2224: Howl – Chapter 5

Title: Howl
Author: naturally morbid
Media: Film
Topic: Die Hard
Genre: Supernatural / Romance / Holiday Cheer
URL: Chapter 5
Critiqued by BatJamags (BadJamags and GoodJamags)

Dun dun DUNNNNNNNN! count: 59

On the Eleventh Day of Sithmas, the Library gave to me…
Eleven dooters dooting,
Ten sharks a-jumping,
Nine edgelords edging,
Eight reincarnating idiots,
Seven Dakwraiths brewing,
Six tranquilizings,
FIVE! IGUANODON! COOKIES!
Four key lime pies,
The third moon of Jupiter,
Two talking raptors,
And porno music on the intercom!

On the Twelfth Day of Sithmas, the Library gave to me…
Twelve ninjas buttering,
Eleven dooters dooting,
Ten sharks a-jumping,
Nine edgelords edging,
Eight reincarnating idiots,
Seven Darkwraiths brewing,
Six tranquilizings,
FIVE! IGUANODON! COOKIES!
Four key lime pies,
The third moon of Jupiter,
Two talking raptors,
And porno music on the intercom!

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your host, BatJamags…

GoodJamags: … And I’m your guest host, GoodJamags…

… And we’re back with the final installment of Howl! Let’s dive right in, shall we?

Author’s Note: Finally back with another installment.

We noticed.

However, I am sorry it is so short!

We’re not.

School is pretty much just kicking my butt right now, along with some changes at work and stuff.

Don’t care.

I will keep working on it though.

Obviously not.

Thank you so much for all the support and I hope you enjoy this latest part!

We won’t.

GoodJamags: Line break!

Read the rest of this entry »


2223: The Ron-troversy – Oneshot

 

Author: gryffindorlovesslytherin
Media: Book/Movie
Topic:  Harry Potter series
Genre: Romance/Mystery
URL: Chapter 1
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

 

 

 

—WARNING—

—CONTAINS ADULT THEMES —

—NSFW—

 

Good now, dear Patrons!

As a nice change of pace from all the Christmas-themed fics I’ve been dumping down the shoot, this one is New Year’s Eve themed, and it happens to come from the Harry Potter section. Now, there is usually quite a lot of Christmas themed fics – many featuring the series’ Yule Ball – for this source material but there weren’t all that many that were New Year’s themed. I’m not really sure why that would be.

Let’s take a look at the summary, shall we?

its new years eve and who knows what will kick off the new year…

Presumably it will be the forward progression of time, but I have a feeling that isn’t what the author meant.

The last Harry Potter book never tells us, the readers, what the fate of the characters are.

No, it kind of does. It doesn’t really go into a lot of detail, but you get some hints.

I guess everyone believes that Harry and Ginny get married,

Because they do.

and Ron and Hermione get married,

Also because they do. I mean, I assume so. Each couple shows up at the train station with their children so presumably they got married at some point before then. I guess it is possible that they are all living in sin, though.

but you would be wrong.

Living in sin it is, then. Maybe I should add a disclaimer to the riff; wouldn’t want to offend anyone.

Hermione left Ron’s sorry ass and I am here to tell the story.

I seriously doubt that, but go ahead; amuse me.

My name is Luna Lovegood.

Bwa? The narrator counted themselves as part of the audience – they specifically say “us, the readers” – in the same paragraph, which means they couldn’t be Luna. The books aren’t written as journals or personal narratives, but from a third-person perspective. They don’t exist in the in-book universe. I had actually assumed this was an unlabeled Author’s Note until Luna gave her name. Read the rest of this entry »


2222: Harry Potter Becomes A Communist Chapters 1-5

Title: Harry Potter Becomes A Communist
Author: HardcoreCommie
Media: Book/Film
Topic: Harry Potter
Genre: Fantasy/Parody
URL: Chapters One, Two, Three, Four, and Five
Critiqued by Herr Wozzeck

*puts on the hard hat*

Well, welcome to the ultimate “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” snark, ladies and gentlemen. ‘Cause I’m pretty sure that no matter what I say here, someone’s getting angry.

*deep breath*

Well, this is Harry Potter Becomes A Communist. Pray for my soul, guys! Read the rest of this entry »


2221: When Christmas Goes Haywire – Oneshot

Title: When Christmas Goes Haywire
Author:  WyldChyld
Media: Video Game
Topic: Final Fantasy VIII
Genre: Humor/Holiday
URL: When Christmas Goes Haywire
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Retired Darth Lord Crunchy

Heyo, patrons!  I know it’s the day after Christmas, but I’m writing this Christmas day, so it counts, right?  We’ll just say it does and go with that.

This week we end our Sithmas tradition of Final Fantasy Christmas fics with a pungent foray into Final Fantasy VIII (With more characters sucked in from FFVII, because of course)!  But this week isn’t just any FFVIII holiday fanfic!  Oh no, it’s a FFVII Holiday fanfic based on another fanfic!

“Why must you subject me to this?”

It gets better.  The fic this is based off of is called ‘Fantasy Love,’ which is a terrible author-insert fanfic done by the same author under a completely different alias, Sawa LeonHeart.  I presume this fic wasn’t up to the same quality as ‘Fantasy Love’ so was shoved off onto a different account in order to separate it.  Because simply deleting the fic just wasn’t acceptable or something.

‘Fantasy Love’ is also on my to-do pile because it’s a hot, hot mess, but trust me when I say that reading it before this fic won’t really help you know what’s going on, since this is a fluffy and incomprehensible Christmas Fic.

“You are doing quite a good job of making me question my life decisions.”

If you think you’re questioning them now, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet!

Read the rest of this entry »


2220: Howl – Chapter 4

Title: Howl
Author: naturally morbid
Media: Film
Topic: Die Hard
Genre: Supernatural / Romance / Holiday Cheer
URL: Chapter 4
Critiqued by BatJamags (BadJamags and GoodJamags)

Dun dun DUNNNNNNNN! count: 44

On the Ninth Day of Sithmas, the Library gave to me…
Nine edgelords edging,
Eight reincarnating idiots,
Seven Darkwraiths brewing,
Six tranquilizings,
FIVE! IGUANODON! COOKIES!
Four key lime pies,
The third moon of Jupiter,
Two talking raptors,
And porno music on the intercom!

On the Tenth Day of Sithmas, the Library gave to me…
Ten sharks a-jumping,
Nine edgelords edging,
Eight reincarniting idiots,
Seven Darkwraiths brewing,
Six tranquilizings,
FIVE! IGUANODON! COOKIES!
Four key lime pies,
The third moon of Jupiter,
Two talking raptors,
And porno music on the intercom!

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your host, BatJamags…

GoodJamags: … And I’m your guest host, GoodJamags…

… And we’re back with more of this festive Christmas romp! Last time, Hans called his brother and busted the hacker guy out of jail. This took far more wordcount than necessary.

GoodJamags: Let’s dive on in!

Read the rest of this entry »