2647: Jurassic Twilight – Chapter 2

 

Title: Jurassic Vampires
Author: twilightfanjm
Media: Book/Movie
Topic: Jurassic Park/Twilight
Genre: Hurt/Comfort/Family
URL: Chapter 2
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

 

 

Hello, dear Patrons, and welcome back to another chapter of Jurassic Park/Twilight strangeness!

In the first chapter we met the protagonist, mushroom-possum Carlie, as she was literally pulled from her mother’s womb and then left for dead under a tree. Fast-forward nearly a century and she’s one of the head Science! Guys at Jurassic World, has a turkey-baster baby named Diego that she brings to the lab with her because reasons, and decided to give the Indominus Rex her super-special invulnerability and regeneration powers, because she’s an idiot.

Now, on with the fic!

Chapter 2: Weird

:points:

Did you not read the recap? I think we’re two train stops and a twenty dollar Uber ride past ‘weird’, honey.

Carlie’s POV

:sighs:

As much as I dislike POV Tags, I really dislike the pointless ones. Thus far the entire fic has been in first-person from Carlie’s perspective; if the fic is in first-person and that person’s identity doesn’t change, there’s no need to remind the audience that it is still the same person.

It had been weeks since the Indominus hatched and she she still scared me.

Did you just spend the entire time staring at each other? Don’t you have a baby to take care of?

She amazed and scared me at the same time. She had an unusual fixation on me.

That might be because you carry a smaller and more vulnerable prey item around with you.

Every time I saw her she would make eye contact with me and stare me down. It gave me the creeps.

Our fearless protagonist, ladles and gentlebeans.

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2642: Jurassic Twilight – Chapter 1

 

Title: Jurassic Vampires
Author: twilightfanjm
Media: Book/Movie
Topic: Jurassic Park/Twilight
Genre: Hurt/Comfort/Family
URL: Chapter 1
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

 

Hello, dear Patrons, and welcome to a new fic! One that was written by the same author of my last fic; that’s why the title looks extremely similar. It’s not the sequel, though.

Funny story; I knew there was a sequel fic to Jurassic Twilight, but had forgotten to bookmark it so I could find it. So I went to the author’s page and started scrolling.

So.

Many.

Twilight fics.

The author has a hundred and sixty five fics in their catalogue, and nearly all are Twilight fics or Twilight crossovers. And when I say “nearly all” I mean that literally – I counted only eight that were non-Twilight and half of those were for Remember Me, a poorly received film starring Robert Pattinson that is mostly known for using the 9/11 attacks as a plot device. There were even Twilight/The Santa Clause crossovers, which I’m going to save for Annual Winter Celebration. This particular fic was written some time after last week’s was posted so (in theory) it should be of better quality.

Shall we look at the summary?

Carlie’s existence was only discovered after her traumatic birth as no one knew that Nessie was pregnant with twins. Believing that Carlie was a stillborn Jacob and Edward decide to keep her birth a secret from everyone to spare them pain. 90 years later Carlie is a chief scientist at Jurassic World. What’ll happen when her biological family decides to visit the famous dino park?

Well, I don’t see how this can possibly go wrong! Or it will go really wrong in new and ‘exciting’ ways. Let’s find out which it is!

This was an idea I got in my head a few days ago and it just would not leave me alone so I decided to write it. Here is the first chapter.

Spoiler alert – the fic isn’t marked as complete, the last chapter just sort of cuts off abruptly with no resolution, and it was last updated four years ago. I guess whatever got into the author’s head eventually got out again.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or Jurassic Park

I own both; I keep them in the binders with the rest of my DVDs.

Chapter 1: Immortal

I think that’s a song by Evanescence.

Carlie’s POV

Did the author misspell Carlisle’s name?

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2641: My Heart Beats For Love – Finale

Title: My Heart Beats For Love
Author: 9PoisonIvy9
Media: TV Show
Topic: BBC Sherlock
Genre: Romance/Family
URL: https://m.fanfiction.net/s/6224389/10/
Critiqued by Em Kay, Conan the Snakebarian, and David, the Czech Exchange Student

**WARNING**

This fic romanticizes domestic violence. Anyone sensitive to this may wish to avoid this fic.

Hello again, Librarians and patrons. I’m here, sheltering in place with David, the Czech Exchange Student-

David: Halo.

-and Conan the Snakebarian-

Conan: Sss!

-for the fifth and final installment of everyone’s favorite BBC Sherlock songfic!

*crickets*

So let’s go ahead and snip the title-

*snip*

-the summary-

*snip*

-and the song lyrics-

*snip*

-that the author refuses to leave off of each chapter.

Chapter 10

I may look like nothing to you,

But I can fight and I will fight

That’s the opposite of what has been happening in this fic.

Anyway, let’s get to the recap that the author also refuses to remove from every. Single. Chapter.

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2637: My Heart Beats For Love, Chapters Seven, Eight, and Nine

Title: My Heart Beats For Love
Author: https://m.fanfiction.net/u/2168747/
Media: TV Show
Topic: BBC Sherlock
Genre: Romance/Family
URL: https://m.fanfiction.net/s/6224389/7/
Critiqued by Em Kay, Conan the Snakebarian, and David the Czech Exchange Student

**WARNING**

This fic romanticizes domestic violence. Anyone sensitive to this may wish to avoid this fic.

Hello again, patrons and Librarians! I’m Em Kay, hunkering here, snackless, in the loaner riff chamber with Conan-

Conan: Ssss!

-and David.

David: Gratings.

Today we’re hopefully going to tackle three chapters of our lovely songfic, since two of them are very short.

Let’s cut right to the recap, shall we?

Last time, Sherlock and John had a sleepover at EmmySue’s palace and Daddy McEvil made EmmySue even more of a D.I.D. because Sherlock didn’t fall for her the first time.

To the fic!

Title: My Heart Beats For Love

Still a bad title for anything.

Then there’s the summary-

*snip*

-and song lyrics-

*snip*

-which leaves us with less than a page of actual chapter.

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2643: My Heart Beats For Love – Chapters Five and Six

Title: My Heart Beats For Love
Author: https://m.fanfiction.net/u/2168747/
Media: TV Show
Topic: BBC Sherlock
Genre: Romance/Family
URL: https://m.fanfiction.net/s/6224389/5/
Critiqued by Em Kay, Conan the Snakebarian, David the Czech Exchange Student

**WARNING**

This fic romanticizes domestic violence. Anyone sensitive to this may wish to avoid this fic.

*The pink Teapot of Snake sits next to Em’s desk, but no one is in sight.*

*muffled shouts are heard in the hallway and Conan cautiously peeks his head out of the cauldron-sized teapot*

*A bedraggled Em rips the door open and rushes inside clutching a single bag of Circus Peanuts, slamming the door closed quickly behind her*

-selves a civilized society!

*the muffled shouts slowly dissipate*

Oh, *ahem* hello there, Librarians and patrons! Isn’t it a great day to stay inside, practice some social distancing, and *eyes the door* not hoard all the snack foods?

*Em takes her seat at the desk next to Conan, who eyes the bag quizzically*

Today we should pass the halfway mark of this pointless songfic, which is good because I’m getting tired of EmmySue’s Sound of Music stage family.

Quick recap:

Daddy McEvil, who has an “everlasting life” stone that somehow helps him change identities, showed up to give EmmySue an excuse to call Sherlock and Watson over.

*Em opens the bag and reluctantly bites into a Circus Peanut*

Conan: Sssss?

It was either this or unsweet tea, and ain’t nobody taking that.

Hey, where’s David?

Conan: *shrugs* Sss.

How do you do that without shoulders?

Well, I’m sure he’ll show up. Let’s get this over with.

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