2087: Sly Cooper: Thief Of Virtue — Pages 42 through 63

Title: Sly Cooper: Thief Of Virtue
Author:ConnorDavidson
Media: Video Game
Topic: Sly Cooper
Genre: None Given
URL: DeviantArt Gallery Page
Critiqued by: AdmiralSakai

Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome back to Sly Cooper: Thief of Virtue (which continues to not be a porno).

Last time the heist against gangster Kevin Turbo proceeded in a manner that in any absolute sense would have to be considered catastrophically botched from start to finish, with Bentley having to ram the Cooper Van through multiple walls because Sly forgot to come up with a way to get himself or the loot out of the building and Murray and Dimitri both getting the absolute shit beaten out of them by Turbo in order to cover Sly’s escape. Oh yeah and that ‘Ice’ woman also showed up to ‘rescue’ Sly from extremely mild danger he shouldn’t have gotten himself into to begin with just so that he could fuck things up more later on. Turbo freaked out on some kind of steroids; a series of wobbly backgrounds that could generously be described as something almost, but not quite, entirely unlike a car chase ensued; the entire Miami gang (of three people) got arrested after Sly threatened to fucking drown them to get the name of his next target “Kre”, and criminal mastermind Will-I-Am Dysentery recruited some other random gangster in a back alley for unknown ends that somehow involve the Grouch from Sesame Street.

Let’s move on to the next mission.

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2082: Sly Cooper: Thief Of Virtue — Pages 21 through 41

Title: Sly Cooper: Thief Of Virtue
Author:ConnorDavidson
Media: Video Game / TV Show
Topic: Sly Cooper / Sesame Street
Genre: None Given
URL: DeviantArt Gallery Page
Critiqued by: AdmiralSakai

Hello hello all you patrons and welcome back to Sly Cooper: Thief Of Virtue, which I must remind you is still not a porno. I’ve decided to stop transcribing all of the comic’s dialogue and instead devote more effort to just cropping the elements I want, so we should be proceeding a bit faster through this thing now.

Last time, Sly and the gang finally got around to attempting to steal back the Cooper family treasure from the Miami-dwelling wrestler-turned-big-city-gangsta Kevin Turbo. After some rather prefunctory reconnaissance he managed to track Turbo to a fight club in a blank tan building with a single window leading directly into the vault room. He was then introduced to a red-haired “albino squirrel” named “Ice” who I at first thought was just a hooker that Turbo was beating up but I’m worried might turn out to be some sort of rival thief or something because she shows up later in the comic (although she still doesn’t provide Sly with any usable intel). Despite having just spent “a few months” on unspecified “recovery” Sly suddenly needs his family loot back RIGHT FUCKING NOW and decides they are going to “wing it” and not go in with a detailed heist plan. Instead, Dimitri shows up at Turbo’s fight club and challenges him to a dance-off. Turbo, inexplicably, accepts, and this somehow distracts every single guard save for the one in the vault room itself. Bentley cuts the power, and Sly makes it into the vault only to discover that only a tiny amount of the Cooper loot is left. Then (somehow!) he gets caught and held at gunpoint by (oh noes!) a single flashlight guard who looks like a bad Sonic recolor. How will our brave master thief ever get himself out of this extremely mild predicament?!

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2075: Sly Cooper: Thief Of Virtue — Pages 8 through 20

Title: Sly Cooper: Thief Of Virtue
Author:ConnorDavidson
Media: Video Game
Topic:Sly Cooper
Genre: None Given
URL: DeviantArt Gallery Page
Critiqued by: AdmiralSakai

Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome back to Sly Cooper: Thief Of Virtue, which I must remind you once again is not in fact a porno.

Last time we were subjected first and foremost to SIX SOLID PAGES OF NOTHING BUT ENEMY BIOS in such a brazen act of richness and chunkiness that I won’t even try to summarize them up here because I’d basically just be reposting my original riffing and instead just address them one at a time as they come back into the story (which, for the vast majority of them, won’t be for a good long while).

Anyway, the comic itself started out with our new Rogue’s Gallery somehow managing to completely clean out the Cooper Vault and incapacitate both Bentley and Murray while Sly was away on a three-hour trans-pacific plane ride in full thief gear to get burgers. After taking several months to recover and repair their base of operations (how they paid for all of the new equipment since the Sleazy Six stole all their loot I don’t know), they broke into Police Headquarters and managed to get a tip from Carmelita Fox and her annoying nice-guy partner “Ned” about who might have been responsible both for the theft and an apparently global surge in apparently every single type of crime: an organization with no name and a generic-as-fuck logo.

So they set off to Miami to pursue Interpol’s only solid lead on the organization, namely a local wrestler turned gang boss named Kevin Turbo who functions as the Sleazy Six’s fence, enforcer, and all around ‘face’ on the streets.

Also, Miami was represented as a goddamn photograph.

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2069: Sly Cooper: Thief Of Virtue — Pages 1 through 8

Title: Sly Cooper: Thief Of Virtue
Author: ConnorDavidson
Media: Video Game
Topic: Sly Cooper
Genre: None Given
URL: DeviantArt Gallery Page
Critiqued by: AdmiralSakai

Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome to the second ever fancomic ever to be featured here on Library Of The Damned… which also happens to be the very first Sly Cooper fanwork featured on the Library of the Damned.

For those unfamiliar, the Sly Cooper games (‘Sly Raccoon’ in Europe, for some reason) were a trilogy of stealth/parkour-heavy platformers released throughout the early 2000s (as well as a fourth game, Sly Cooper: Thieves In Time which was released in 2013 under a different developer and wasn’t quite as good), featuring the titular raccoon and his gang engaged in a variety of elaborate Mission Impossible style international heists pursued by the tireless Interpol inspector Carmelita Fox.

Really, just about everything you need to know about the basic premise of the trilogy is explained in the first game’s introductory cutscene:

There’s obviously a lot more that goes on throughout the series, although most of it can be covered under the general category of ‘shenanigans’- Murray gets upgraded by the beginning of the second game from simply ‘driver’ to the all-around muscle and heavy-hitter of the Cooper Gang, Bentley ends up confined to a wheelchair, they recruit some new members and move on from the Fiendish Five to bigger and tougher marks, but overall the games stick to the same tried-and-true formula of “find some rich douchecanoe hiding out in an exotic locale, rob ‘em blind of their ill-gotten gains, blow town and leave Interpol to pick up the pieces”. (I am also being intentionally vague here because there’s a major spoiler regarding the final mission of the first game that I predict I’ll actually be able to get a goodly ways into the comic without having to discuss and it’s really best to experience the whole thing the way the writers intended).

I wouldn’t say the story is neglected, quite the opposite in fact, but it’s minimal and the focus is mostly on gameplay as overall the series is kind of campy and doesn’t take itself too seriously (although, as I mentioned above, there are more than a few legitimate HOLY SHIT moments spread throughout). The best way to describe it would be that Sly Cooper is a sports car to Assassin’s Creed‘s minivan.

All of which brings us to our offering of the day, Sly Cooper: Thief Of Virtue.

No, don’t worry, it is not in fact a porno.

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2062: Friendship Is Something Or Other: The Covenant War — Chapter 5 Part Two

Title: Friendship Is Magic: The Covenant War
Author:  Dragonfang33
Media: Video Game / Cartoon
Topic: Halo / My Little Pony
Genre: Adventure / Sci-Fi
URL: Chapter 5
Critiqued by: AdmiralSakai and Serketry

Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome back to the final installment of Friendship, When You Get Right Down To It, Really Isn’t Good For Much Of Anything At All: The Covenant War.

Previously a whole lot of actual military shit went down, and none of it quite made sense. The Covenant assault on Baltimare bogged down into street-to-street urban fighting against suddenly competent ponies, Thel ‘Va(n)damee gave into the Overpowring Force Of Emo and spared a bunch of schoolfillies hiding in a fashion academy (while ordering his troops to kill many more ponies in another area to give them a chance to escape), and then the scene ended with pony forces simultaneously buckling and rallying in a really geographically confusing bit involving the detonation of multiple bridges or something.

And, as always, any actually cool stuff to see happened out of narrative focus.

We also paid a visit to the Celestia Line, where Shining Armor seemed to be holding his own against the Covenant forces save for the pressure of running out of extra supplies. A message arrived along with a train chock-full of extra supplies telling him he was not able to hold the line and was unfit for command, resulting in the promotion of some OC called General Neighal who is basically Prince Blueblood in a nicer suit and with none of the actual character depth in his place.

We resume Chapter 5 already in progress.

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2055: Friendship Is Something Or Other: The Covenant War — Chapter 4 Part Two and Chapter 5 Part One

 

Title: Friendship Is Magic: The Covenant War
Author:  Dragonfang33
Media: Video Game / Cartoon
Topic: Halo / My Little Pony
Genre: Adventure / Sci-Fi
URL: Chapter 4 and Chapter 5
Critiqued by: AdmiralSakai and Serketry

Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome back to Friendship Is, Umm, You Know, That Thing That Sometimes Does Stuff: The Covenant War.

Previously, we spent, like, half the chapter just sitting around watching Admiral Antivirus thrust his giant, throbbing heavy cruiser between the waiting hills of Sweet Apple Acres because apparently it wasn’t able to defend Canterlot well enough from its previous position a few kilometers away in the Everfree Forest.

…So they move in to defend Ponyville?

Yeah, because apparently this massive heavy cruiser packed full of Pelican dropships can only operate ground forces in one kilometer-square area at a time.

After the ship (finally!) landed everyone kind of just sat around and had something vaguely approximating a party, with the Apple family bringing cider and fritters, the Marines bringing a barrel of unspecified liquor that they stole from Admiral Hood, Rainbow Dash and some nameless ODST bringing some awkward proto-shipping, and Twilight and Admiral Antivirus bringing a weird conversation about cutie marks that no doubt will have Starlight Glimmer taking copious notes once Season 5 finally rolls around.

We resume the chapter already in progress.

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2049: Friendship Is Something Or Other: The Covenant War — Chapter 4 Part One

Title: Friendship Is Magic: The Covenant War
Author:  Dragonfang33
Media: Video Game / Cartoon
Topic: Halo / My Little Pony
Genre: Adventure / Sci-Fi
URL: Chapter 4
Critiqued by: AdmiralSakai and Serketry

Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome back from our little detour down the Boulevard of Broken Bugs to Friendship Is A Thing That Almost Certainly Does Indeed Exist: The Covenant War.

I think I made a bit of a hasty decision saying I preferred this over Unity

Last time we saw something actually happen for a change as Queen Luna and Admiral Antivirus met at the Ponyville Town Hall (or just “Townhall” as it’s repeatedly called) to hammer out an alliance between Equestria and the UNSC, which basically amounts to “you want to kill the Covenant and we want to kill the Covenant, here’s a great idea let’s kill the Covenant together!”

After that a lone Phantom with a few Grunts and an Elite onboard showed up on a course for Ponyville, and predictably the massively outsized force striking from ambush took the ground troops out in, like, two seconds.

The humans thought they needed pair of Spartans and an ODST squad to take out, what, 5 guys

A pair of Spartans, an ODST squad, and TWILIGHT MOTHERFUCKING SPARKLE. And also wanton property damage to Sugarcube Corner for no fucking reason other than I guess that ODSTs compare unfavorably to velociraptors in the difficult science of door-opening.

It’s taken us 4 weeks to see the first Grunt die in-narrative. That’s… almost impressively sad. You’re mulching Grunts and Elites with the starter pistol within minutes in the first game, pretty sure.

Yeah, I believe that we’ve officially gone through the rising action, the climax, the denouemant, the falling action, and the running-out of ideas, and are now officially in the part of the classical narrative known as the Death Spiral.

Wait, if we’re on the Death Spiral, why are there still two whole chapters left?

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