1880: Suicidal Nightmare– Crappy Pasta

Title: Suicidal Nightmare
Author: CreepyPastaPrincessLuna
Media: Animation
Topic: My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic
Genre: Dark, Slice-Of-Life, and Other (it’s really just a creepypasta)
URL: Suicidal Nightmare
Critiqued by:
AdmiralSakai and Nina

WARNING

In case you couldn’t figure it out from the goddamn title, the pasta being riffed today contains potential flamebait in the form of a very strange handling of suicide. It’s not on the level of, say, a certain infamous Spongebob Squarepants ‘pasta previously riffed here, but exercise caution in the comments regardless. Also, expect the usual spoopy staples of random gore and character torture.

Hello hello all you patrons! Grab a heaping helping of cat brains and submit any roasted-fetus complaints to the Bureau of Demonic Affairs, because it’s time once again for…

spoop4

Roll it!”

Wait, no, that can’t be right!”

Ooooooooooh, yes it can!

What do you get when you combine the circle-jerking groupthink of the Creepypasta Wiki with the “anything goes” quality standards of fimfiction.net?

Why, ponypasta, of course!

Because nothing chills the blood like a show about magical talking horses who learn lessons about friendship, amiright?

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1876: Necrosleep Part 2– Crappy Pasta

Title: Necrosleep
Author: Lemniscate64
Media: Film??
Topic: Experiments In The Revival of Organisms, I guess
Genre: Creepypasta
URL: Necrosleep
Critiqued by:
AdmiralSakai and Nina

Hello hello, all you patrons! Sign on up for the Nocturnal Underground and hail your nearest Stan, because it’s time once again for…

spoop4

“Roll it!”

 

Last time in part one of this ‘Necrosleep’ thing we got introduced to Reed Murdock, your creepypasta-standard loser Millennial sympathy sponge who somehow makes enough money off of his personal blog and random Internet shenanigans to rent his own apartment and feed/bathe/otherwise maintain a hairless Sphynx cat named Twig. Oh yeah, and his whole blog is included in a case file which reveals that at some point soon he’s going to die under suspicious circumstances.

“It doesn’t take a shoggoth-tsui to figure out that those circumstances are probably going to be related to the fact that Reed just swallowed a pill of the titular ‘necrosleep’, which he was basically handed for free by a representative of a shadowy Ukranian black-market pharmaceutical outfit with more blatant occult imagery and code-words packed into it than a witches’ sabbath in the Great Library of R’lyeh -well, technically his neighbors got handed it for free since he’s stealing their Internet signal, but the important bit seems to be that all of their products (which is basically just necrosleep, a pill that supposedly lets you never have to sleep) are credited to some flat-face scientist named ‘Doctor Hail A. Stan’. Yes, really.”

We resume Reed’s blog already in progress.

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1870: Necrosleep Part 1 — Crappy Pasta

Title: Necrosleep
Author: Lemniscate64
Media: Film??
Topic: Experiments In The Revival of Organisms, I guess
Genre: Creepypasta
URL: Necrosleep
Critiqued by:
AdmiralSakai and Nina

*Guard-Novitiate Psk’nyor “Nina” C’hon staggers back into the control room from a generally armory-ward direction, smelling strongly of single-malt Scotch and wearing only a white ‘Straight Outta Innesmoth’ t-shirt a size too small for her and what look disturbingly like UNSC-Marine-issue men’s boxer shorts.

Due to her current somewhat disheveled state, it takes her a few moments to realize that RIFFCON seems to have undergone some… changes. Many of the fluorescent ceiling lights are cracked and broken, casting dark, ominous shadows over the hyper-realistic-blood-red carpeting; those terminals which are still functional display a number of popular 90s cartoon and video game characters dying increasingly violent deaths to the haunting strains of the original Lavender Town theme; several sections of raised floor shift dangerously as the skeletons beneath them threaten to pop out; and even the open spaces near the walls seem occupied by ghostly, supernatural forms that give the faintest suggestion of formal business attire. In the middle of it all sits the Admiral, dressed in a white Linkin Park hoodie and smiling an absurdly wide smile.*

“…

Awwww, glub no.”

Ohohoho, yes! My fellow patrons, it’s that time of year once again, so get Ready For Round 2, don’t GO TO SLEEP, and prepare to enjoy…

spoop4

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1865: The Lone Wolf Of The Normandy– Chapter 17

Title: The Lone Wolf of the Normandy
Author: SSJ Lone Wolf
Media: Games
Topic: Halo / Mass Effect
Genre: Sci-Fi/Adventure
URL: Chapter 17
Critiqued by
AdmiralSakai and JLT. Troy Fisher

Hello hello all you patrons! And welcome back to what is, finally, the last chapter of The Lone Wolf Of The Normandy. Take it away, Troy.

Well, pretty much all of the last chapter was spent just trying to get all of the various UNSC forces that have been dumped into Shepard’s universe on the same comm frequency and up to speed on all the bullshit that’s been going on regarding the slavers and the Kilimanjaro and whatever. Oh yeah, and Blaze killed the krogan who I guess was in charge of the whole ground assault or something, it’s kind of hard to tell what the wider course of this engagement is when we have zero idea what sort of forces both sides have, where they are located, or about really anything at all other than whatever enemy happens to be directly in front of one of the Spartans at the moment.”

Show and Tell Counter: 75

Amorous Counter: 116

Collateral Douchebag Counter: 39

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1859: The Lone Wolf Of The Normandy — Chapter 16

Title: The Lone Wolf of the Normandy
Author: SSJ Lone Wolf
Media: Games
Topic: Halo / Mass Effect
Genre: Sci-Fi/Adventure
URL: Chapter 16
Critiqued by
AdmiralSakai and JLT. Troy Fisher

Hello hello all you patrons! Welcome back to The Lone Wolf Of The Normandy.

Last time the Normandy finally got to this random ‘jungle planet’ the Kilimanjaro was ditched on, dropped off the various Spartans it had onboard, and then immediately left again.

I really can’t blame them.

Anyway, pretty much the whole rest of the chapter was spent watching Jun, Six, Jorge, and that stupid ‘Blaze’ fucker wandering around killing a bunch of batarians in increasingly stupid ways before the UNSC Spirit Of Fire showed up out of the fucking blue and dropped off a fuck-load of troops to further fuck things up.”

Show and Tell Counter: 66

Amorous Counter: 116

Collateral Douchebag Counter: 39

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1854: The Lone Wolf Of The Normandy — Chapters 14 and 15

Title: The Lone Wolf of the Normandy
Author: SSJ Lone Wolf
Media: Games
Topic: Halo / Mass Effect
Genre: Sci-Fi/Adventure
URL: Chapter 14 and Chapter 15
Critiqued by
AdmiralSakai and JLT. Troy Fisher

Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome back to The Lone Wolf Of The Normandy!

Last time we got to sit and watch Jun spit out a massive amount of mostly useless information about the Spartan programs and Noble Team to the Normandy crew, and were informed that back in my own galaxy Carter and the rest of them are all alive and on their way back to Earth because of bullshit-”

Because of that Monitor, actually.

– because of that bullshit Monitor. Oh, and Six decided he was actually going to not be a complete fucking jackass every waking minute and actually apologized to Shepard for… well, for threatening to murder her and her entire crew, but nothing really came out of it.”

Show and Tell Counter: 60

Amorous Counter: 116

Collateral Douchebag Counter: 37

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1848: The Lone Wolf Of The Normandy — Chapter 13

Title: The Lone Wolf of the Normandy
Author: SSJ Lone Wolf
Media: Games
Topic: Halo / Mass Effect
Genre: Sci-Fi/Adventure
URL: Chapter 13
Critiqued by
AdmiralSakai and JLT. Troy Fisher

Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome back to The Lone Wolf Of The Normandy

Last time we got more fucking around by Blaze Shepard and his band of miscellaneous miscreants as they tried to recruit Covenant troops to go on their mission to rescue Blaze’s mom- who in turn has decided to ditch her ship on a conveniently nearby planet for reasons that I’m sure have absolutely nothing to do with the author attempting to crib elements from the ‘Infinity’ campaign mission in Halo 4. We were also introduced to one of the Covenant prisoners, Stealth Minor Lulo ‘Vadamee (yes, as in that ‘Vadamee), who is currently the best character simply by virtue of hating all the OCs and wanting to sword them to death.

-”It’s a bad, bad sign when the squidhead is the most sensible person on the ship.”-

Oh yeah, and Dot confessed to Shepard that she’d been monitoring the Commander’s search history, while Logan did what he did best- whine and brood.

Show and Tell Counter: 57

Amorous Counter: 116

Collateral Douchebag Counter: 36

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