How to Not End Up in the Library: Dis Displacement-Dissing Dissertation/Discussion Disservice — Self-Insertion and Displacement ‘Fics

So, I was going to post something from my Massive Pile Of Fem!Elite Fics (why oh why do I still have a Massive Pile Of Fem!Elite Fics?) to start off my vacation from The First War, but this kind of hit me in a flash of inspiration and so we’re doing that instead.

What exactly is “that”, though? A discussion of two very common -and very commonly reviled– tropes-slash-genres in fanfiction, the self-insertion and the displacement.

Read the rest of this entry »


2524: Mass Murder Effect: The First War Crime (Was Committed By The Protagonists) — Chapter 10 Part 1

Title: Mass Effect: The First War
Author: ProfFartBurger
Media: Video Game
Topic: Mass Effect
Genre: Adventure/Sci-Fi
URL: Chapter 10
Critiqued by AdmiralSakai

Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome back to Mass Effect: The First War.

Last time, the turian fleet pulled out as ordered by the Citadel Council, but then the humans cut off their exit, surrounded them, and wiped them out to the last man. Also, some of those pointless SPARTAN-knockoffs showed up and didn’t really do anything. And the quarians arrived just in time to participate in the tail-end of the latest round of pointless (and, indeed, since the humans were losing ships by fighting the turians who were just trying to leave, tactically inadvisable) slaughter and make a bunch of boring self-righteous speeches.

Oh yeah, and Douchey Sturk created some kind of spontaneous-particle-beam-generating weapon that can apparently destroy planets or something, because the Systems Alliance totally needs another one of those.

first_war_bb_9

One can only wonder what carnage is in store in the next chapter; I don’t think there’s much hope of the Stumans ever quitting now that they’ve acquired a taste for it.

Read the rest of this entry »


2394: Mass Effect: The Worst Bore — Chapter 3

Title: Mass Effect: The First War
Author: ProfFartBurger
Media: Video Game
Topic: Mass Effect
Genre: Adventure/Sci-Fi
URL: Chapter 3
Critiqued by AdmiralSakai

Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome back to Mass Effect: The First Mass Effect War: A Mass Effect Story: Mass Effect.

Last time, the quarian and human first contact teams finally got around to learning each other’s languages and setting up a face-to-face meeting. Then the quarians freaked out because the humans had an AI with them. And that was literally it.

CunkToad might have been willing to give this story more of a pass because there are long stretches where there is little to nothing technically wrong with it, ranging from basic spelling and grammar all the way up to the logical justification of characters’ actions. I, however, am not, because those passages also don’t accomplish anything worth reading about. We do not need to see all of the minutiae of the humans and quarians arranging a face-to-face meeting (and why they even need to do such a thing at this early stage instead of just using Space Skype remains a mystery to me); if nothing particularly informative about the story’s larger objectives or themes happens during that meeting we can just skip over it and everyone will assume it went fine. In fact, we’re some twenty thousand words in and I still don’t have the faintest idea what its larger objectives or themes even are. Other than sucking off the humans and ripping off a bunch of stuff from Halo with worse names, I guess, since we lit up the HFY Bingo Board pretty effectively, but even the standard HFY ship/gun/exposition porn was pretty thin on the ground most of the time. It’s interminable.

first_war_bb_3

Read the rest of this entry »


2376: Mass Effect: The First War — Chapter 1 Part 2

Title: Mass Effect: The First War
Author: ProfFartBurger
Media: Video Game
Topic: Mass Effect
Genre: Adventure/Sci-Fi
URL: Chapter 1
Critiqued by AdmiralSakai

Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome back to Mass Effect: The First War,  the purported mother-of-all HFY ‘fics which thus far is shaping up to be a particularly boring, lazy, plot-regurgitational, bog-standard HFY ‘fic.

Hmm.

Maybe CT was right about it being the purest form of the species after all.

Also, I have said it before and will say it again. Prepending “Mass Effect:” to the title of your Mass Effect ‘fic  accomplishes jack diddly because we already know what category it’s in and it also makes the ‘M’ section unreasonably large when sorting ‘fics by alphabetical order. So quit already.

Anyway, last time we got a bunch of codex entries outlining the development of human society in the absence of some of the technology the prothean ruins canonically contained. It occurred… pretty much exactly the same as in canon, just a little slower and there are AIs. Yay mankind, I guess.

first_war_bb_1

We left off just as things were actually supposed to start narratively happening, with an expedition to open an unexplored Mass Relay.

Read the rest of this entry »


Fillertastic Special: AdmiralSakai and Serketry Riff Terrible MLP Fanart Episode III– Revenge of the Shit

You should know the drill by now. There’s a lot of My Little Pony fanart out there, and most of it is terrible or has unpleasant implications or is just plain confusing, and so Serketry and I riffed it over Steam chat and then reformatted everything into a Library post.

Read the rest of this entry »