819: A Witch needs her Cat – Chapter One, Part Three

Title: A Witch needs her Cat
Author: FlamingAxel
Media: Anime/Manga
Topic: Black Cat
Genre: Adventure/Romance
URL: Chapter One
Critiqued by SC

Hello, and welcome back to A Witch needs her Cat by FlamingAxel! And you may be surprised to know, but THIS IS STILL ONLY CHAPTER FUCKING ONE.

*twitch*

I see darkness nigh on the horizon.

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818: To Love Another Soul – Chapter Seven

Title: To Love Another Soul
Author: Writer of Eryn Lasgalen
Media: Books / Movies
Topic: Lord of the Rings
Genre: Romance / Adventure
URL:  Chapter Seven
Critiqued by KittyNoodles

***This riff features an image with mild-ish gore. If you are uncomfortable with Elves being used as banners for the Enemy, you might want to tread lightly once Celebrimbor starts being mentioned.***

*Kitty enters the snark booth, dragging a very smug-looking Scythe along behind her by the front of his shirt and shoving him into a chair before flinging herself down next to him with a scowl.*

Scythe: Hello, dear readers! I’ve decided to mercifully help my good friend, Kitty, with this week’s chapter of “To Love Another Soul”. See what a good friend I am?

*he grunts and then chuckles as Kitty kicks him hard in the shin*

Something to add, love?

Kitty: He’s here because he’s important enough to the plot that I needed somewhere to hide him for a bit while Amariah’s friends and relatives cool off a little after what this jackass— *jabs a thumb at Scythe* –did to Amariah. And I’m not referring to the almost-killing-her aspect.

So basically I’m currently rooming with a homicidal bag of dicks. His “rent” is helping me with riffs and not killing things while he’s here.

Scythe: Firstly, the Mutt didn’t start taking offense to anything I said until I mentioned [RESTRICTED]. Second, I can’t exactly be homicidal just because I [PASSWORD REQUIRED], because she somehow managed to not die from it.

Shall we?

Kitty: I really can’t wait for the three years of brutal character development you’re getting ready to go through.

In our last installment, Suerinil got a special moonlight-emitting pocket watch from Galadriel before the Fellowship left Lothlórien after staying the night, because the Lady of the Golden Wood throws the best makeover-sleepovers. Then some Uruk-hai came along and the Sue managed to slaughter most of them and steal Aragorn’s kill without even breaking a sweat, but somehow couldn’t prevent Boromir’s death, Frodo and Sam’s departure, or Merry and Pippin’s kidnapping.

And then she and Legolas made out more or less on top of the pincushion formerly known as Boromir. I like to think that’s why Gimli hasn’t said anything in a while.

Along the way, Legolas told her repeatedly to stop welching about the parents she didn’t even start caring about until she realized one was an Elf, which would have made him look like an asshole if Suerinil was actually a likeable character. Despite his best efforts to distract her, however, the Sue is still pretty sure she knows who her father is, now.

Let’s get on with chapter seven, I guess.

Scythe: Oh, buck up. I’m sure this chapter won’t be so bad!

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817: Now you’re thinking with portals – Chapters 3 & 4

Title: Now you’re thinking with portals
Author: Katietheportalgleek
Media: Game
Topic: Portal
Genre: Angst/Romance
URL: Chapter 3
URL: Chapter 4
Critiqued by Ghostcat (with special guest Ishi)

 

 

 

 

Hello, kind Patrons!

I’m here with two more chapters from this odd little Portal fic that has almost nothing to do with the source materials.

In the last two chapters, it was established that Wheatley and Glados are in a relationship and that Wheatley has proposed to her. His former girlfriend/bit-o-fluff, Chell, is heartbroken even after two years and plans on breaking up their wedding and stealing the groom. I think she’s going to succeed, because the author has very poor foreshadowing skills, but Ishi-sensei is still ambivalent about it.

“It just doesn’t seem like an honorable action, Ghostcat-sama.”

But it is the sort of syrupy romantic shtick that fic authors go crazy for.

Let’s see who’s right, shall we?

“It’s time” Glados said as she adjusted her veil.

If you’re busy getting ready, shouldn’t there be someone else telling you when it’s time? The bride has more important things to do than be the timekeeper for her own ceremony.

“you look beautiful” her sister Emily said from behind her.

:Ghostie waves:

Hello, sister Emily! Now that you’ve been established, away into the SDQF with you!

“Why would a character be introduced only to immediately vanish?”

You really need to pay more attention to what happens in the Library.

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816: Homura Afterstory – Chapter Three, Part 2

Title: Homura Afterstory
Author: CaptainAfrica
Media:  Anime
Topic: Puella Magi Madoka Magica
Genre: Romance/Suspense
URL: Homura Afterstory: Chapter 3
Critiqued by Herr Wozzeck

Hello, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome back for more fucking Homura Afterstory. I swear, with each installment, this thing just keeps getting more and more pretentious. Before long, we’ll be getting a tangent which involves a summary of all the symbolism in The Tree of Life.

*headdesk*

God, just typing that made me feel stupid. Especially since that movie was fucking awesome!

Anyway, let’s get on with this pretentious snore-fest, yeah? We’ve got quite a bit to cover today.

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815: A Jedi’s Destiny – Chapter Thirteen Part Two

Title: A Jedi’s Destiny
Author: Victor Tarsus
Media: Movies
Topic: Lion King / Star Wars
Genre: Sci-Fi / Adventure
URL:  A Jedi’s Destiny
Critiqued by TacoMagic

Welcome back to the second half of the thirteenth chapter of A Jedi’s Destiny.  The first half of the chapter mostly featured a new Awesome McEvil, Arin, and his pack of cyber-zombie wolves.  No, I’m not making that up.

The chapter didn’t really do much else.  The audience was informed that Arin is essentially an unstable necromancer who uses technology to bring the people he kills back to life.  Seriously, that’s what is in the first half of the chapter.  The IN, pissed that they didn’t think of necromancy first, decide to attack Arin with hundreds of planes, tanks, boats, whatever.  They’re also sending ground troops, which is something I wouldn’t do if my opponent just happened to be made stronger when provided with fresh dead, but whatever, I’m not leading the IN, Slazenburger is.

We left off as the force was approaching Arin, who decided to pick the minutes leading up to the battle to test his as-yet unsuccessfully tested wings.  Because I guess it’s badass to risk falling off a balcony for the sake of prototype testing.

Onward to part 2!

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814: Subject 23 – Chapter 5

Title: Subject 23
Author: The Eezoman
Media: Videogame
Topic: Mass Effect
Genre: Adventure/Romance
URL: Chapter 5
Critiqued by Erttheking

N: Just the three of us this time?

C: Looks that way.

W: Well, I’m ready when you are. Not much going on with Stupard. So let’s get to it. Read the rest of this entry »


813: Thomas & Friends: Sodor High Tales – Chapter One

Title: Thomas & Friends: Sodor High Tales
Author: Gotham317
Media: Movies / Television
Topic: Thomas the Tank Engine
Genre: Adventure / Romance
URL:  Chapter One
Critiqued by Lyle

Good morning, friends!

Sorry about being gone last week.  It was my birthday weekend (I’m now officially somewhat 30!) and I had family in town until Wednesday.  Thanks to Herr for entertaining everyone in my absence!

Starting off today, I’ll make the official decision to drop The Secret of NIMH New Leaf.  Although she tended toward “RAWR, BURN THEM ALL!” when she discovered the riff, I believe the author is sincere about wanting to improve her work and, apart from an atrocious lack of attention to details, she really wasn’t a horrible writer.  Nothing ever leaves the Library, but that doesn’t mean we have to finish what we start (I’m never going back to Control and you can’t make me!).  So, if you’re still gnashing your teeth at us Stitchy, relax, keep writing, and don’t like it get you down.

Now that I’m done with that, let’s get on with today’s stinker.  Hailing  from the Thomas the Tank Engine section of fanfiction.net, I present to you “Thomas & Friends: Sodor High Tales.”

Yes, you read that right.

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