1971: A Raptor Love – Chapter 3

 

Title: A Raptor Love
Author: Neongirl786
Media: Book/Movie
Topic: Jurassic Park
Genre: Romance/Adventure
URL: Chapter 3
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

 

 

Hello, dear Patrons, and welcome to another chapter of (alleged) raptor lovin’!

In the last chapter Nameless was finally able to treat Flint’s superficial burns with magically appearing medical supplies, although they spent most of the time just watching Flint sleep like some kind of weirdo before wandering back to their dorm room. The timeline of the fic has been weird; Nameless went from a summer intern on their first day to someone who has been at the park for an extended period of time within the space of a few paragraphs. It’s a really wonky timesquiggle that really never acknowledges that there’s been any kind of linear progression of time at all.

Sunlight assaulted my eyes as birds chirped their bright, cheery morning tunes. I immediately closed my eyes, but the bright image was already burned into my retinas.

Didn’t Nameless pull all the curtains closed the night before?

My head felt groggy, like there was a thick, cloudy mist blanketing all my thoughts, and my body was a lead weight stuck on the bed.

Yeah, but you’re a college student. I don’t see how this would be different from a normal morning. It isn’t even really all that different from the previous “Nameless wakes up late” scene in the first chapter.

I reluctantly stood up, causing my sheets to pool around my ankles.

… Nameless does not know how to make their bed properly. Or they are literally standing up on top of their bed.

I shivered harshly at the abrupt cold, but knew that I had to get ready.

From what I remember, Nameless put on flannel pajamas (that they brought with them to a tropical island) before wrapping themselves in a blanket-burrito. If anything, they are probably too hot, not too cold.

Today, I’m supposed to be leading a group of people, two paleontologists, a mathematician, a lawyer and two kids, around the park, and introduce them to most of our dinosaurs while going over the safety measures we take into account for both the guests and the animals.

…Right. Because of course the park would want to give such a tremendous responsibility for a tour that will determine if the board of directors will continue funding the park – a role which the park owner John Hammond has in the original, highlighting just how important it is – to the summer intern who can’t even come in out of the rain at night.

:headdesks:

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1968: A Raptor Love – Chapter 2

 

Title: A Raptor Love
Author: Neongirl786
Media: Book/Movie
Topic: Jurassic Park
Genre: Romance/Adventure
URL: Chapter 2
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

 

Hello, dear Patrons, and welcome to another chapter of exciting dinosaur on human action!

At least I assume we’ll eventually be getting to the exciting dinosaur on human action; the first chapter did little more than introduce the nameless and genderless protagonist before dumping them into the raptor enclosure alone with no supplies and no hope of doing anything useful.

Let’s see how they’re doing, shall we?

The alpha raptor lying on the damp ground eyed me wearily as I settled on my knees beside her.

Despite only being injured on her forelimbs, the raptor is laying down in a vulnerable position. I’m still kind of hoping she’s the bait to get Nameless closer, but that’s probably just wishful thinking.

Her clawed hands were burned a deep, dark red and trembled underneath her weight as she attempted to stand and assert her dominance.

If she was so concerned with trying to assert her dominance, why was she laying down in the first place? Showing a weakness, like those burns, would just be asking for one of the other raptors to challenge for the position of alpha.

That’s when I noticed it.

What?

“She” was actually a he!

… So ‘it’ is the raptor’s penis?

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1965: A Raptor Love – Chapter 1

Title: A Raptor Love
Author: Neongirl786
Media: Book/Movie
Topic: Jurassic Park
Genre: Romance/Adventure
URL: Chapter 1
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

 

 

 

Hello, dear Patrons!

As you can tell from the fic rundown, this is a Jurassic Park Romance fic, and – surprise, surprise – it isn’t Taco who’s riffing it!

Shocking, I know.

Let’s take a look at the summary, shall we?

My first Jurrasic Park fic and my second actual fic. A girl is working on Isla Nublar when the storm comes and all the power is shut off. The raptors, who have taken a liking to her after she visited them several times, see this as a chance to escape, but the alpha isn’t leaving without her, his mate. This story is basically their adventures and struggles before and after the storm

Yeah, this looks like another fic ‘inspired’ by Raptor and I or Life with Raptors or any of the numerous other fics written in this vein. Taco wasn’t kidding when he said there were a lot of these. Most likely the Sue will be a high school student inexplicably hired as a groundskeeper and/or vet tech and receive countless special privileges despite have no qualifications that would entitle them to such.

~I just wanted to say a quick thanks to all my readers, old and new~

I just had a birthday, so I’m now one year closer to being an old reader. I’ve already got my shakin’ cane polished and a rocking chair to go with my horde of cats.

Today was my first day on the job and I was scared witless.

That sounds about right for a first job.

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1960: Whatever McGill Can Do I Will Do Better – Chapter 4

 

 

Title: Whatever McGill Can Do I Will Do Better
Author: Beowulf the Novelborn
Media: Video Game
Topic: Subnautica
Genre: Adventure/”Romance”
URL Chapter 4
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

Hello, dear Patrons, and welcome to another updated fic!

This is the Subnautica fic of asteroid-punching ship defenses fame, the previous chapters can be found here. The timing is quite appropriate, considering that the game finally fully launched on Tuesday after years in beta and having the launch date constantly pushed back due to technical problems. (EDIT: And in a nicely ironic turn of events, the launch livestream ended up being delayed due to technical difficulties.)

When last we left the “trouble-sought son” he was playing around with the fabricator and scanner, and there was an unknown person trapped in a PRAWN suit who managed to blast themselves out of some sand.

On to the fic!

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1955: Five night’s with Foxy and Mike – Chapter 3

 

Title: Five night’s with Foxy and Mike
Author: PLeasedestroyme
Media: Video Game
Topic: Five Nights at Freddy’s
Genre: none given
URL: Chapter 3
Critiqued by: Ghostcat

 

 

—TRIGGER WARNING—

—THIS POST CONTAINS MATERIAL THAT, WHILE NOT GRAPHIC OR EXPLICIT, MAY BE DISTURBING TO SOME PEOPLE—

—READER DISCRETION IS ADVISED–

 

 

:sighs:

So I was all ready to start on a new fic but, as is my custom, I double-checked on my old fics to see if any had updated. And wouldn’t you know it, the fic updated on Friday, right when my last riff went up.

Awesome.

The last chapter (or chapter-part) didn’t really have a lot going on, despite being “expanded” to nearly four times its original length. Blind Mike the Robot Fondler went to work, saw his drunk/high coworker acting inappropriately, and then had a very long and awkward interaction with Foxy in the office while Chica and Bonnie were still trying to attack him for some reason.

To the fic!

When Bonnie finally left, (three damn minutes later, mind you) Mike let his attention fall fully on the robot standing across from him.

Three minutes in real time isn’t all that long, but translated over into game-time of each hour lasting roughly a minute and a half then it is possible that Bonnie was standing there for nearly a third of the night.

It was a mere twenty seconds of staring before he remembered he actually had a job and should probably keep doing it.

I don’t remember if we ever figured out exactly what brand of kink Blind Mike the Robot Fondler has, but whatever it is he must have it bad. Also, he is really bad at this job and probably should have died quite some time ago. Foxy is probably the only reason he is still alive at this point.

“Do ye like me bein’ here?” Foxy suddenly asked after another minute or so of lapsed silence passed. Mike looked up to him through his lashes with raised eyebrows, but otherwise nonchalant features.

Eighty-five percent of this conversation is just awkward silences and looks. I get enough of that in real life.

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1951: Five night’s with Foxy and Mike – Chapter 2 part 2 & Chapter 2 part 2 update notification

 

 

 

Title: Five night’s with Foxy and Mike
Author: PLeasedestroyme
Media: Video Game
Topic: Five Nights at Freddy’s
Genre: none given
URL: Chapter 2 part 2
URL: Chapter 2 part 2 update notification
Critiqued by: Ghostcat

 

 

 

Hello, and welcome to the last installment of this constant parade of uncomfortable situations. Despite the author’s warnings, the last chapter did not include any penises being inserted in places that they aren’t usually inserted, much to my associates’ displeasure. The Salacious Sisterhood has since decamped to go on an epic quest to find out where Shinobi-san hides the really explicit manga, so I’m all by my lonesome now.

So sad.

Mike awoke to the sound of an alarm going off.

I think that means you need to reset the systems, but I’ve never been able to pinpoint where in the timeline this is supposed to be taking place.

“What in the fuck” he groggily turned over in his single bed, pulling his phone from its spot on his bedside table.

Is the phone his alarm, or is this just an unrelated action?

His head throbbed with the sound, and promptly, he opened and clicked it off.

…Does he have a flip phone? As I’ve just stated I’m not sure exactly where in the timeline this is supposed to take place, but the bulk of the action takes place in the late 1980s to the mid-1990s. A flip phone would be at the very edge of that time estimate, but those didn’t have the same features found in today’s ubiquitous smartphones. I’ve owned flip phones, and I don’t remember them having an alarm function.

He was still tired from been up all night and then sleeping all day.

He’s tired from sleeping all day?

I don’t think Mike understands how sleep works. Or he took one of those really deep naps where you can’t remember what planet you’re on when you wake up.

He remembered that, as soon as he came home to his apartment he had passed out on his bed. He barely remembered how he even got here.

Meh. It’s probably not important. Much like everything else in this fic.

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1946: Five night’s with Foxy and Mike – Chapter 2 part 1

 

Title: Five night’s with Foxy and Mike
Author: PLeasedestroyme

Media: Video Game
Topic: Five Nights at Freddy’s
Genre: none given
URL: Chapter 2

Critiqued by: Ghostcat (with special guests)

 

 

 

 

Hello, dear Patrons! I hope everyone is having a safe and healthy New Year and hasn’t already watched their resolutions crash and burn like dot-com stocks in 2000.

I’m here with the second chapter of this short little fic; and it is indeed the second chapter. For some reason the author labelled the second chapter “Chapter 2 part 1” and the third chapter “Chapter 2 part 2” even though they are two separate chapters. I have no idea why.

(A short warning, there is mention of sticking dicks in places that they really shouldn’t go.)

Oh, no.

:the thunderous sound of running footsteps can be heard echoing through the halls of the Library:

Good thing I’m in the Ultra-Reinforced Bunker™.

:The Ultra-Reinforced Door™ of the bunker flies off its hinges, shattering against the far wall into a shower of rubble as Ghostie dives under the desk:

:As the dust clears, several figures step through the ruined door:

Syl: “WHERE ARE THE PENISES?!?”

Well … shit. That’s the last time I use Crunchy as a general contractor.

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