2814: To Blacken the Lake – Chapter 3

Title: To Blacken the Lake
Author: Jedi Heathcliff
Media: Video Game
Topic: Legend of Zelda series
Genre: Romance/Family
URL: Chapter 3
Critiqued by: Ghostcat

Yellow, dear Patrons, and welcome to the final chapter!

The last chapter primarily focused on Princess Chicken being a Peeping Tom and spying on her sister and Link, only suddenly there was a kidnapping by some exceptionally quiet ruffians who nabbed the useless spare rather than the far more valuable Zelda or just sniping Link and taking both of them. So it goes.

To the fic!

Chapter Two: Desert Wasteland

Which is different than a Dessert Wasteland, which is what I like to call dieting.

Glancing over to one of the Gerudo women, I feel more disgusted by the second.

Why, are they picking their noses or something? They live in a very arid environment, so allowances should be made.

Their clothing is more revealing than what I wear to bed every evening.

That doesn’t really tell the audience much; if Princess Chicken gets the full ankle-length nightgown and dressing robe treatment, then it wouldn’t really take much to find someone wearing less than that.

It’s an atrocity to see such immodesty.

“Stupid sexy women with their attractively formed bodies!”

Read the rest of this entry »

2810: To Blacken the Lake – Chapter 2, Part 2

Title: To Blacken the Lake
Author: Jedi Heathcliff
Media: Video Game
Topic: Legend of Zelda series
Genre: Romance/Family
URL: Chapter 2
Critiqued by: Ghostcat

Hello, dear Patrons, and welcome back to the fic!

When last we met, Princess Chicken was setting up a birthday present for herself by arranging a clandestine meeting between Zelda and Link. This is meant to be some sort epic prank, although I’m not really sure why she feels that way. So it goes.

And we now return to our regularly scheduled fic, already in progress.

The hour counting down to the meeting was absolutely excruciating. Wanting nothing more than to see my sister in such an awkward situation.

I thought Princess Chicken was supposed to be off shopping for a dress? Isn’t that what she told Zelda prior to this?

However, I admit that more of it had to do with me wanting them to finally get over the passive flirtation and gawking at one another.

How do you passively flirt with someone? Do you just think really hard in the other person’s direction or something? Is there a lot of eyelash fluttering involved?

Read the rest of this entry »

2806: To Blacken the Lake – Chapter 1 and Chapter 2, part 1

Title: To Blacken the Lake
Author: Jedi Heathcliff
Media: Video Game
Topic: Legend of Zelda series
Genre: Romance/Family
URL: Chapter 1
URL: Chapter 2
Critiqued by: Ghostcat

Hello, dear Patrons, and welcome to a new fic!

This particular fic is by an author I’ve previously featured; they penned the plot regurgitation fic “Her Breath of The Wild” that featured a Sue OC that was Photoshopped into the plot. It is also from the LoZ section, but there’s nothing indicating which game it is based on. As it was written around the same time as the previous fic, I’m going to assume it’s another BoTW fic until the fic proves otherwise.

Now, let’s take a look at the summary.

Captured by Ganondorf, she soon found herself questioning her own morals. A mere look into his eyes made her forget he was a monster out to rule over her family’s kingdom. When she finally finds her way back to her sister Zelda, she realizes that lying quickly stopped being her strong suit.

Well, that’s very vague and slightly reminiscent of a bodice-ripper. Not sure who “she” is, but I assume it is another OC Sue that is probably going to be better than Zelda at everything.

Prologue

I’m wondering if this is going to be a proper prologue or just a first chapter.

Our mother kept telling us not to play by the lake too much. We might fall in and drown or get bitten by a bug and get an infection.

Those are two very different yet oddly specific things to be warned about. Also, getting bitten by insects and getting infections aren’t really things you can just forbid from happening. There are preventative measures that can be taken, but they aren’t always one hundred percent effective, especially when it comes to insects.

Most importantly, she said not to touch the black rock.

Is there more than one black rock, or is this a very specific black rock, or are they just supposed to avoid all black rocks equally?

There was a tale of an evil wizard who planted the rock there and cursed it with magic. If anyone were to touch it, their worst nightmare would become reality.

I can’t really think of any LoZ game that has this exact mechanic, although Twilight Princess had the whole alternate ‘shadow realm’ thing going for it.

My sister and I, of course, rarely listened to our mother.

So says every child ever.

Read the rest of this entry »