Title: The Girl
Topic: The Outsiders
Critiqued by Angie
Trigger Warning: Minor antagonism of PTSD. Or maybe I’m just overreacting.
Also, use of the words ‘Soc’ and ‘Greaser’ are completely canon and not I, nor Lyle, nor the author of this fic I’m sure, mean these words to be offensive.
[If you’re interested in reading the book, there are some major spoilers in this riff, so go read it first then come back to this. – Lyle]
In my Scarlet review, I’ll…admit I wasn’t my normal, happy self. I was just so pissed about how awful it was that I decided I might as well reflect upon it in my reviews. I’m sorry.
Last year, I read a book that I’m sure everyone has read, The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton. God, what an amazing book. I could read it over and over again.
So, as I go, I figured I might as well see if I can’t find an Outsiders fanfiction.
And boy, did y’all on the internet deliver.
I stumbled upon The Girl, and…*loud sigh* it almost made me like the source material less.
Title: Love & Bullets
URL: Chapter Three
Critiqued by BatJamags (BadJamags and GoodJamags)
WARNING: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS A REFERENCE TO DOMESTIC ABUSE. I’M WARNING YOU IN PART BECAUSE THE AUTHOR WASN’T CONISIDERATE ENOUGH TO DO SO.
What do you need us for? count: 4
Hello once again, patrons! I’m your guest host, BatJamags, and I’m back with this nerd-
To riff more of this turd.
GoodJamags: Previously, on Love & Bullets: Raya Sue talked to Alfred, and was trajek. And now back to your regularly scheduled nothing:
Hello, and welcome back to “Legendary Adventurers, Futuristic Saviors,” by Stone-Man85! I’m your host, SC, joined by Sir Paulo Rori and Scarlet of Mesyth, and last time, Alex met an Ent-Ape-Thingo-Whatsit named Character I Totally Didn’t Steal From N’jata, who told him, “Yeah, bro, we were the douchebags who brought you here, and we can’t send you back either for reasons and shit. But that’s okay, you gotta save the world anyhow!” Understandably, Alex (as well as myself) was all, “Que?” but we couldn’t really get into what the idiotic reasoning was because I suddenly realized how stupid long part two would have been if I riffed the roughly one-third of the chapter that I copied down into my word processor all in one go, so I had to end it there. We’ll be picking up where we left off, which was right when Stolen OC the Ent-Ape-Thingo-Whatsit was about to give possibly the single most bullshit answer I’ve ever read:
Hello, dear Patrons!
I’m here with another oneshot that continues my journey through the weirdness that is Crossover Country. This particular fic is listed as a crossover between the 2000 film Dinosaur (a film about an Iguanadon raised by lemurs) and the How to Train Your Dragon franchise, but then there’s this in the summary;
this Story is a Triple Crossover with Aladar, Toothless, Hiccup, and Sheldon. But when Sheldon pulls the Biggest Prank, All of the Four Characters gets Electrocuted, and were Send to Somewhere.
The fic is actually a triple crossover! Because trying to reconcile multiple disparate canons always works out so well. Aladar is the main character from Dinosaur and Hiccup and Toothless are from HTTYD, but I have no idea who Sheldon is. Must be an OC or someone from the unknown third canon.
Also, it looks like the author was visited by Ike the Italics Demon’s cousin Randall The Random Capitalization Imp.
Hey guys I’m back from Thanksgiving Break, and I hope You like this Story, and I’ll see you next time.
Well, that’s certainly pertinent information for me to have now, at the end of January, well after any holiday breaks would have occurred.
Hello hello, all you patrons!
Last time on Love of a Spartan, we witnessed the exciting conclusion of the whole “Amy’s kissing advice” plot thread, as Edward and Renee asymptotically approached a sex scene without actually having one. This resulted in a whole bunch of angsting, Edward maybe having actual character development and trying to improve on his horrible behavior, and a massive hullaballoo about one single condom. Then the Chief received orders to leave the Hercules for a very important operation with a rally point at Reach, and Renee immediately developed severed depressive symptoms over his departure.
Terrible Troy Counter: 101
Mommy’s Little Marines (And Spartans) Counter: 100
Fucking Halight Counter: 47
“In keeping with our theme of malingering over Edward’s departure, chapter 21/Twenty is called ‘Separation’… and we’ve got a bit of a treat for you today! In order to show you just how much nothing has accumulated in this monstrosity, we will be riffing the entire chapter without cutting any content whatsoever.
Which, now that I think about it, really isn’t much of a ‘treat’ for anyone.”
But we’ll do it anyway, because somebody has to suffer through this padding alongside the two of us.
Title: Heroes and Villains
Author: Horrible’s Igor
Media: Television / Movies
Topic: Buffy: The Vampire Slayer / Kitchen Sink
URL: Heroes and Villains (Now Defunct)
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Eliza
Hey folks, welcome back! Let’s just jump right into the recap.
Last time we started off with a random conversation between Mr. Guyman and GirlWoman who appear to have started a relationship. They gab about GuyMan’s project a bit and going to the French part of France afterward, then the scene ends. Next up, Buffy is in the hospital with Jim when Willow jumps out of the SDQF and takes her money from them, rendering a large part of both chapters thirteen and fourteen pointless. Well, more pointless. Then Willow takes off and Olaf jumps out the SDQF. They all talk about magic and faerie tales a bit then the scene peters out. Meanwhile, Willow pays Bad Horse all his various crap and he hands over Dr. Horrible. There’s some Wikipedia regurgitation after that, but otherwise that’s everything.
“Unfortunately this week is the start of another very long chapter.”
I’m pretty sure this is the longest one in the fic. Definitely the longest of the remaining chapters. Also unfortunate is that the set of heists has just ended, so instead of anything new happening, I’m pretty sure we’re about to get ten-thousand words of reaction to Dr. Horrible’s transfer, possibly more since there are still seven more chapters after this one. I have a feeling I’m going to need to cut a lot of stuff to get through this.
!!Warning!! The usual flamebait is still ever present, but there is no explicit sex because the author got bored and obviously stopped caring to type out every instance of sexytime. So, hazzah I suppose. That said it is present, but not detailed.
Abrelepine: I can hardly believe it.
Yeah, hard to believe innit? Barely any fucking content or description to anything and the author still got even lazier!
Pontiff Sulyvahn: How remarkable.
Yup. Greeting patrons, and welcome back to the thrilling adventures of The Savior! I hope you’re enjoying yourself more than I am. Last instalment, our hero found Not!CrystalSoulSpear in New Londo and skipped out on sexytimes with Priscilla on account of him being rekt so hard it temporally knocked the plot armor right off him. He also swung by Blighttown where he discovered Quelaag has abandoned her people in Lost Izalith and is pregnant with the Stu’s offspring. His response was to praise that his reproductive faculties are indeed still working properly and that he can also get Priscilla pregnant.
Father of the year material right there!
I didn’t do any more chapters as I unleashed a floodgate of rage and reminiscence (so sorry) and would have run over the page limit, but good news! Here’s a little repayment for your patience on this crazy adventure so far, three whole chapters! (or is it a punishment?) Read the rest of this entry »