Title: The Legend of Dragoon: The Eighth Spirit
Media: Video Game
Topic: Legend of Dragoon
URL: The Legend of Dragoon: The Eighth Spirit
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Swenia
Welcome back, patrons! This week we’re going to finish off chapter twenty-five. And with the high stakes, it’s sure to be thrilling!
“High stakes? Is that what we’re calling a petulant princess?”
It’s nicer than the other things we could call her. Last time we broke off just as the group was about to investigate the mystery of why the princess was acting so contrary to Albert’s expectation. That’ll have to suffice as a recap because nothing really happened in the fic last week.
“As a rule, nothing ever does.”
WARNING! THIS RIFT CONTAINS A DEPICTION OF RAPE! PROCEED WITH CAUTION!
(I need a fucking break)
Ert: Ok, so quick quiz. Can anyone tell me what this story is about? Because I sat down and try to think about it. Some stories you can sum the plot up in a paragraph. More complicated stories like A Song of Ice and Fire, might take a page or too. But honestly I can just say “Twat person acts like a twat a lot,” and I can’t really feel like anything is being missed. There’s nothing freaking going on. No overarching plot, no goal the characters are marching towards, frankly it’s just Lt. Stu running around killing things.
Nora: Not in an entertaining way either.
Author’s Note: Well, isn’t this a surprise. I created this chapter so I can ‘redeem’ myself in my lack of long chapters.
Cornelia: Spoilers, he failed.
The End of the Beginning
Nora: And the beginning of the end, and the beginning of the beginning and the end of the end, as well as the mid point of the beginning and the last quarter of the end.
General Siegfried was walking towards the embassy while Lofn was following him.
“Why did you decide to let the orks loose?” She asked.
“They’re orks, they need something to do.”
Ert: Uh, here’s an idea. Fucking kill them all. Orks don’t comprehend the concept of peace and they find it boring. Frankly the fact that they came along with you is OOC for you, but Lt. Stu frankly just does whatever the fuck they want with this.
Happy Monday, everyone! After the last couple one-shots, I’m ready to jump back into a multi-chapter pile o’ crap, and boy have I found one. Welcome to “Call of Retribution,” a confusing blurb of a fanfic based on the video game Chrono Trigger. It’s been a little while since we’ve done a CT fic, so cue SC-Style Info-Dump!
Chrono Trigger is a great, older game that originally came out on the SNES. It’s one of my all-time favorites, actually. I have a ROM of it on my computer, the DS version, and then Mr. Lyle also bought me the re-release for the Playstation through my PS3, so now I can play it on the big screen TV in the bedroom. The gist of the game is that you play Crono, a vocally challenged youth with no actual dialogue in the game, who takes it upon himself to save the world after he literally runs into a “mysterious” young woman at the local fair. She gets her ass zapped 400 years into the past via a malfunctioning teleporter made by your best friend, Lucca. You decide to go save her because HERO (and probably because PRETTY GIRL). This leads to an adventure that spans from 65,000,000 BC to 2300 AD (you’re from 1000 AD) while you and your unlikely group of heroes try to defeat the Big Bad (Lavos) and save the world. There’s 12 possible endings depending on certain decisions you make throughout the game, such as if you decide to spare Magus’ life or kill him or at what point and from which era you decide to fight Lavos for the final battle. If you’ve not played it but enjoy old-school RPGs, you really should acquire a way to play it. You shan’t be disappointed.
Title: The Marissa Games
Author: Marissa the Writer
Media: Books/Movies/Video Games
Topic: The Hunger Games / Portal
Genre: Not Listed
URL: Cariture Bios
Critiqued by agigabyte and Ghostcat (with special guests Goddess, Cain, and Syl)
Cain: I can’t believe I’m doing this. *Clears throat* Hello, Patrons and librarians, and welcome to The Marissa Games. We’re riffing from aboard the Somewhere, since this thing is the only ship that can evade the Terribad Particles.
Goddess: Are we really doing this?
agig: Yeah. Anyway, those of you who read the “Critiqued by” bit at the start may have noticed something different in this one. That’s right, we’re riffing alongside Ghostie and Syl!
:door slams open, revealing Syl with Ghostie in a headlock:
Syl: We’re here!
Welcome back, everyone, to the crazy crossover conundrums of John and the Dragon Rider!
“Previously, the Varden-outworlder alliance prevailed over a proximate Evilpire encampment thanks in equal parts to superior technology and vagueness, although Arya The Poinless Elf was killed by the Angst Riders, Thorn and Murtagh. This inexplicably caused John-117, a hardened soldier who has stared down Graveminds, to undergo an extremely rapid-onset mental breakdown and murder both Rider and dragon in a sequence entirely too reminiscent of your human WWE episodes.
After an entire day of pointless malingering, Arya was revealed to have only been mostly dead, wandered back to camp, and for some entirely incomprehensible reason thought it would be a good idea to mate with a Spartan. That sordid business conducted, the offworlders eliminated a random Evilpire camp with what is fast becoming their trademark brutality, and due to the fantastic stupidity of all parties involved John managed to be captured by King Galbawhatever and his black D26/SOCOM stealth dragon. I should know better than to ask, but can the ‘fic possibly get any dumber?”
Yes. Yes it can. We’re only doing two chapters today, and for good reason- Chapter 11 features a plot twist so moronic it deserves to be at the head of the next riff. So without further ado, let’s dive into Chapter 9, which is simply entitled “Captivity”.