854: A Jedi’s Destiny – Chapter Sixteen, Part Two

Title: A Jedi’s Destiny
Author: Victor Tarsus
Media: Movies
Topic: Lion King / Star Wars
Genre: Sci-Fi / Adventure
URL:  A Jedi’s Destiny
Critiqued by TacoMagic & Swenia

Welcome back to the home stretch of A Jedi’s Destiny, the fic that dares try to answer the question: How villainous can an author make their protagonist?  Once again, I’ve got Swenia sitting co-pilot.

“It’s like you take some kind of perverse delight in preventing me from getting a nap.”

You’re not wrong about that.  Anyway, last time there were space shenanigans.  There’s really no other way to put it.  Buster and Professor X pull a space-program out of their shared endless anal pouch of holding in all of three days, fly very, very slowly up into space, find that the IN is already colonizing space, and then head for home.

“Wasn’t there also something about the aristocracy of the UO fleeing to a city on top of a mountain?”

Yeah, but it’s not important.  In fact, it’s never mentioned again in the fic.

“WHAT!?”

Welcome to bad fanfiction.

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842: A Jedi’s Destiny – Chapter Fifteen Part Three

Title: A Jedi’s Destiny
Author: Victor Tarsus
Media: Movies
Topic: Lion King / Star Wars
Genre: Sci-Fi / Adventure
URL:  A Jedi’s Destiny
Critiqued by TacoMagic & Swenia

*Taco and Swenia drag themselves into the snark booth and drop into their chairs.  They spend a few minutes staring at the screen blankly.*

“I have a baby, what’s your excuse?”

Teething toddler.  Just think, you get to look forward to that in a year or two.

“Oh, goody.”

Let’s see, last time we had a stupid battle were soldiers were using laser sights.  While this is going on Arin takes Ursula home, they have dinner, then retreat to his office to have sex.

“Poor girl is going to get a stapler stuck in an orifice.”

Meanwhile, Buster and fam have an extremely forced and wooden Tender Moment™ in a bid to try to win some sympathy from the audience.  That’s pretty much where we left off.

On another note, did you ever pick a name, Swenia?

“I rather liked the mining-based name idea, so I went with Jiwe.”

Jiwe… you named your kid ‘rock?’

“Well, the meaning is more general. More literally “stone” than rock, but essentially… yes.”

Huh.  Dwayne Johnson would be proud.

“Who?”

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836: A Jedi’s Destiny – Chapter Fifteen Part Two

Title: A Jedi’s Destiny
Author: Victor Tarsus
Media: Movies
Topic: Lion King / Star Wars
Genre: Sci-Fi / Adventure
URL:  A Jedi’s Destiny
Critiqued by TacoMagic

Welcome back, patrons!  It’s going to be a bit of short one this week.  There’s just a little too much chapter left for me to want to do it all at once, but not enough to make a post of the length that I normally aim for, so I’ll just split what’s left down the middle and deal with smaller posts.  It’s actually fairly well timed, since the next two weeks are lining up to be rather busy for me anyway.   I also gave Swenia the day off.  Mostly because she threatened my life when I tried to wake her up while the cub was napping.  We’ll have to wait until next week to find out what she decided to name him.

Let’s see, last time stuff happened.

What?  You want more than that?  Fine.

So, it turns out that the IN managed to gain control of a large contingent of Arin’s super-soldiers and have turned them into an elite strike force.  Arin catches wind of this, begs Buster for help, then drops everything so he can go and make an over-elaborate request for sex from Ursula.  That’s actually pretty much it.  There were also a bunch of lions, wolves, and humans having sex all over every surface.  Not sure why, but Swenia’s theory is that everyone is in heat.  Sure, I’ll roll with that.

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822: A Jedi’s Destiny – Chapter Fourteen

Title: A Jedi’s Destiny
Author: Victor Tarsus
Media: Movies
Topic: Lion King / Star Wars
Genre: Sci-Fi / Adventure
URL:  A Jedi’s Destiny
Critiqued by TacoMagic

Whew, only three more chapters to go.  Unfortunately one of those is a herculean chapter that takes up like a quarter of the entire word count of the fic.  That’s going to take a few weeks to get through.

Let’s see here, last time yet another Awesome McEvil joined Buster’s dark alliance.  This time he added an unstable necromancer with a stockpile of nukes to his roster.  Hooray and stuff.  There’s a party where Saburi acts all blood-thirsty and then it ends.

Once again joining me this week is Swe-  Crunchy, why are you in Swenia’s comfy chair?

“She is quite indisposed this week and asked me to fill in so you have some companionship.”

Indisposed?  What’s she doing?

“Female things.  Things beyond the understanding of those of our gender.”

I see.  And you sitting over there rather than in the co-riffing seat?

“Swenia was correct about this chair.  It is supernaturally comfortable.”

Huh.  Anyway, let’s see what we have waiting for us in chapter fourteen! Read the rest of this entry »


412: A Jedi’s Destiny: Episode I: Rise of the Sith Chapter Fifteen, Part Two

Title: A Jedi’s Destiny: Episode I: Rise of the Sith
AuthorJedi472
Media: Movie
Topic: Star Wars / Land Before Time
Genre: Sci Fi / Adventure
URLA Jedi’s Destiny: Episode I: Rise of the Sith – Chapter 15
Critiqued by TacoMagic

Well, ladies and gentlemen, here we are.  The last installment of A Jedi’s Destiny.  I promised myself I wouldn’t cry.

Last time we watched one of the most inept base infiltrations since… uh, chapter 2.  Delta Squad wandered around with the dinosaur kids, using “they’re prisoners, see!” as an extremely flimsy cover.  Eventually they’re called on it and they have to gun down a bunch of technicians.  They then place some explosives in an area that will do only superficial damage to the star destroyer and then head out.  Meanwhile, Sith-Stu wanders around for a bit and then stumbles into the primary communications center.  He kills a pair of people in a needlessly showy way, and then has R3 hack the ship.  While doing so, R3 finds a folder marked “Deus Ex Lima” and decides to check it out.  Said folder is filled with all kinds of pertinent information about the Galaxy Gun, which would probably be more helpful if this fic were just a little longer than it is.

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407:A Jedi’s Destiny: Episode I: Rise of the Sith Chapter Fifteen, Part One

Title: A Jedi’s Destiny: Episode I: Rise of the Sith
AuthorJedi472
Media: Movie
Topic: Star Wars / Land Before Time
Genre: Sci Fi / Adventure
URLA Jedi’s Destiny: Episode I: Rise of the Sith – Chapter 15
Critiqued by TacoMagic

We’re in the last chapter!  Hurrah!  But that still means we have a whole chapter to get through.  Boo.

Last time our ragtag group of Stu worshipers started enacting “Plan Stupid.”  They killed some scouts, stole some uniforms, and snuck into the super star destroyer with the cunning use of inept guards.  There they split into two groups.  The first group is team delta and all the dinosaurs.  They’re going to plant explosives on a generator to allow their ship to get away.  Stu is the other group and is going off alone so that he can have some unfettered badassery… err, I mean so he can get some intelligence data from the ship.

I also have a feeling there’s going to be a battle with Malak in our near future, but I’m foolishly hoping that our author isn’t going to be that cliché.
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403: A Jedi’s Destiny: Episode I: Rise of the Sith Chapter Fourteen, Part Two

Title: A Jedi’s Destiny: Episode I: Rise of the Sith
AuthorJedi472
Media: Movie
Topic: Star Wars / Land Before Time
Genre: Sci Fi / Adventure
URLA Jedi’s Destiny: Episode I: Rise of the Sith – Chapter 14
Critiqued by TacoMagic

Welcome back to the latter half of the second-to-last chapter of A Jedi’s Destiny.  We’re in the home stretch!

Last time our adventurers chased a TIE interceptor through a canyon and almost crashed into an imperial star destroyer, veering off at the last moment to hide in a cave.  Luckily, nobody saw them.  Stu and the Worshipers (horrible band, by the way) decide that they need to infiltrate the star destroyer in order to gather intelligence.  It’s your basic sneak in plan: knock out some scouts, steal their uniforms, sneak in, compromise their com channels, download all their data, blow up a large portion of the ship, and hope that nobody thinks of changing all the com access codes as a precaution.  Also, in a bold move, the team decides to bring the child dinosaurs with them.  This will provide a strategic advantage for the group because [information missing].  Ducky and Petrie are also given blasters because this team is dangerously stupid.

Honestly, Jedi421 makes it really, really hard to not root for the Empire, so I’m just going to go ahead and root for them.

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