2856: Listening To You – Chapters 4-6

Title: Listening To You
Author: heyheywhatcanido
Media: Music
Topic: Tommy
Genre: Angst / Hurt/Comfort / Unhelpfully Specific AO3 Tags
URL: Chapters 4, 5, and 6
Critiqued by BatJamags

Hello once again, patrons. I’m your host BatJamags, and from me, you get opinions. Like the fact that this fic sucks. I just realized I should’ve been doing something seasonal. I’m going to count this because of:

All right, so it’s not especially festive. Cut me some slack here, I’m trying to make excuses.

Last time, Tommy Walker wandered around as his senses faded in and out until someone who could help found him and took him to a hospital, but then just kind of decided to be nonspecifically mean to him instead. He escaped, and then wandered around as his senses faded in and out until someone who could help found him and took him to a disturbingly non-Euclidean corner of the Formless Void that certainly could have been a hospital, but then just kind of decided to be nonspecifically mean to him instead. We left off as he escaped.

I left out some of the “better” twists and turns, but honestly, who cares.

Actually, the Who should’ve used Who Cares as an album title. It would’ve at least been more descriptive of whatever the hell that thing they released in 2020 was than just making it a self-titled.

Anyway, onto Chapter Four’s summary:

I imagine Beatrice as Tina Aumont but with short hair :)

Author, if you aren’t going to put any work into your descriptions, I’m certainly not going to research them. >X[

Read the rest of this entry »

2855: Listening To You – Chapters 1-3

Title: Listening To You
Author: heyheywhatcanido
Media: Music
Topic: Tommy
Genre: Angst / Hurt/Comfort / It’s AO3 so there are also some oddly specific and unhelpful tags slapped on as well
URL: Chapters 1, 2, and 3
Critiqued by BatJamags

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your host, BatJamags, and I’m back with an angsty little microfic called “Listening To You.” You are, unfortunately, about to get the story.

So, I have a habit of sort of fixating on one musical artist at a time. And… my current focus is Who?

Large Warship the Owl: Hoo.

Yes, exactly.

Large Warship the Owl: Hoo hoo. Hoo hoo.

What do you mean, those jokes stopped being funny decades ago?

All right, all right, enough clowning. I mean these guys:

Basically, they’re a band that included the guitarist who literally invented hard rock, the singer who did the “YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAH!” scream you probably know best from the CSI meme, the drummer who inspired Animal from the Muppets because he was basically a human cartoon character, and the bass guitarist who was stealth the coolest of the four in spite of all that.

We do our best to avoid real person fic here because dude, that’s weird even for us. But what I’ve found for today is not a real person fic (other than an ambiguous borderline case in the second chapter that goes nowhere; we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it). The Who’s most successful album was Tommy, which is a rock opera and thus has its own plot and characters, written by the band’s guitarist and main songwriter Pete Townshend. It’s intended as sort of a metaphor for Townshend’s comparatively obscure religious beliefs, but can still at least be followed from plot point to plot point without the background reading.

Read the rest of this entry »

2743: Mass Murder Effect: The First War Crime (Was Committed by the Protagonists) — Chapter 21 Part 4


Title:
Mass Effect: The First War
Author:ProfFartBurger
Media: Video Game
Topic: Mass Effect
Genre: Adventure/Sci-Fi
URL: Chapter 21
Critiqued by AdmiralSakai

Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome back to Mass Effect: The First War, which is going to finally actually end for real this time! I think it only fitting that I send it off with my own completely original musical composition:

Previously, we were forced to sit through a bunch of pointless rambling by a salarian intelligence analyst trying to interpret a bunch of extremely obvious social trends (and some stuff that wasn’t obvious but just outright false) as making the humans just TEH BESTEST THIGN EVAAAR because apparently none of the Citadel species understand how to use figurative language or whatever. Then, in an impressive late-game rally for the Bingo Board, the Alliance encountered an Original Species Do Not Steal and… failed to actually do anything with them.

first_war_bb_18

Read the rest of this entry »


2510: HE SEES YOU WHEN YOUR SLEEPING — Crappy Holidays

Title: HE SEES YOU WHEN YOUR SLEEPING [sic]
Author: Someone on Reddit, I think?
Media: Music??
Topic: Santa Claus Is Coming To Town???
Genre: Creepypasta
URL: Trollpasta Rehost
Critiqued by AdmiralSakai and Guard-Novitiate Psk’nyor “Nina” C’hon

Hello hello all you patrons, and happy holidays!

“Oh, bah humglub. Your species takes all the fun out of your holidays, you know that? You have this guy who, when he was born, the local king is supposed to’ve killed every single other whelp in the area just to make sure he got that one, and then the entire point of his life was to get nailed to a piece of wood while he was still alive. And you celebrate this by… bringing a tree indoors and giving each other toys? I’m disappointed!”

Well, I was going to dedicate this post to a goodriff or retrospective of the Christmas episode of CunkToad’s Semper Vigilo Anthologies (assuming he finished the damn thing), but since you did ask…

*Reaches over and presses a button very clearly labelled “CHRISTMAS MUSIC”*

Read the rest of this entry »


Fillertacular Special: Admiralsakai and Serketry Riff MORE Terrible My Little Pony Fanart!

Hello hello, all you patrons. Someone didn’t get their riff in on time again, so that means it’s time for more chatlogs riffing the worst of the worst (or at least theĀ funniest of the worst) My Little Pony fanart scraped from the depths of the fansite Equestria Daily!

Ok, fine, some of it’s not necessarily bad in a qualitiative sense; some of it’s just baffling or has uncomfortable implications to be read into it. But worthy of snark, regardless.

Read the rest of this entry »