2490: The Weasley Curse – Chapter 1

 

Title: The Weasley Curse
Author: AuthorAndrewCharlusPotter
Media: Books/Movies
Topic: Harry Potter
Genre: Romance/Humor
URL: Chapter 1
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

 

Hello, dear Patrons, and Happy Festival of Consumerism to all my fellow Americans. And for our international Patrons who live in places that don’t celebrate the American Thanksgiving but still have Black Friday sales – sorry ’bout that.

I’ve decided to ‘treat’ everyone to a short fic from an author who technically hasn’t been in the Library before – AuthorAndrewCharlusPotter. I say technically because damn but does this boy have a lot of sock puppet accounts, including one where he claims to be the real JK Rowling, but doesn’t really make any effort to alter his writing style between accounts and mostly seems to be using them to reinforce his particular brand of rabid fanboy nonsense showcasing a very strange preoccupation with blood, hair color, and the torments of Wizarding Hell visited upon non-canon couples and the authors who write them.

This one starts off relatively ‘normal’ by badfic standards but then drops sharply off the map and into Batshit Crazy Land.

Sounds like fun!

The Weasley Curse

That would be the fic title, yes. There was some vague mentions of a curse in a previous fic – one allegedly written by JK Rowling and not AACP, I might add – but that particular one focused more on the way names of people destined to be together can “sound right” together and some sort of strange blood-bonding marriage ceremony that causes both spouses to die if there’s ever any infidelity instead of the alleged curse.

Like most of the author’s works, this one starts off with a rambling Author’s Note; sorry, with two rambling Author’s Notes.

(AN: All whom marry into the Weasley family become redheads but if a female weasley marries someone outside of the family, she takes on the hair of her husband, while the husband takes the hair of his wife. Before they get together… In other words, if Ginny marries Harry, and Harry marries Ginny, Harry then becomes redhead, while Ginny will be raven haired. So on an so forth, but it only happens with female Weasleys, but not the male weasleys because the male weasley are always redhead even when they are born.)

That’s … That’s not how genetics work. Like, at all.

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2489: Olympus: The Immortal Child – Chapter One

Title: Olympus: The Immortal Child
Author: crazyCULTure
Media: Books
Topic: Percy Jackson and the Olympians
Genre: Adventure/Friendship
URL: Chapter One
Critiqued by Angie

Wow.

Jee-zus.

Uhh…hey everyone, it’s been a hot minute, huh?

If nothing else, it’s been long enough for me to finally watch the Star Wars franchise, the entire MCU, the X-Men franchise, and the Jurassic Park series. I even played Mass Effect for the first time (as far as you know). Imagine all the new fanfiction topics I can riff on now.

*cough*

Anyway, here’s a Percy Jackson fanfiction I found on the orphans sheet.

Don’t look at me like that, I’m lazy. Shut up.

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2488: Mass Murder Effect: The First War Crime (Was Committed By The Protagonists) — Chapter 8 Part 1

Title: Mass Effect: The First War
Author: ProfFartBurger
Media: Video Game
Topic: Mass Effect
Genre: Adventure/Sci-Fi
URL: Chapter 8
Critiqued by AdmiralSakai

Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome back to Mass Effect: The First War.

Previously, turian forces made landfall on Earth and started beating the crap out of the Alliance and UN. And, really, that was about it.

Oh yeah except that the humans fought back using anime mechs, which was never put on the Bingo Board because I never thought any HFY story that took itself even remotely seriously would actually try it. This is the second or third time that has happened with this story; somehow it has actually gone beyond HFY and into something that’s a class all its own.

I still don’t know why the author even thinks giant robot wolves would even work when even the DARPA brochures he seems to consult for the majority of his technical background acknowledge that they are at the very least unfeasible with anything resembling current technology and only applicable to very rare military situations.

first_war_bb_9.png

IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH counter: 18

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2487: The Shadow Warriors – Chapter 28

Title: The Shadow Warriors
Author: Shadow knight1121
Media: Comic Book / Video Game?!
Topic: Justice League / Assassin’s Creed?!
Genre: Crime / Mystery
URL: Chapter 28
Critiqued by BatJamags (GoodJamags)

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your guest host, BatJamags, and I’m back with the midpoint of our harrowing journey through this five-chapter chunk of The Shadow Warriors! Before we get started, here’s your chapterly news briefing:

Opener

As usual, credit to Anne for this.

Chapter 28: Happy Birthday/Halloween

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2486: Captain Rapist’s Quarter-Assed Adventure (Trapped Rewrite) – Chapter 4 Part 1

Title: Trapped in 40k
Author: EclipsePheniox
Topic: Warhammer 40,000
Media: Tabletop Game
Genre: Sci-fi/Mystery
URL: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12486706
Critiqued by Crazy Minh, Major Wade, and Ensign Jim Jimson.

Hello again, Patrons, and welcome to the fourth chapter of Eclipse Pheniox’s epic fail of a story ‘Trapped in 40k’. I’m your Guest Riffer, Crazy Minh; over there at the tactical station is Major Wade; and joining us posthumously is our new spectral helmsman, Ensign Jim Jimson, who you may remember from the SOMA riff I did during Spooktober. Jim, wanna introduce yourself?

Hi patrons! I’m Jim Jimson, and I’ll be haunting this ship for…well, I can’t say ‘the rest of my life’ now, can I?

Not really.

Fuck.

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2485: Subnautica High – Chapter 3

Title: Subnautica High
Author: ShizukaRakugaki44
Media: Video Game
Topic: SubNautica
Genre: Sci-Fi/Romance
URL: Chapter 3
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

 

 

Yello, dear Patrons, and welcome to the third and (thus far final) chapter of SH.

In the previous chapter Hugh Mann Ryan was dragged into the school by Rea, who is actually some sort of hall monitor of some sort – presumably this is why she was swimming around outside the school in her terror-fish form. Once inside, he was taken to Empra, the school’s headmistress, who was swimming around in a giant tank before changing into clothing that wasn’t quite the right size so her breasts partially popped out. She then informed Hugh Mann Ryan that she hadn’t sensed any other survivors so they were probably all dead.

And on that cheerful note, on to the next chapter!

Data Entry 3: The Food Chain

This was mentioned previously, but there was no explanation given. Hopefully the author’s had time to come up with something by now.

As Ryan let Empra’s words sink in, he was escorted by Rea to the living quarters part of the Aurora. Here, there were individual cabins a lounge and a dining area.

“School starts at 0800 hours,” Rea stated. “Don’t be late.”

Wow.

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2484: Legend of Zelda: The True Force – Chapter Twenty-One, Part Three

Title: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Author:  Hikari no Vikki
Media: Video Game / Movie
Topic: Legend of Zelda / Star Wars
Genre: Adventure / Fantasy
URL: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Retired Darth Lord Crunchy

Heyo, patrons!  Welcome back to the final installment of Chapter Twenty-One!  What did we do last time, Crunchy?

“Musical spinning and moisture followed by copious female speak.  Beyond that, the start of spelunking.”

Honestly I didn’t think even that much happened.  Regardless, let’s jump into the last bit and see if Vikki can finish strong!

(Spoiler from the future: She can’t.)

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