2052: She’s Got a Little Bit of Raptor in Those Angel Eyes – Chapters 16 & 17

Title: She’s Got a Bit of Raptor in Those Angel Eyes
Author: AmazingGraceless
Media: Movie/Book
Topic: Jurassic Park/Jurassic World/Twilight
Genre: Adventure/Family
URL: Chapter 16
URL: Chapter 17
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

 

—TRIGGER WARNING:—

—TRIGGERS EXIST—

 

 

 

Hello, dear Patrons, and welcome to the final two chapters! It’s been a long, weird road of plot regurgitation, but we can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel.

In the last steaming chunk we were treated to the climatic battle between the t. rex and Indominus which was won handily by a surprise guest – the giant mosasaur dropping out of (or swimming up from) the Formless Void. Also Lex helped a little bit by annoying Indominus and then falling off the dinosaur’s face. We’ve already reached what was more or less the end of the movie, but there’s two more chapters. In fics like this that are mostly plot regurgitation, that is rarely a good thing.

Let’s get this trainwreck out of the station!

They landed in the emergency center around 2:00 in the morning. Lex was ushered into the large room full of bleeding, busy people trying to save lives.

So the bleeding people are the ones saving lives? Excessive or uncontrollable bleeding is usually high up on the triage list, so what the hell is wrong with the other people?

Read the rest of this entry »

Advertisements

2041: She’s Got a Little Bit of Raptor in Those Angel Eyes – Chapters 12 & 13

 

Title: She’s Got a Bit of Raptor in Those Angel Eyes
Author: AmazingGraceless
Media: Movie/Book
Topic: Jurassic Park/Jurassic World/Twilight
Genre: Adventure/Family
URL: Chapter 12
URL: Chapter 13
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

 

 

 

Hello, dear Patrons, and welcome back to the continuing adventures of everyone’s favorite Photoshopped camel human/raptor hybrid! In the last chapters, Lex managed to jump-start a Jeep with her homebrewed batterator and then we got the bit where the pterodactyls attack.

Edward could hear the thoughts of Carlisle, and turned to have his beloved run into his arms.

Huh. I did not think Carlisle and Edward had that kind of relationship – at least, not in this fanfic. Kind of makes those previous times when Carlisle was referred to as Edward’s father figure a bit more squicky, though.

He held Bella dearly, letting their thoughts mingle together, ignoring the symphony of horror around them.

Both Carlisle and Edward use male pronouns, so either one could be holding her. Presumably it’s Edward, because of the mind-reading thing, but he can’t read Bella’s mind. Bella is a natural shield, the only way Edward can read her is if she forces that shield to include him, which is shown in the source materials to be an incredible difficult thing for her to do. I don’t really understand why, since she can easily extend that shield to protect others over a great distance, but that’s how it is.

“Where’s Alexis?” Edward asked when they broke away.

“She-she’s gone, Edward, we couldn’t find her,” Bella said. “O-Our daughter is gone.”

…And? Lex has been missing since the first couple of chapters, so this isn’t exactly news.

“She can’t be!” Edward cried. “I saw her in the plaza,” Edward said. “With two boys. I think they were with that woman that looks like Victoria.”

Presumably that’s a reference to the fact that Blythe Dallas Howard played both Victoria and Claire, but I really hope that’s not the only reason the author wrote this crossover. (It’s not entirely implausible; I have a Kung Fu Panda/Megamind crossover in my pile that the author freely admits to writing just because Crane and Minion have the same voice actor.)

Bella shuddered imperceptibly at the thought. “The manager? I thought she was rather awful. We need to-“

Get back to something resembling a plot? I agree.

Read the rest of this entry »


2036: She’s Got a Little Bit of Raptor in Those Angel Eyes – Chapters 10 & 11

Title: She’s Got a Bit of Raptor in Those Angel Eyes
Author: AmazingGraceless
Media: Movie/Book
Topic: Jurassic Park/Jurassic World/Twilight
Genre: Adventure/Family
URL: Chapter 10
URL: Chapter 11
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

 

 

 

Hello, dear Patrons, and welcome to another helping of Raptorpire and Co!

In the last chapter, Lex spun some terrible lies and then revealed some truths in an even more terrible way, Lex and the boys did some car things to a Jeep twice as old as they are, we found out that Carlisle is actually the director of the VH Project, and there’s even more human/raptor hybrids running around on the island.

I think that was the highlights. To the fic!

Carlisle had delivered slips to each of the remaining victims of Project VH. He’d watched them leave on the ferries.

Huh. I guess there isn’t going to be a Sue Squad. Kind of makes me wonder why the author felt the need to introduce these characters if they were just going to be put on a bus (or ferry) immediately.

He was relieved to see that they were safe. If only he could just get Lex and the rest of his family off of the island. He walked back into the hotel to see Alice leading the rest of his family and a disgruntled Rosalie.

Why not send the human members of the Family Blob away? The sparklepires and werewolves can probably handle themselves if they work together, but the squishy humans are in very real danger.

“Carlisle!” Alice’s angelic face was distraught and she hugged her father figure.

That’s a weirdly purple way to phrase things.

Read the rest of this entry »


2029: She’s Got a Little Bit of Raptor in Those Angel Eyes – Chapter 9

Title: She’s Got a Bit of Raptor in Those Angel Eyes
Author: AmazingGraceless
Media: Movie/Book
Topic: Jurassic Park/Jurassic World/Twilight
Genre: Adventure/Family
URL: Chapter 9
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

 

 

 

Hello, dear Patrons, and welcome back to the adventures of Raptorpire! Who might actually get turned into a sparklepire, despite several canon rules against such a thing ever happening.

In the last chapter, Jane, the hench-wench of the Volturi, just happened to stumble upon Lex and the boys and some mediocre “action” occurred before she vanished in a bit of convenient flames. I’m still not sure if Jane left in disgust or was set on fire and burned into a pile of ashes within seconds. Time will tell, I guess.

“What was that?” Zach asked as he and Gray walked over to her.

Lex hesitated for a moment, her brain searching for a lie.

Quick, tell him it was a very enthusiastic cosplayer!

“An assassin for a triumvirate of crime lords in Italy,” she said quickly.

:facepalm:

That’s not a lie, that’s what Jane actually is! You’re a teenager, how can you be so terrible at lying?!?

“An assassin? She was totally only fourteen or fifteen,” Zach protested.

I think canonically Jane was extremely young when she was turned into a sparklepire, the Volturi waited until she and her twin brother were just barely old enough to escape the Immortal Child rule before turning them in order to “collect” their psychic gifts. In the movies she looks really young because she portrayed by Dakota Fanning, who always looks like she is around twelve years old.

“She’s one of the granddaughters of the triumvirate,” Lex improvised. “Kinda had to be.”

That would explain why she’s a member of the triumvirate, not why she’s an assassin. Presumably there are jobs available to family members that don’t involve murdering people. Someone has to drive the getaway car and dig the shallow graves out in the desert.

Read the rest of this entry »


2023: She’s Got a Little Bit of Raptor in Those Angel Eyes – Chapter 8

Title: She’s Got a Bit of Raptor in Those Angel Eyes
Author: AmazingGraceless
Media: Movie/Book
Topic: Jurassic Park/Jurassic World/Twilight
Genre: Adventure/Family
URL: Chapter 8
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

 

 

Hello, dear Patrons, and welcome to another chapter in the Adventures of Raptorpire, the Amazing DNA Grab-Bag!

As per the usual, not a whole lot happened in the last chapter, just more physical implausibilities and uneven character development progressing at a geriatric snail’s pace.

They could see the overgrown building up on a hill not too far away. Lex sighed in relief. She didn’t want to be stuck in the jungle on a freaking dinosaur island.

And yet she chose to slog through that jungle rather than returning to the main park buildings that were likely much closer.

That was when she could see it. Something out of the corner of her eyes, and she could hear something that was just off.

Uh-oh; I think her Sue Sense is tingling. They are probably going to be attacked by something.

“Why did you stop?” Gray asked.

“Just listen,” Lex said. She could hear the rustling coming closer, and closer. . . Her eyes flashed open. “We need to run!”

Honey, you are in a jungle – of course you hear something! You probably hear a lot of somethings all over the place.

Wait a second … She saw something out of the corner of her eye, which means her eyes were already open. And why are they flashing?!?

Read the rest of this entry »


2018: She’s Got a Little Bit of Raptor in Those Angel Eyes – Chapter 7

Title: She’s Got a Bit of Raptor in Those Angel Eyes
Author: AmazingGraceless
Media: Movie/Book
Topic: Jurassic Park/Jurassic World/Twilight
Genre: Adventure/Family
URL: Chapter 7
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

 

 

 

Hey there, dear Patrons, and welcome to the riff of the year! (Literally.) Just kidding, it’s another chapter of the Wonderful World of Magical DNA.

Not much happened in the last chapter, just the Family Blob getting a vague idea of where Lex might be based on Charlie’s remote cell phone tracking app of dubious legality.

Now, to the fic!

“So your grandfather sponsored both parks?” Gray asked as they continued to hike through the jungle.

…Wha?

“Yeah,” Lex answered. “He was a friend of John Hammond’s.”

“Must be pretty old,” Zach commented.

This is a weird discussion for them to be having – or partially having, since they seem to be in the middle of it right now.  I don’t think either of the boys would have asked Lex any questions about her grandfather in passing while they are running for their lives from a vicious dinosaur, so she must have deliberately brought it up. For what purpose I know not, but it smells faintly of a Sue’s self-important bragging to me.

“Doesn’t look it,” Lex admitted. “A lot of plastic surgery. Get this, they even manipulated their skin to make it sparkle in the light.”

Is that really the explanation that Lex is going to use to explain the sparklepires’ sparkle?  And what does that even mean? That they had some kind of special plastic surgery to embed glitter in their skin? It makes zero sense. The narration has already made it clear that Lex knows her adoptive family are sparklepires, so either the author forgot or this is Lex’s lame attempt at explaining why there family twinkles in the sun so that the Volturi don’t come after them.

“They sparkle?” the boys chorused.

Yes, and it’s completely ridiculous.

Lex nodded and smirked.

:distant explosions:

I didn’t hear that.

Read the rest of this entry »


2013: She’s Got a Bit of Raptor in Those Angel Eyes – Chapter 6

Title: She’s Got a Bit of Raptor in Those Angel Eyes
Author: AmazingGraceless
Media: Movie/Book
Topic: Jurassic Park/Jurassic World/Twilight
Genre: Adventure/Family
URL: Chapter 6
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

 

 

 

 

Welcome back, sweet Patrons, to another chapter of magical genetic hijinks!

In the last chapter, Lex avoided her family and participated in some plot regurgitation that just so happened to get her in close proximity to the obligatory attractive young man (and his little brother) from the secondary plotline of the film. The chapter left the three running for their lives from Indominus and presumably about to jump over a waterfall into a conveniently placed lagoon.

To the fic!

Lex took care not to run too fast, for fear of revealing her raptor heritage.

Could just be me, but I’m fairly certain that being able to run fast would not make people instantly assume you are a raptor/human hybrid, probably because most people aren’t going to be thinking about raptor/human hybrids while running from several tons of apex predator.

I’m almost afraid to know what she means by “revealing” her raptor heritage. I assume that her body transforms into a more raptor-like shape to make her go faster, since how fast a species can run is tied to how the muscles and bones are structured. Dromaeosaurs like the velociraptor had light bones, proportionally long legs, with fewer bones in their feet and less surface area on the soles, and stood on their tiptoes (digitgrade) unlike flat-footed (plantigrade) humans. Humans are built for stability, not speed; we are persistence hunters, not sprinters.

You would think something like a total restructuring of her legs would have been mentioned in the medical report.

She knew she had to help them survive, though, so she grabbed their hands and dragged them along,

Which would probably have the opposite effect and jerk them off-balance, making them fall down. However, if the plan was to distract Indominus by giving the dinosaur a couple of tasty treats, job well done.

Read the rest of this entry »