1436: Tensei II – Chapter Three

Title:  Tensei II
Author:  The KittyCorn Nation (two author-conglomerate known as Monochrome Lynx and Seven Silver)
Media: Anime/Manga
Topic:  Naruto
Genre:  Adventure / Friendship
URL:  Chapter Three
Critiqued by Lyle Koori and Hekai

*Koori peeks her head into Lyle’s office, glances around, then slips in*

Koori:  Good morning, everyone.  *looks around again*  Uhm.  I honestly don’t know where Miss Lyle is today, which is worrisome since I’m supposed to be really good at gathering information and this is making me look horribly incompetent.  *fidgets and chews on her bottom lip*  I’d go looking for her some more but, according to my contact, I’m supposed to take her place in the riffing chamber should something like this happen.  But don’t worry too much, patrons; my host-clan, the Batá no Ninja, are out searching diligently for her.  And Lina said as soon as the morning rush ends, she’ll dispatch a couple baristas to aid in the search and rescue efforts.

In the meantime, I’m just going to take over here.  Shouldn’t be too hard, right?  I’ve done this before, although never on my own.  Let’s see here…

*sits down in Lyle’s chair and flips through some notecards*

Last time, we discovered that Alice was a better writer than Echinoderm, although she still needs some work.  Her character was reborn as part of the branch family of the Nara clan that the author made up.  But that’s okay, because she made a joke about it that Lyle liked.  Alice was from a happy family and well loved.  She does have some weird defect dealing with chakra that wasn’t very clear but it sounds like she absorbs it from around her but can’t produce it herself.  I think.  Uhm.  Anyway, we ended last chapter with her having some sort of panic attack, even though she was three, or five.  That part wasn’t clear, either.

*taps her cards on the desk for a moment*

Right.  Let’s continue with the story itself!

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1423: Tensei II – Chapter Two

Title:  Tensei II
Author:  The KittyCorn Nation (two author-conglomerate known as Monochrome Lynx and Seven Silver)
Media: Anime/Manga
Topic:  Naruto
Genre:  Adventure / Friendship
URL:  Chapter Two
Critiqued by Lyle

Hello, lovelies!  Welcome to the second chapter of the inexplicable Naruto Self-Insert fanfic, Tensei II.  So far, nothing Naruto-y has happened and we’ve read through a prologue and a chapter.  In the prologue, a plane exploded because blue, killing the self-inserts Alice and Enema.  In the first chapter, Elephant is reborn into DA MOSTEST TWAJEK BWAKSTOWY EVA!!111!1111!!! By the end of the chapter, she has discovered that she can turn parts of herself into hard silver and she gets a pet owl named Hedwig Kyokan, which, according to our resident Japanese learner, actually means “Large Warship,” even though our clueless author seems to think it means Compassion.

With that, we are switching to Alice’s point of view this next chapter.  Let’s see if she’s as twajek as Epididymis.

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1410: Tensei II – Chapter One

Title:  Tensei II
Author:  The KittyCorn Nation (two author-conglomerate known as Monochrome Lynx and Seven Silver)
Media: Anime/Manga
Topic:  Naruto
Genre:  Adventure / Friendship
URL:  Chapter One
Critiqued by Lyle

Good morning, everyone!  Welcome back to “Tensei II.”  Let’s recap!

The first chapter, which was really a prologue, was dumber than calling French Fries “Freedom Fries” because you’re mad at the French for not wanting to get involved in a war.  Self Insert Alice and Self Insert Erectile Dysfunction were on an airplane when the wing exploded for [reasons].  Alice died when the glass windows that don’t exist in airplanes exploded and impaled her.  Then Earwig died when the rest of the airplane exploded for more [reasons].  None of this was a surprise, nor was it in any way suspenseful, though, because we were told in the story summary and in a pointless copy-pasta of the summary within the story before the story actually started that both of them were going to die on the airplane.

Seriously, I could not make this sound stupider if I tried.

With that, let’s get to the actual chapter one!

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1383: Tensei II – Prologue

Title:  Tensei II
Author:  The KittyCorn Nation (two-author conglomerate known as Monochrome Lynx and Seven Silver)
Media: Anime/Manga
Topic:  Naruto
Genre:  Adventure / Friendship
URL:  Chapter One Prologue
Critiqued by Lyle

Good morning, lovelies, and happy Monday!

Now, normally when I pick a new fic to review, I dig through the slush pile of older uploads.  Today, I’m doing something different: I’m working on a current fic.  So current that, as of when I wrote this, the second chapter was 17 minutes old.  Welcome, dearest patrons, to “Tensei II.”  I’m going to add it to my ff.net alerts and riff it as chapters become available.

Before we begin, let’s look at the reason I picked this one.  I present the summary:

Two young woman. Two young woman flying to London for a school event, falling, panicking—dead before they hit the water. Two young woman, born again. [duel self-insert; written by Monochrome Lynx and Annonymous7S]

That’s right, folks.  It is a DOUBLE self-insert Naruto fanfic.  With typos in the summary, none the less.  This reeks of pretension and we haven’t even opened the story yet.  Let’s get to it!

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1174: Sasuke’s Shadow – One Shot

Title: Sasuke’s Shadow
Author: XellGadis
Media: Anime/Manga
Topic: Naruto
Genre: None Listed
URL:  Sasuke’s Shadow
Critiqued by Lyle

Hello, everyone!  I’m sorry about having been gone last week.  TacoDad and Lyle Sr were in town to help me work on important stuffs.  Between that and a 60-hour work week, it was all I could do to get my lovely guests’ riffs scheduled, let alone find a new fic of my own to riff.  Many thanks to SC for covering for me.  *tosses him cookies*

Today I have a one-shot for you guys from the Naruto section of fanfiction.net.  It’s not terribly long so gather ’round and let’s get started!  With me again is Koori, our resident Naruto expert and shark-handler.

Koori: *waves*

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1136: Shinobi & Wizards: Resolution – Chapters Ten, Eleven, and Twelve

Title: Shinobi & Wizards: Resolution
Author: DragonKnightRyu
Media: Anime / Manga / Book / Movie
Topic: Naruto / Harry Potter
Genre: Fantasy / Adventure / Cross-Over
URL: Chapter Nine
Critiqued by Lyle and the shinobi intern Koori

Koori: Uh, Miss Lyle… I cannot fail to notice that there are three chapters listed for today.

Prepare the extra large tea pot, Trusty Intern.  We’re finishing this bitch today.

Koori: *pales*  Yes, ma’am!  *runs out to get the BIG tea pot*

While she’s fetching that, I’ll recap the last chapter.  Basically, all that happened is Naruto had a chat with the demon locked inside him where he’s offered to share the fox’s powers if he allows the fox to share in Naruto’s senses, and then Ryu broke the laws of physics with only mild injuries to show for it while our author proved he can’t Google worth a shit.

Koori: This thing is heavy. *drags a tea pot almost as tall as she is into the room*  We’ll be peeing all night if we drink all this.

Challenge accepted!

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1129: Shinobi & Wizards: Resolution – Chapter Eight

Title: Shinobi & Wizards: Resolution
Author: DragonKnightRyu
Media: Anime / Manga / Book / Movie
Topic: Naruto / Harry Potter
Genre: Fantasy / Adventure / Cross-Over
URL: Chapter Eight
Critiqued by Lyle and the shinobi intern Koori

Hello everyone!  Welcome back to S&W:R.  We’re in the home stretch with only four more chapters to go.  I’m sure you’re all as excited about that as we are.

Koori: I would be more excited if this were the last chapter.

I know, I know.  We can’t win them all.  But if we manage to riff the entirety of chapter eight today then we’ll be that much closer, right?

Koori: True.

So last time we met, Team Stu is given the chance to showboat their ninja skills.  For reasons most likely related to blue, they chose to highlight only the basics of the ninja art, which would have bored any half-decent wizard used to fantastical things happening.  Instead, because Stu aura is the strongest aura in the known world, everyone was very impressed with the exhibition.

Koori: I wasn’t impressed in the slightest.

*past Koori’s arm*  You have taste, my dear.  Anyway, so Number Eight Fruit Tree-sensei showed up at the end and ran off into the Forbidden Forest with his students.  Let’s get to this.

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