2580: Jurassic Lions – Chapter 2


Title: Jurassic Lions
Author: stephthewriter2
Media: Books/Movies
Topic: Lion King/Jurassic Park
Genre: Adventure
URL: Chapter 2
Critiqued by Ghostcat



Welcome back, all my lovely Patrons.

In the first chapter, Mufasa, Scar, and Simba the Afterthought were abducted by a herd of zebra sailors and were in the process of being taken to New York via the west coast of Costa Rica when a storm capsized their ship. We left the three lions on a single impossibly bouyant plank, plucking fish right out of the damn ocean like it’s a chest freezer.


I’m fine. On to the next chapter, where I hope they eventually reach some land so I don’t have to put up with the ‘fishing’ nonsense.

2) An Island


More nights went on for them that Scar, Mufasa, and Simba were stranded on the ocean.

But their days were spent in a lovely cabana with those fancy little umbrella drinks served in whole fruits.

They were able to fish for food but they couldn’t drink anything. Scar and Simba did try the water in the ocean but it made them ill. They didn’t take another.

At least they know the saltwater isn’t potable.

Simba was already losing his faith, Mufasa was praying every night, and Scar wouldn’t talk to anyone.

I’m sure all the pantheons are very disappointed not to hear Scar’s bitching.

How are they going to make it home?

I still think that they should be focusing on reaching land first before making plans to get home.

“We’re not going to make it,” Simba cried. “Are we going to die Dad?”

“No son,” said Mufasa. “We’ll make it.”

“Any regrets?” Scar commented. Mufasa and Simba looked to him. “Do you have any regrets Mufasa? I’ve got many.”

“I can’t think of any.”

“Like you regret for being my brother? Or an uncle?” Mufasa exhaled. “Or…nothing.”

Great pep talk, grade A. I especially like how Mufasa goes from trying to reassure his son to asking his brother if he has any regrets. Very uplifting.

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2577: Jurassic Lions – Chapter 1

Title: Jurassic Lions
Author: stephthewriter2
Media: Books/Movies
Topic: Lion King/Jurassic Park
Genre: Adventure
URL: Chapter 1
Critiqued by Ghostcat




Hello, my dear Patrons, and welcome to a new fic!

Continuing last week’s theme of Jurassic Park crossovers, this one is a Jurassic Park/ Lion King crossover.

Yes, that’s a thing. There’s only a handful of fics listed for this crossover – and five of those are technically the same fic broken into lumps as well as a stand-alone “trailer” for said fic – but that doesn’t make them less of a thing. (Don’t worry, it’s on the list.)

Let’s take a look at the summary, shall we?

Mufasa never got along with his brother to begin with but once they find themselves together with Mufasa’s son, the three must work together if they want to return home after being shipwrecked at Isla Nublar.

Right away I can see a problem with trying to Madagascar the lions to the island;  I don’t know if you’ve ever seen a map before, but Isla Nublar is off the west coast of Costa Rica and Africa … isn’t.

Not pictured: Africa.

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2573: Fazbear Park – Chapters 1 & 2

Title: Fazbear Park
Author: SirDelvinAndMegaMike
Media: Books/Movies
Topic: Five Nights at Freddy’s/Jurassic World
Genre: Romance
URL: Chapter 1
URL: Chapter 2
Critiqued by Ghostcat

Hey there, Patrons!

I was combing through my short fics to see what caught my fancy and near the bottom of the bin was this very short little treasure.

It’s a Jurassic Park/World and Five Nights at Freddy’s crossover.

And it’s tagged as a Romance.

Soooo … That’s a thing that exists. Let’s look at the summary, shall we?

InGen and Fazbear Entertainment come together to recreate the popular FFP and Jurassic World!

With two companies with such sterling track records regarding customer safety I can’t see how that would ever go wrong, but I can’t help but notice that a theme park featuring genetically engineered organisms doesn’t have much in common with a children’s party restaurant. There might be a pizzeria inside Jurassic World somewhere, probably the food court because there’s always a food court, but the summary makes it sound as if the two things are completely equal.

Welcome home! Rated M for language, violence, and suggestive themes.

Oh, I don’t like that.

Read and please please PLEASE review. Fem! Mangle and Fem! OC. Couldn’t find JJ in the character list, just put her as OC. Please review. If you read, review review review!

Do you think the author wants reviews?

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2568: Harry’s Hidden Sibling – Chapter 1, part 3

Title: Harry’s Hidden Sibling
Author: AuthorAndrewCharlusPotter
Media: Books/Movies
Topic: Harry Potter
Genre: Romance
URL: Chapter 1
Critiqued by Ghostcat



Yello, dear Patrons, and welcome to the last of this one chapter long fic that has lasted for-frickin’-ever. Kind of fitting that we’re ending it on Friday the Thirteenth, I guess.

In the last segment, there was … Ummm…

:flips through notes: 

Dream sequence … :flip:  Shenanigans … :flip-flip: The whole under-aged soul bond … thing …

:tosses notebook over her shoulder:

Fuck if I know what was going on.

Onward to the bitter end!

Albus had to go alone to change the story, for the greater good. he didn’t want the Longbottom line to end, but he knew Harry had to be born a year earlier if necessary to give Lord Voldemort a choice between the two boys.

I don’t really think that’s how a prophecy works, dude.

As I’ve already pointed out there were likely a number of children born around the vague time period specified by Trelawney’s prophecy – July, 1980 – and I’m sure statistically speaking a good number of them would have been male and their parents would have been apposed to Voldemort. I assume the whole reason Neville is the only other candidate is due to the fan theories that he was the Chosen One from the prophesy, not Harry.

 Hopefully the soul bond will still be in effect for Harry and Ginerva and if possible I may need to interfere again.

Because even though he’s now going to be born a year earlier, Harry is going to be the exact same person because reasons.

Wait a second … Interfere? When did he interfere before now? Was it when he gave the Potters the special soul-bonding rings? Or did I miss something during that endless dream sequence? Because I was fairly well plastered for most of it.

Don’t drink knife polish and fancy perfume, kids. You’ll end up having to get your liver vacuumed out by a guy who is overly fond of leeches, which is far less fun than it sounds.

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2565: Harry’s Hidden Sibling – Chapter 1, part 2

Title: Harry’s Hidden Sibling
Author: AuthorAndrewCharlusPotter
Media: Books/Movies
Topic: Harry Potter
Genre: Romance
URL: Chapter 1
Critiqued by Ghostcat


[Note from FutureGhostie – I’m not going to put a full content warning tag on this, but it goes off the rails very quickly and touches on some disturbing subject matter. Nothing graphic, but it does involve children and ‘age of consent’ shenanigans.]


Hello, dearest Patrons, and welcome to the second installment of this rambling fever-dream of a fic. In the first chunk James and Lily (and possibly another James) were married, resulting in a ‘weak’ soul bond, and a year later Dumbledore received the book prophecy from Professor Trelawney and then decided to take a quick nap. Onward into … whatever this is!

~Albus Dumbledore’s Dream~

I guess this tag is here in case having Dumbledore cast a spell on himself in a mix of broken Latin and English wasn’t enough of a clue that he was going to be forcing himself to fall asleep and have a convenient prophetic dream.

St. Mungo’s…

Sept. 19, 1979

This is Hermione’s canonical birth date, although I would assume she was born in a Muggle hospital and not St. Mungo’s. I doubt any wizarding family would go to St. Mungo’s – or, to use the hospital’s full name, St Mungo’s Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries – for a normal birth since childbirth is not a magical malady or injury. There’s not really a lot of information regarding childbirth given in the books, but St. Mungo’s various floors are described and none of them contain a maternity wing so I assume that wizarding families either go elsewhere or use the services of a magical midwife or something similar.

Albus made his way along with his headmistress Minerva McGonagall to visit old friends of theirs who have just given birth to their first child.

Minerva said, “She’s beautiful.”

Is McGonagall practicing for when she sees the baby, or does she think the hallway is beautiful?

Lily smiled, “She is she has James’s eyes just a shade dark and could be mistaken for brown but there is a tinge of blue-grey to be known as hazel eyes and she has my father’s hair.

I think Lily is still enjoying the effects of whatever medication they’ve given her. I wish she would share.

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2560: Harry’s Hidden Sibling – Chapter 1, part 1

Title: Harry’s Hidden Sibling
Author: AuthorAndrewCharlusPotter
Media: Books/Movies
Topic: Harry Potter
Genre: Romance
URL: Chapter 1
Critiqued by Ghostcat



Hello, dear Patrons, and welcome to a girthy oneshot from an author who is obsessed with blood rituals and has no grasp on how genetics work – good ol’ AACP! It is one of the few works on his main profile that is a ‘real’ fic and not just a lengthy rant abusing one of his favorite horse corpses or an attempt to ‘fix’ the works of other fanfic authors who don’t meet with AACP’s approval. It is also technically only one chapter long but is so dense that I will likely have to break it into at least two, probably three, parts.

Let’s just take a quick peek at the summary, shall we?

This starts out as Lily and James wedding and then goes on to well, her first true child, Dumbledore’s seer-like abilities thanks to a spell, then Dumbledore’s interference and obliviation, and this explains why Harry and Hermione aren’t supposed to be together as well, because they are full blood brother and sister. Only Harry and Ginny are supposed to be together romantically.

Well. That’s certainly a thing that someone wrote.

If this fic is anything like the other fic(s) we’ve seen from this author and his sock-puppet, then the actual plot will completely dissolve into a disjointed ‘explanation’ about one of the author’s favorite pet subjects – and/or possibly turn into poorly translated Welsh – at some point, and based on that summary I assume it’s going to be yet another incredibly convoluted way of ‘proving’ that Harry and Hermione can’t be romantically involved (even though canonically they aren’t) because reasons, so we have that to look forward to.

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone/Philosopher’s Stone

…Huh. I’m used to seeing the chapter repeated in the body of the text, but that’s new. Pretty sure this seven thousand plus word fanfic isn’t the actual book named in that title.


No wonder this chapter is so long; it is actually four chapters in one.

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2555: Five Nights with Jack – Chapter 7

Title: Five Nights with Jack
Author: mah29732
Media: Video Game/TV Show
Topic: Five Nights at Freddy’s/Samurai Jack
Genre: Mystery/Suspense
URL: Chapter 7
Critiqued by Ghostcat




Hello, dear Patrons, and welcome to the last chapter of the fic! Now, I can’t actually remember if this fic is listed as being completed or if it is one of the many abandoned fics that have made their way to the Library, and I’m too lazy to actually go check so it will be a surprise for all of us when we get to the end.

The last chapter ended with a small nugget of what passes for excitement, with the explosive death of Springtrap and the arrival of a (possibly unrelated) Generic Purple Spirit that is exceedingly polite and doesn’t just attack Jack after delivering what I assume is meant to be a threat. Since it is the last chapter, the Generic Purple Spirit will probably threaten and/or attack, someone (either Aku or the Generic Purple Spirit) will steal Jack’s sword – but Jack will get it back within a paragraph or two, kick moderate ass, the ‘time machine’ will either be fake or somehow be destroyed just before Jack can use it, Aku will run off (while laughing evilly, no doubt) and then everything will return to the status quo.

Let’s see if I’m right!

Chapter 7: The Purple Spirit

It’s prose shall be both florid and insubstantial! Truly one of the most terrifying of all spectral entities.

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