, which was basically an easy way to turn ginger via marriage and really doesn’t seem all that bad. The chapter ended shortly after the exchange of vows, and probably before they had actually gone through the “I now pronounce you man and wife” bit, with Harry rambling a bit about the curse with Arthur as if he suddenly knew everything about it. There was something about Bill’s past lives and the Malfoys, not really all that easy to follow.

The Weasley Curse…

Yes, we all know what fic we’re reading. You don’t have to remind us.

Chapter 2: Wedding of Katherine Weasley and Andrew Potter..

That would be the two people Harry seemed intimately familiar with, to the point of carrying multiple pictures of one around on his wedding day.

As is the author’s habit, the chapter begins with an Author’s Note. As is also the author’s habit, it is quite rambling and tries to ‘explain’ things that should probably be in the fic itself.

(AN: Andrew is Andrew Potter, who know who Bernard Weasley and Alastair Malfoy is and all and Katherine Anna Weasley is as well.

That’s wonderful for Andrew Potter, whomever he is when he’s at home, but I guess the rest of us can go piss up a rope.

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