2033: Friendship Is Something Or Other: The Covenant War — Chapter 3 Part One

Title: Friendship Is Magic: The Covenant War
Author:  Dragonfang33
Media: Video Game / Cartoon
Topic: Halo / My Little Pony
Genre: Adventure / Sci-Fi
URL: Chapter 3
Critiqued by: AdmiralSakai and Serketry

Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome back to Friendship is Apparently Not In Fact Magic: The Covenant War.

Last time we were treated to a surprising amount of fuck all as the Battle Of Equestria raged in the background and Thel Va(n)damee sat around Covenant-occupied Manehattan angsting about war being hell (or, for him, war being mildly uncomfortable).

The ashes of the pony corpses were wreaking havoc on his thick coating of white foundation.

Meanwhile, the Mane Six dicked around in the general vicinity of Admiral Antivirus’s ship in the Everfree and finally made contact. Which required them to be blindfolded for some reason because apparently Admiral Antivirus is the LORD thy GOD or something and it is unsafe to look at him directly. We also got introduced to the rest of the UNSC command staff, namely Captain Ryan (who has an eyepatch and cybernetic arm because EDGE), Spartan Alex-201 (aka Spartan Red-and-Black, aka Edgelord Junior), and finally the chief NCO of the Marine and ODST complement… shit, what was his name?

Rhodes?

Yeah, and… wait, what was his title?

Staff… sergeant? Or was he a gunnery sergeant?

Yeah. That guy. Sergeant Rhodes. He was… forgettable.

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2027: Friendship Is Magic: The Covenant War — Chapter 2

Title: Friendship Is Magic: The Covenant War
Author:  Dragonfang33
Media: Video Game / Cartoon
Topic: Halo / My Little Pony
Genre: Adventure / Sci-Fi
URL: Chapter 2
Critiqued by: AdmiralSakai and Serketry

Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome back to Friendship is Magic: the Covenant War.

Oh, lovely.

Previously we were introduced to the feared Sangheili Warrior Arbiter Naym ‘Lessocee (who is Thel ‘Va(n)damee’s semi-estranged brother because who needs to understand Sangheili culture when you can have cheap angst!).

Who needs to understand any cultures involved here when you can stir up bullshit dramatic tension?

Anyway, the two Super Covenant Bros managed to get their carrier Fist of Enlightenment severely damaged in an ambush with the UNSC Midway and its gallant commander, Admiral McAffee Antivirus Software, and make an emergency landing on a regular terrestrial planet

-You mean crash their damn carrier on a regular terrestrial planet-

that is somehow also the magical world of Equestria.

Princess Celestia decided to personally lead the peaceful first contact delegation, and for all intents and purposes got killed offscreen in the first few paragraphs.

And given what all is surrounding the nation of Equestria, the ponies have no reason to believe anything new is friendly. At least a first. And ol’ Sunbutt was killed in the narrative, just in the stupidest and most anticlimactic way possible.

Sadly no amount of proper caution would have saved them from Covenant omnicide here, because Dragonfang33 appears to have completely forgotten that the pony military, despite being equipped with relatively primitive bows and spears, is also capable of, you know, casting magic. That thing that’s in the subtitle of the show?

Yeah, apparently this is actually a crossover that earlier, less successful cartoon about varicolored talking horses, My Little Pony: Friendship Is.

Anyway, after that Luna got promoted to Queen, Shining Armor got promoted to Commander of the Equestrian Army after some random assclown named Leonegihus got himself and his forces wiped out, Admiral Antivirus landed his ship in the Everfree Forest, and the Mane Six got sent to investigate.

Oh yeah and Derpy is Rainbow Dash’s sister for some fucking reason.

I get the feeling a fucking reason is exactly why a lot of these changes were made, seeing as Dragonfang made sure to mention that there are exactly six Spartans onboard the Midway.

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2021: Friendship Is Magic: The Covenant War — Chapter 1

Title: Friendship Is Magic: The Covenant War
Author:  Dragonfang33
Media: Video Game / Cartoon
Topic: Halo / My Little Pony
Genre: Adventure / Sci-Fi
URL: Chapter 1
Critiqued by: AdmiralSakai and Serketry

Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome to Friendship is Magic: The Covenant War. As the title implies we are once again examining the wonderful and often horrifying world of the My Little Pony fandom, so that means I will of course be joined by my indefatigable colleague Serketry.

About damn ti- oh, I mean, glad to be back!

Today we’ve got another offering by our dear friend dragonfang33 of Star Wars: Shadow War Episode I ‘fame’, picked out from within his long list of Sailor Moon and Kim Possible crossovers that I’m not going to touch because I don’t think I would ever stop feeling unclean if I did.

Summary: Friendship is Magic/HALO Crossover:

Oh. Goody.

Actually, I think that crossover could possibly work.

That is, if you find some way around the fact that one is a relatively hard-sci-fi military shooter and one is a kind of gilded-age-meets-D&D-meets-modern-day adventure fantasy show which oh by the way prominently features varicolored talking horses, of course.

Albeit a fantasy show nominated for a Sci-Fi award.

But yeah, both series have a very bright and upbeat tone despite the worlds they are set in actually being pretty grim, both heavily feature exploration of weird and often hostile uncharted territories to drive a lot of their conflict, both like to dabble in horror and drama but in a very self-aware this-is-what-the-refrance sort of way, and both I have to say are excellent role models for young girls.

Online multiplayer aside, of course.

And of course there is that bit about the VARICOLORED TALKING HORSES to deal with…

… but overall yeah I’m not seeing much of a difference.

Prepare to be disappointed.

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2015: Wronger, Weirder, Faster, Stronger — Chapter 10

Title: Velocius et Fortius
Author: ChaosSpartan575
Media: Video Game
Topic: Mass Effect
Genre: Adventure/Drama
URL: Chapter 10
Critiqued By: AdmiralSakai and Specialist Adrian Sevarra

-WARNING-
Today’s chapter contains potential flamebait in the form of repeated invocation of Nazis. No actual Nazis ever appear, but flamebait nonetheless.

Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome back to the last chapter of the ‘fic formerly known as Velocius et Fortius.

Previously, we were treated to a whole bunch of goddamn filler as basically all of the ground team dicked around inside that one training facility on Earth’s Moon that has the crazy AI and all of the drones in it. Bad jokes were made, Tali killed a bunch of drones with one shot in a combat scene that may as well have had the Monty Python intermission theme playing over it, and Shepard’s biotic aura turned green for reasons that I’m a little bit afraid actually will be explained later on.

And that gets us to Chapter 10.” Read the rest of this entry »


2011: Wronger, Weirder, Faster, Stronger — Chapter 9 and Reviews

Title: Velocius et Fortius
Author: ChaosSpartan575
Media: Video Game
Topic: Mass Effect
Genre: Adventure/Drama
URL: Chapter 9 and The Reviews
Critiqued By: AdmiralSakai and Specialist Adrian Sevarra

Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome back to the ‘fic formerly known as Velocius et Fortius!

Last time we saw the end of the unnaturally-extended Feros arc, although considering how little time was dedicated to actually dealing with the Thorian it’d really be better to refer to it as the everybody-be-amazed-by-the-uncontrollable-’berzerking’-Shepard-on-Feros arc. Eventually the rest of the crew did manage to sedate her and subsequently calm her down, although this involved a pointless cameo from Legion that fortunately nobody had to actually directly acknowledge.

Meanwhile on the Citadel, it was revealed that the batarian Nikita Chruscov and her Cerberus pals “interrogated” was part of some sort of vague biological terrorist plot to infect an unknown number of people related to the Council with ‘batarian plague’, which is apparently completely treatable without ill effects. Oh yeah, and also some random gang members are trying to team up with Nyreen Kandros to push those stupid ‘Dark Stars’ guys off of Omega and hopefully also do something about The Daughter Of Dracula and her weird psychopath kid.

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2006: Wronger, Weirder, Faster, Stronger — Chapters 7 and 8

Title: Velocius et Fortius
Author: ChaosSpartan575
Media: Video Game
Topic: Mass Effect
Genre: Adventure/Drama
URL: Chapter 7 and Chapter 8
Critiqued By: AdmiralSakai and Specialist Adrian Sevarra

Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome back to the ‘fic formerly known as Velocius et Fortius!

Previously, we witnessed 90-odd-percent of the Feros mission being resolved offscreen, which really when I think about it was probably the least painful option of those available. We did, however, learn that ExoGenii – oh, wait, sorry, “EXO-geni” – is still a human corporation (which brings back the many, many never-answered questions of how the krogohumans are able to operate a spacefaring society when all we see of them seems to be stuck in the Middle Ages at the absolute latest), and that Commander Shepard has ‘the berzerker gene’, which comes from the ‘Viking Clan’ and does… well, about what you’d expect, really, in making her go all smashy-smash crazy in response to poorly defined external stimuli.

Why this is considered an asset in the era of autoturrets and close orbital support, I have no idea.”

Oh yeah, and Nikita Chruscov is still avoiding her actual job at the Human Embassy in order to run around and play spy with Miranda Lawson and Jacob Taylor, which last involved her torturing that random batarian schmuck they kidnapped for information about some sort of terrorist attack, because 24 was totally a documentary don’t ever say it wasn’t!!

Shepard also had a nice- if contrived- chat with her mother and defused some unnecessary angst, though, so there is that.

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2001: Wronger, Weirder, Faster, Stronger — Chapters 5 and 6

Title: Velocius et Fortius
Author: ChaosSpartan575
Media: Video Game
Topic: Mass Effect
Genre: Adventure/Drama
URL: Chapter 5 and Chapter 6
Critiqued By: AdmiralSakai and Specialist Adrian Sevarra

Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome back to the ‘fic formerly known as Velocius et Fortius.

Last time we got introduced to Miranda Lawson and Jacob Taylor on some sort of vague Cerberus business stopping a Batarian plot to blow up an embassy or whatever on the Citadel. This expanded to involve Nikita Chruscov as well, who apparently has some sort of Angsty Backstory with Shepard and that Sonia Dracgul lady and also some dead guy named Nikolai. Oh yeah, and Shepard also rescued Liara from Therum in extremely flashy yet boring fashion, had a pre-shipping conversation with Kaiden Alenko, and is now meeting up with her mother Hannah during a refueling stop with the frigate Kilimanjaro. Given that Shepard has both the gang and military-brat origin stories here, this looks to produce even more angst.

Also, in case you missed it on last week’s riff, ChaosSpartan actually responded to the review I left on the ‘fic and acknowledged its flaws and basically gave every indication of having matured a lot since this was published. So good on him.

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