846: My Immortal – Chapter Forty-Three and Forty-Four

Title: My Immortal
Author: Tara (reposted by the lovely internet trolls)
Media: Book / Movie
Topic:  Harry Potter
Genre: Romance / angst
URL:  My Immortal – Chapter 43
Critiqued by Lyle

This is it!  There’s only two chapters left and I’m doing them both today!  I’m so excited I could puke!  …Or is that just the nausea that comes with having to riff this fic?

Last time on My Immortal, Young Voldemort took a nap in the common room while Ebony ran off to try and stop? his older self from destroying everything.  I think.  I’m not entirely certain what was going on.  All I know is that I’m rooting for Britney the Prep Girl.  She was able to free three people from Azkaban single-handedly.  She’s good at wizarding.

Anyway, in celebration of our final riffing of My Immortal I’m bringing in a guest riffer.  Everyone else is doing it, so why not?

Read the rest of this entry »


834: My Immortal – Chapter Forty-Two

Title: My Immortal
Author: Tara (reposted by the lovely internet trolls)
Media: Book / Movie
Topic:  Harry Potter
Genre: Romance / angst
URL:  My Immortal – Chapter 42
Critiqued by Lyle

Hello, everyone!  Welcome back to My Immortal.  For some reason, Tara has gone from writing short blurbs of bullshit to writing long blurbs of bullshit, so we’ll only be covering one chapter again this week.  I’m very sorry.

Let’s see here… last time on this travesty, Ebony woke up back in time and then tried to get a humanized gender-swapped version of Harry’s pet owl to make out with Voldemort.

…That might be one of the oddest things I’ve ever had to write in a summary.

Since nothing else of incredible note happened, let’s just go ahead and jump into the next chapter and get this over with.

Read the rest of this entry »


820: My Immortal – Chapter Forty-One

Title: My Immortal
Author: Tara (reposted by the lovely internet trolls)
Media: Book / Movie
Topic:  Harry Potter
Genre: Romance / angst
URL:  My Immortal – Chapter 41
Critiqued by Lyle

We’re closing in!  Unfortunately, chapter 41 is a bit longer than some of the previous ones.  From what I can tell, though, it’s a re-writing of chapter 40, which was really chapter 39 because of the hacker that may or may not have been Tara all along.  You got all that?  Good, because we’re just going to continue like our chapter count isn’t as fuckered as the rest of the story.

Last time on My Immortal, Ebony woke up in Odin’s office and Voldemort flew by to say “howdy” and remind her that she has still failed to kill Draco and Harry and whoever else he’s saying she’s supposed to kill or else he’ll just do it himself.  Logic!  Not much else happened, to tell the truth, other than Snape and Draco getting jiggy wit it.

We get a very, very lengthy author’s note this time around.

Read the rest of this entry »


800: My Immortal – The Real Chapter Thirty-Nine (which is labeled Chapter Forty)

Title: My Immortal
Author: Tara (reposted by the lovely internet trolls)
Media: Book / Movie
Topic:  Harry Potter
Genre: Romance / angst
URL:  My Immortal – Chapter 40
Critiqued by Lyle

Hello, sweetlings!  Welcome back to My Immortal, either the world’s worst fanfiction or one of the best troll-fics ever created.  I’d like to think it’s the latter but we’ll never really know as Tara has never outted herself on the matter.  Ah well. Last time we gathered for this fic, I shared the hacked fake chapter 39.  Well, Tara did have a real chapter 39 as well, so today we’ll go over that.  But it’s listed as Chapter 40 because Tara never removed the hacker chapter, leading many to believe that it was written by Tara herself as part of the elaborate joke she was playing on everyone. Part of me really wants Tara to be a troll and that we’d all really like her if she were a member of the Library. So without further ado, let’s see what is in store for us today!  Thank grod these are so short… Read the rest of this entry »


786: My Immortal – Chapter Thirty-Nine

Title: My Immortal
Author: Tara (reposted by the lovely internet trolls)
Media: Book / Movie
Topic:  Harry Potter
Genre: Romance / angst
URL:  My Immortal – Chapter 39
Originally Posted by “An-Anon-Author-Who-Will-Silently-Not-Reveal-Her-Identity-Because-She’s-a-Coward, A.K.A Just a troll with rocks for brains.

Hey everyone!  I have a special treat for you this week.  Way back when this crap-fic was originally posted, it got hacked.  A girl took over Tara’s account and posted a fake chapter in place of the real chapter 39.  I don’t even need to write a riff for this week.  So sit back, relax, and enjoy The Hacker’s version of My Immortal, entitledI Am A Trolling Genious, lolz.”

*settles into the over-sized bean bag chair Mr. Lyle owns*

It’s short but sweet.  Ta, all!

Read the rest of this entry »


767: My Immortal – Chapter Thirty-Six, Thirty-Seven, and Thirty-Eight

Title: My Immortal
Author: Tara (reposted by the lovely internet trolls)
Media: Book / Movie
Topic:  Harry Potter
Genre: Romance / angst
URL:  My Immortal – Chapter 36, 37 and 38
Critiqued by Lyle

Hello everyone!  Today is a special day for me!  I’m actually on vacation and it’s Mr. Lyle’s birthday!  In honor of his big 3-0, here’s some more My Immortal riffing!

Don’t worry… I did get him more than a badfic riff for his birthday.

So, last time on My Immortal, Ebony went back in time again via the wrong methods.  She saw the potions teacher and then Voldemort asked her out to a concert for a band that didn’t exist yet.  Then she went to the common room and met a young Lucius Malfoy.  He introduced her to the Marauders – minus Peter – and they told her they were going to be the backup band for Marilyn Manson.  Then they invited her to sing for them because fuck Manson.  Ebony left to try to find her way back in time so she could go shopping for something appropriate to wear to the concert.  In a move that makes me call this out for a Troll-fic, Marty McFly shows up to tell her how to get back to her own time.

I’d like to mention that the usual website I get the fic off of has reached its bandwidth limit and was unavailable when I started this riff.  So I snagged it off another site that has it posted.  Ah, internets… you make my job so easy.

With that, let’s start on the next chapter!

Read the rest of this entry »


753: My Immortal – Chapter Thirty-Four and Thirty-Five

Title: My Immortal
Author: Tara (reposted by the lovely internet trolls)
Media: Book / Movie
Topic:  Harry Potter
Genre: Romance / angst
URL:  My Immortal – Chapter 34 and 35
Critiqued by Lyle

*peeks out from under her desk*

Do I have to?  Really?  Can’t we just be like “Sorry, this fic is gone from the internets forever!”?  No?  Fine.

*crawls out from under the desk and flops into her chair*  Let’s get this over with.

Last time on My Immortal, Ebony somehow managed to go back in time through a penseive, even though that’s not how that works.  She meets Tom Riddle almost immediately, although he calls himself Satan because GOFF.  He claims that’s his middle name, but that throws off the whole “I am Lord Voldemort” being a rearrangement of his full name of “Tom Marvolo Riddle.”  They do some jazz hands, talk cryptically about companies that don’t exist in England, and time-squiggle the fuck out of just about everything.  Then Ebony falls through a random trap door and ends up back in her own time.  Dumbledore is inexplicably there and Professor Sinister comes in crying about how she’s addicted to either Veritaserum or Voldemortserum.  I’m not sure if it’s supposed to be the former but misspelled as the latter, or if it’s supposed to be a different type of serum that Tara has invented for [purpose.]

In chapter 33, Sinister rejects the idea of going to Saint Chiquita Banana for treatment and Ebony wanders off with Draco to have a very awkward conversation about how far she has or intends to go with Voldemort in her attempts to seduce him.  Draco surprises Ebony by showing her Lupin and Snape getting poked by Sirius then they went back to her room.  Ebony and Draco got dressed in order to undress each other.  Sex happens and then Draco belches on her.

Fun!

Read the rest of this entry »